Twot

Flamin' Nora! It's way too sticky to be crafting my usual finely-honed prose! So here's a link to the Isle of Thanet Gazunder website. It's all there, you won't even have to cough up 70p. The only downside is that you can't line the cat's litter tray with your laptop once you've read it.

Right, I'm off for a cooler. You lot can talk amongst yourselves - you seem to be quite good at that!

East Kent Bids For City Of Culture 2017

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Arts Correspondent Jenny Tals

Culture vultures across the isle are celebrating the news that East Kent has thrown its hat into the ring to become UK City of Culture 2017!

The bid will see East Kent competing against the likes of Aberdeen, Chester, Hastings and Bexhill, Hull, Leicester, Plymouth, Portsmouth and Southampton, Swansea Bay, Sarfend, London, Paris and New York! (Er, those last two aren't in the UK - Ed.)

East Kent Head of Arts and Culture Mary Hinge, who's heading up the pitch for the area, told the Gazunder it was a great opportunity to showcase Thanet's burgeoning arts scene. 'What with the Turner Contemporary, links with Tracey Emin, and the Turner Contemporary, Margate is fast becoming the centre of the arts universe,' said Hinge. 'There's so much going on, it's like an explosion in a custard factory!!!'

She added that 'Explosion in a Custard Factory', by 23 year old Lithuanian artist Biggas Lottadudu-Ueverseenas, which is currently showing at the Turner, would be one of the keystones of the bid. Rejecting claims that East Kent is not technically a city, Hinge added: 'If there's taxpayers' money up for grabs, it could be a banana for all I care.'

Highlights of Thanet's culture bid will include:

•  Exhibition of 3D pavement art by the Thanet Pit Bull Owners Club
•  'Stella Mountain', a new site-specific installation designed by the Premier Convenience Store Customers' Collective
•  'Concrete Sticks in a Row', a permanent installation on Ramsgate seafront by reclusive Swiss artists' commune SFP
•  Thanet Tories have pledged to hand out free planning permission, should they get back into power by 2017, to any artist with an idea for an installation who turns up with a back pocket full of 50s and plane tickets to 'somewhere nice'.

 That's enough culture - Ed.

One of the high points of Margate's cultural year - the annual

Sticking Your Head in a Box and Bad Anagrams Show

UPDATE 19 June 2013: It didn't even make it into the final four. Click here for more.

You Ain't Nothin' But A Newshound

Reader Steve writes: 'Knowing your proclivity for all things Gazunder-related, I thought you might like this snap I took of three Isle of Thanet Gazetteers at the Ramsgate Carnival yesterday. Can you name them? The carnival was a great success by the way, and very well attended.'

Well thanks for that Steve. I recognise the Greek god on the left - it's Andy 'Chopper' Woodman if I'm not mistaken. And that looks like Saul Leese behind the make-up on the right. But I can't place Wonder Woman in the middle. Any clues?

Rubbish Photo

No actually, not the Gazette's front pager last Friday although at least one eagle-eyed reader (thanks L!) pointed out that the banner headline under the Gazette masthead says all you need to know about the contents really. (I'm not sure Dickie will thank me for saying that, what with his strip for the paper and all. Still, he says he doesn't get paid for it so no loss if they sack him eh?)

No, I'm talking about this story on page 8...

...telling us all about the results of the Love, Hate, Hope exhibition in Ramsgate in August. The exhibition was a huge success, with hundreds of visitors pinning their loves, hates and hopes up on postcards at the exhibition space, a disused shop in the town centre. The whole thing got a great write up by the Chair of the British Urban Regeneration Association in the Estates Gazette (click here to read the story) and you can watch the excellent film that the ladies of the Ramsgate Arts Festival made on YouTube (click here for that).

All good so far and I'm not griping about that. But here's the clincher. As the Gazette reported, top love was Ramsgate's beaches. So why the bloody hell did they illustrate it with a 'flipped' photo of Viking Bay in Broadstairs????


Sxx

Prince Charles To Back Dreamland Plans By Stiltwalking Across Car Park

More on page 5.

Other news:

Page 3 - some councillors are a bit naughty

Page 4 - Sandy declares historic zoo cages 'open for monkey business'

Page 7 - 130 year old Doris takes up pole dancing

Page 12 - youngsters hide hedgehogs for charity

Page 21 - fat birds get their kit off, plus all the other entertainment news around the island!

Gazette Readers To Get TT-lated?

I hear the hacks at Gazunder Towers have been getting all hot under the proverbial recently regarding a rumour that the outfit's red top is set to be merged with the more serious blue top - to make a rather fetching purple top, one imagines.

The thought of all those be-duffered and blue rinsed Gazette readers choking on their Friday morning kedgeree as they turn to page three and find Thanet Times style articles on nudie photo shoots and knicker-snapping vicars was enough to get everyone in a toby twirl. However, the suits have now apparently scotched the rumour. That hasn't stopped one intrepid member of Her Majesty's Press from circulating the following memo, though:

Hey, Thanet Times fans, betcha thought it was TUESDAY, eh?. Well it ISN'T. It's FRIDAY, and that's when you'll be getting your news fix from now on.

Your favourite paper's being combined with the Gazette, the paper with the BIG WORDS, so you'll get a double dose of weekend fun before you head off for Thorley's. Sorry folks, the t*ts won't be returning, but there's loads of new stuff.

The top geezer at the Town Hall will be telling you why things aren't as minging as you think. And we've got that sacked minister who appeared on 'Top Gear' writing just for YOU. There's even a toff spilling the beans about those boats you see off Margate when you fall out the nightclub.

Best of all, there's a bird with a posh name sharing her most INTIMATE thoughts each week. She's called Plane Jane. More like Playin' Jane, we reckon.

If you wanna real larf, don't miss the Letters Page! It's packed with old-timers belly-aching about dog cr*p and how they died for us in the war. Bl**dy hilarious! There's load of pictures of school kids (stop it Gary!) and pages of reports on what your gran's up to at the women's institute. You'll be able to find out if she won the competition to see how many objects beginning with J you can cram into a matchbox. We'll even tell you who was the guest speaker, so you can tell her if she's forgotten.

Here's an easy way to remember when to pick up your paper - it's BENEFITS DAY! So when you've pocketed your weekly wedge of wonga, wander on down to your friendly fag-seller and pick up your copy of the Thanet Times.

Whoops! Silly old us! It's the GAZETTE you ask for from now on, folks. OK? It's well good!!!!!!

Quite a bit better than a lot of the stuff you usually read in either of them, if you ask me! Like, er, this from today's TT:

RAMSGATE Library is set to rise from the ashes, three and a half years after being ravaged by fire four years ago.

Or, um, this:

AN elderly pensioner is living in fear after a con artist tried to swindle £450 for four coats before leaving them at his house. The 84-year-old, who was too scared to reveal his name, said he was walking to Ramsgate high street when he was stopped at the corner of George Street by an Italian who pretended to know him....

A police spokesman added: 'The advice remains - if an offer sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Be cautious, as this gentleman Mr D***er (my asterisks) appears to have been in this case.'

Update: Both these stories have now had the errors removed, online at least. As I sit here, whiling away my time cheating the dole, it gives me a nice, warm feeling in my cockles to know I'm acting as as unpaid, post hoc sub for the Daily Mail Group!

Don't Shoot The Messenger

Holy financial black holes! I see the Kent Messenger Group is to slash around a tenth of its workforce, blaming a 25-30% drop in its advertising revenue. The family owned business publishes Thanet Extra hereabouts, a weekly freesheet which I get to see, ooh, about once or twice a year due to a rather erratic delivery set-up on the south side. When I have seen it I've been rather impressed, I must say. Now KM Group are closing six of their smaller offices and 'restructuring' their editorial operation, saying adios to 61 employees.

The news must also cast a shadow over our very own Isle of Thanet Gazunder and newcomer yourfannitinnit. Which is a pity since, no matter what you think of them, by having such a healthy crop of local newspapers, the stories they don't want you to hear usually manage to seep out over time.

Oh well, let's hope the generous, milky nipple of public sector advertising in these parts supplies them with enough sustenance to carry on. Except, of course, even greater reliance on the aforementioned public sector nipple will lessen the chances of anything juicy seeping out as they'll be reluctant to bite the teat that feeds them. Er, I think I've taken that metaphor as far as it will go now.

Click here to read Kent Messenger story on BBC News website

Update: It seems that Thanet Extra will be saved for the nation for now. According to the Kent Messenger website, offices under consideration for the axe are Dover, Faversham, Sittingbourne and Tunbridge Wells, along with radio studios in Maidstone and Tonbridge. Click here to read more.

C By Their A?

Call me a conspiratorial old sausage, but Friday's front page FFFT/W debacle scoop by the Gazunder hasn't made it to the paper's online website. And now that nice young reporter Thom Morris, who got the exclusive, has pulled the plug on his blog. Heaven forbid I should be guilty of adding two plus two and coming up with the proverbial, so if anyone knows what's happening do feel free to drop me a line.

Click here to go to Gazunder website
Click here to go to Thom Morris's blog

GazunderWatch

A spot of catching up to do following the recent lacuna/hiatus/interregnum (That's enough Latin - Ed.)

But rather than perform any actual research into the number of pro- and anti-council stories in our leading local paper over the past five weeks, I'm awarding them 100 penalty points for their complicity in spreading uncorroborated muck over the fertile plains of Blogland recently. Plus I don't like the way the cheap new paper they're using wrinkles up like a cross-Channel swimmer's scrotum ten minutes after you've left the newsagents.

See - Responsible Blogging at its finest!

GazunderWatch

Following that little, er, local difficulty last week I've got two weeks' worth of the Gazunder to get through. So I may be some time in totting up the pro- and anti-council stories this week.

Interesting, though, to see our local flying councillor on page 2, telling us that he's on the prowl for a blogger, and claiming there has been a concerted effort to discredit him. He tells the paper: "I have been accused of being homophobic, xenophobic and racist. I've been accused of computer misuse and business fraud. These outrageous messages are affecting my professional reputation. The whole thing has left an unpleasant taste."

Apparently he's now sent a discovery request to Google to find out who is responsible for various posts.

Following a swift consultation with my wolf pack of highly trained media lawyers, I think I'll be turning on comment moderation for the time being!

GazunderWatch

My team of highly trained researchers (Mr and Mrs Ceaucesu (no relation)) have established that this week's Gazunder contains three pro-council stories and four anti-council stories. The running total can be found in my sidebar on the right. After two weeks it's even stevens.

Boosting the anti-council tally, the paper finally caught up with the Stalag Broadstairs story (page 10) which I broke nearly two weeks ago, but tucked away the Audit Commission's findings that the council is only performing 'adequately' as a news in brief on page 7.

And no mention of the Cecil Streeters getting in a lather over a petition begging them to do something about the slow death of Margate's lower high street. So far the petition has gained 300 signatures. Oh well, maybe they'll follow it up next week, now that they've read it here!

GazunderWatch

Just back from the Croisette here in the Cannes of Kent, and there was a vicious rumour circulating among the millionaires down there that our local rag has been 'got at' by the ruling Blue Rinsers.

Nothing as laughable as the suggestion that the paper's blue masthead is subliminally inducing us to vote Conservative, or that now it's part of the Daily Mail's Northcliffe Media it'll be campaigning to re-animate that mad bat from the 80s. No, the word is that one of the Tories' Captain Mainwarings has threatened to cut down on TDC advertising if the paper doesn't cut back on the anti-council stories.

Of course I dismissed this theory as idle gossip and tittle-tattle, but then, after a few pints of the Gaddfather's finest, I got to thinking. There was no follow-up to the Stalag Broadstairs story this week. And the ongoing saga of our undredged harbour was relegated to page 16. What's more, the recent advent of competition in the shape of YawnThanet would make a threat to take council advertising elsewhere plausible.

So to test the theory I've instigated a new feature in the old sidebar on the right which I'm calling GazunderWatch. The idea is to keep a running tally each week of pro- and anti- council stories in our island's leading newspaper. Anodyne announcements, letters and opinion pieces don't count, it's purely the nitty-gritty news I'm interested in. I'm sure that after a few weeks scrutiny I can scotch this nonsense once and for all!

Flie In The Ointment

My thanks to local brewer and all round Ramsgate legend the Gaddfather of Ale for sending in this piccie, which demonstrates that standards continue to remain, er, skie high at the Isle of Thanet Gazunder.

Sub Standards

Last week's Isle of Thanet Gazunder is the gift that keeps on giving. Tucked away on page 15, above an ad for 'The Mayor of Margate's Dickensian Christmas Event' (now everyone wants to pretend they live in Broadstairs) is this nib, or news in brief:

Presumably they mean the Nayland Rock. Oh well, I suppose that's what you get when you shift production of all your local newspapers to one big shed in Auchtermuchty. I look forward to reading future stories about Cliff Send, Peg Wellbay and Dumped On Gap!

Thanet Gazette Has Me In Its Net. Not!

Yikes! According to my spies on the north side, the hacks at Gazunder Towers are hunting me down like a dog! And they reckon they've narrowed the field of Eastcliff Richard candidates to one of two people, viz:

1. That bloke with the beard and plastic trousers who sat at the back of an Eastcliff Residents' Association meeting the other month.
2. Thanet Council head honcho Richard Samuel.

Both way off the mark, I'm afraid. But whatever they're offering I'll double it!

Gazunder Goes Gaga - An Apology

It has been pointed out by m'learned friends that a previous post on this blog, entitled Gazunder Goes Gaga, may have contained one or two factual inaccuracies.

I am therefore happy to set the record straight, viz that the Isle of Thanet Gazunder is, in fact, one of the best newspapers money can buy, and that I was particular impressed by last week's new Blog of the Week column, penned by ace reporter Thom Morris, which exhibited impeccable taste by featuring one Eastcliff Richard in its debut outing.

I trust this apology, and the substantial cheque, will now bring this matter to a satisfactory conclusion for the parties concerned.

Gazunder Goes Gaga

Not so much 'Holy smoke!' as 'Holy sdffkjsd!' on page nine of today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder. With a number of pages suffering from a rather peculiar layout, and more gaps in the flannel panel than Margate seafront, it looks like the cracks are beginning to show following a recent exodus of hacks.

Come back Kathy, all is forgiven!

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News!

Cripes! The Gazunder's super-scooping cub reporter Thom Morris has got himself another splash in today's Thanet Times! Although I'm not sure that our local flying doctor/Tory councillor will be particularly chuffed to see one of his aerial photographs illustrating Labour MP Dr Steve Ladyboy's outcry over more predicted traffic chaos at Westwood Livid. Only last weekend Simes was tugging a banner around the Ile urging us to vote Tory if we wanted a say in the EU 'Is it or isn't it a' Treaty debate.

Elsewhere in the paper, lovely editor Rebecca Smith is complaining that Lib Dem leader Ming the Charisma-less has a 'seriously uncool' name. So in the best traditions of Windscale, H Block and Labour I'm launching a poll to find a new moniker for the old fart and boost his ratings. Or if you have a better suggestion email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

And check out the ECR TV story below for Tony Flaig's view of Westwood Chaos.

Gazunder Gets Bluer

I expect our local Blue Rinsers are cock-a-hoop that the Isle of Thanet Gazunder has been acquired by Northcliffe, the owners of the Daily Mail.

How we must all be looking forward to even more stories about how the island is going to the dogs, and how only the Tories can save us!

Click here for full story.