Dr Richdiet Says...

OK. You know you want it. I know you want it. Here it is. The next nail-biting instalment of 'Dr Richdiet Says...'!

The story so far... Dr Helmet Richdiet, the man charged by Thanet District Council with administering the £1.5m Heritage Lottery Tarting-Up-Ramsgate-Front Fund has resigned in a fit of Teutonic pique. He's accused the project of being underfunded, and the Uranians of making too many promises. Basic skills and proper ways of working do not exist on the Ile. Now read on, before it completely burns a hole in my inbox...

All key projects are blocked.

West Cliff Terrace Mansions: Not any chance to start the restoration of one of the most beautiful buildings in England in collaboration with these property owners, who have played cat and mouse with TDC for decades. Enforcement did and does not exist in reality. [Sentence removed for legal reasons.]

The only solution to save this building might be, that the National Trust or a similar organisation buys it, that it is restored according heritage standards and then may sold again. WCTM might become a pilot project for a professional restoration combined with modern equipment like a real central heating, a central aerial, a roof garden with view to France, and a rainwater soak-away, sealants in bathrooms and kitchens, sound insulation in the hollow floors and so on.

Devonshire House: One building, two property owners. New and existing property owners are not able to manage such a large and difficult project.

Nelson Crescent/Prospect Terrace: All property owners want to have all for free. Wealthy people are applying for grants to let replace some rotten sill-boards, because they have spent all their money inside.

Kent Terrace and Sion Hill: Insensitive Planning Permissions by TDC. Trouble with the neighbourhood is programmed. HLF and English Heritage will not be amused. The architects should read the booklet, which is written by the Prince of Wales 20 years ago.

Albion Place: It is not possible to close the bomb gaps. The residents do not want to loose their parking.

Granville House: Large amount of basic reinstatement works, which may be impossible to be financed and managed by the property owners. [Sentence removed for legal reasons.]

Royal Harbour, Arches in Military Rd and Royal Esplanade: Somebody has forgotten to prepare a professional sealant in 1993. To make it may cost £ millions now. The cleaning of the brickwork face is wasting money without having sealed all leaks properly before. [Sentence removed for legal reasons.] TDC, KCC and English Heritage are blocking each other. In the meantime one of the badly corroded antique German steel beams of the prime generation of mild steel may break. That may cause more damages to the structure than to remove them immediately.

Hmm. Something is rotten in the state of Thanet, and it ain't just the buildings!

Dr Richdiet Says...

I've had to omit a couple of sentences here for legal reasons. Herr Dr Richdiet continues:

English Heritage is not able to give support. Their rules for scaffolding on listed buildings are ridiculous and are ignoring European Norms and British Standards. I am afraid to let erect scaffolds at buildings of the seafront. Basic requirements of safe working condition are not available in Thanet. I am waiting for a structural adviser for months.

Nobody wants to play with me neither the property owners (“Dr Richdiet makes it too expensive for us”) nor the consultants (“Dr Richdiet wants to know single unit prices. What a terrible question”), nor the contractors (“We don’t like to disclose our price calculations”).

A private consultant is not able to work out a solution for the replacement of a tiny balcony within half a year. A quantity surveyor is refusing to disclose quantities of his project. His tender documents are medieval and opaque. Structural engineers are inexperienced or only want to work for nightclub-prices. (Eh? - Ed.) Basic requirements for a good restoration are not available in Thanet: Experienced engineers, serious consultants and surveyors, skilled tradesmen.

There's loads more if you want it. But honestly, I'm an artiste! I need an audience! [Exits stage left sobbing uncontrollably.]

Dr Richdiet Says...

The whole concept of HLF (Heritage Lottery Fund) is bound to fail especially during such a boom time of reinstatement works like in Thanet now. In my opinion everybody is blocking everybody in Thanet. There has been not any serious investigation or calculation before the application to HLF. There is not enough money for such a large project. In reality I might not give more than 10% as grant. There have been too many promises by TDC before the grant scheme has started. Not anybody of the property owners is interested in the quality of works. Some of them thought TDC might finance a proper lick of paint. And contractors are booked-out until next year!

Would you like to see some more?

Germany Calling

I see our local council have just introduced fixed penalty fines for litter louts. Just in time, it would seem, because you'll never guess what I found in a pile of rubbish on Augusta Road today? Only the resignation letter from that German fellow they employed to administer £1.5m of tarting up money from the Heritage Lottery Fund for Ramsgate! It must have been thrown out with all those old nappies and sanitary towels.

The money is earmarked for improvement schemes to buildings in the conservation area, which now stretches right along Ramsgate front. But Dr Helmet Richdiet resigned a couple of months ago in a fit of frustration at the lack of co-operation and skills he found in the area. It makes uncomfortable, if rather Teutonic reading for Thanet Council, I can say! Yes, yes, I know it's been in the local papers, but not everyone who reads this blog is local, are they? And now I've got the whole letter, not just selected snippets.

So would you like to see it?

Up The Front

Thanet Adscene's front page lead today is: Life Changed By A Rhino. No, no, sorry, that's just the ad wrapper extolling the virtues of some kind of Davros undercarriage...

No, the actual front page screams: A Beautiful New Front. And the front they're talking about isn't Dolly Parton impersonator Mandy Winters's either. It's jolly old Ramsgate! Apparently we're about to get a massive £1.5m injection up our front, which will be used to repair some of the 215 listed properties we have in this area over the coming five years. Of course, I shall be applying for a grant to spruce up the old cliff top mansion, a few Gs should do it.

We were told a year ago that the Heritage Lottery Fund was giving us a load of dosh, and Margate and Boredstares got their handouts way back when Cockie was an egg, so this announcement, if it's approved at tonight's council meeting, is a tad overdue but nonetheless welcome.

I don't know. What with the prospect of repairs to our crumbling cliff, the library being rebuilt, and now this, I might have to hang up my computer and retire.