Paint The Whole Pier With A (Rather Expensive) Rainbow

One of my moles in the tawdry north of the Ile informs me that the recent artistic paint job on Margate pier cost £56,000. Of course this figure would, in all likelihood, have included the one blink-and-you'd-miss-it evening that a light and sound show was put on for the great and good, the only people who were informed that it was happening. So, terrific value for money I'd say!

Meanwhile the director of Margate's yet-to-fruitate Turner Contemporary, Victoria Pomery, was spotted at last month's Venice Biennale (arts knees-up to you and me) giving a speech as a guest of the British Council and Engage, the, um, National Association for Gallery Education. If you recall, there was a lot of fuss regarding the attendance of Our Lady of the Soiled Bedsheet as the British representative at the fart-fest, but apparently Ms Pomery bravely flew to Venice (all expenses paid one presumes) and upheld Margate's honour by explaining all the benefits the Turnip has brought to the area by importing European artists to tart up the paintwork, and getting the crayons out for the kiddies.

Don't get me wrong. I'm an art lover myself. Indeed several limited edition Jack Vettrianos grace the walls of the old cliff top mansion here in the Millionaires' Playground. But you have to wonder whether the money that's being spent is benefitting the ordinary bloke in a track suit tugging a pit bull on Margate High Street, don't you?