Ferrygate - One In The Eye For Thanet Council

I see my old chum Lord Gnome of the popular satirical magazine Private Eye has seen fit to publish my latest jottings about the ongoing £3.4m Ferrygate scandal today! In case you're too mean or stupid to trot along to the newsagents and buy a copy, here's what I wrote:

LOST AT SEA

Taxpayers are furious with Thanet council after discovering that it secretly sank millions into a failing ferry company - money that is now swimming with the fishes.

Thanet owns and runs the port of Ramsgate, home till recently of a tatty shipping line called TransEuropa Ferries. In spring 2011, TransEuropa, which employed Slovenian staff and carried mostly Eastern European lorries on ageing, Cypriot-registered ships between Ramsgate and Ostend, went to the council and confessed that it was skint, blaming the rise in fuel prices. TransEuropa had a proposition. If the council would let it off paying its bills it wouldn't go bust, saving the jobs of ten port staff - and only costing the taxpayer £120,000 a month! Thanet's chief exec Sue McGonigal agreed on condition the deal remained secret.

Last month the waters finally closed over TransEuropa. It emerged that under the clandestine deal Thanet had sunk £3.4m into the failing firm - almost a fifth of the council’s annual budget. Only McGonigal, a few senior council officers and the council leader appear to have been in on the secret. No specific mention was made in Thanet’s 2011/12 accounts, nor was provision made for potential losses. No mention of it was made at any public meeting of the council. Moreover, this enormous public subsidy to a foreign shipping company wasn’t even secured: all the Council had was a vague promise of jam tomorrow. The truth only emerged when TransEuropa’s other creditors forced the company into bankruptcy.

Now deprived Thanet is having to introduce deep cuts to make up for the shortfall, including slashing £1m from the housing budget. An application to TransEuropa’s Belgian administrator in the hope of retrieving some money is unlikely to amount to much, as the firm’s last two rustbuckets - its only assets - ended up in Ostend, and both are so old and knackered that they’re probably only worth their scrap value.

Despite calls for her resignation, the £114,000 chief exec has refused to go. The fact that the secret subsidy was instigated with a nod from Tory council leader Bob Bayford, and subsequently endorsed by Labour's Clive Hart when his party took control late in 2011, has worked to McGonigal's advantage, with both parties forced to argue that propping up TransEuropa was the only ‘sensible’ thing to do.

All this comes just weeks after Thanet’s former Tory leader, Eye favourite Sandy ‘Shagpile’ Ezekiel, was jailed for 18 months at Maidstone Crown Court for misconduct in a public office, following dodgy property deals. What a place!

And while we're on the subject of Private Eye, I see the latest edition of Thanet Watch, the self-styled 'Private Eye of Thanet', has published a transcript of my recent UKIP film (starring A. Hitler) without so much as a credit! Which is why I've just toddled around all the local newsagents replacing as many copies of Thanet Watch as I can find with the real Private Eye.

The weirdest thing, though, is that they've redacted all my spicy lingo apart from the phrase 'bell end'.

Porridge

How I miss my old showbiz chum - the late, great, lovely, dear Ronnie Barker! So in the light of recent events I thought it only fitting to cobble together carefully craft this tribute to what must be regarded as his seminal oeuvre. Baftas and RTS Awards all round!

Breaking News - Sandy Bagged!

My spies (er, everyone on Twatter that is), are reporting that the jury at Maidstone Crown Court has found Our Sandy (former Tory TDC leader Sandy Ezekiel) guilty on all four charges of misconduct whilst holding a public office, with his co-accused Phillip Emanuel found guilty of aiding and abetting. The charges related to iffy property dealings in Margate Old Town, and failure to disclose his property interests to the council.

Not that anyone who overheard Sandy's frequent boasts about how he was 'going to make a fucking mint' by buying up property in the Old Town once the Turnip Centre had been given the green light can be in the least bit surprised.

Full details are now running on the Isle of Thanet Gazunder website. Including a quote from Will Scobie, the Mayor of Margate, saying he is 'shocked' and can't remember a councillor being found guilty of misconduct in public office 'in his lifetime'. Bless. He's only 14.

By the way, full marks and a bottle of bubbly to the dauntless Louise Oldfield for sitting through the entire trial and keeping us all up to date via Twitter. Margate doesn't deserve you Louise! Hurry up and defect to the sunny side of the island!

Right, I'm currently redeveloping the old cliff top mansion into 497 luxury apartments, so I'm off to buy some carpets I can afford from Cyril Fraud (one for the oldies there!). Pip pip!

Update: Shagpile's been sentenced to 18 months of Her Majesty's Porridge for each offence, to run concurrently. So that'll be his second all expenses paid trip to somewhere with a big wall in just a few short years! No word yet on whether he's appealing (insert your own joke here).

Headless Chickens Coming Home To Roost?

Holy brown envelopes! Today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder reports that PC Plod is carrying out a wider investigation into corruption at Thanet Duffer Council in the wake of former Tory leader Sandy 'Shagpile' Beach's public misconduct trial!

The woodentops are said to be particularly interested in the 'property deals and personal interests of politicians and public servants, past and present.' Crikey! That should get them quaking in their Gucci boots and revving up the old Land Rover V8s ready for that long overdue trip to Malaga! Talk about brarn envelopes! More like brarn trousers!!???!!!!!??! (Geddit?!!!?!???!!!)

And given yours truly's extensive and, er, insightful coverage of Fannit events during the years under investigation, it's only natural that Inspector Knacker should come knocking on my door for the inside goss. Of course, I have been more than happy to accommodate him. If you have any juicy tips, just email me at the address on the right and I'll pass them on.

Meanwhile I see the great and good have been lining up to vouch for Our Sandy at Maidstone Crown Court, where the jury is still deliberating after two days. (I hear the jury room at Maidstone is well heated, and the tea and biscuits exceptional.) Norf Fannit MP Sir Roger Wind, local booze emporium magnate Sir Frank Thorley, and high-flying, chopper-loving, China Gateway-developing Sir Ken Wills have all stepped up to the plate to testify what a stout-hearted and honest fellow the former Tory leader, famed for his petition tossing at the Margate branch of Edinburgh Woollen Mill and portrayal of the Mayor of Margate as a 'fucking tosser' at a black tie do, is.

Carpet shop proprietor and ex-boxer Sandy denies the charges of misconduct relating to property deals in Margate's Old Town. M'lud.

Which reminds me, where did I put that Tesco bag?!?!???

Update (12:52 Friday 1 March): Sandy and his co-accused Phillip Emanuel have both been found bang to rights! Hurrah!

Schadenfraude

Lorks! I see my old Fannit Council chum and former Tory Chief Duffer Sandy Beach has been charged with fraud and misconduct in a public office! Who'd have thought!??!?!??

Senior Crown Prosecutor Ken Goss told the Isle of Thanet Gazunder: 'I have today advised Kent Police to charge two men in relation to fraud and misconduct in a public office. It is alleged one of the men improperly used privileged Thanet District Council information in relation to the purchase of two properties.'

Brarn envelopes and wall-to-wall carpets all round!

Disappearing Beach

In Memoriam
Sandy Beach
Outgoing Thanet Council Leader

So farewell
Then, Sandy Beach.

'F*cking tosser!'
That was your
catchphrase.

'Fannit's open
For business.'
That was your
Other catchphrase.

With your
Faithful sidekick
Roger (OBE),
You tossed
A petition in the
Edinburgh Woollen Mill.

Like a verruca,
You were a bit
Of a pain.
And hard to
Get rid of.
So we're glad
You're gone.

E. C. Richard (29)

Sandy, Sandy, Sandy? Out, Out, Out!

Bayford, Bayford, Bayford? In, in, in! Sandy? Out! Bayford? In! Tories, Tories, Tories? In out, in out, in out!

Er, quite. More here on Doc Biggles's blog. Damn! I'm going to have to think of a new nickname. Anyone for Botany Bayford?

Viva El Presidente!

I'll Have What He's Having

Whatever drugs Our Glorious Leader Sandy Beach is on, I've got to get me some. Why? Well if you read his column in this week's Gazunder, the only possible conclusion you could come to is that he's sprinkling too many mandies on his Special K these days.

Nine tenths of the wordage is about Europe, the state of the pound, Gordon Brown and the Lib Dems. Quite what any of that has to do with keeping the public conveniences open or the 30% hole in Margate's retail sector is beyond me. But ah, at the very end we get two sentences which may be of relevance: 'We are not cutting our front line services and will see a tourism program (sic) to match that of last year. We also listen to you and are not closing, as speculated, a single toilet.'

After all that high fallutin' talk of sterling, forex, Standard and Poor's, and deficits, the last sentence would almost certainly qualify for the Bathos of the Year Award. But Sandy in his euphoric state seems to have forgotten the Great Khazi Stink of 2009, when our beloved council didn't close a single toilet, it closed loads of them. As for not cutting front line services, it's been a few years since that sweepy-uppy man used to tour the grimy back streets here on the East Cliff every week. Now he only comes if you ring the council on your mobile and complain that you can't open the door to get out of your car because the gutter's knee deep in empty Stella cans.

Now, of course I'm not seriously suggesting that the Tory leader of Thanet Council is a drug addict. No, that could get me into all kinds of trouble. But he is a man of a certain age, and I do worry about his memory. Even at the ripe old age of 29, I sometimes find my memory ain't what it used to be.

Even at the ripe old age of 29, I sometimes find my memory ain't what it used to be. But it's not only Sandy's long term memory that's shot. His short term memory's going too! A tourism 'program' to match that of last year? Er, turn to page 3 and you'll find only a few days ago he slashed every Visitor Information Centre bar Margate's (natch). Unless by 'program' he means the £££s of ££££s poured into Margate events, which seem to grow each year like dry rot on a dilapidated council asset.

With a memory like that, isn't it time the poor old fella handed in his cards?

KCC Chief In Secret Airport Talks

Hats off to today's yourfannitinnit for breaking the story of clandestine collusion between Kent County Council leader Paul Carter, our very own Sandy Beach and Manston boss Matt Clarke!

If you recall, the Tories' ruddy-faced man failed to tip up to a 150 strong meeting of the Kent International Airport Consultative Commitee (KIACC) in June last year (the day after he'd voted himself an 8% expenses increase) to discuss flight blights, citing other commitments. But now, thanks to a FOI application by regular ECR contributor Malcolm Kirkaldie, it transpires he did have time to chinwag on the phone with chief Tory duffer Beach, and the outgoing airport manager. At which point he presumably learnt that the mood of the meeting would be more 'Get Carter' than 'Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine'.

The snub led to a vote to report geographically challenged Carter, who thinks planes from Manston fly 'straight out to sea' and that it has 'one of the longest runways in Europe' (it's the 14th longest in the UK), to the Standards Committee.

Here's the full text of the FOI:

Thank you for your request for information.

Kent County Council's Leader, Mr Paul Carter, spoke with Sandy Ezekiel, Leader of Thanet District Council and Matt Clarke, Chief Executive of Kent International Airport prior to withdrawing from the KIACC meeting on Friday 26th June 2009. These were telephone conversations which took place in Mr Carter's car whilst travelling between meetings, and therefore there are no notes recorded from these conversations.

Mr Carter was also due to have a pre-meeting with a KCC officer from the Regeneration and Economy department prior to his attendance at KIACC. However, this pre-meeting did not take place in light of the fact that Mr Carter was no longer able to attend the meeting that this pre-meeting was intended to brief him for.

I have also attached a copy of the email sent to you by Paul Carter's PA on 30th September which included a statement issued by the Leader regarding his non-attendance.

I can confirm that Mr Geoff Wild, KCC's Director of Law and Governance and Monitoring Officer has seen your request and has approved this response.

Carter's happy to plug Chas 'n' Dave Margate International as an alternative to Boris Island, but when the proverbial looks like hitting the fan, and he's faced with the prospect of meeting the real people whose lives he wants to blight, he runs like a chicken with its bum on fire. Yet more proof, if you ask me, that he doesn't care much about Kent beyond his Maidstone manor!

Click here to read this week's yourfannitinnit
Get Carter! in ECR last June

Last Chance To Go To The Poll

With just one day left in my poll to find the next leader of Thanet's Tories, it looks as if you've gone all out for a duck! He's winging it! [Geddit!!????!!!!] Of those of you who haven't put your hands up for Orville, top billing is going to geology nerd Cllr/Dr Alasdair Bruce, with Cllr/Dr Moores currently nestling between a Rock Doc and a hard place (Cllr Wells).

If you haven't voted yet, there's still time to wade in if you want a real doctor rather than a quack at the top of the pecking order! A day is a long time in politics. As they say, you never know 'waddle' happen!! [That's enough duck jokes - Ed.]

Going To The Polls

In response to a request from fellow Thanet blogger Bertie Biggles, I've popped one of my seven day polls in the sidebar on the right. It's based on the premise that the current Tory leader of Thanet Council, Sandy 'Two Hats' Ezekiel, could be chucking in both of them this year, thus precipitating a leadership election and/or selection.

Personally, not being the least bit inclined towards the Blue Rinsers, I'd prefer to see them all cast off into the North Sea. Hence I've made my own suggestion, which would be a much more honest choice if you ask me, given that we could all be pretty sure whose hand was up his fundament, working him from below.

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW, available in today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder (price 60p at all good newsagents but why cough up when you can see it for free here on the big blog?)

Given that Radio 4's Any Questions are in the smoke (Margate) tonight, somebody might just want to ask panel member John Kampfner, who heads up the Turner trustees, quite what a dodgy art gallery opening in 2011 is going to do for the fortunes of a town which at this rate will be completely boarded up by Christmas.

Meanwhile I see Thanet Council's deputy chief exec is scampering off to pastures new - to become head honcho at Ashford Council to be precise. Where he lives. Nice one. In a glowing testimonial, council bleeder Sandy Ezekiel paid tribute to Bunnett, drooling that he had achieved 'so much for Thanet during his time here, particularly in his efforts to help regenerate the district'. Clearly Our Sandy's rose-tinted specs haven't been boarded up yet then!

Cheap Thrills

Reader Monty of Margate writes, rather lugubriously:

Quite what the point of the weekend's Margate Carnival was is beyond me. Every year they bring their own food, their own drink and their own sound systems. They spend nothing in the town. This year I swear they brought their own sand.'

Hmmm. Maybe you should try getting them to bring an entire, regenerated seaside town next year Monty. And then somehow persuade them to leave it there when they head off back up the M2!

Sandy Talks Out Of His Binhole

Our beloved leader Sandy Beach is spouting off about the deplorable state of our streets in today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder. Not that in his blinkered, cosy little wall-to-wall-carpeted world he could possibly imagine anything's wrong. No. Not our Sandy.

Following last week's front page headline 'Rubbish Ghettos', Sandy says: 'I thought it was one of the most negative and inaccurate (headlines) I have ever read'. The Tory Commissar then dons his rose-tinted D&Gs and spouts forth about how everything 'looked great' when he toured the isle with Gazunder reporter Saul Leese this week. Really Sandy? Everything 'looks great' does it?

Well tell that to the frail little old ladies who I witnessed trying to negotiate the landfill of crap that is Augusta Road, while I was on my way to buy this week's paper. One of them, sporting (if that's the right word) a zimmer frame, was discussing with her friend how best to get past the mountain of dirty nappies, Stella cans and food waste that was spewed all over the pavement. Evidently they were on their way from the sheltered flats on the corner of Wellington Crescent and Disgusta Road into town to do some shopping. Eventually they gingerly stepped into the road where they were narrowly missed by a car. I could publish a picture of the mess, but to be honest it would be the same as the one I published more than two years ago. Since when you've done cock-all about the problem, presumably because there are no Tory votes in this area.

So, Sandy, instead of blaming the seagulls, or the residents who pay your ludicrous expenses, why not look at your administration and see where it is failing? There are thousands of wheelie bins lying idle down at the port. People are quoted in this week's paper as saying they'd even pay for wheelie bins. And if some areas aren't suitable for wheelies, then introduce continental style communal bins at the end of each street. If not, perhaps you could give us one good reason why we shouldn't bag you up and put you out for the birds!

£38,786.29 The Pair!

And a right pair they are too, if you ask me. Yes, £38,786.29 is the amount claimed by Sandy Beach and Deputy Rodge from the council in expenses last year. Just imagine how many wheelie bins we could have had for that. And the wheelie bins would almost certainly have done a better job!

It's quite incredible that the Tory leader and deputy leader could rack up nearly £40K in the pursuit of pottering around our lovely island (because, of course, as we all know following last year's Tesco bag revelations, their sightseeing jaunts to more exotic climes like China tend to be freebies from local developers). But there it is.

Our councillor's expenses were published by TDC in the Thanet Extra classifieds last week, but not in any other papers I clapped my minces on. So in the interest of public interest, here's the list in full (click the image to enlarge):

San Dee Zeek-Il Spotted In Margate

Margatonians were treated to a rare glimpse of their normally reclusive leader San Dee Zeek-il at the North Thanet Party Rally and People's Motorcycle Festival yesterday. Reader Adem managed to whip out his Box Brownie in time to snap off a piccie. As you can see, Chairman Zeek-il was accompanied by his lovely wife Cher-il Zeek-il, Deputy Chairman Roh Char Lach-for, and Party Administrator Ree Char Samoo-el:

Ruffelling Feathers

Cripes! I see Bertie Biggles over on Thanet Strife has been forced to scotch a rumour that the next Mayor of Margate was involved in a contretemps at the opening night of the new Rokka bar in the town last December.

Tory but ex-Labour councillor (where have I heard that before?) Ted Watt-Ruffell was rumoured to have been involved in an argument at the door on the night, and to have threatened to make life difficult for Rokka after he was refused entry. Rokka subsequently had their licence called in, and were forced to shut for two weeks while they re-applied.

That a man 'claiming to be a councillor' turned up 'drunk and disorderly' and 'extremely abusive' is not in doubt, as the redoubtable Bertie has published a letter from the owner of Rokka, Nick Panteli, to Cllr W-R confirming the fact. Nor is the fact that this mysterious 'councillor' departed 'muttering there would be repercussions'. However, Mr Panteli goes on to explain:

After looking at our CCTV there did appear to be some resemblance however I was still not convinced. Having never met you, I decided to discuss the issue with Sandy Ezekiel, he assured me you were not in the area at the time, do not drink and that you are a strict Methodist. Sandy is a family friend held in high regard and his comments were enough to convince us that maybe we were indeed pointing the finger at the wrong man.

However it does appear your name has been tarnished by association and for this I offer our wholehearted apologies. It was never our intention to bring this into the public domain in this manner.

I can categorically state that I am satisfied that Councillor Watt-Ruffell had nothing to do with the sequence of events that transpired following the opening weekend of Rokka Margate and that he was not the gentleman who was refused entry.

So that clears that up then, thanks to a quick chat with Our Glorious Council Leader, who has himself been up before the Standards wallahs twice for, er, less than moderate behaviour!

For some reason, Bertie has disallowed comments on his item. But that doesn't mean you can't comment here (as long as you keep it clean and legal). For example, can anyone confirm that Cllr W-R is a teetotaller and a strict Methodist? Were you at Rokka on the opening night, and if so, what did you see? And if the mystery 'councillor' wasn't W-R, then who was it?

If this chap's going to be Mayor of Margate, I think we should be told!

Thanet Twosome Should Go - Poll

The result of my latest 7 day poll is in - and it's an overwhelming vote of no confidence in the Blue Rinsers at the top of Thanet Council. For the record, here's how you voted:

Question: Should the current Thanet leadership bow out?

Yes: 92% (114 votes)
No: 7% (9 votes)

Gosh! It seems all of Sandy and Roger's friends voted in that one! Still no sign of purported the leadership challenge that prompted the poll, though. I'm beginning to wonder if my top Tory source was pulling my plonker!

On a related note, one of my lovely readers has pointed out that Thanet's political bloggers are now in 'purdah' in the run-up to the parish, county and Euro elections on 4 June. Cllrs Moores and Gregory (blue corner) and Green and Nottingham (red corner) are under strict orders to be nice to each other, with bitchy tit-for-tats banned. I'm not a councillor, though. So I can still be as bitchy and tit-for-tatty as I like, and no returns. Hurrah!

Twitterati

Yikes! It's amazing the twits you can find on Twitter, the minimalist social networking site that's all the rage with, er, the lovely Stephen Fry among others. Having trawled around this afternoon looking for people I might know, I stumbled upon our beloved council's glorious leader! So far, he's only managed three 'tweets', viz:

Attendin Carpex 2009 at Olimpia catchin up wiv wots new in carpit tyles.

Nice bit of stake for tea. Luvverly! and

Shoppin in the Edinburrer Wool Mills for tartan trews. Hope I dont bump into Iris!

So far I'm the only person following his stream of consciousness, but if you want to be there yourself when the cogs whirr do sign up for Twotter and pop him on your list. Please do. It'll make me feel less like a stalker.

Speaking of which, I appear to have attracted my very own celebrity stalker on Twatter. Tracey Slag-Mingah tweets as 'Eastcliff Tracy' and seems to be following my every move. Describing herself as 'millionaire's playmate and soxkitten', her more printable contributions have so far included:

Great - I see my soulmate and millionaire has got his old Throbber out, I want a ride on that RIGHT NOW!

Measured his 'thing' this morning. One and a quarter inches. Perhaps he should be called Justin? But he does try with it! The best he can and

Oh no, ECR is bashing away at me fanni innit! Still it will all be over in 2 mins IF he can last that long! Just time for a bag of crisps.

Crumbs! I'd better get my security consultant Fat Kev on the case toute de suite!

G20 To Fly In To Manston?

Crikey! The island rumour mill appears to have been working overtime this weekend! Planespotters report a Saudi 747 offloading pallets at Chas 'n' Dave International yesterday, presumably packed with boiled sheep goolies for the Arab delegation. Now the theory is that the world's leaders will be following suit for the London summit next week.

Let's hope Our Glorious Thanetian Leader, who will no doubt be there to greet the great and good with traditional island gifts of Kestrel Super, gold sovereign rings and Primark tracksuit pants, keeps his Tourettes under control and doesn't spark an international diplomatic incident!