And Away They Go...

...on the way-out, Wacky Races! (Thanks to reader Steve for the pics.)

Here come the Ant Hill Mob in the Bulletproof Bomb,

alongside Luke and Blubber Bear in the Arkansas Chuggabug...

 Next is Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat...

 Followed by Sergeant Blast and Private Meekly in the Army Surplus Special...

 And here's Penelope Pitstop again... Oh no! She's going the wrong way!

But it looks like she's catching up with the Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe...

But Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-A-Car is overtaking all of them!

With the Slag Brothers in the Bouldermobile trailing way behind!

This is Richard Dastardly, for the Ramsgate Powerboat Weekend, signing off. And heading for a cool pint of Gadds' down on the Croisette!

Ramsgate's Big Weekend

Just a reminder that this weekend we have Those Magnificent Men In Their Floating Machines racing up and down along the Ramsgate costa, thrusting their 3,000,000 horse power beauties to a potential maximum of 900mph! I gather the spectacle is mostly centered on the seedier west side of the Millionaires' Playground, based around the port. More details here.

And up on Government Acre, also on the west side, you can wallow in nostalgia with Thanet At War, an exhibition of military vehicles and other 1940s stuff. Entry to that is a paltry two knicker. I must say, I went last year and the tea and buns were rather good!

So forget grooving to the tunes of Plan B and Jessie J over at the Sound Island Festival in Quex Park, come to, er, stormy Ramsgate and thrill instead to the sound of V8 engines and Vera Lynn!

Update: It seems that no actual powerboat racing took place on Saturday, due to a rather gloomy mist that has descended on the Millionaires' Playground. Oh well, that's Blighty for you. You pays your money, then the fog takes it away!

Update update: My spies tell me that there will be racing today (Sunday) as the weather's much improved. It should all kick off around 3pm. Hurrah!

May's Bank Holiday

Good to see my old Top Gear chum James May meandering around the Arsonists' Playground this afternoon. Unlike last year's washout, today's sunshine made Margate Meltdown, and the Ace Cafe's throbfest was rocking with rockers. And one or two mods.

What with the harbour arm packed with stalls and visitors too, it actually looked as if some thought had been put into it. Shame that stallholders were given free parking, though, while ratepayers were made to pay. But hey-ho, you can't have it all.

If only our beloved council would make an effort to put on these sorts of events here in the south. However, as previously reported, they managed to balls up our only annual shindig, the Powerboat Weekend. Seems like all we pay our council tax for here in Ramsgate is the privilege of having knackered old jumbos fly over us. Still, there's a grand old thunderstorm rumbling around the Millionaires' Playground right now. At least they can't take that away from us!

Ramsgate To Miss The Boat?

As regular readers of this never-ending stream of cobblers will know, I'm a bit of a fan of the old Ramsgate Powerboat Weekend. Last year, however, it was supplanted by a Water Skiing Week, which the Uranians trumpeted at the 2008 London Boat Show.

You'll recall me questioning at the time what would happen in 2009. The water skiing mullarkey was a one-off. With the 2009 Boat Show only a week away, I've not heard so much as a twitter about the Powerboat Weekend returning. In fact, rumour has it the powerboaters were rather impressed with their new venue in Gravesend last year.

So, will I be standing on my ownsome down the harbour come July, plastic pint of the Gaddfather's finest in hand, listening to Tom Jones on my gold-plated iPod? If so, it'll be yet more proof that the Jurassic junta in Cecil Square couldn't give a stuff about Ramsgate!

Ramsgate A Non-Event

Casting the old glass eye over our beloved council's events listings website earlier, I was struck by a noticeable absence. Whilst there are plenty of things going on in Boredstares, Margate, Birchington and so on, there seems to be bugger all happening here on the trendy south side this summer. Apart from 'costumed walks', the odd concert at our Granville Theatre and Cinem, and something called 'Lark in the Park', the diary's about as full as Chris Langham's.

Not only that, but was I the only one who felt a sense of disappointment that the final weekend of last week's water skiing championship was not accompanied by the bands, booze and burgers hullabaloo of the first weekend? What happened there? Next year we won't even have the water skiing, and the previous powerboat incumbents appear to have got the arse and found a nice new home in Gravesend. It seems to me as if our Margate-centric council are yet again busy feathering their own nests, at the expense of the Ile's premier town!

Click here to visit Thanet Council's events website

Fun In The Sun

A splendid time seemed to be had by all and sundry at yesterday's inauguration of the 2008 European Water Ski Racing Championships here in the island's top town. Tattooed crack addicts, families and millionaires mingled marvellously amid the burgers and booze, all soaking up the sun and the wonderful atmosphere. Even councillors looked happy and relaxed, as this shot of the back of our pugilistic premier on his way to the nearest Thorley establishment shows (to avoid any misunderstanding, he's the one on the right in the blue shirt):

Ski Saturday

Hurrah! A week of frothy frolics has begun here in the Millionaires' Playground with the inaugural procession for the 2008 European Water Ski Racing Championships (Ramsgate Powerboat Weekend in old money) kicking off today at 4pm. Then there's an entire week of charging across the sea on planks culminating in the prize-giving next Saturday! Plus there'll be fireworks, funfairs, bands, beer and bungees for those of a less active bent.

With Thanet Council and Tiny Terry, our local property midgnate, coughing up almost 50 big ones in sponsorship, let's hope the weather holds. I hear that anything above a 15 knot wind might scupper proceedings, so fingers crossed. Still, the organisers have given the town a splendid write-up:

Ramsgate is situated on the southeastern tip of Kent and is a lovely coastal town with stunning architecture (at least some of which is still intact) and a real continental feel – it is closer to France than the county town of Maidstone (which is why no-one from Kent County Council ever comes here).... Ramsgate is home to the only Royal Harbour in the country and has a sparkling marina, award winning sandy beach and cliff tops that beg to be rambled (should you care to muscle the Heras temporary fencing out of the way).

So for the benefit of all the millionaires from across Europe and the UK who'll be flocking here over the next week, I've taken the liberty of preparing a short glossary of phrases they might find useful when mingling with the locals in our splendid bars and restaurants.

Oiyerkun! - Excuse me, but I believe you may have spilt my drink.
Gorrennyspliff? - I appear to have run out of pipe tobacco. Would it be possible to borrow some?
Gorrennyeeze? - A pint of your best Worthington bitter please, barman.
Inyerface kintossa - I beg to disagree with your opinion (generally used in political debates)
Ooyoolookinnat? - I don't like the cut of your jib, sir.
Yerra dymongeezaar - Please accept this tip with my compliments.
Sminginbruv - Please inform the chef that this fish is off.
Kinarsol - General term of approbation.

There. That, and the Astraeus lump that's currently doing low-level training circuits over the place every three minutes (presumably piloted by Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson, I kid you not) should ensure our visitors feel welcome!

Click here for water skiing timetable and course
Click here for local weather (real time)

Fairtrade Fair Trade For Water Week?

Yet more evidence, if it were needed, of the low priority placed on the Millionaires' Playground by our Margate based Jurassic junta. My spies tell me both the council chairman and our glorious leader, Sandy Beach, have booked themselves in for a Fairtrade bunfight at the Winter Gardens on the same night they're meant to be attending a gala dinner as the culmination of Ramsgate's Water Skiing Week next month.

I presume the chance to rub shoulders with my old TV chum George Alagiah, who'll be at the Mike and Bernie Winter Gardens in his role as a Fairtrade patron, has got the better of them. Let's hope there's not another of those 'f*cking tosser' episodes that seem to go hand-in-hand with Sandy's presence at the venue. Of course, it might also have something to do with avoiding awkward questions about what happens in Ramsgate next year, since this water skiing mullarkey is a one-off, and the previous, marvellous annual Powerboat Weekend has got the arse and moved on to pastures new.

Meanwhile I see the council's events listing website has unilaterally elevated the BBC's smiley, 6 o'clock newsreader to the knighthood. A vain attempt to make the whole Fairtrade thing seem more important, I presume!

Click here for Fairtrade bunfight listing
Click here for Ramsgate Water Skiing Week listing

Water Performance

As regular readers of this never-ending stream of drivel will recall, I'm a bit of a fan of the old Ramsgate Powerboat Weekend. So it was with some trepidation that I learnt this week that it's been supplanted by a Water Skiing Week, which the Uranians trumpeted at the London Boat Show recently.

Well, five days of watersports as opposed to two could be two and a half times more fun, I hear you say. And yes, you could indeed be right, although I suspect it will also cost us council taxpayers at least two and a half times as much. But hey-ho, fiddle dee dee, if they have to close the odd museum or public convenience to pay for that, who am I to gripe?

On the other hand, however, what happens in 2009? This water skiing mullarkey is a one-off. So will the Powerboat Weekend return next year? Or will I be standing on my ownsome down the harbour, plastic pint of the Gaddfather's finest in hand, listening to Tom Jones on my iPod? I think we should be told!

Click here to read the full Thanet Council press release

Fairground Extraction

Well, all the fun of the fair has faded as quickly as it arrived. The Pleasurama eyesore has reverted to doing what it does best - being an eyesore. Only now it's not even a green eyesore, more like a great, white scab.

I guess there weren't enough millionaires even here in the Millionaires' Playground to keep the carny guys on for the summer.

Update: I've turned that blasted comment moderation off, as you all seem to be keen to have a nice debate now. I know Dr Whatsit said I've got too much time on my hands, but checking my email for comments every two minutes really is eating into my precious thumb-twiddling.

Bugged!

How marvellous to see the Millionaires' Playground thronging with, er, millionaires this weekend. And with all the fun of the fair back on the Pleasurama eyesore, Ramsgate is nothing short of smashing.

However, as you know, I've never been one to quibble, but I have noticed one small side-effect of clearing the site. My cliff top mansion now seems to be infested with a myriad of small spiders, ladybirds, and a zillion other examples of creepy-crawly.

I suppose bulldozing ten years of tundra was bound to bring a few things out of the woodwork, although clearly it wasn't enough to tempt Pleasurama's former owner to put in an appearance.

Bungeed Up

Hmmm. Perhaps I shouldn't have spent 15 quid having myself flung into orbit over our crumbling East Cliff at today's powerboat spectacular. Well, it cost slightly more than that, if you take into account the three pints of the Gaddfather's finest and the very large sausage that were written off as a consequence.

Nonetheless, the day's been a great success so far. Only a couple of powerboats sank, the waterskiers eventually got the hang of it after going round the wrong buoy a couple of times, and I've seen more tattoos than the Queen ever did in Edinburgh.

I Declare This Powerboat Weekend Open!

They're off! Although nobody seemed to be entirely clear which way the sea was this morning from the look of this photo. And as the stage was still being built, the opening ceremony had to take place on dry tarmac.

The event's 'main sponsor' (to the princely tune of £3000 I hear) was unable to attend personally, so he sent his accountant. Still, people were already hoeing into the beer and burgers even at this ungoddenly hour of the day. So, let the party begin!

Site For Sore Eyes

The old glass eye nearly popped out of its socket during my post-prandial constitutional just now. Not only has ten years of tundra disappeared from the Pleasurama site in preparation for the fun fair which is going to be placed there after the powerboat weekend, but two years' worth of weeds and detritus has also been cleared from behind the Heras fencing.

Hurray for Thanet Council! Eh? No, that can't be right surely?

Godden Mammon

Three cheers for our local slots-to-property magnate Sir James Godden, who's sponsoring this weekend's powerboat extravaganza here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Much of the fun and frolics will take place in full view of Sir G's former Pleasurama amusement park, which tragically burnt down last century resulting in the above decade-long, er, hiatus on the Ramsgate coastscape.

Sir Flames has suffered a number of fiery misfortunes over the years, so I'm sure you'll join me in wishing him the 'asbestos luck' (geddit??!!??!?) for this weekend's event. Let's hope the only smoke on the water will be belching from the exhausts of those souped-up speedboats!

(Read my review of last year's knees-up here.)