Another DFL Goes BTL

Holy ballot papers! Our local MP, the lovely Laura Sandys, has announced that she won't be standing in the next election in 2015!

She writes on her Facebook page:

It is with great sadness and regret that I wish to announce that I will not be standing at the next general election in 2015. For the last six months I have been considering my future in light of a wide range of family demands and have decided that I cannot combine the level of dedication and service needed for the constituency with my growing personal responsibilities to those closest and dearest to me.

It has been a difficult and heart-wrenching decision to make as there is no greater honour and privilege than representing the constituents of South Thanet. The people of South Thanet are an inspiration to me with their dedication to our communities, their strength, their steadfastness and their sense of identity. I want to thank all those who have worked with me to ensure that we are getting the best for our local towns and villages.

Over the past few years, I believe that we have together secured many positive improvements to the quality of life in South Thanet: £40million of small business support funds; improved High Speed train services; flood defences; new international business investment into the area; an extended visitor season; and improving standards in our schools and colleges.

I want to thank my colleagues – the councillors and the council candidates – who I have worked closely with to achieve the best outcomes for our residents.
I wish to assure you that between now and the next election I will work tirelessly to achieve more for our wonderful area, making representation for our causes, supporting community groups and taking on individual cases on behalf of residents. My team and I will be at full steam until we can hand over the work to the next Member of Parliament.

These years working and living in South Thanet have been the most memorable of my life. I hope that I have been able to repay what you have given me with some lasting benefits that will improve the future life and prosperity of all our residents.

I've met Laura a few times, and despite the fact that she's a Blue Rinser, I have to say she's always seemed charming and committed to her constituency. Quite what the real reasons behind her departure are, who can tell? No, seriously, if someone knows, do tell me.

You can read the full text of Laura's resignation statement on her Facebook page by clicking here. It includes a comment from Thanet North MP Sir Roger Wind, who, unfortunately, isn't resigning.

Election Night Special - Secret Footage Found!

Holy Blue Rinsers! My spies have just uncovered footage from the Tory bunker of the night UKIP wiped the floor with them here in the tip of Kent.

As might be expected, the language is a little, er, ripe. Enjoy!

Now Island's Beaches Turn Blue

Hurrah! Ramsgate Main Sands has once again hoisted a Blue Flag in this year's prestigious and eponymous awards!

Margate Main Sands, Stone Bay and Westbrook Bay have regained their blue dusters after losing them last year, although Walpole Bay has lost out. This is almost certainly due to the number of superannuated, incontinent crones and pit bulls on string weeing in the water in those parts. Other winners are Bottomy Bay, Joss Bay, St Mildred's Bay, West Bay and Minnis Bay.

Viking Bay in Boredstares, which has only ever managed one Blue Flag (in 2006), has failed to make the grade yet again, as the frothy yuk there is about as wholesome as the liquid that must have seeped into Nick Clegg's undies when Dave told him he was going to be Deputy Prime Minister yesterday.

So here on the sophisticated south side, we have the south east's only south facing sandy beach, the finest restaurants and bars outside of London, and a marina that makes Cannes look shabby. What with that and the Blue Flag, I fully expect the cash registers to be tinkling with tourist tenners for the next four months. Which, er, is what I say every year!

Click here to download full list from Keep Britain Tidy

Tory Candidate Home And Dry Say Tories

Hurrah! With the General Election not even announced yet, the Blue Rinsers have already installed my favourite yummy Tory as the South Thanet MP!

According to an article on the Conservativehome website today, lovely Laura Sandys is one of 51 candidates that 'have been selected for the seats where Conservative MPs are standing down, or where boundary changes have created new Conservative seats or converted existing ones into Conservative seats.' Here's the full SP:

Good to see my old TV chums Fiona Bruce and Esther MvVey, and Caroline Dinenage, daughter of my very old TV chum Fred, on the list to boot.

So, who needs to bother with a troublesome and expensive democratic process, when all you have to do is declare your candidate the winner!?!? Dr Ladyman, the sitting Labour MP, will now just have to pack up his 664 majority and bugger off back to wherever he came from! Hurrah for Laura!! Hurrah for David Cameron!!! Hurrah for Maggie!!! Hurrah for Ted Heath!!!!

Click here to go to Conservativehome

Breaking News - Panama Steve Resigns

This just in from Thanet Labour leader Clive Hart:

For information:

I sent this communication to Cllr. Latchford this morning and he now (12.30pm) confirms that Cllr Broadhurst will be resigning but that the letter of resignation has to be signed by him in person so it may take a little while coming from Panama.

AN OPEN LETTER REGARDING CLLR STEPHEN BROADHURST CONSERVATIVE MEMBER FOR DANE VALLEY WARD

Cllr. Latchford,

As Cllr. Ezekiel is on holiday I address this request to you as the Deputy Conservative Group Leader at Thanet District Council.

At a one-to-one meeting with Cllr. Ezekiel shortly before he left for his holidays I asked him exactly what he was going to do about Cllr. Broadhurst, his apparent lack of availability for the residents of Dane Valley Ward and the excessive time he spends on the other side of the world in Panama? Cllr. Ezekiel responded with the words 'if and when it should become a problem, I'll ask him for his resignation'.

I now write to formally ask that the situation regarding Cllr. Broadhurst and his excessive time spent in Panama be dealt with officially by your group.

For far too long Cllr. Broadhurst has been 'invisible' and 'virtually unobtainable' to the residents of Dane Valley Ward. Labour members from surrounding wards are consequently receiving many requests for help. Indeed, I myself have helped an elderly and distraught lady reporting anti-social behaviour and also dealt with serious issues concerning residents and allotments. Labour members at TDC are rooted in their communities and will not turn their backs on decent local residents with problems, but it is simply appalling that the Conservative councillor Stephen Broadhurst appears to be able to do just that!

Several leading articles exposing the amount of time Cllr. Broadhurst spends in Panama and his apparent lack of response to any type of communication have covered local newspapers and have been posted on the world wide web. These articles reflect poorly on TDC as an authority and also on other decent elected members across Thanet.

Worse still, leading Conservative members at TDC are now making cynical public comments about the situation. On his return from holiday the Conservative Chairman of Planning posted the comment 'Return from somewhere (not Panama)' on his internet blog site and the Conservative Cabinet Member for Customer Services & Business Transformation actually posted a comment on the internet jokingly referring to Cllr. Broadhurst as 'the member for Panama'. Such comments from leading members do absolutely nothing to help the situation and expose an underlying culture of blazon disregard for the feelings of local residents at top levels within the current Conservative administration.

I therefore ask that you take the action that Cllr. Ezekiel appeared extremely hesitant to take himself and call for the resignation of your Conservative colleague - Cllr. Stephen Broadhurst.

Cllr. Clive Hart - Labour Group Leader - Thanet District Council.

Who Pressed Panama Steve's Button?

Ooo-er! Despite it being the silly season, with many of the chief duffers away on their luxury yachts in the Med or at local developers' luxury villas in Portugal, things seem to be reaching boiling point in the world of Thanet politics!

Not only has Labour Cllr Nottingham's latest blog story on the subject disappeared, but word has reached my shell-likes of further misdemeanours in the council chamber surrounding absentee Dane Valley Tory, Panama Steve Broadhurst. If you recall, Bignews Margate blew Steve's cover recently by revealing he'd been signed in to a council meeting in July in his absence, thus allowing him to pass go and collect his £5K a year in expenses (or your and my money, to be more precise). We still don't know who the forger was, but the chances are we will soon.

I'm now reliably informed that whoever was sitting next to the man with the canoe and the jaunty hat's empty chair that night lent over and actually voted on his behalf on the electronic voting system, presumably during the freemason style secret session to discuss the future of the Pleasurama development. Fortunately this was spotted by one of the sharper eyed opposition, and the vote was annulled. But really, it beggars belief! How do these people think they'll get away with it? Or more importantly, just how long have they been getting away with it? How many other whiffy motions have the corrupt and incompetent Thanet Tories passed by fiddling the vote? And will Panama Steve ever return from his banana republic to this, er, banana republic? I think we should be told!

Meanwhile the disappearance of Cllr Nottingham's take on the episode remains a mystery. Perhaps he's been referred to the Standards Committee. Although my money's on Tony Flaig suing him for running a rather unflattering photo of him next to the word 'fraudster'!

Click here for Cllr Notters' missing blog post
Click here to read it on Google's archive
Click here for Bignews Tony's original story

Mad, Bad and Sad

Yet again Thanet politics is giving off more heat than light, as the row between true blue Dr/Cllr Biggles and Labour new boy Cllr Nottingham intensifies into something akin to the mud wrestling that Westgate Pavilion will be putting on in the not too distant future. Or the, er, cockfighting scene between Oliver Reed and Alan Bates in Ken Russell's Women in Love.

Having said that, it's more a case of the red corner slinging all the mud and the blue corner not letting it stick at the moment. While Cllr Nottingham carries on like a proverbial pork chop that has overdone it on the Collis Browne mixture, Biggles is flying way above it in clear air, not rising to the bait. Which probably means he knows whatever it is Notters knows, but is trying his hardest to steer clear of the storm clouds for as long as he can. God help us if it's something to do with his doctorate, which, as long-termers in the Thanet blogosphere will know, is a very touchy subject for Our Simes.

So that's the mad and bad, but what about the sad? Enter absentee Cllr Stephen Broadhurst, the Panama-based right blue member for Dane Valley. Steve rarely paddles his canoe back from the central American state to attend anything so demeaning as a council meeting or a surgery with his constituents, it appears, and now Chippy Tone has caught someone signing into the council chamber on his behalf so that he can collect his £5K in expenses for passing 'go'. Tut tut! Could it have been Steve's security firm underling, Arfur Mullard lookalike and Margate Mayor Ted Watt-Ruffell? It seems unlikely, but I think we should be told!

Meanwhile expect one or either or all three to emulate the late, great, lovely Oliver Reed's party piece by getting up on the bar and whipping their kecks down at a pub near you in the not too distant future, uttering the immortal line: 'Now has anybody seen a cock as big as that? No, I rather think you haven't.'

Ramsgate Flies The Flag (Again)

Hurrah! Ramsgate Main Sands has once again hoisted a Blue Flag in this year's prestigious and eponymous awards!

However, poor old Margate has lost it's blue duster, as has Westbrook and Stone Bay. This is almost certainly due to the number of superannuated, incontinent crones weeing in the water in those parts. And, of course, the water in Viking Bay in Boredstares, which has only ever managed one Blue Flag (in 2006), is barely better than toxic waste.

Here on the more sophisticated south side, we have the UK's only south facing sandy beach, the finest restaurants and bars outside of London, and a marina that makes Cannes look shabby. What with that, the Blue Flag, and the Met Office predicting a long hot summer, I fully expect the cash registers to be tinkling with tourist tenners for the next four months!

Overall drop in UK Blue Flag beaches
ENCAMS the Blue Flag people

Night Of The Tory Plastic Knives

Yikes! That's scary!

I see from the What's On In Thanet section in my sidebar on the right that the local Blue Rinsers are due to meet later. The rumour is that there'll be a leadership bid to oust the current f*cking tossers, but then we've had these false dawns before.

Why they can't choose someone who, in the words of the old ad adage, is legal, decent, honest and truthful is beyond me. Maybe the Torysaurus gene pool round here is depleted. Even the 'young Turks' are in their 50s. So even if it does happen, don't expect a trendy toff like Dave to be taking over. More likely the beards will have it. Or we'll all be on Bayford Watch for the next two years!

Update: As predicted, the cutlery last night was the cheap plastic kind you get in BA Economy, and as a result our Sandy remains council leader. That said, there do appear to be plenty of Tories who are less than delighted with having a foul-mouthed petition-botherer, whose foreign trips come courtesy of local businessmen, at the helm. Maybe we should be taking a leaf out of Canvey Island's book, where 15 of the 17 councillors belong to the Canvey Island Independent Party? Anyone for IOTIP?

Challenger sacked, Ezekiel 'onwards and upwards' in yourfannitinnit

All At Sea

Following my recent item about the RNLI, reader Michael writes:

Interesting bit of film you posted about the rough seas and the old cruise ship. Seeing as you are in nautical frame of mind here is a still photo from January 26th this year of Fred Olsen's Balmoral (ex Norwegian Crown) which sails from Dover and Southampton pitching alarmingly in the Bay of Biscay rather perilously close to land. This was just one incident out of many in a few hours of rough weather and possibly poor seamanship.

Yes it did come up again but cut short the cruise and returned to Dover with a few injured passengers and some damage.

I don't know if I am your furthest away regular reader but it's great to be able to keep in touch with all the wonderful things happening on the Plannit Fannit while I suffer here in Florida in sunny 75 degree temperatures and limited to two pina coladas per hour by a cruel mistress.

Hmm. I wonder if Michael is indeed my furthest flung follower? No, probably not. Stephen Broadhurst, the Blue Rinse councillor for Dane Valley, lives in Panama and phones his votes in, I seem to recall. He's bound to be an avid reader!

Click here to read about 'nightmare' cruise on BBC News website

Councillor Ken Calls For KM Boycott

As those of you who've been following the debate raging in the comments section of the post below will already know, Councillor Ken Gregory, Blue Rinser of this parish and Head Honcho of Planning, has called for a boycott of Kent Messenger Group publications following the redundancy plans they announced recently. KG writes:

A friend of mine is being made redundant after 27 years. The level of his redundancy is abysimal. I would urge you all to stop supporting any KM company.

Now, while any redundancies are clearly a very sad and traumatic affair for those concerned, should one of our elected finest really be calling for action that would undoubtedly put a further 500+ jobs in Kent on the line because one of his chums has got the bullet? I'm sure you've got an opinion!

Panamadness

No, really. I've heard it all now. The excelllent yourfannitinnit has followed up my recent hint that one of our local councillors is off to Panama. Stephen Broadhurst, the Blue Rinser for Dane Valley, says he might move to South America permanently, but reckons he'll still be able to represent his ward. And presumably pass go every six months to collect his stipend.

What with most of the rest of the local Tory twitterati guesting at Portuguese villas or swanning around in yachts, why don't they just go the whole hog and banish themselves to a Jacuzzi in Majorca? After all, I'm sure the non-elected council officers can get on with the important job of implementing Conservative policies without any help from actual politicians!

Click here for full story in yourfannitinnit

Tory Story

Well, well, well! I see Tory stalwart Chris Wells is quitting his post as a KCC cabinet member in order, on the face of it, to concentrate on constituency matters. Ordinarily this news would be about as interesting as watching seaweed rot in Minnis Bay, despite being described elsewhere as a 'shock' and 'surprise'.

But remember it comes at a time when the Blue Rinsers are in some disarray here in Thanet. There's the ongoing police investigation into the Tesco bag of China Gateway documents, which hint at a closer relationship between the council and developers than would appear seemly. The planning decision itself was deferred by Ken Gregory's planning committee to a full council meeting, which we were told was going to be on 11 September, then 29 September. Latest intelligence is that it might now take place on 9 October. And all because Deputy Rodge apparently forgot our Sandy was due to be on yet another mission to China next month. Honestly, this lot couldn't organise a conflagration in a disused fun park!

Then there are the persistent rumours that the Tory young(-ish) turks are plotting a palace coup to oust the gruesome twosome currently in control. Will the Three Musketeers - alleged to comprise of flying doctor Simon Moores, rock doctor Alasdair Bruce and legal eagle Ewan Cameron - see Cllr Wells as their D'Artagnan? And where is our glorious council leader while this house of cards comes tumbling down? Depending on which rumour you believe, he's staying as a guest at a local developer's Portuguese villa, or sunning himself in the Med on SS Shagpile!

Click here to read Cllr Wells story in Thanet Extra

Update: KCC boss Ruddy-Faced Man has now spoken on this, saying: 'Chris Wells has chosen to spend more time running his consultancy business and feels he needs to focus on working on local issues in the run-up to the county election next year, recognising the marginal nature of his county division in Margate.' More here.

GazunderWatch

Just back from the Croisette here in the Cannes of Kent, and there was a vicious rumour circulating among the millionaires down there that our local rag has been 'got at' by the ruling Blue Rinsers.

Nothing as laughable as the suggestion that the paper's blue masthead is subliminally inducing us to vote Conservative, or that now it's part of the Daily Mail's Northcliffe Media it'll be campaigning to re-animate that mad bat from the 80s. No, the word is that one of the Tories' Captain Mainwarings has threatened to cut down on TDC advertising if the paper doesn't cut back on the anti-council stories.

Of course I dismissed this theory as idle gossip and tittle-tattle, but then, after a few pints of the Gaddfather's finest, I got to thinking. There was no follow-up to the Stalag Broadstairs story this week. And the ongoing saga of our undredged harbour was relegated to page 16. What's more, the recent advent of competition in the shape of YawnThanet would make a threat to take council advertising elsewhere plausible.

So to test the theory I've instigated a new feature in the old sidebar on the right which I'm calling GazunderWatch. The idea is to keep a running tally each week of pro- and anti- council stories in our island's leading newspaper. Anodyne announcements, letters and opinion pieces don't count, it's purely the nitty-gritty news I'm interested in. I'm sure that after a few weeks scrutiny I can scotch this nonsense once and for all!

Gazunder Gets Bluer

I expect our local Blue Rinsers are cock-a-hoop that the Isle of Thanet Gazunder has been acquired by Northcliffe, the owners of the Daily Mail.

How we must all be looking forward to even more stories about how the island is going to the dogs, and how only the Tories can save us!

Click here for full story.

Tories Gain An Extra Seat

As if I didn't open enough veins last week, now I find the blue rinsers with an even larger majority, according to today's Gazunder.

In the paper's double page spread headlined: 'Meet the people who are representing you' there are 34 Conservative councillors, one more than the official tally of 33. Who is the mysterious extra Tory? Step forward Dennis Payne, who polled 432 votes to take the, er, non-existent third seat in Westbrook, according to the crack team at the Gazunder Building.

Meanwhile the paper also credits Grey Party candidate Jane Burgess with another mysterious non-existent third seat in Bradstowe ward. And poor old Ramsgate Firster Mike Taylor's seat in Central Harbour has disappeared altogether.

Oh well, not for nothing does the Gazunder sport a true blue masthead!