Saturday, March 31, 2007

Please Fence Me In

Regular reader Rachel from Ramsgate writes:

Richard, I love you. I think you are the wittiest, most talented person I have ever met. Please let me have your babies.

No, no, ha ha, no, I, er, made that bit up. Sorry Rachel. No, here's what she actually wrote:

Dear Eastcliff,

I was intrigued to see your item yesterday about the Lesser Spotted Fly Tippers. I walk to work every morning past the back of the Granville and the waste land at the back of the building looks more and more like a landfill every day. Most of the rear fence to this site blew away in the gales back in January and it has never been replaced. I'm sure it's attracting fly tippers every day as access to what is just a hole in the ground is very easy and Oakleigh Developments who appear to be responsible for the development don't seem to be doing anything about it. Perhaps you could investigate this? I have sent you some photos.

Hmm. This could be a story for ECR TV. Where's Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) when you need him?

Friday, March 30, 2007

First Cuckoo?

As well as witnessing the conception of a new avian species on this morning's walk, I was also privileged to spy my first Lesser Spotted Fly Tippers of the year.

The frantic redevelopment and building work currently taking place in the Millionaires' Playground makes an ideal habitat for this shy, chubby creature, so it's no surprise to see them flocking back in significant numbers now that winter is behind us.

The pair I spotted were jauntily adorned in their bright summer plumage of green, hi-viz vests and red hard hats. As they settled down round the back of the Granville after an exhausting migration in their J Reg Transit pick-up, I ducked behind a knackered camper van and pulled out the old binocs.

Before long they were busy building their nest, tossing materials they had gathered on their flight over the boundary fence. I nipped back later with my camera, and although the Fly Tippers had by then gone off to forage for bacon sarnies, I did manage to get a snap of their nest for my old showbiz chum Bill Oddie:

Birds Of A Feather?

Now why on earth would a parakeet be 'courting' a pigeon?

I ask the question because that was the sight that confronted me on my pre-prandial constitutional this morning. Alerted by blood-curdling squawks, I looked up and witnessed one of those green immigrants that inhabit the King George VI park having what can only be described as his 'wicked way' with one of our native cooers.

One can only hope this isn't the start of a terrifying new trend. We're already bombarded by seagulls the size of poodles. The next thing you know the pit bulls will be making whoopee with the donkeys on our Mediterranean style beach!

Mind you, judging by the look of some of the people around here, that particular deviation may well have been happening for some time.

How they are related

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Councillor's Bollards Hacked Off

Holy hacksaws! It's only been a few weeks since our local caff demolishing, car crushing, graffiti removing councillor Dave Green built these step-outs along Victoria Parade and adorned them with snazzy bollards. Now some blighter has come along a hacked a couple of them off.

I'll have to be more careful next time I give my old throbber a thrashing along here. The lights ain't great, and there's already more obstacles to avoid than the Mini Marathon round of It's A Knockout. Without Councillor Green's reflective bollards, I might well end up going base over apex.

Last year one of those Pugin lions not far from here was hacked off. Now these bollards. Could it be that there's an East Cliff Chopper on the loose?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Now You See It, Now You Don't

Last week:

This week:

Plus all new, turret-mounted, M61 Vulcan 20mm rapid firing machine gun with infrared night vision (in case anyone feels like getting lucky with a spray can):

Now You See It, Now You See It Again

Flicking through the Thanet Times that Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) left on the coffee table yesterday, I thought I was going to have to take the old glass eye in for a service.

Here's page 11:

And here's page 12:

I know there's not much happening on the Ile at the moment, but really!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Ramsgate - A Pain In The Arts

Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has been out and about again with his new best friend from Margate, arts commentator Philip Page (aka Arts and Elbows).

This time they've made a short film for ECR TV about the state of the arts in Ramsgate, and pretty bleak it looks too.

I don't know. You hire a Romanian, you expect the Cheeky Girls! Not this arty twaddle!

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Wrong Arm Of The Law

The doorbell rang this afternoon and who should it be but one of Her Majesty's Testicle Jugglers!

'Are you Ricky?'

Well, I suppose in a manner of speaking I am, although I haven't been called that since I was eleven. So in order to obtain clarification I replied:

'Ricky who?'

At this point the rozzer gave me a thoroughly suspicious look. Admittedly his suspicion may have been aroused by the fact that I was ever so slightly dishevelled, having just woken up from my afternoon nap.

However, when a peeler looks at you like that, I find it immediately prompts one to riffle through one's mental diary desperately searching for any misdemeanours in the past ten years, drunken or otherwise, which might have attracted the attention of the local constabulary. Having drawn nothing but blank sheets, and dismissing out of hand the notion that the uniformed dullard standing in front of me may have apprehended the moron who detached the bumper from the TT while I was away last week, and had bowled over to convey the glad tidings, I decided the best plan of action was to return the compliment.

After a silent stand off that lasted a good ten seconds, he cracked.

'This your flat?'

Flat? Flat?

'No. This is my house. All of it. I own the lot.'

At that point his suspicious look turned to an expression of confusion mixed with greed and envy, and with a curt apology, and mumbling something about having the wrong address, he plodded back down the garden path.

Avast Behind Me Hearties!

Cripes! I see our 12 star Royal Harbour Hotel is now offering cruises to Ramsgate from London aboard a luxury speed boat.

With a top whack of 30 knots, you'll be whisked from St Katherine's Dock to the Millionaires' Playground in five hours, taking in all the sites along the way including the WW2 forts off Whitstable, the fart farm off Birchington and the seal colony off Margate.

After a night at the hotel, you'll be chauffeur driven back to London. All this can be yours for £1040 for two people, £1460 for four, or £1830 for six.

A snip, really, and I'm sure Elton and I will be taking full advantage of the service once the summer's here!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Bog Rolls

Our glorious council leader Sandy Beach wants us to become a 'cafe culture' here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula, which is presumably why the public dunnies opposite the Waitrose car park have been converted into a sandwich bar.

I popped in earlier and had a nice chat with the new Italian owner, who's relocated from Canterbury to the Millionaires' Playground. He seemed rather tired of people commenting that his establishment used to be a khazi, and making all those awful jokes about 'bog standard food', 'cottage cheese', 'floaters', 'pain au chocolate' and serving sandwiches 'at your convenience'. I, of course, would never sink to such depths.

I had a jolly good Fairtrade latte for £1.40. The place is called, er, Fillers. Not far from Pooland, the former snooker hall. Oh gawd luvvaduck.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Man Eating Sausage In Wenceslas Square Speaks

Three cheers for Tony 'Bignews Margate' Flaig for his constant nibbling away at the edges of council waste. No, I'm not talking about his eating habits, peculiar as they may be.

Tony's been 'flaiging up' (geddit!?!?!) the shortcomings of Thanet Council, and regeneration efforts in Margate, for almost a year now. Recently he's been bashing down the doors of bureaucracy over the Theatre Royal and flights to Nowhere Virginia debacles. More power to your elbow, Tone.

Crikey! That's six cheers in one day! I must be in a congratulatory kind of a mood. Makes a change from my usual self-congratulatory mood, I suppose. Although it could be an attack of sentimentality brought on by copious quantities of gin.

PS: If any of my hoards of new readers are wondering why Tony is linked in my sidebar as Man Eating Sausage In Wenceslas Square Speaks, it's because the first profile photo he put on his blog was of himself, eating a sausage, in Wenceslas Square. And because he speaks into his computer rather than use a keypad like us mere mortals.

Writing On The Wall For Graffiti

Three cheers for our local caff demolishing, car crushing, graffiti removing councillor Dave Green! Following a long campaign, he's finally persuaded the Uranians to remove the eye-watering graffiti from the splendid edifice above, here on Thanet's millionaire row, otherwise known as the East Cliff Ramsgate.

Not only that, but CCTV is to be installed to prevent the daubists from returning to the scene of the crime. Proof that not all our Dad's Army councillors are content to sit back in their bath chairs and drool into their Horlicks.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

It Came From Uranus! - The Movie

Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has put together a short package for ECR TV demonstrating Bertie's reaction to the severed head sent to me by The Uranians (see previous post).

With an animal as ferocious as this guarding my cliff top mansion there'll be no worries about getting off to the kipper tonight, snug as a bug in a proverbial under my John Lewis luxury Hungarian goose down duvet.

It Came From Uranus!

Yikes! I was using the downstairs facilities here at the old cliff top mansion this morning, when there was an awful commotion at the catflap. When I investigated I discovered Bertie, my pedigree Burmese, proudly parading this object in his jaws!

I've taken it as a sign. The Uranians are trying to tell me something. A mysterious message on the reverse of the tag says: Warning - possible choking hazard. 'Nuf said.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Rivers Of Latte

Isle of Thanet Gazunder Leader Comment

Rich people from up there in London are beginning to talk about the isle as 'the new Monaco' or 'the new Marbella', following high profile features on national TV and in national newspapers.

Many are packing their YSL suiters, jumping in their Bentleys, and making their homes in Ramsgate and Broadstairs (what about Margate? - Ed.)

But how long will they stay, once they really get to know the island? Where will they get a decent latte? Where will they send little Nathaniel and Saskia to school? Where will they get their Porsche Cayennes serviced?

There is still a long way to go before Thanet becomes Crouch End on Sea. But if our leaders and business people fail to rise to the challenge, we may, before too long, witness the sorry sight of burnt out Ferraris at Westwood Cross, and rioting ABC1s torching the local chippy.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

New York, London, Paris, Munich, Everybody's Talking 'Bout...

Um, Ramsgate. Or so it seems.

Here's the story. Last night I'm at a chum's wine bar in Bloomsbury, when this billionaire City type at the next table starts telling his pals in a very loud voice how he's relocating to Ramsgate. Part of his plan appeared to be to buy up RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport so that he didn't have those ancient jumbos coming in to land ten feet above his bonce, and turn it into a housing estate cum wind farm. Apart from retaining a small helicopter landing pad so he could commute to the City in 30 minutes. I kid you not.

Then tonight I'm slumming it in the World's End in Chelsea, when a couple of rather camp TV director types at the table opposite start going on about how they're planning to buy a place in Ramsgate if their new Channel 4 series comes off.

Now I know I'm a bit of a trend setter, but this is getting ridiculous. The next thing you know, I'll be earwigging London conversations about how people are buying properties in Margate. No, no that's too silly for words.

Grow Your Own Turnip Centre

Holy Sewells! It's all gone a bit arty-farty on the isle of blogs today!

Cliftonville Chronicle devotes 17 pages to the unsurprising news that T S Eliot found inspiration for The Wasteland by sitting on a bench in Margate for a couple of months.

And Turneround Margate has a glowing paeon of praise to that chap from the circus who's been entrusted with designing the Anthea Turner Centre. The great man is quoted as saying:

“I think that the point of being an architect is to help raise the experience of everyday living, even a little… None of this means designing funny shapes or getting politicians to go ‘wow’ or making the media think you’re the new thing. It takes a lot of patience, a lot of experience, and a lot of unfashionable thought”.

Right. So let me get this straight. We're spending £17.4m (plus £8m wasted on the previous effort) on a building that will have the 'wow' factor deliberately designed out of it, that will be unfashionable, and will not be regarded by the media as anything new. And that's going to attract lots of people down from London to marvel at it, is it?

So being the da Vinci style genius I am, I thought I'd rustle up my own design (above) which definitely does have the 'wow' factor, and is certainly at the cutting edge of 'fashionable' and 'new'. I've never seen anything like it, that's for sure. Bentleys all round!

PS: Please don't let on that I designed my Turnip Centre in three minutes using that free Google SketchUp thingo, otherwise my £2m fee might be jeopardised. Thank you.

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Ugly Truth

Hats off to Half Skips of Thanet for putting the truth back into advertising.

Their slogan: Ugly but reliable drivers reminds me of the notice that Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has blu-tacked to the wall of his ensuite edit suite: You have to be mad to work here, but it doesn't help.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Media Battle

Flaming Murdochs! No sooner have I launched ECR TV than those Dirty Desmonds over in Margate come up with a copycat channel.

Of course this means a circulation war, so with immediate effect I am dropping the cover price of ECR TV to 5p per issue. Nope, forget that, let's make it a free sheet!

Pointless Exercise

Even Sir Terry Wigon couldn't, it seems, believe his own earpiece as he incorrectly announced the winner of last night's competition to find the UK's entry for this year's Eurovision Song Contest in Helsinki.

The play-off was between a French woman (why?) singing a highly derivative ballad, and four hyperactive loons dressed as airline staff who had set the pre-flight safety announcement to the kind of music that would have had even Bros fans wincing. Needless to say the loons, who glory in the name of Scooch (presumably some obscure disease of ruminants), were the actual winners.

Once again, I fear, the Great British Public have squeezed the pimple of success only to find that they will, alas, be reaping the pus of failure.

Comically Relieved (of £41)

Well, thanks to the Day Nurse my green nose has finally dried up, and thanks to your comments those Red Nose people are 41 smackers better off!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Green Nose Day

Dat's dorn it. I wad hoping to join Wossie and my udder showbiz chuds domorrow for de Red Dose Day extravanganza, bud I seem to have cud down wid a heavy cod.

To show I'm all heart, dough, I'm going to gib a shiny new quid to Comic Relief for ebery comment I ged on dis post.

Dat'll teach Dat Bloody Awful Doel for calling me a dight-arsed old dwad.

Wish You Were Here?

While Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) was in Margate filming the latest contribution to ECR TV, he popped into that tourist office on the piazza and picked up this:

A handy, postcard size guide to all the events happening here in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the summer season. On closer examination, though, he was disappointed to find that the Kent Air Show had been scrubbed out in biro:

I had to inform him that the organisers had gone nipples up, and the leaflets were probably printed before the show was cancelled.

He seemed strangely disappointed, and said that his cousin in the Ministry of Information had specifically asked him to send home as many photographs of airplanes as he could. With that, he loaded his gear into his BMW and screeched off in the direction of Manston.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Margate - The Last Resort?

Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) bumped into Margate retailer and arts columnist Philip Page (aka Arts and Elbows) while he was on location yesterday.

While I was carousing at Elton's 60th, Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) has been up all night in the ensuite edit suite putting together this short film about regenerating the Arsonists' Playground through the arts. Not bad, if a bit dark and Eastern European for my liking. I mean, where are the gags?

Don't forget, tune in to ECR TV for more satirical insight into Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Will The Last Person To Leave Margate Please Turn Out The Lights

One of my spies on the shabby north side of the peninsula tells me that this illuminated sign, welcoming people to the Arsonists' Playground, may never light up again.

Hanging over the High Street, apparently the sign was paid for by the few traders that are left. The switch to turn it on is in Warreners, the sports shop, and of course they packed up and skedaddled before Christmas (as reported here).

So now the sign won't be seen in it's full glory until the shop is leased again. Chances of that? Well one empty shop further up has had a 'to let' sign up for ten years. In that time the owner hasn't received a single inquiry.

So I've decided to give my ECR TV producer Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) the afternoon off to make a short film about the lights going out in Margate. Providing he finishes plumbing in those gold taps first, that is.

Monday, March 12, 2007

New Kids On The Blog

Another weekend, another couple of blogs.

Madpup in Thanet
mixes splendid aerial photographs of Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula with rants about the state of the Ile, and is run by a fellow who used to provide mobile disco services to the cognoscenti.

Anthea Turner Around Margate is the story of one faded presenter's forlorn hope that the Arsonists' Playground could be tidied up a bit and maybe improved by putting a couple of pretty pictures above the fireplace.

Both have, um, a familiar ring about them. By the way, my review of these blogs has in no way been influenced by the fact that the first provides direct competition to my arch enemy, Dr Biggles, and the second has completely overlooked linking to Thanet's premier commentator, yours truly.

Nor has it been influenced by the fact that I'm feeling particularly peevish this morning having sunk the best part of half a bottle of Bombay Sapphire at the ECR TV launch party last night. Thank you.

Sunday, March 11, 2007


Now that I've got the hang of this BoobTube mullarkey, I've set up an entire channel devoted to moi.

All it needs now is for my crack team of highly trained producers to scour the island in search of corruption and scandal. Which they'll be doing as soon as they've finished the guest bathroom in the west wing.

Meanwhile, if you've got something you'd like to get off your chest in front of my prying eye, just leave a comment, or email me at With your help, and my BAFTA winning talent, we should be able to give KCC TV a run for their money!

The Film Of The Blog

Well what do you know - I've BoobTubed myself!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Who Wants To be In A Millionaires Magazine?

I do. Well, I am, to be more precise. Alongside articles about Johnny Depp and 'high-end dating'. Take a look.

If that doesn't put my career back on track, I don't know what will!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Give Us A Bigger Clu!

by Gazunder Property Editor Bentley Continental

Everyone's piling into property in Ramsgate! With the News of the World tipping Thanet's premier town as a millionaires' playground in the making, it's no wonder city slickers are desperate for a slice of the Ramsgate action.

Hot on the heels of news that Harbour Street Village is to be converted into a swish gastro pub, the Gazunder can now reveal that Ramsgate's Comfort Inn, formerly the San Clu, has applied for planning permission to build 22 luxury apartments and a top notch conference centre on adjacent land that has been empty since Jerry blitzed the place in World War II. Or was it World War I?

Anyway, a local millionaire, who didn't want to be named, told the Gazunder: 'This is great news for Ramsgate. The Tatler are touting Hastings as the new Notting Hill. If that's the case, Ramsgate must be the new Chelsea!'

Full details of the San Clu plans can be found here.

Two Million Hits!

According to my counterstaterometer, this site will soon clock up its two millionth hit. Not a bad record for just over a year of anonymous drivel.

Of course, driving traffic to your site isn't rocket science. Just fill it with interesting content. And if you're not up to that, just promise you'll stop posting once you've reached a certain target, then sit back and watch the numbers soar!

Toilet Humour

I see the council have finally got around to demolishing that public khazi on Victoria Parade, after getting planning permission to do the work in October 2003. All that remains is a huge patch of, er, dirt to remind us where it used to sit.

Now all they need to do is demolish the second, much larger khazi that stands next to it!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Nice Little Earner

Flaming pay packets! I see that the Chief Executive of Kent County Council is on £229,000 a year, according to a new report by the Taxpayers' Alliance.

Peter Gilroy is one of five UK council officers who earnt more than 200,000 smackers last year. Talk about snouts in the trough! For that kind of dosh, I'd expect him to come round here and scoop up the barkers' nests personally!

The Brown Pimpernel

Toddling down to the corner shop earlier, I spied an elderly gentleman of military bearing who was berating one of our council's 'waste and recycling' operatives about the stinky rubbish that had been 'recycled' all over the pavements.

The operative was explaining that the seagulls were to blame for the fact that the street was awash with filth. 'They tear open the bin bags on bin day and it gets everywhere,' he said, as if there was nought could be done about it. At which point the elderly gentleman marched off muttering something about whether it was legal to shoot seagulls and/or council officers.

I continued on my errand, scanning the pavement rather more acutely than I've become accustomed to, and was shocked by the number of barkers' nests impeding my progress. I've been banging on about them for more than a year, but the problem has, if anything, got worse.

So I've decided direct action is called for. Taking my cue from that story yesterday about a fellow in Huddersfield who goes around at night spraying potholes with yellow paint, I'm straight off to B&Q to get myself a can of their finest. Only question is, what colour? Brown's clearly out. Pink maybe? I know - luminous green! That way they'll show up at night, too!

John Gone

How sad to wake up this morning to the news that the lovely John Inman has passed away.

I played a minor role in Aladdin alongside his Widow Twankey at the New Theatre Oxford many moons ago. Even though I was just starting out in the biz, he took me under his wing, and many a time bought me pink gins in the Gloucester Arms after the matinee. He loved the fact that he'd found an entire new fan base among the students, and they adored seeing him waft around town in his huge faux mink coat and bright yellow scarf, sporting big Polaroid sunglasses and a trilby.

Makes me feel very old, and much in need of a face lift.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Pier Group Pressure

I see the British Urban Regeneration Association's annual Seaside Network conference is currently taking place in Scarborough.

Usually such news would provoke not much more than a yawn from yours truly, but this quote from Matthew Lock, Lead Member for Regeneration and Planning, Hastings Borough Council, caught my eye:

Hastings is pleased to support BURA with this new endeavour. Coastal communitites are starting to turn it around; we've achieved a lot here and want to shout about the change we are achieving but we also want to know more about how our peers are creating renewal. Collaboration with our colleagues around the coast, private and voluntary sector too, can be a further catalyst for change; a consolidated voice shouts a lot louder!

'Peers' and 'renewal' eh? Would this be the same Hastings Borough Council that has been so successful in preserving its heritage that last week it announced it might have to demolish its splendid Victorian pier because it's fallen into utter disrepair since they handed it over to the private sector?

I think we should be told!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Trevor Little Help

And the name of the spluttering spokesman that Tesco put up today to apologise for polluting everyone's petrol? Trevor Datsun.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you just can't make this stuff up.

New Kids On The Block

by Gazunder Political Editor Gerry Mander

With only eight weeks left to polling day, the island is in the grip of local election fever! And with everything to play for, a host of eager, first time candidates are pounding the doorsteps looking for your vote.

But who are the Wantsum wannabes, and what do they stand for? We've been to meet Thanet's election hopefuls...

President Jacques Chirac, 74 (UKIP, Ramsgate). A surprising choice for UKIP, but Jacques doesn't see being French as a barrier to being elected on an anti-European ticket. 'I am retiring from ze day job in April, and I need ze new challenge,' he told the Gazunder. 'Ramsgate is very close to France, I can be in my constituency at ze drop of ze chapeau.' And Jacques is promising to bring a taste of the continent to Thanet if he's elected. 'I will 'ave a stall in ze French market selling ze pigs testicles. I 'ave ze stripey T shirt and everyzing!'

Bill Watney, 34 (LIBDEM, Broadstairs)
. Bill makes no bones about the love of his life - beer! 'It's chuffing lovely it is, magic, bloody magic. Bloody lovely,' he quipped. 'I love it, I really love it. Me? Can't get enough of it mate.' Asked about his position on drunken yobbery in Broadstairs High Street at the weekends, Bill responded: 'Wankers the lot of them. I'd chuffing show them where to go. Soft as shite the lot of them. Wankers.'

Brittany Barker, 19 (LAB, Margate). As if being a single mum to 33 little 'uns wasn't enough of a challenge, Brittany's now set her beady eyes on the council chamber. 'I'm fed up with people putting us single mums down,' she says. And she's got another bone to pick with the powers that be. 'Public lighting. There just aren't enough lamp posts in Margate.'

Barry Nutter, 62 (BNP, Cliftonville). Barry's claim to fame is that he once ate an entire suite of dining room furniture. 'I used to go in for these wacky eating competitions,' he told the Gazunder. 'I've also done a sofa, three armchairs and a bicycle.' He set up the Barry Nutter Party last year to highlight the derelict buildings in Cliftonville. 'There's an empty B&B in Dalby Square I've got my eye on. It should go down a treat with some HP Sauce!'

Wing Commander Professor Sir Rodney Joystick OBE, 87 (CON, Westgate). Considered one of the Tory 'new bloods', Sir Rodney was knighted for work on hush-hush government projects during WW2. Since then he's pursued a career in advertising. 'I've been persuaded to stand by fellow members of the North Thanet Conservative Association,' he says. 'Most of them are a lot older than me, and they can't stand at all without the help of a Zimmer frame.' If elected, Sir Rodney has pledged to outlaw young people.

(That's enough candidates - Ed.)

Monday, March 05, 2007

Homeless 'Could Be Housed At Westwood'

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Social Affairs Editor Benny Fitt

Up to 5000 homeless people could be housed at Westwood Cross if a new plan formulated by Thanet Council goes ahead. Designer outlet T K Maxx is already gearing up for the move by providing a men's home on its first floor.

Now other retailers are poised to follow suit. A spokesman for Homebase, which recently abandoned its Westwood site for a site in Westwood, said they would consider re-furbishing their old Westwood site with furnishings from their new Westwood site if the council green lights the scheme.

'It's a tragedy that homeless people are being left to beg on derelict high streets like Margate,' said a spokeswoman for TDC. 'There's just not the footfall there any more. With this new scheme, they will find plenty of well-heeled shoppers right on their new doorstep.'

She added that the council hopes to get the scheme up and running in time for this year's Christmas rush.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Big Bang

From the sound of the thunderous banging going on outside, it would seem our Shirley Temple Yacht Club are holding their 150th celebrations tonight.

Of course, according to The Gazunder, they were meant to have held them last night, but you don't want to believe everything you read in the local papers. They seldom let the facts get in the way of a good story.

At least I might get a decent night's kip tonight, though. Hopefully it's scared the KFC out of those Gordoning seagulls.

Hairy Situation

In the name of everything that's holy! Gripped by tonsorial trepitude this morning, I thought I'd better dash over to Westworld Cross and get myself a new beard trimmer, so that I could smarten up the old soup strainer ahead of my lunch with Sir Alan today.

Naturally I always go for the celebrity brands, and Clever Trevor Sorbie's manicured my barnet a few times, so I shelled out for one of his. But as soon as I took it out of the box here at the old cliff top mansion, it became apparent that I wouldn't be the first person to use it.

Oh well, I haven't got time to go back and replace it, I'll just have to give it a rinse and pray to god that those actually are beard hairs, and not the result of one of the assistants at Boots giving herself a DIY Brazilian.

Saturday, March 03, 2007


Interpol called this morning to say they had apprehended Cyril, my accountant, attempting to fly out of Schiphol Airport with a suitcase full of fifties. Apparently it's my money! Woo-hoo!

And to confirm the old adage that winners are grinners, my millionaire chum Sir Alan phoned to say he's going to be in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula for the weekend, and did I fancy doing lunch? Apparently he's here for the knees-up and fireworks tonight to celebrate the 150th anniversary of our Shirley Temple Yacht Club.

So things are looking up! No more shopping at Netto! I think I'll leave the sponsors on the blog, though, as I've got quite a queue of them lined up, and, as they say at one of those cheap supermarkets I've been visiting lately, every little helps!

Friday, March 02, 2007

West Cliff Story

So I thought I'd tootle along to the West Cliff to see what all the fuss was about (see previous post). Talk about timing! The day after the kind of exposure on primetime national TV that most PR people would cream their jocks over, the Grange is closed to visitors.

That got the old grey matter going. What else on Ramsgate's West Cliff could I do to while away the time? Ah yes, the Motor Museum.

Er, no. Not unless I'd brought my hard hat. This is what West Clilff Hall used to look like in its heyday:

Gallery IOTA, maybe? Nope, in a fine example of arts regeneration, that's had to make way for a kiddies playgroup.

Oh well, the pub it is then!

PS: Apologies to Vince Runacre for shamelessly purloining the idea behind his superb Old Ramsgate (then and now) blog. There's some terrific stuff there, so do pay him a visit.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Puge Cock Up

Well what a disappointing old pile that Time Team special on Pugin turned out to be. All the money shots were of the famous Victorian architect's cliff top mansion, and bits of the West Cliff.

I know the occasional glimpse of The Lookout would have got old Nethercourt's pulse racing, but where was the rest of Ramsgate? And by that I mean our trend-setting, go-ahead, rinky-dink East Cliff.

No wonder Baldric finished the show beside Pugin's tomb in that flint monstrosatery behind the Grange with these words: 'It's amazing that this great man lies forgotten here in this part of England that time has been unkind to.' Precisement!

By the way, I've emailed Tony with the details of a good, reasonably priced plastic surgeon in Poland. I don't know about you, but he's looking like something he might have dug up on his own show these days.

Old News

I bumped into that geriatric reprobate Angina on the way back from the Netto last night.

He's fuming because, he says, he predicted that flights to Nowhere, Virginia would be a dead loss when they were announced last year, but can't log into his blog to crow about it at the moment, having had several of his fingers amputated up at the QEQM the other week.

When I got home I searched his blog, and blow me down if he wasn't spot on the money!

Flight of Fancy

14 July 2006

I see yet more of our hard earned dosh is going to subsidise flights from Manston to Norfolk, Virginia, the home of the US Navy. Quite why we'd all want to go there, heaven only knows. I drove past it once. If you like big, grey battleships it might float your boat, I suppose.

And of course, all those US Navy ratings are just dying to get on a plane and come and see our newly opened Tudor house in Margate.

Next time I pay my council tax, I think I'll just get it out in cash, and go and stuff it straight down the nearest drain. It'll cut out the middle man.