Night Of The Tory Plastic Knives

Yikes! That's scary!

I see from the What's On In Thanet section in my sidebar on the right that the local Blue Rinsers are due to meet later. The rumour is that there'll be a leadership bid to oust the current f*cking tossers, but then we've had these false dawns before.

Why they can't choose someone who, in the words of the old ad adage, is legal, decent, honest and truthful is beyond me. Maybe the Torysaurus gene pool round here is depleted. Even the 'young Turks' are in their 50s. So even if it does happen, don't expect a trendy toff like Dave to be taking over. More likely the beards will have it. Or we'll all be on Bayford Watch for the next two years!

Update: As predicted, the cutlery last night was the cheap plastic kind you get in BA Economy, and as a result our Sandy remains council leader. That said, there do appear to be plenty of Tories who are less than delighted with having a foul-mouthed petition-botherer, whose foreign trips come courtesy of local businessmen, at the helm. Maybe we should be taking a leaf out of Canvey Island's book, where 15 of the 17 councillors belong to the Canvey Island Independent Party? Anyone for IOTIP?

Challenger sacked, Ezekiel 'onwards and upwards' in yourfannitinnit

Ruffelling Feathers

Cripes! I see Bertie Biggles over on Thanet Strife has been forced to scotch a rumour that the next Mayor of Margate was involved in a contretemps at the opening night of the new Rokka bar in the town last December.

Tory but ex-Labour councillor (where have I heard that before?) Ted Watt-Ruffell was rumoured to have been involved in an argument at the door on the night, and to have threatened to make life difficult for Rokka after he was refused entry. Rokka subsequently had their licence called in, and were forced to shut for two weeks while they re-applied.

That a man 'claiming to be a councillor' turned up 'drunk and disorderly' and 'extremely abusive' is not in doubt, as the redoubtable Bertie has published a letter from the owner of Rokka, Nick Panteli, to Cllr W-R confirming the fact. Nor is the fact that this mysterious 'councillor' departed 'muttering there would be repercussions'. However, Mr Panteli goes on to explain:

After looking at our CCTV there did appear to be some resemblance however I was still not convinced. Having never met you, I decided to discuss the issue with Sandy Ezekiel, he assured me you were not in the area at the time, do not drink and that you are a strict Methodist. Sandy is a family friend held in high regard and his comments were enough to convince us that maybe we were indeed pointing the finger at the wrong man.

However it does appear your name has been tarnished by association and for this I offer our wholehearted apologies. It was never our intention to bring this into the public domain in this manner.

I can categorically state that I am satisfied that Councillor Watt-Ruffell had nothing to do with the sequence of events that transpired following the opening weekend of Rokka Margate and that he was not the gentleman who was refused entry.

So that clears that up then, thanks to a quick chat with Our Glorious Council Leader, who has himself been up before the Standards wallahs twice for, er, less than moderate behaviour!

For some reason, Bertie has disallowed comments on his item. But that doesn't mean you can't comment here (as long as you keep it clean and legal). For example, can anyone confirm that Cllr W-R is a teetotaller and a strict Methodist? Were you at Rokka on the opening night, and if so, what did you see? And if the mystery 'councillor' wasn't W-R, then who was it?

If this chap's going to be Mayor of Margate, I think we should be told!

Councillor In Need Of A Counsellor?

Like me, you must have wondered why Margate's putative arts emporium changed its name from the Turner Centre to 'Turner Contemporary' a while back. Go on, of course you did!

Well if you Google-ise Turner Centre the top spot is held by The Turner Centre... for Counselling and Psychotherapy! According to their website, the Colchester centre 'occupies a grade II listed building and is beautifully furnished to a high standard'. Among the therapeutic services they offer are counselling for anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. I presume Margate's Turnip people decided on the name change to avoid any confusion, given that the sponds wasted on the gallery had already caused 'anxiety, depression and panic attacks' among the general, taxpaying public of Thanet.

The Turner Centre (Colchester) also offers help for 'anger and rage'. It strikes me that, given our Sandy's recent, er, carpeting by the Standards Comittee for his outburst at the Edinburgh Woollen Mills, and his previous for calling the Mayor of Margate a 'f*cking tosser', he might well be advised to check himself in for a session or two!

Click here to go to Turner Centre website

A Song For Thanet

With apologies to The Crystals

Ezekiel and Latchford coming down the street
They do run run run, they do run run
They've heard there's a petition that they gotta beat
They do run run run, they do run run
Yeah, it's in the Woollen Shop
Yeah, they gotta make it drop
And when they get inside
They do run run run, they do run run

Iris and the manager are having words
They don't run run run, they don't run run
They think the council's policy is for the birds
They don't run run run, they don't run run
Yeah, Sand and Rodge barge in
Yeah, they make a right old din
And when the petition drops
They do run run run, they do run run

Thom and Nick the hacks are looking quite aghast
They don't run run run, they don't run run
Sandy's misbehaviour isn't in the past
They don't run run run, they don't run run
Yeah, the standards chaps step in
Yeah, the Gruesome Twins can't win
And when it came to the crunch
They did run run run, they did run run

Rough At The Top

Sandy Beach Deemed Unfit For Purpose

Nope, not another story about dirty nappies strewn across Viking Bay (eeurgh!), but the result of my latest 7 day poll asking whether people would prefer to see the back or front of our glorious council leader. A whopping 63 people cast their votes, here's the final tally:

Question: Is our Sandy fit to be leader of Thanet Council?

No: 87% (55 votes)
Yes: 12% (8 votes)

An overwhelming majority in favour of putting the former pugilist and 'f*cking tosser' utterer out to pasture, then. I expect he'll hand in his resignation first thing Monday morning!

A Right Pair Of Knits

Here's something you won't have read in today's Gazunder. (So what's new? - Ed.) Barely a month after being rapped by the Standards Board for his famous Fannit f*cking tosser/wanker outburst at a black tie do, the Blue Rinsers' glorious council leader has been caught tussling again - this time in front of startled shoppers at the Edinburgh Woollen Mill outlet on Margate High Street.

Apparently the former pugilist wasn't there to buy a kilt yesterday morning, but to object to a 1500-signature petition against his proposed redeployment of the community wardens to fight the litter louts on the beaches, instead of bagging shoplifters (which they're rather good at, I hear). The petition was jointly sponsored by Margate Labour councillor Iris Johnston and the Edinburgh Woollen Mill store manager. At Sandy's side was none other than Deputy Dawg, Rodge OBE. One shopper who witnessed the entire incident has emailed me with the following account:

Bystanders, including the store manager, were aghast at the behaviour of Cllrs Sandy and Rodge as they berated Cllr Iris. The 'boys' turned up unannounced and uninvited to throw their weight around and quite frankly made very big fools of themselves. It's safe to say they weren't the least bit interested in purchasing tartan trews, bonnets or kilts from said retailer!

Iris just about remained composed throughout but this was clearly a shocking turn of events for her. Roger tried to snatch the petition from Iris at one point and lunged forward to get it from her as she swept up the sheets of paper. Sandy then carried on berating Iris saying she was wrong to suggest that wardens were being made redundant or taken away from the High Street altogether.

To put it charitably, this was very ungentlemanly behaviour from both of them and they deserve to be exposed.

Our Sandy seems to have a thing about petitions. Only last week he complained that those fighting the flogging of their own assets by his junta of Jurassic Tories were making 'mischief and they should know better'. How different from the lovely new image the national Conservatives cultivate! There's Cuddly Dave, pedalling to parliament, and the other Dave, resigning over liberty, justice and freedom. Down here in the tip of Kent one gets the impression that it would still be possible to stumble across a Maggiesaurus roaming the fields of brassicas!

Update: A full account of the incident has now appeared on Thanet Extra. Click here to read it. And another eyewitness account on the island's second most premierest blog after me, Thanet Strife. Click here to read that.

Falling Standards

Interesting that this week's Isle of Thanet Gazunder has returned to the Famous Fannit F*cking Tosser/Wanker debacle on the front page, under a mysteriously un-bylined lead about local bling kings the Hiltons facing 52 charges brought by Trading Standards.

Far from the abject apologies/law suits predicted by some of its media rivals last week, the Gazunder's story is headlined: 'Ezekiel's Fracas Apology' and goes on to detail how Our Sandy has said sorry for his behaviour, but has refused to bury the hatchet with the former Mayor of Margate for his 'f*cking tosser/wanker' outburst.

Tucked away in the second paragraph is the line: 'Former Mayor Doug Clark was found to have breached the code, not at the ball as we reported last week, but was found to have broken the code in an earlier, separate incident.' Hmm. About as close to an apology as Sandy's, I suppose!

C By Their A?

Call me a conspiratorial old sausage, but Friday's front page FFFT/W debacle scoop by the Gazunder hasn't made it to the paper's online website. And now that nice young reporter Thom Morris, who got the exclusive, has pulled the plug on his blog. Heaven forbid I should be guilty of adding two plus two and coming up with the proverbial, so if anyone knows what's happening do feel free to drop me a line.

Click here to go to Gazunder website
Click here to go to Thom Morris's blog

Wanker Row Rumbles On

Blogging matters were far from my thoughts yesterday, as I spent much of it sunning myself accompanied by my fiancée, the lovely Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation), and a couple of bottles of the good stuff. But it appears that, in my absence, one of the parties in the Famous Fannit F*cking Tosser/Wanker debacle has appended a lengthy diatribe against our glorious Tory leader's behaviour that shameful night back in April 2007 in the comments section to the post below. Labour Councillor Hart writes:

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CONSERVATIVE TDC LEADER

Cllr. Ezekiel

A year of high-level investigations is now over and I write to demand an apology for your aggressive and abusive behaviour at the Mayor’s Retiring Ball.

By your own evidence, you accept that you shouted vulgar abuse at me in a failed attempt to goad me into becoming involved in a fight. That was absolutely appalling behaviour, especially coming from a District Leader at a civic event.

Instead of phoning me the next day to apologise, you then deviously set about ‘slinging mud’ in each and every direction in order to cover your own shortcomings. The most serious aspect of these actions was to make spurious and malicious allegations to the Police against me, which were extensively investigated and thrown out by the Crown Prosecution Service, the Police and finally, the Standards Board for England.

You knew only too well, that due to your senior position, your bogus allegations would have to be thoroughly and exhaustively investigated by senior officers whose valuable time would be wasted.

If you still refuse to apologise to me, you certainly should, at the very least, apologise to the female staff and guests at the Winter Gardens who were forced to witness your outburst of aggressive behaviour and loud yobbish ‘gutter’ language.

As the District Leader you should also apologise profusely to all the decent residents of Thanet, especially ratepayers and taxpayers, for wasting a whole year of time, energy and resources of our local Police and other agencies with your spurious and malicious allegations.

Cllr. Clive Hart (TDC and KCC)

AND FROM DISTRICT COUNCILLOR JOHN WATKINS

At the Mayor’s retiring ball last April, Councillor Doug Clark who had just completed a busy year of engagements representing Margate, was the victim of an unwarranted, brutish and disgusting verbal assault from a man who at the time would not have been in a fit state to tie his own shoelaces. Councillor Ezekiel, having been restrained by a number of concerned and horrified people, including his own wife and the deputy mayor, then turned his attention to another TDC member, in an attempt to goad him into a fight. This disgraceful conduct was subsequently reported to the Standards Board for England. On learning of this fact Ezekiel then made a complaint to Kent Police, concocting allegations that were clearly intended to mitigate his own culpability. These were fully investigated and found to have no foundation. The second part of the attempted damage limitation exercise, concerned spurious claims of months of racial harassment, based on a shorthand entry in the Mayor’s diary and a query regarding the Council Leader’s religion prior to a Civic service.

The claim that Cllr. Doug Clark, a senior East Kent Magistrates Court Chairman and a JP of 27 years standing is in any way racist is ludicrous. Aside from the fact that his former wife is herself of the Jewish faith, Councillor Clark has for many years provided accommodation in his house for hundreds of students from every corner of the globe. This pillar of the community, who spent last Christmas day in Cliftonville, cooking dinner for the homeless, has now had his good name besmirched on the front page of a newspaper by a man, who is so out of touch with contemporary morality that he can conduct himself at a public function, exactly like the foul mouthed yobs he has complained of at public meetings. Anti social behaviour coupled with hypocrisy was then followed by false allegations to the police, wasting hours of their time. To say that I am disgusted, would be putting it mildly. Thanet needs and deserves much better leadership, Ezekiel should resign forthwith.

Cllr. John Watkins (Margate Central Ward TDC)

I have no way of actually verifying that this missive is from Councillor Hart, but it would seem likely. And, of course, in the interests of balance I must add that I've had no communication from our glorious Tory leader putting his side of the story. So, Sandy, if you're listening, would you care to comment? And please, if you do, keep it clean.

For Tosser Read Wanker

I see the full conclusions of the Standards Board's deliberations in the Famous Fannit F*cking Tosser debacle have now been published online. The big news is that our glorious leader seems to have called the former Mayor of Margate a 'f*cking wanker' and not a 'f*cking tosser' as previously reported. The Board deemed Sandy's behaviour to have been 'offensive and discourteous', and a remark by the Mayor to have been 'offensive and disrespectful'. Apart from that, it doesn't appear that anyone was really found guilty of anything! Hey-ho.

Click here to see Standards Board's case summaries of allegations re: Messrs Hart, Clark and Ezekiel. Sounds like a firm of shonky lawyers if you ask me.

Red Faces After Air Turned Blue?

The front page of today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder seems to have copped a world exclusive! The paper reports that the people who govern the ethical behaviour of local councillors have ruled that both council leader Sandy Beach and Labour's former Margate Mayor Doug Clark were in breach of its code of conduct over the Famous Fannit F*cking Tosser debacle last year.

If you recall our Tory head honcho and former pugilist was alleged to have called the Mayor of Margate a 'f*cking tosser' at a black tie do last year, on the same day he had given a speech condemning anti-social behaviour, and allegedly said to Labour councillor Clive Hart who attempted to intervene: 'Come on, just put your face in mine.' Councillor Hart has been cleared of any misconduct relating to the incident, but is still being investigated over claims of racist language, alleges the Gazunder.

The paper makes it clear that it's running the story ahead of official publication of the Standards Board of England verdict, and adds that it understands the Board will not be taking any punitive action. It also reports the incident extensively from our Sandy's point of view, who claims that he was provoked after enduring months of racist comments. He tells the Gazunder: 'It was clear (Doug Clark) was in an aggressive mood. My first reaction was to turn away but he started berating me in a semi-coherent manner,' and adds: 'Hart came towards me with clenched fists. I told him if he put his face in front of mine he would pay.'

In response the Labour group launched a stinging attack today, accusing the story of being 'inaccurate'. They claim that members of the public who witnessed the 'shameful' incident were 'horrified', with the former Mayor accusing Sandy B of 'yobbish behaviour' and making 'false allegations... in an effort to cover up his own appalling behaviour'. Councillor Hart has demanded that Sandy should 'apologise to all concerned'.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Will any good come of all this? Somehow I doubt it!

Beach To Be Beached?

Just back from my triumph at the Baftas having handled Harry's Bentley with style and aplomb, only once scraping it on a pesky bollard round the back of Leicester Square. I don't think he'll notice, he's as blind as a bat, and besides he'll be too euphoric to whinge after scooping a couple of gongs. Good to see Brucie getting a fellowship too, although I did catch a glimpse of 'Mr Entertainment' and I fear he ain't going to make the transition to HD TV without a lot more, er, work. The poor old fella's got more lines than a Tube map.

Speaking of 'dos', I'm told by the Standards Board for England, which oversees ethics at local councils, that its deliberations in Fannit's famous 'f*cking tosser' complaint have now concluded, and that the adjudication will be published 'within the next two weeks'. Regular readers will remember our glorious Tory leader, Sandy Beach, was alleged to have called the Mayor of Margate a 'f*cking tosser' at a black tie do in April last year, and apparently said to another Labour councillor who attempted to intervene: 'Come on, just put your face in mine.'

Word on the Ile's grubby streets is that Mr Beach may not come out of it too well, and could be forced to step down. Leaving the way open for, er... Well, maybe you'd like to make your own suggestions from the list of Dad's Army duffers who currently run the place. Or perhaps they'll go for 'new blood'? Step forward Councillor McSniggles?

Sandy: 'F*cking tosser!'

'Ello Me Old China

I see the President of France today signed £14.5bn worth of deals with the Chinese. So, have Thanet's illustrious leaders, who've also recently been in China, done as well? Here's an extract from Sandy's China Diary, which I found on a CD marked 'top secret' that TNT popped through the letterbox this morning:

Day 1: Lord luvva duck! Those tossers at BA lost my effing bag. F*cking tossers. 'Ad a couple of Axminster samples in it too. Tossers.
Day 2: Bleedin' 'ell. They served up snake liver last night. Tossers!
Day 3: One of their blokes woz in me face this morning. IN ME FACE! So I told him to eff off. F*cking tosser!

Speaking of China, don't forget you can catch the Terracotta Army exhibition at the British Museum until next April. Which gives me a perfect excuse to run my picture of reader Terracotta Glenn again!

The Lonely Boat Nerd

How marvellous to be back in the thick of the showbiz action! This offer to star in Ramsgate! - The Musical has reinvigorated the old Eastcliff imagination. I've even started writing the songs!

[ECR:]
High on a cliff was a lonely boat nerd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Rich was the name of the lonely boat nerd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Down in the port an old matelot heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Lusty and clear from the boat nerd's throat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[the Ramsgatonians:]
O ho lay dee odl lee o, o ho lay dee odl ay
O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay

[ECR:]
A mate on the bridge of a ferry boat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
[Councillor Green:]
A scrote in the sky with a jet to fly heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[the Ramsgatonians:]
Blokes in the midst of a roofing quote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
[ECR:]
Chaps drinking Gadds with the foam afloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

A twonk with a vote who had proved turncoat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
[Councillor Turncoat:]
I fingered back to the lonely boat nerd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[ECR:]
Soon had a man with a gleaming gloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
A pain with a plane and an anecdote heard
[ECR and the Ramsgatonians:]
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[ECR and the Ramsgatonians:]
Ummm (ummm) . . .
Odl lay ee (odl lay ee)
Odl lay hee hee (odl lay hee hee)
Odl lay ee . . .
. . . yodeling . . .

[Sandy Beach:]
One cheeky git in a bright blue coat heard
[ECR:]
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hoo hoo
[Sandy Beach:]
He yodeled back to the lonely boat nerd
Effing odl tosser odl-oo

[ECR and the Ramsgatonians:]
Eff-ing tosser odl lay ee
Tosser odl lay lay hee hee
Eff-ing tosser odl lay ee
Tosser odl lay hee hee!

Let's Have A Nice Debate

With regret I've had to turn on the old comment moderator as things are getting slightly out of hand regarding my petition to Our Gordon Master, asking him to instruct the local council to regulate these infernal training flights over the Millionaires' Playground.

I know there are some strong feelings out there, but I will not have respected councillors labelled 'f***ing *ss*rs'. Let's leave that sort of thing to the leader of the Tory group.

This is the first time I've had to do this. I hope to resume normal service as soon as everyone's calmed down.

Sandy's Election Diary

Top politician Sandy Beach gives the Isle of Thanet Gazunder his exclusive insight into last week's election tussle.

Some tossers said we couldn't get elected for another four years. Yeah right. F*cking tossers. Tossers the lot of them. In yer face. In yer face. Do you wantsum? Do you wantsum? Geddit?!!?! F*cking tossers.

That's enough insight - Ed.

Ball Trouble

Good lord! According to the front page of yesterday's Isle of Thanet Gazunder, our glorious Tory council leader almost came to blows with the Labour Mayor of Margate at a black tie ball last weekend.

As the less than civil civic occasion was drawing to a close at Margate's Winter Gardens, the mayor is said to have approached our Sandy at the bar, only to be met by a tirade of abuse. The top Tory and former pugilist is alleged to have called the mayor a 'f*cking tosser', and said to another Labour councillor who attempted to intervene: 'Come on, just put your face in mine.'

In his defence, Sandy claims he was 'set up' and had snapped after enduring months of racist comments from the mayor.

Whatever the truth behind the story, we all know that the level of debate from the Conservatives here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula is sometimes less than parliamentarian. I myself have been called a 'left wing c*nt' and 'middle class pratt' by the blue rinsers, so personally I'd say the mayor got off lightly.

Sandy: 'F*cking tosser'