As my showbiz career stutters towards its inevitable conclusion - an autobiography followed by a five minute spot on Richard and Judy - I thought I could at least use some of the spare time on my hands doing charity work for the kiddiwinks.
So yesterday I was in Margate being soaked by water pistol toting teenagers who were here for the annual seaside trip put on by London cab drivers. Typical. Umpteen years of 'South of the river? You must be kidding mate!' then 150 come along at once.
Speaking of Margate, Blue Rinser Roger Latchford was on the lunchtime news, telling everyone how spiffing the place is. Apparently traders are bemoaning the duff weather and the dire lack of visitors. 'We've got a South Eastern train coming at 3.30' was Our Roger's rallying cry. Well, that should do the trick then.
Still, just over a week and Margate gets its first ever Gay Pride. I wonder if Justin will be going to that? Actually, where is Justin?