Separated At Birth?

Reader Samantha writes:

Has anyone else noticed the striking similarity between Ann Gloag, the Scottish millionairess who bought Manston Airport for a pound then closed it down, and Grayson Perry, the internationally acclaimed, cross-dressing artist? Are they by any chance related?

Kick ASS 4!

Not the soggy-bottomed exploits at tomorrow's Water Gala, over in the Dickensians' Playground. Nor the feeble sequel that's just arrived at your local Ritzy.

No, I'm talking about something much bigger and better! For, fellow millionaires, it's that time of year again! Time to go and gawp at sculptures made out of a mango and 400,000 used coat hangers. Time to watch a fat lady in a smock warble La Traviata on the beach. Time to see grown men and women dressed as ferrets perform the hula dance whilst chanting verses from T S Eliot's The Waste Land.

Yes, over the three days of this coming bank holiday weekend, the Millionaire's Playground will be playing host to the fourth annual Ramsgate arts festival, more commonly known as A Summer Squall (or ASS for short)!!!!

It promises to be a packed programme, and I suppose now that Thanet Duffer Central has completely abandoned everywhere other than the Arsonists' Playground as a place to hold events, we should support it with all our Ramsgatonian might. Being, as I am, one of the island's leading intellectuals, my particular perennial faves are the Treasure Hunt on Sunday, which takes you on a ramble around Ramsgate's hidden gems, and Ramsgate's Got Writing Talent at the Shirley Temple Yacht Club on Monday, which gives wannabe writers the chance of an introduction to a top literary agent.

But there's loads more, with open studios all over the magnificent Ile de Thanet, a boat parade, traditional family games, a tiny art gallery in a caravan, retro re-creations of old seaside photos, street theatre, a market, comedy musical mayhem, and bands down on our lovely front, headlined by rockin' Si Cranstoun! (Who he? - Ed.) Plus, of course, the aforementioned operatic warbling on the beach.

You can download the full festival programme by clicking here.

Right, it only remains to wish you lots of ASS fun over the old BH weekend! Pip pip!

Squall In The Mind

Reader Richard (good name!) writes to remind me that today sees the start of Ramsgate's first ever Summer Squall festival, packed with more than firty Fannitty fun-filled frolics over the course of the bank holiday weekend and designed to put the Cannes of Kent back on the creative map where it belongs.

Dicky's photo shows artist Ben Parry's, er, sonic junk machine outside the Custom House at last night's launch. Apparently this Heath Robinson device will be floating around the town over the next three days, banging and clanging and whirring away to its electric heart's content.

Other highlights include the world's smallest solar powered cinema (seats eight) showing Thanet seaside promotional films from the 50s, 60s and 70s, the world's biggest percussion band made out of recycled old junk, a heritage treasure hunt on Monday morning, thrilling theatre at the King's Church Hall in the centre of town, and a chance to get your book published with an X Factor style writing competition at the Shirley Temple Yacht Club, also on Monday morning.

What with the weather turning up trumps, and all this stuff going on, it looks like the Millionaires' Playground is the place to be this weekend!

Click here for more details on the yourfannitinnit website
Click here to download full Summer Squall programme

Ballroom Blitz

I'm indebted to reader Steve for fettling the above out of BoobTube - Saturday's 'flash dance' in the centre of our lovely Millionaires' Playground. Look out for the doofus in the purple top!

Despite the merits or otherwise of their dancing abilities, it seems these Ramsgate Arts people are a force to be reckoned with, and I hear that plans for their Summer Squall three day festival over the August bank holiday are coming on apace.

Meanwhile our beloved council are planning their own, er, 'Monster Bass' arts bash in Ramsgate as a spoiler, based on some bogus myth they've invented about a, um, monster bass. And apparently they've nabbed half of the Ramsgate Arts chaps' best ideas! Er, why? Is it because they can't bear the thought of talented Thanet individuals getting together to organise shindigs which might well attract more visitors than theirs? Heaven forbid that any knees-ups on the island might be out of the Cecil Square duffers' control!

Not that, when the council's compulsory fun happens, much seems to have ever been in control in the first place.

Click here to go to Ramsgate Arts website

£20,000? I'll Eat My Hat! And His Too!

A little bird tells me that mARgaTe's mad hatter's sea party on Saturday (see item below) was bounteously funded from the public purse to the tune of 20 grand!

Well, er, probably not just that event, but the month long 'Dead Season Live Art Margate' project apparently rinsed that amount out of the Arts Council of the South East. And has mostly been attended by the artists and, er, other artists.

For 20K I certainly would expect more than a few boxes on heads. Surely if we'd handed out a fiver to the first 4,000 people to arrive at Margate station it would have attracted more visitors and done more for the town's economy?

Mad Hatter's Sea Party

Whitstable reader Liz writes:

Having read in yesterday's Guardian that the 'wonkiest art event of the week' was going to take place in Margate I was intrigued enough to drive the 20 minutes to find out more.

Although Harold Offeh's 'Margate's First Beaux Arts Ball' courtesy of the town's Limbo Arts did not seem very well attended it did seem more authentic than the Turner Contemporary's recent bogus walk around a swimming pool. Locals were invited to dress up as their favourite buildings in the town and a parade was held in the afternoon.

Quite why it needed two video cameramen to capture this small group for posterity was however beyond me. Surely whatever funding went into that element could have been better used on materials etc? I have sent you some photos please feel free to use them on your excellent website.

Tracey To Become Tax Exile?

Hooley-dooley, that was a good night out last night in Broadstairs and the girls were on good form. Unfortunately it was a bit chilly and it even rained at one point. How the local 'ladies' can go around in lycra mini skirts, or 'pussy pelmets' as my old recidivist Dad still calls them, along with tiny tops that leave nothing to the imagination I don't know and I won't go into the quality of Thanet men. I think I'll save that for another day.

Talking of local ladies, I see from my copy of the Sunday Times this morning that Margate's 'wunderkind' Tracey Emin is thinking of moving to France for tax reasons. She reckons that with the new 50% tax rate for those earning over £150,000 a year she will have to pay something like 65p in the pound in tax. 'The French have lower tax rates and they appreciate arts and culture,' she tells the Sunday Times and adds: 'This Labour government has had no understanding for the arts. At least in France their politicians have always understood the importance of culture and they have traditionally helped out artists with subsidy and some tax advantages.'

Well said Tracey. Did anyone else see our 'Culture' Secretary Ben Bradshaw struggling to remember who Roman Polanski is on the BBC's Question Time on Thursday? You could practically see the cogs whirring. I was sure he was wondering: 'Roman Polanski? Did he do Rosemary's Baby?' To which the answer would in all likelihood have been 'Yes'.

Now I know this isn't the general view around here but I have always admired Tracey and think she is an underused asset as far as Margate is concerned, and I would be sad to see her go. At least here in Ramsgate we could wave to her in France on a clear day. Maybe she could build one of her famous neon signs for us in Calais, 100s of feet high, saying 'Wish you were here'?

Tracey Emin interview in the Sunday Times

Jazz Festival Goes West

Cripes! Those rotters over on the West Cliff have nicked our jazz festival! The swinging sensation has been held at our very own super-duper, out of this world East Cliff bandstand here in the Millionaires' Playground for the past two years. This year, though, it'll be held in Spencer Square, which as we all know is a den of iniquity inhabited only by a few seedy barrister, journo and City slicker types. Kuh!

Mind you, I must say that, given the icy force 10 blasts that blow across our once-crumbling cliff here in the east, the most appropriate kind of wind instrument is not so much a clarinet as an anemometer. And considering that the biggest part of last year's audience was probably one man and his poodle 70 miles away in Belgium, you can't really blame them, can you?

Harbour Armageddon?

After that last post about Ramsgate being a non-event this year powerboatwise (which I've since had confirmed by sources in the know), it cheers me up no end to report that some of the cultural gloss could be rubbing off mARgaTe™ too!

The rumour that Gallery IOTA is leaving the new, super-duperised harbour arm only a few short months after they moved in has been doing the rounds for some weeks. Now I hear that the there's been quite a contretemps over who is liable for maintaining the building. Clearly the bills could be quite substantial, given that the flippin' thing is sticking right out in the middle of the North Sea. IOTA have now, apparently, got the right royal hump and are about to leg it toute de suite. Which they presumably will have every right to do, given that there's reportedly no ink on any contract yet. Let's hope they return to the Millionaires' Playground where they belong!

If they do exit, it would leave the project looking rather under-subscribed with just a shop, an empty gallery, and a putative restaurant on the end that's yet to come to fruitation (©2000 Kevin Keegan). And, um, just how much taxpayers' money has been thrown at it? I think we should be told! [Cue FOI request]

Angina Hits The G-Spot

Ooh I say! It all seems to have gone a bit saucy down at our luxury Granville Theatre and Cinem, here on Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff! Not only have they erected new signage which consists of a very large G with three spots underneath, but on 14 and 15 November they're putting on The Angina Monologues, 'a humorous, spirited and poignant look at the lives of 10 very different women featuring subjects as diverse as Cockney weddings, trips to Benidorm and Stolen art'.

Presumably inspired by the celebrated off-Broadway hit The Vagina Monologues, or even Thanet's very own Angina Monologues, or perhaps comedian Sol Bernstein's, er, Angina Monologues or maybe Canadian corporate therapist and former heart attack patient Lou Eisen's, um, Angina Monologues oh gawd I think I've lost the plot.

Meanwhile I hear a couple of bright sparks over in Margate are planning to strike a blow for masculinism with a plan to stage their new play The Denis Dialogues. And apparently they've found the perfect venue for it...

Getting All Theatrical

Dear Richard,

I was happily reading your blog this morning, which, I must say, is generally very informed and witty, when I came across both good and bad.....

Firstly, many thanks for mentioning Pierremont Pharmacy's flu' clinic in such detail - we are a local business, set up by two ex-Chatham House boys, and are battling it out with the superpowers of Boots, Superdrug, Paydens and the supermarkets in Broadstairs High Street.

We seem to be going from strength to strength, and have recently been recognised as the leading clinical pharmacy in the country, winning both the "C+D Platinum Design Award" for Service Innovation, and "Clinical Service of the Year" in the C+D Awards 2008, held at the Grosvenor House Hotel in London in June.

On the other hand, one of my other ventures, the Granville Theatre in Ramsgate, was not mentioned in such glowing terms....

To describe the "culture" as a "rolling programme of psychic nights and amdram productions" does little to justify the nearly two years of hard work that my team and I have put in, with no prospect of profit, to try and reinvigorate live entertainment in Ramsgate. In trying financial times, and with the development of a multiplex cinema on our doorstep, we have continued to trade, and have run successful productions of Musical Theatre, Pantomime, Plays and Concerts, including professional acts such as "Kiki Dee", "Over The Rainbow - The Eva Cassidy Story" and "Abbalicious!". We also house productions by notable local companies such as Ramsgate Operatic Society and The Broadstairs Dickens Players, and offer children the opportunity to perform in our Stage Schools and dance classes.

Furthermore, Ralph Hoult, one of my team, is also in the process of trying to relaunch events at the Eastcliff Bandstand for the benefit of the local population.

I don't know whether you have visited our venue recently, but we have made significant investment in refurbishing the formerly run-down premises, including redecoration inside and out, refurbishing the bar and public toilets, and installing disabled facilities. We have also spent large amounts of money on technical theatre, namely high quality sound and lighting.

Seeing as we are a Community venture, owned by more than seventy locals (many of them Ramsgatonians) I am disappointed at your view of our business.

I would like to invite you to visit our venue and see for yourself the progress that has been made since the days of Brian Stout. I would be happy to arrange a tour of the premises for you, to enable you to make more informed judgement about our business.

Kind regards,

Stephen Foster,
Chief Executive,
Granville Theatre Limited

Ramsgate Culture Goes West Via The North

Off island reader Veronica writes:

So sad to read that the museums are due to be closed. Is the UK's history no longer of interest? What is wrong with the local government there, have they no idea how to raise funds to keep important places open?

I think the key words there, Veronica, are 'no' and 'idea'. Let's take the Millionaires' Playground as an example. Wikipedia can only manage two lines on Ramsgate under the heading 'Arts and Media':

The Gallery IOTA (Isle Of Thanet Arts) is based on the towns west cliff. Ramsgate Maritime Museum near the harbour quayside has exhibits showing the evolution of Ramsgate Harbour and East Kent maritime history. Ramsgate's sole cinema and theatre is the Granville Cinema, situated on Victoria Parade, in the town's Eastcliff area.

Hmmm. Now, can anyone spot the deliberate errors? Yes, that's right, IOTA skedaddled almost two years ago and are now based on Margate Pier/Harbour Arm/Jetty whatever it's called these days (where they're currently exhibiting the wondrous works of Baldwin and Bushell). Ramsgate Maritime Museum is about to close so that it can be flogged off to developers by the nuff-nuffs at the council. That leaves the Granville Theatre and Cinem who try their hardest, poor loves, but, really, I think most people would struggle to describe a rolling programme of 'psychic nights' and amdram productions as 'culture'. I guess our library, oops, sorry, 'gateway', which got toasted in 2004 is currently being rebuilt, but there's no sign yet of when it's going to re-open.

Still, there's no point feigning surprise that Ramsgate's culture has disappeared or gone 'oop north'. It's all in the Politburo's 5 year plan, which they published last year, and which can be summarised thus:

Margate - Turner Centre, arts and culture
Ramsgate - Port and flight path
Broadstairs - Don't for gawd sake touch this as most of us live there and we like it the way it is
The Rest - Concrete.

Renaissance Man

Arts correspondent 'Brian Pseud of Broadstairs' has emailed me this painting by the artist Raphael. Dubbed 'The Vision of Ezekiel' and daubed in 1518, it's on show at the Pitti Palace in Florence. Brian writes:

Perhaps you can name and spot the protagonists. They seem to be riding on a large vulture, possibly Ken Wills? Is that Simon Moores under his left armpit ? I think the whole vision might have been the result of a dodgy scampi in a basket from a Thorley Tavern.

After a bit of research I've discovered that this is not the only 'Vision of Ezekiel'. A much more realistic and less fanciful representation of the current state of our local Tory leadership, by 16th century Italian engraver Giorgio Ghisi, hangs in the San Francisco Museum of Fine Arts:

Hello, Hello, I'm Back Again

On second thoughts that may not be the most propitious of headlines.

My thanks to Sister Assumpta for keeping the big chair warm and, er, unsettlingly moist for the past week. I can thoroughly recommend Georgia for a break. The people are amazingly hospitable and the grub and glug are as cheap as chips. Although as the aforementioned grub and glug consists primarily of aubergine and fruity red wine, I practically propelled myself unaided the 2000 miles back to Heathrow.

Anyway, thanks to the prevailing wind I see I'm back just in time for the Wantsum Jazz Festival at our super-duperised, out-of-this-world East Cliff bandstand!

Cheeky Email

Broadstairs mosaicist Martin Cheek writes:

Hi - I enjoy your site and saw that you featured Ruth Cutler. I am a local artist too! You can check me out on my websites below. If you would like to feature me and my work or simply have a link to my websites then please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you. Warmest wishes Martin.

Consider yourself linked, Martin! Actually his work is pretty impressive, and if I had the folding spare I'd certainly snap up his Majolica Fish (pictured above). Unfortunately, though, Mrs Eastcliff (relation) (formerly Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation)) has spent it all on handbags!

Click here to visit Martin's website
Click here to visit Martin's other website

Update: Martin tells me he's recently been on The Weakest Link - and won! You can catch him on the episode due to be aired next Thursday 19 June.

Ramsgate Rocks

Unfortunately I couldn't make this morning's official opening of the new project by Thanet's greatest living-here artist (Tracey only visits), Ruth Cutler. Her Sea Garden project, which she's crafted from local stones and plants, was due to be unveiled by none other than our local MP Dr Steve Ladyboy at 11am. Here's one I snapped off through the railings a few months ago when it was a work in progress. Ruth's asked everyone to rally round and look after, or even add to, the sea garden so do feel free to lend a helping hand.

Meanwhile Ramsgate's newest charity, Beach Within Reach, has also been launched today with a fun event on the sands. The charity aims to provide all-terrain wheelchairs that can be used by adults and children, with no hire charge only a returnable deposit. BWR's Treasurer, Kim Twyman, told me: 'These All-Terrain wheelchairs will be on Ramsgate main beach for the new season of 2008 and on other beaches in the Thanet area as funds permit. We hope this project will increase the tourism industry in our area. We are trying to reach charities, organizations and schools out of the area that run holidays/breaks/days out for the disabled.'

Good on yer, Kim! The launch is also being featured on the BBC's teeny-tiny news today, so if any of you lot want to catch a glimpse you'd better dash home by 6.30!

Click here for more details of Ruth Cutler's sea garden
Click here for more on Beach Within Reach

Pin Back Your Lugholes

Regular reader Mr Dickens of Broadstairs writes:

I am putting in a plug for a really bluegrass psychobilly duo from New Orleans, Truckstop Honeymoon, who are playing the Sarah Thorne Theatre Club in Broadstairs this Saturday night.

Some friends gave me a CD of their stuff and I was dreading what it might be like - it turned out to be excellent and the kind of thing you would normally have to leave the island for, rather than have them land on your doorstep. Tickets are a tenner, doors open at 7.45pm.

Having sampled their ditties on MySpace, where they describe their music as 'like a Dodge with a burnt out clutch... two speeds and no reverse', I utterly concur Mr D!

Click here to go to Truckstop Honeymoon on MySpace
Click here to go to Sarah Thorne Theatre club website

Art Attack

Boiling the kettle in, um, quivering anticipation of a yummy lunch of Aldi Hot Noodles earlier, I was interrupted by the front door bell. Thinking it might be that Red Cross food parcel I ordered, or one of my old showbiz chums come to whisk me off to lunch at the Ivy, I dashed to the door, only to be greeted by the sight of a young gentleman holding up a card which said:

I AM DEAF

I AM AN ARTIST AND HAVE DRAWINGS FOR SALE

I AM FROM POLAND

Given the current state of my other investments, I'm afraid the poor chap's request fell on blind eyes.

Update: According to a story running on Meridian local news the rozzers say this is some kind of scam to palm off photocopies of drawings, rather than original artwork. Apparently there have been reports of these chaps in 'rural parts of East kent'. Like, er, Ramsgate.

Prom...

And Ramsgate artist Ruth Cutler's sea art is much more visible now that the ne'er-do-wells have ripped down the banner telling us what it is:

Graffiti art is coming along nicely here, too, after it was scrubbed off in March and CCTV installed for all of ten minutes. I thought the banner headline in the local ball scratchers' magazine recently was 'Getting Tough On Graffiti'? Um, hurrah?

March 2007

December 2007

Cracking Up

I'm indebted to regular contributor 'Mr X' for the following, seasonal addition to my growing crack collection. Cheeky!