Clown And Out In Margate

As my showbiz career stutters towards its inevitable conclusion - an autobiography followed by a five minute spot on Richard and Judy - I thought I could at least use some of the spare time on my hands doing charity work for the kiddiwinks.

So yesterday I was in Margate being soaked by water pistol toting teenagers who were here for the annual seaside trip put on by London cab drivers. Typical. Umpteen years of 'South of the river? You must be kidding mate!' then 150 come along at once.

Speaking of Margate, Blue Rinser Roger Latchford was on the lunchtime news, telling everyone how spiffing the place is. Apparently traders are bemoaning the duff weather and the dire lack of visitors. 'We've got a South Eastern train coming at 3.30' was Our Roger's rallying cry. Well, that should do the trick then.

Still, just over a week and Margate gets its first ever Gay Pride. I wonder if Justin will be going to that? Actually, where is Justin?

The Things They Say

A spokesman (for Thanet District Council) said that since taking over the airport last year, Infratil had quickly met 95 per cent of the requirements in the section 106 agreement, and that the firm is working with the council on the remaining areas of concern.

He said: “During this initial period it has been impossible to achieve 100 per cent compliance as (previous owner) Plane Station’s arrangements for the section 106 agreement involved a number of third party contracts that did not transfer to Infratil, and new commercial arrangements have been required.

“Having recently resolved this issue, Infratil is now in the position to achieve total compliance within two weeks, when new noise monitoring equipment will be installed.”

Kentnews.co.uk, 16 June 2006.

Let's Have A Nice Debate

With regret I've had to turn on the old comment moderator as things are getting slightly out of hand regarding my petition to Our Gordon Master, asking him to instruct the local council to regulate these infernal training flights over the Millionaires' Playground.

I know there are some strong feelings out there, but I will not have respected councillors labelled 'f***ing *ss*rs'. Let's leave that sort of thing to the leader of the Tory group.

This is the first time I've had to do this. I hope to resume normal service as soon as everyone's calmed down.

Gazunder Gets Bluer

I expect our local Blue Rinsers are cock-a-hoop that the Isle of Thanet Gazunder has been acquired by Northcliffe, the owners of the Daily Mail.

How we must all be looking forward to even more stories about how the island is going to the dogs, and how only the Tories can save us!

Click here for full story.

Stormy Weather?

By the way, if you ever need to check whether you're roof is about to be blasted off (apart from by a knackered old jet, that is), the best site I've found is the Ipswich Weather storm tracker, which updates lightning strikes every minute.

Bloody Hail!

Holy hail storms! That cloud burst just now was a cracker! I've just put in a last minute bid with the International Olympic Committee to host the 2014 Winter Games here in the back yard of my cliff top mansion!

Tour De Nowhere Near Here

Blimey! I'd just whipped out the Fortnums hamper for a spot of tiffin at a lovely little spot I know in the Kent countryside, when this lot came charging by. Something to do with the Tour de France apparently.

I did manage to flag one chap down, though, and explain to him at length that we would have loved to have accommodated the Tour in Ramsgate, but unfortunately we had a prior engagement. He seemed very upset at the news, judging by the way he grabbed me by the throat and shoved me into the verge!

No Tab Tab

One of my readers has sent in this pic demonstrating a novel approach to the recently introduced smoking ban by the chaps who run the Harbour Cafe in Broadstairs.

In case you can't read the sign in the window, it says: Anybody who is caught sitting in this chair who is not smoking will be fined £80.

That should keep the puffers happy!

Bugged!

How marvellous to see the Millionaires' Playground thronging with, er, millionaires this weekend. And with all the fun of the fair back on the Pleasurama eyesore, Ramsgate is nothing short of smashing.

However, as you know, I've never been one to quibble, but I have noticed one small side-effect of clearing the site. My cliff top mansion now seems to be infested with a myriad of small spiders, ladybirds, and a zillion other examples of creepy-crawly.

I suppose bulldozing ten years of tundra was bound to bring a few things out of the woodwork, although clearly it wasn't enough to tempt Pleasurama's former owner to put in an appearance.

Bungeed Up

Hmmm. Perhaps I shouldn't have spent 15 quid having myself flung into orbit over our crumbling East Cliff at today's powerboat spectacular. Well, it cost slightly more than that, if you take into account the three pints of the Gaddfather's finest and the very large sausage that were written off as a consequence.

Nonetheless, the day's been a great success so far. Only a couple of powerboats sank, the waterskiers eventually got the hang of it after going round the wrong buoy a couple of times, and I've seen more tattoos than the Queen ever did in Edinburgh.

I Declare This Powerboat Weekend Open!

They're off! Although nobody seemed to be entirely clear which way the sea was this morning from the look of this photo. And as the stage was still being built, the opening ceremony had to take place on dry tarmac.

The event's 'main sponsor' (to the princely tune of £3000 I hear) was unable to attend personally, so he sent his accountant. Still, people were already hoeing into the beer and burgers even at this ungoddenly hour of the day. So, let the party begin!

Exodus Genesis

With all the excitement over the Ramsgate Powerboat Weekend, I clean forgot to mention a couple of things happening on the north side.

The Margate Jazz Festival starts tonight, and goes on (and on) until the 22nd of July. And tomorrow sees the premiere of Exodus at the Dreamland cinema. The film, which was shot in Margate, features an enormous statue, constructed from old tut by internationally renowned sculptor Antony Gormley, burning to the ground.

Ticket holders only, I'm afraid to say, but no doubt if you're that keen to see something burn to the ground in Margate you won't be disappointed if you just hang around on the high street for a couple of hours.

Pedestrian Idea For Margate

Reader Marky-Warky, aka Thanet's Greatest Living Rocker, Mark Hewins, has sent in this plan for the Arsonists' Playground.

His proposal includes gardens for the Dreamland site, and the complete pedestrianisation of Margate front. Now I'm not a town planner, but looking at the scheme, and the current state of Margate, the words 'nail' and 'coffin' immediately spring to mind. Still, I promised him I'd let you all take a look and decide for yourselves.

Interestingly, Mark designed his scheme using the Margate Town Regeneration Company (aka Waterbridge, aka J Godden Esq (40%)) 'Create Your Town' feature. This facility lets you draw up your own plans for the Dreamland site and then email them to Waterbridge. Oh, except the email bit doesn't actually work. And it won't let you demolish Arlington House, or the Dreamland Cinema. Although you can, rather surprisingly, burn down the listed rollercoaster, should you be so minded.

Although I'm not convinced about Mark's urban regeneration skills (sorry Mark!), he does play a mean slide guitar. Get an earful of this:

No. 10 Dream

Hurrah! My petition to Our Gordon Master to instruct The Uranians to enter into a proper agreement with Infartil, the owners of RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport, has been approved by No. 10!

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not against the airport as such. If people want to maintain aircraft, fly to Benidorm, park their Lear Jets, or just chug around all day in teeny-tiny planes tugging banners, that's fine by me.

But when it comes to knackered old jumbo jets flying round and round in circles every Saturday and Sunday, blasting the roof tiles off my cliff top mansion, enough is enough. The latest corporate plan from Thanet District Council makes developing the airport a key priority. Great. But without a formal agreement in place to regulate its use, and impose penalties for taking the proverbial? Not great.

Of course, the usual response by the Blue Rinsers who run our island whenever someone with a few bob comes along is to roll on their backs and purr. Let's hope this petition gives them the prod they need to get amongst the pigeons!

Just click on this link and it'll take you to the petition on the Downing Street website.

Boots Hangs Up His Boots

So Farewell then
Boots Randolph.
Benny Hill used your tune Yakety Sax.
As did Mr Ceaucescu (no relation)
on his Around Thanet in 2 Minutes film.
Er, that's all I know about you.

EC Richard, aged 29

Site For Sore Eyes

The old glass eye nearly popped out of its socket during my post-prandial constitutional just now. Not only has ten years of tundra disappeared from the Pleasurama site in preparation for the fun fair which is going to be placed there after the powerboat weekend, but two years' worth of weeds and detritus has also been cleared from behind the Heras fencing.

Hurray for Thanet Council! Eh? No, that can't be right surely?

Cycle Of Ignorance

Yet again the best bit of Kent gets a bum deal, with this weekend's Tour de France going no further east than Canterbury. Full marks, though, to one of our local estate agents who, with a delicious sense of irony, has commissioned our Doctor/Councillor from Westgate to tug a banner behind his teeny-tiny plane telling spectators to 'Go 2 Ramsgate'.

And just so that nobody can accuse me of not doing my bit, I've asked some of my god-fearing friends in the Canterbury area to rally to the cause!

Mayor's Chain Pulled

News has filtered through of Monday night's meeting of the Ramsgate Charter Trustees at Albion House.

My spies report that the parlous state of the building (where, you'll recall, Queen Vic herself once hung out her smalls) was one of the main subjects of discussion. Our local council has threatened to flog the place off to developers, but following objections has done what it usually does when there's a spot of controversy - let the place rot until we're all grateful when someone comes along and pays 10p to demolish it and build some luxury apartments.

Other debates surrounded the duties of our Mayor, my old chum (he waved at me from a float at last year's carnival) Steve Ward. Vital matters which came under scrutiny were:

1. Whether he is, in his official capacity, able to climb our super-duper new East Cliff flagpole.
2. On which occasions a flag should be flown from said flagpole.
3. Whether there should be an increase in his petrol allowance.

The last issue apparently arose after the Bouffoned One argued that he has to attend a number of functions in the Smoke (not Margate, the one up the M2) in order to promote the Millionaires' Playground, and if his chauffeur has used up his 20 hour weekly allowance the poor lamb has to drive himself. He did let slip, though, that on such august occasions people appear to show more interest in his chain than his actual person. But that if he drives himself he can only take his badge, as for some reason he's not allowed to pull his own chain. Which must lead to disappointment all round, really.

Licence Fee To Print Money

What extraordinary news from my old chums at the BBC today! No, no, not about Alan Johnston being released, although good luck to the poor devil. No, I mean about the DG, Mark Thompson, milking more than three-quarters of a million sovs from the licence fee payers last year. And in the same annual report, he's saying that the Corporation requires slimming down, and more producer types need to feel the weight of his size 12s up their hairy jacksies.

Good on yer Mark! By the way, you couldn't pop a few extra bob in the meter down at our local transmitter, could you? This Freeview mullarkey only seems to work round here when the wind's in the right direction.

Bit Of A Pisser

Reader Wee Willy Watcher (presumably not his/her real name) has emailed the following:

Are there any laws in this country against urinating in public? I have witnessed the same man urinate in public on Augusta Road twice now. He is of Eastern European origin as he always indulges in this little ritual come rain or shine, day or night, before he gets into, or just after he gets out of a 1980s Latvian plated blue Golf Polo with his mate.

Is there nothing that anyone can do to stop this appalling antisocial behaviour?

Well, er, Willy, I think the poor chap deserves our potty, I mean pity, as there's clearly something wrong with his plumbing if he's getting caught short in the street.

Still, the distinct whiff of stale wee-wee around the place isn't doing much for property prices I can tell you, so does anybody have a suggestion as to how to stop the Phantom Urinator of Old Ramsgate Town?

Godden Mammon

Three cheers for our local slots-to-property magnate Sir James Godden, who's sponsoring this weekend's powerboat extravaganza here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Much of the fun and frolics will take place in full view of Sir G's former Pleasurama amusement park, which tragically burnt down last century resulting in the above decade-long, er, hiatus on the Ramsgate coastscape.

Sir Flames has suffered a number of fiery misfortunes over the years, so I'm sure you'll join me in wishing him the 'asbestos luck' (geddit??!!??!?) for this weekend's event. Let's hope the only smoke on the water will be belching from the exhausts of those souped-up speedboats!

(Read my review of last year's knees-up here.)

Tourists Flock To TV Isle

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Travel Editor Honor Freebie

It's official! The Isle of Thanet has become TV adland's top destination! And now tourists are flocking to admire the Isle's natural and man-made wonders, seen by millions in hit commercials like (fill in hit commercials here - Ed.)

Here are some of the top attractions they're raving about:

Mount Emin - at 80 feet, Mount Emin is the highest point in Thanet.
The Pleasurama Tundra - miles of deserted wasteland, home to a huge variety of wild animals (rabies vaccination advisable).
The Great Temporary Fence of Ramsgate - The only man-made structure which can be seen from outer space.
Westworld Cross - Hours of fun for all the family in Thanet's answer to Disneyland's car park.
Turner's Hole - stand on the very spot where the famous artist once stood (pay and display)
Luxury Apartment World - tickets start at a reasonable £189,000.
Madeira Falls Log Flume - foamy fun for all the family!

Madeira Falls: Foamtastic!

Ramsgate Ad

And just to even the score, here's that much nicer advertisement for Waitrose featuring Ramsgate! This one you can click on.

Fart Farm Ad

I suppose you've all seen this TV ad for E.ON, featuring Boredstares front. Here's what they say about it on their website:

The 60-second ‘Wind of Change’ execution (who died? - Ed.) features a sleepy British coastal town (that figures) invigorated by an energetic, optimistic wind that lifts the spirits of all those in its path, illustrating the wind of change that E.ON is bringing.

To translate the corporate speak, what that actually means is Ramsgate will get all the jobs constructing the wind farm, while 'sleepy' Broadstairs has its sea views blighted. Yay!

Unfortunately they've disabled the 'embed' function on BoobTube for the ad, so if you want to see it in glorious, moving Technicolor, you'll have to click here.

Here's Lucy!

That's torn it. The whole town's gone to the pigs. Lucy Mail has returned to the Thanet blogging scene.

I advise anyone of a doctoring or teeny-tiny plane flying disposition to vacate the area now before they feel the lash of her acid tongue round their vitals!

What's In A Name?

Watching the Concert for Diana last night I was reminded that Elton has a peculiar middle name. Well, Elton in his previous incarnation as Reginald Hercules Dwight, that is.

The old grey cells then began working overtime. That Bloody Awful Noel? Middle name Ernest. W H Auden? Wystan Hugh. Hmm, not surprising that he went by his initials.

But which of our local luminaries rejoices in the mezzo moniker Greville?

A Pain In The Ears

Please feel free to rearrange the letters in the last word of that Joe Orton style headline as you see fit.

Of course, RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport is handy for parking my Lear Jet, and the masses appear to enjoy the odd jaunt to Benidorm from there. I'm not even agin doctor/councillor councillor/doctor types who want to fly their teeny-tiny planes round and round in circles every weekend.

But when you see small children on the streets of Ramsgate holding their hands over their ears as yet another knackered old jumbo flies a few feet over their heads every ten minutes, on what is meant to be the day of rest, their delicate little lungs seared by the carcinogenic hyrdocarbons these things spew out of their exhausts, it's time to say 'enough is enough'. Which is why I have entered a petition on the Number 10 website urging Our Gordon Master to instruct Thanet Council to enter into a proper agreement with the aiport's owners, Infartil.

As soon as I get the details I'll post them here, at which point I expect all true Ramsgatonians to sign up!

Paint The Whole Pier With A (Rather Expensive) Rainbow

One of my moles in the tawdry north of the Ile informs me that the recent artistic paint job on Margate pier cost £56,000. Of course this figure would, in all likelihood, have included the one blink-and-you'd-miss-it evening that a light and sound show was put on for the great and good, the only people who were informed that it was happening. So, terrific value for money I'd say!

Meanwhile the director of Margate's yet-to-fruitate Turner Contemporary, Victoria Pomery, was spotted at last month's Venice Biennale (arts knees-up to you and me) giving a speech as a guest of the British Council and Engage, the, um, National Association for Gallery Education. If you recall, there was a lot of fuss regarding the attendance of Our Lady of the Soiled Bedsheet as the British representative at the fart-fest, but apparently Ms Pomery bravely flew to Venice (all expenses paid one presumes) and upheld Margate's honour by explaining all the benefits the Turnip has brought to the area by importing European artists to tart up the paintwork, and getting the crayons out for the kiddies.

Don't get me wrong. I'm an art lover myself. Indeed several limited edition Jack Vettrianos grace the walls of the old cliff top mansion here in the Millionaires' Playground. But you have to wonder whether the money that's being spent is benefitting the ordinary bloke in a track suit tugging a pit bull on Margate High Street, don't you?

Paint The Whole World With A Rainbow

Aah, what a welcome back to the Ile de Thanet! It's nice to go travelling, but it's so much nicer to come home.

Deary me. I appear to have become rather maudlin and nostalgic after my trip to the West Country. Still, that won't last. I've got a smorgasbord of tasty readers' emails to chomp through, so I'll soon be back to my old self, 'having a pop at everything from pizza delivery men to top Tory Sandy Beach' (©2007 Thanet Times). Watch this space!

News Blues

Well I must say it's a right trauma getting any decent news about the Ile from down here in the West Country.

I've just spent half an hour trawling the blogs, and all I've learnt is that the debate over the Pleasurama site continues, Tony Flaig's cat has brought home another cat's collar, and Simple Simon is still a slackwitted, sanctimonious old sausage.

I'd better head back before entire island dies of boredom!

New PM Gets To Work Rebuilding Britain

Postcard From The West Country

Jumbo Problem

And just before I go, good luck to all you Ramsgatonians who'll be suffering in your jocks yet again this weekend as that jumbo jet flies round and round every ten minutes.

Our noise-and-air-pollution-loving Doctor Councillor/Councillor Doctor is, of course, a chum of the pilot and wants you all to take a nice photograph of the plane as it blows your roof tiles off. I suggest you tell him what you think of that idea here!

Right, where are the keys to the Prius?

Tip To Toe

Ordinarily, of course, I would have been at Royal Ascot this week. I suppose my invite from Sir Alan must have got lost in the post this year.

I have, however, received an irresistible offer from my old chums at the Penzance Arts Club to join them for the last knockings of the Golowan Festival, so I've charged up the Prius and plan to make an early start in the morning. Oh, didn't I tell you I traded the TT in for one of those? All the celebs are driving them these days, don't you know!

The toe of Cornwall rather reminds me of our own tip of Kent, but with a bit more oooh arrr. Penzance in the south is a charming and thriving harbour town, while on the north side St Ives boasts a long artistic tradition and a splendid gallery built by those people who make the golden syrup. It was completed on the site of the town's former gas works in 1993 with nary a hitch, attracts a quarter of a million visitors each year, and has even recently announced plans for an extension. Hmm, perhaps that's where the similarity ends.

See you around the middle of next week. Or you never know, if you're lucky I might send you a postcard!

There Is Nothing Like A Dame

We are seldom graced by (almost) royalty here in the world of Thanet blogging, so it is with enormous pleasure that I can reveal that Dame Janet has started her own site.

You'll recall that her royal gracious loveliness was runner-up in my Richard Eastcliff Award For A Grand Design For Ramsgate, and has very magnanimously been instrumental in helping to put together the collection for my Van Gogh Contemporary here in the Ile's premiere town.

She's just about to publish a splendid book on women's suffrage in East Kent from 1909-1918, but is also interested in women's history in Kent generally. Her radiant gorgeousness has asked me to point out that it's very early days for her blog, and requested that I be nice. Well, ma'am, am I ever anything else?

Thanet Is Bad For Your Health - Official!

Holy heart by-passes! The latest NHS snapshot on the health of the nation makes for scary reading for those of us who live in the tip of Kent. Here's what it says about us Thanetians:

· Life expectancy is increasing, but on average, men and women in Thanet can expect to live shorter lives than in England. (Yikes!).
· Teenage pregnancy rates are high compared to the England average. (Cripes!)
· The rate of reported violent crime is higher than England. (Do you Wantsum???)
· Estimated smoking rates and death rates from smoking are both high. Early death rates from cancer are also higher than the England average. Levels of healthy eating, physical activity and adult obesity are similar to national levels. (Shurely shome mishtake? - Ed) However binge drinking is estimated to be below the England average (because we're all permanently stocious, one assumes). More people are admitted to hospital in Thanet for alcohol specific conditions than the England average. Both the percentage of people with recorded diabetes and the rate of people claiming sickness benefit because of mental health problems are high compared to England. (Blimey!)

That's it, I'm off to Tunbridge Wells, where:

· Life expectancy is increasing and is above the average life expectancy for England. There are differences in life expectancy between income groups. (Hurrah!)
· Although the death rate from smoking is low, smoking accounts for around 150 deaths every year. Early death rates from heart disease and stroke are low compared to England. (Yippee!)
· Lifestyles are comparatively healthy with estimated binge drinking and smoking rates below the England average. The land required to support an average resident’s lifestyle in Tunbridge Wells is greater than the average for England (ecological footprint). Although the percentage of people with recorded diabetes in Tunbridge Wells is lower than the England average, over 3,200 people are recorded as having diabetes. (I can live with that!)

Report on BBC website.
NHS Community Health Profiles.

Knight Light

Full marks to our doggedly determined local campaigner Michael Child for illuminating the way on what's happening to our seafront eyesore, the Pleasurama site.

As we now know, the crumbling cliff face which abuts the site will undergo repairs starting in the autumn this year, and these should be completed by spring 2008 (hurrah!), at which point the developers will begin construction of 14 luxury hotels and 2700 luxury apartments. It was Michael who first broke this astounding news, which is now so official that even the Uranians have put it on their website.

I'm still a bit puzzled, though. As far as I can recall, the site was signed over by the council to a bunch named SFP Ventures (UK) Ltd, who are now, presumably, the owners. Attempts to find any kind of detail regarding these people have proved less than fruitful.

However, SFP Ventures (UK) Ltd now appear to have handed over the actual development of the site to a company called Knight Developments Ltd, who are presumably this Essex based company. They certainly seem to have a lot of experience building twiddly-diddly 3, 4, and 5 bedroom homes, but don't seem to have much to say on major, prestigious seafront projects. Still, let's hope they're up to the job of enhancing our Monte Carlo style coastline!

Kite Fantastic!

These kite surfers seemed to be having a whale of a time when I popped out for my copy of Gra*ia a few moments ago. It's something I first tried during my self-imposed exile in the Cayman Islands last year. If it wasn't for this sore paw, I'd be out there with them!

Then And Now

Blimey! Everyone seems to be caking their blogs out with nostalgic pictures. Even our local doctor/councillor councillor/doctor has jumped on the bandwagon, although we all know that Vince's Old Ramsgate Then and Now blog is the original and best.

That said, nobody could accuse me of never spotting a trend and milking it for all it's worth, so to celebrate bin day on the East Cliff, here's a 'then and now' of Augusta Road:

Then

Now

Gull Cull

Has anyone else noticed a significant increase in the number of squished seagulls on our roads recently?

I know I've complained about the pesky blighters in the past, and they are the size of poodles round here given that the Uranians have steadfastly omitted to grant us any system of gull-proof refuse containers such as wheelie bins, but I do regard them as an integral part of the traditional seaside scene and wish them no instrinsic harm. Blimey, that was a long sentence. Oh well, today is the longest day so it's only fitting.

I wonder if Gullbusters have been on the offensive in their armoured, bird-busting steamroller?

Press Trip

Let's hope the three wise journos who are expected to visit our shores tomorrow are better researched than the Sunday Times. Murdoch's organ featured yet another glowing eulogy to the wonders of the East Kent property market at the weekend, stating:

Ramsgate has been spoken of as a new Brighton, while Margate – which locals say has Kent’s best beach – could get a boost from the opening, later this year, of the Turner Centre.

Or maybe they know something we don't, and Plan C involves a marquee in the Rendezvous car park?

Full Sunday Times report.

Press Here

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Fencewatch

Steering rapidly away from heated debates about antiquated amusement parks, I thought I'd head for, um, safer ground today and bang on about that old favourite, Ramsgate's crumbling East Cliff.

A while back I treated you to the full SP on Heras, the company that has supplied most of the 'temporary' fencing along our dilapidated cliff top. 'Most' being the appropriate word, as I've now spotted a new species - Beaver 84!

Beaver 84 is a dynamic, customer driven business engaged in the hire and sale of quality new and used non-mechanical plant to the construction, engineering, oil, TV and leisure industries and government funded bodies, it says here.

TV and government funded bodies, eh? That gives me an idea for killing two, er, fences with one stone. Maybe I could get my old showbiz chum Bill Oddie to set up his night cameras here in Ramsgate. You never know, a week of Fencewatch might be just the thing for KCC TV!

Separated At Birth?

Reader Samantha writes:

I wonder if anyone else has spotted a similarity between the new design for Margate's Turner Contemporary and the disused power station on the other side of the island at Richborough? Are they by any chance related?

Richborough

Turnip

Dreamland Campaigner Spits Dummy

Holy roller coasters! I appear to have stirred up something of a hornets' nest over on the Save Dreamland Campaign website.

Ubercampaigner Nick Laister has picked up on my recent SchemeLand post and accuses me of being 'the worst offender for misinformation' à propos the news that a number of old tut rides from some derelict amusement park oop north are being put in storage in anticipation of the 'heritage amusement park' proposal put forward by developers Waterbridge. Clearly Mr Laister is not a frequent peruser of my feeble jottings!

I will admit, however, that I got the tone of my item slightly wrong. I had intended it to be a polemic against our lacklustre local politicos, who have consistently and limply failed to implement the government inspector's report that insisted on a seaside style future for Dreamland, rather than any insinuation that the Dreamland campaigners had hopped into bed with the developers. After all, what I'm most interested in is local colour, and unfortunately neither Waterbridge nor Mr Laister are local. Waterbridge are based in Newbury, and Mr Laister appears to run the Dreamland campaign from 15 miles further up the A34 in Wantage.

Turnip Circus In Town

I was idly thinking of tooling over to the Winter Gardens to take a squiz at Stage C of the Turner Contemporary design, which the architects are going to treat us poor mortals to this evening.

But frankly I can't be arsed. If you go, and it looks any better than Stage B (see below), do let me know. No, on second thoughts, don't bother.

Bob Makes A Few Bob

I see from the trade papers that Sir Bob's TV company Ten Alps, which recently won the contract to supply us with Kent County Council TV, has reported pre-tax profits up 36% to £2.3m for the year ended 31 March 2007. Turnover was up 63.5% to £69m.

How cockle-warming to know that my council tax will presumably be helping him make an even bigger lump of folding next year!

Ramsgate Property Nicer Than Margate

According to my counterstateriserometer, a reader in Suffolk landed here earlier this morning by asking Google the following question: 'Property Margate or Ramsgate Nicer'?

So, on the off chance that they should return, and as part of my duty in providing a public service, here's some property in Ramsgate:

And here's some property in Margate:

SchemeLand

Bear with me, this one's a bit complicated.

According to the BBC Kent website, some old rides from Southport's Pleasureland, which abruptly closed last September, are being put in storage in preparation for the opening of a heritage amusement park on the Dreamland site in Margate.

Now, as far as I can recall, there are currently no plans for a 'heritage amusement park' on the Dreamland site, which has been closed since last year, apart from two tentative proposals put forward by property developers the Margate Town Centre Regeneration Company, aka Waterbridge, aka J Godden Esq (40%). And it's true that one of these proposals mumbled something about putting a few old ferris wheels around the listed scenic railway in order to justify a whole pile of luxury apartments, hotels, 'leisure', the usual old crap.

However, these proposals remain just that, proposals. They are not approved plans, and go totally against the view of a government inspector that the entire site should remain devoted to traditional seaside attractions. So the storage of these rides would appear rather premature.

Premature, that is, until you realise that the Save Dreamland Campaign which has long battled against the developers, has now rolled over and had its tummy tickled by them. Not only do the plans for this 'heritage amusement park' appear on the SDC website, but the SDC's website, in a touching show of mutual appreciation, now appears as a link on the developers' website. So it all now looks rather like a fait accompli.

Still with me? It gets better. Having only been closed for a few months, the reason for putting Southport's Pleasureland rides into storage is because it is being transformed into a '£100m+ Euro Park', according to local sources. Something that Dreamland could only ever, er, dream of it seems.

Plane Stupid

Mind you, impressive as Margate's Big Event is, it does seem more than a trifle unfair that the one weekend of the year when Margatonians have to put up with aircraft flying inches from their rooftops it's Red Arrows and Spitfires, whereas all we get in Ramsgate is those knackered old jumbos threatening to blow our tiles off every ten minutes!

Feeling A Little Crook

Yikes! Must have had a bad prawn at the Big Event yesterday. Either that, or the shock of enjoying a day out in Margate has caused some sort of allergic reaction.

What The Dickens

Oh go on then, I'm in a giving, generous mood, so I'll also mention that Dickens Week starts in Boredstares this weekend too. So if dressing in Victorian bathing costumes and cramming small children up chimleys is your cup of Earl Grey, you know where to go!

Margate Bignews

Quite why I should be publicising Margate, let alone a jolly organised by Thanet Council, is a question only Dr Fraudstein, my celebrity psychiatrist, can answer. But I've been asked to point out that the Arsonists are hosting their 'Big Event' on both days this weekend.

Actually it's a replacement for the Kent Air Show which has been held at Palm Bay for the last two years, but whose organisers went nipples up earlier this year. Still, it's free, and there is a full programme of flying, including the splendid Battle of Britain Memorial Flight, as well as clowns, stunt motorcycle riding, bands, and a beer tent. Acts which particularly caught my eye were:

Bruce Airhead – a man and a six foot balloon
Skate Naked –dazzling duo, winners of five international festivals, and
Zios and Zigra our resident robots (eh?).

You'll also get the chance to enjoy Clown Bluey, Bob Jobbins and a chainsaw carver.

Full Saturday Programme
Full Sunday Programme

It seems that the Red Arrows are only appearing on Saturday, so in case you miss them here they are at the Isle of Wight Festival last weekend, as filmed by my fellow Thanet blogger Big Blog Adem:

Right, that's enough of that Margate talk, it's made me feel a trifle queasy. I'm off to see my shrink.

Fish Tale

As I'm sure you've noticed, Margate has recently disappeared from the BBC's weather maps on digital text. But the good news is that, with veteran weather chap Michael Fish standing in for Kaddy Tea-Pot on our local news this week, Ramsgate's been on the telly every single night!

Usually the place names are rotated nightly to avoid letters from 'Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' complaining that they didn't get a guernsey. Perhaps a strong and unexpected gust of wind blew Fishy's notes on how to change the graphics off his desk.

Fair Comment

Our local council have been awarded a 'fair' for performance from the Audit Commission. That's better than 'weak' in 2004, but not as good as, um, 'good', or even 'excellent'. The commission described the Uranians as having a 'well developed' community leadership role, with ambitions that are 'soundly based on consultation'.

I'll leave it up to you lot to comment, as anything I might say probably wouldn't stand a hope in hell of being classified as 'fair'.

TDC press release

Pass The Huffkins

I've noticed 'Kentish Huffkins' on the menu in a number of eateries around here. There's nothing I enjoy more than a plate of steaming great huffkins.

My old culinary chum Gordon literally swears by them.

Sea Art

Staying with the subject of art, I see Ruth Cutler is progressing nicely with her sea garden at the end of one of those fourteen car parks that adorn our front. Ruth, who I like to think of as Ramsgate's more talented (natch) answer to Margate's Lady of the Soiled Bedsheet, is transforming this patch of scrub into something a bit special with a briny twist.

I understand there were some terrific seaside natives growing there, which would have made splendid home grown fodder for the project, had the council not come along and sprayed it all with weedkiller a few days before she started (natch).

Wall Art

Here's an idea for arts regeneration on the Ile. This rotating wall has been installed by sculptor Richard Wilson (I don't believe it!) at the knackered old Yates's Wine Lodge building in Liverpool. Dubbed Turning The Place Over it's a bargain at £450,000! The official launch is on 20th June.

How about we commission him to do the same thing for Arlington House? It would cost an awful lot less than the £17.4m + £8m we're spending on the Turnip Centre. We could even call it Turnering The Place Over, should we feel the need to keep the connection!

Dome Truths

Mozying along the front yesterday evening in a bid to catch the last rays of the sun, I was overcome by an irresistible urge to have a flutter. And not wishing to go home and change into my DJ, I spurned our Casino Royale in favour of one of those slot palaces so beloved of the local pit bull tugging, track suit brigade.

Suitably armed with a couple of bags of two pence pieces (tuppenny bits in old money), I headed for one of those attractions where you have to judge the right moment to deposit your hard-earned dosh so that it pushes great piles of copper out of the machine. I was doing rather well, until I heard a distinctly non-metallic thud emanate from the pay-out drawer.

It seems I was now the, er, proud owner of a Millennium Dome souvenir eraser, complete with the slogan 'There's No Place Like Dome' on the reverse. I wonder what my old showbiz chum and antiques supremo Michael Aspel would make of that?

China Syndrome

Reader Jan writes:

It seems we're all turning Chinese here on the Ile de Thanet, what with the announcement of a new development for 3,000,000 Chinese businesses at Manston, and your plan to re-brand our local disused power station as 'Richborough - Our Great Wall of China'. Do you by any chance have any pictures that would show the Chinese how much we welcome their cultural and business input here in Thanet?

Happy to oblige, Jan:

Photo Op

The Uranians are promoting a photo competition on their website, and we're all invited to send in our snaps! It's backed by SEEDA (South East England Development Agency) and runs from 15-30th of June. The blurb says they are looking for photographs...

...that you think uniquely portray the identity of where you live or of a place in the region that you know well, and that shows the way you see or feel about it.

It could be a picture of an individual building, of the place in general, of a public space, a park or private garden or of anything that is significant to that area. Ask yourself, ‘Just what is it that makes the place where I live special?’.

Here's my entry, I've called it 'Granville Landfill'. What do you think?

Sham Pain

Not so long ago one of my fellow Thanet bloggers, Big Adem, exposed an email scam in which the perps were claiming to be dispensing hundreds of pounds worth of M&S vouchers in conjunction with Persimmon Homes. Of course, it turned out to be b*lls.

Now, it would appear, I've fallen foul of a similar scam. This time we're being promised a free case of Veuve Clicquot champagne. Here's what the email says:

Hello all Champagne lovers. Send this message to 10 people, with a copy to markp@spier.co.za Veuve Clicquot France will contact you in order to deliver to you a case of champagne in three weeks. They are doing this to enlarge their database. It does work and you receive 6 bottles in 15 days. Thanks Anna x

Now, upon checking Mr Markp's email address, it would appear to belong to a South African leisure and property business. And just for comparison, here is the French champagne company Veuve Clicquot's site. I rest my case. Or is it half a case? I do wish these spammers would at least be consistent.

Anyhow, as regular readers know my favourite tipple is Krug so it's no loss. And if exposing this gets me 5000+ hits like it did Big Adem, I'll be opening a few bottles this evening!

Update: From Veuve Clicquot's website:

Dear websurfer,

A promotional deal is currently on the Net regarding a free offer of a case of 6 bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne.

This is a hoax, totally beyond our control; and, of course, we are not the author. We do not gather any e-mail nor build up any database.

We strongly condemn the author of this hoax and hope that it will end.

Yours sincerely,

Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin

Firepower Station

As regular readers will know, for some time now I've been pondering what we should do with that disused power station down at Richborough. It seems my application to convert it into a nuclear facility has fallen on stony ground, despite the positive noises the government has been making recently towards glow-in-the-dark electricity generation.

So imagine my surprise to discover that it's already being put to good use - as an urban combat area for pellet-powered war games. These chaps at Shadow Ops Airsoft Ramsgate have renamed the site 'Rackstock Nuclear Power Plant, Nabraska Desert, USA', and are planning 'Operation Rainbow - Year 2018' at Richborough this coming weekend.

Should all go with a bang, methinks, but why stop there? Perhaps we can transform the place into a global tourist attraction, just like those cheeky Kiwis have done with one of their power stations:

Bling King Sell

Flicking through a recent issue of Jewellery Focus, as you do, I stumbled across an advertisement for Hiltons, the Margate jewellers in the crown. Apparently the shop is up for sale, complete with £85,000 goodwill price tag. Maybe they're retiring to concentrate on running the family home, Bling Bleak House in Broadstairs.

So I'd better snap up that little bargain I saw on their website the other day before they go. Patek Philippe watch, secondhand, a snip at £160,000!

A Journalist Writes...

Good morning,

I just wanted to drop you a line regarding some of the comments which have appeared on the Eastcliff Richard blog this week.

Although I appreciate that they have not been made by yourself I'm sure you are more than aware that as the publisher of the blog you bear ultimate responsibility for them.

I note with some interest that you have failed to remove several of the more offensive posts relating to myself.

I have no problem with people who may dislike me for whatever reason, did not like my People article, or just generally want to have a moan.

But some have clearly crossed the acceptable line of fair comment and honestly held opinion and veered into libel territory.

For the record I can assure you that I am not - and never have been a Nazi, and take any suggestions otherwise extemely seriously.

Hence the use of the phrase "Nazi Nick" certainly could be held to be libellous - and as the blog's publisher I'm sure you are aware that had the case been taken to court the onus would have been on yourself to prove I am in fact a member of the Nazis - or risk a payout of substantial damages.

I like your blog and always take the trouble to have a look at what's going on - and am happy to accept any robust criticism which you or your readers may choose to place in my direction.

What I cannot accept, however, are clearly libellous statements such as the ones which continue to be displayed.

If you would like to discuss this matter further please don't hesitate to get in touch.

If these kind of libellous comments continue to appear I will left with no alternative but to instruct my solicitors.

Yours sincerely,

Nick Dorman.

Actually at no point did the phrase 'Nazi Nick' appear in any of the comments appended to my item Dorman of the People but to save him the trouble of instructing his solicitors, all comments that may have been construed as offensive to Mr Dorman have been removed, and I would like to offer him a full apology for any distress that may have been caused.

Join The E.R.A.

The Eastcliff Residents' Association should be out and about in an hour or so, appending more of these protest signs to the 'temporary' fencing along our crumbling cliff top.

According to their website, they do this every Friday at 4.30pm. 'Two years of temporary fence is not right' is their rallying cry, and I wholeheartedly agree with them. Personally, though, I prefer to take more direct action, so this afternoon I've placed an order with Heras for 200 metres of their product to be positioned around my, er, new home at 17 Crow Hill, Broadstairs.

KCC TV Will Not Be In Russian

Leafing through my copy of Around Kent, which that nice ruddy-faced man from Kent County Council sent me today, I notice a feature headlined: It's TV - But Not How (surely 'As'? - Ed.) You Know It.

Alongside a picture of Saint Gob of Beldof, whose company Ten Bobs has won the £600,000 a year contract to run the council's TV station, we are told:

It won't be a re-enactment of Russian TV in the days of communism with someone reading the latest KCC press release.

Phew! Thank heavens for that. My former newsreading chum Olga used to get very fed up reading out those KCC press releases, and the prospect of having to do it all over again was giving her the abdabs. The article continues:

What better way for a youngster to train for a job in the media than to get involved in making real programmes that are relevant and interesting.

No better way indeed, which is why I shall be advising any youngster who asks not to waste his or her time making anything for KCC TV.

Knees Up

Margatonians are holding a bit of a shindig tonight to celebrate the arrival of later opening hours for the season. Fireworks, a band, and all courtesy of Margate Town Partnership. So be in the piazza (that's The Parade in old money) or be, erm, somewhere else.

Actually there's not been a lot of publicity for this, they couldn't even be bothered to flag it on their new website, so heaven knows whether anyone will actually turn up. Still, nobody can say I don't do my bit for the Arsonists.

Up The Front

Thanet Adscene's front page lead today is: Life Changed By A Rhino. No, no, sorry, that's just the ad wrapper extolling the virtues of some kind of Davros undercarriage...

No, the actual front page screams: A Beautiful New Front. And the front they're talking about isn't Dolly Parton impersonator Mandy Winters's either. It's jolly old Ramsgate! Apparently we're about to get a massive £1.5m injection up our front, which will be used to repair some of the 215 listed properties we have in this area over the coming five years. Of course, I shall be applying for a grant to spruce up the old cliff top mansion, a few Gs should do it.

We were told a year ago that the Heritage Lottery Fund was giving us a load of dosh, and Margate and Boredstares got their handouts way back when Cockie was an egg, so this announcement, if it's approved at tonight's council meeting, is a tad overdue but nonetheless welcome.

I don't know. What with the prospect of repairs to our crumbling cliff, the library being rebuilt, and now this, I might have to hang up my computer and retire.

Pleasuredrama

Sniffing around the blog of our local doctor/councillor councillor/doctor last night, I spied a piece of interesting news.

Of course, I wouldn't ordinarily have been lurking there had it not been for a tip-off from one of my vast band of loyal readers that Dr Simes had been bitten by the same dog twice in the space of a few months whilst riding his bicycle. The hound goes by the name of 'Roly', and I was intending to point out that, despite past animosities between Lord Simes and myself, I only possess a cat, Bertie the Burmese, and that training him to do anything more than sleep all day would test the patience of a saint.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered a comment from our local bibliobloke and dogged Pleasurama digger Michael Child. In it he reveals that he has spoken to the architect of the long-awaited Pleasurama development here in Ramsgate, who has told him that our crumbling cliff will be repaired by the council this autumn, in preparation for the start of construction on the site in spring 2008 (a year behind schedule, but never mind).

Quite why he decided to break this important Ramsgate news in such an obscure way, on a little-read blog based in the tawdry Tory north of the island, is beyond me. Still, I suppose we only have the word of the architect, and it was an architect who told us the Turnip Centre would be opening in 2004.