Saturday, October 31, 2009

Putting The Willies Up The Old Folk

Which in another context may well be termed gerontophilia. But no, this is about Halloween. My neighbour Betty, who's 76, finds all the trick-or-treating quite scary. So this year she's fashioned this rather esoteric pumpkin, or 'bumpkin' as I like to call it, in the hope that the sight of it in her front window will put the little blighters off. Good luck with that, Betty. My guess is that it may well attract something a bit scarier than a couple of 8 year olds dressed as vampires, but hey-ho.

Personally I don't mind the rascals, and have shipped in a box of Charbonnel et Walker Champagne Truffles especially for the occasion. Not only are they delicious, but they could well redirect the local oiks onto a more aspirational path!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Eddie The Fish

Being as I don't get out much at the moment, I'm having to rely on one of my informants for the fact that the excellent Eddie Gilbert, who, bizarrely, is actually called Johnny (and not to be confused with Eddie the Beer, who really is called Eddie) has now opened a restaurant and fish 'n' chip takeaway at his stylish King Street premises here in the Ms' P. Yet more proof that the town is on the up! Yay! I'll have to borrow Betty my neighbour's Davros undercarriage later and go check it out.

I'm hoping his nosh will be as good as, if not better than, the superb Newington Fish Bar as it'll only mean a toddle for my Friday supper, rather than a trip out in the jalopy. Pete's Fish Factory next to the Belgian Bar is pretty good too, although I'm not a fan of the traditional, surly British service they dish up with their traditional, yummy British fish 'n' chips.

Of course, the one thing a chippie usually needs is a punny name. We have the Codfather here in Ramsgate, which is a fair effort. But my favourite has to be the one I clocked a few years ago next to Sizewell nuclear power station in Suffolk - Fission Chips! Needless to say, their mushy peas glowed in the dark.

Blogger Forces Resignation Of 'Nazi' Council

I'm indebted to reader Joshua for pointing the old Eastcliff eyeball in the direction of a story that appeared on the BBC News website yesterday. Apparently 11 out of the 15 councillors in Somerton, Somerset have cashed in their chips following a campaign by a local blogger. According to the Beeb:

On his Muck&Brass blog Niall Connolly called members 'jackasses' and said a leaflet was 'like a Nazi call to arms'... He added that he had been trying to 'bring attention to the local problems in Somerton concerning Somerton Town Council.'

The council will have to hold new elections as there are now too few councillors to make official decisions.

Hurrah! If only the Thanet Reich would take their cue from Somerton! After all, here on the island's premier blog I've been banging on about their incompetence and corruption for years. I've stopped short of labelling them 'Nazis' though. Perhaps that's where I've been going wrong. But then, there's nothing especially Nazi about them. Unless you count the rather blocky design for the Turnip Centre, which looks as if it may have been inspired by Hitler's architect Albert Speer (see photo above). No wonder the locals are now referring to it as 'Das Kunstbunker'!

Click here to read full story on BBC News website
Click here to go to Muck&Brass blog

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Watch Out, There's A Scammer About!

No, nothing to do with a particularly messy night out in the company of George Michael, as the above ad, taken from one of those 1960s East Kent Critics that our local Biblio-Bloke put up on his excellent thanetonline blog a while back, might suggest.

No, this is something altogether more serious. I've heard from a few of my contacts in the Thanet restaurant trade that an internet scammer is doing the rounds, sending out emails requesting block bookings over the festive season. Here's a typical example:

I am Dr. Allen Bradley ,the director of Staff welfare MCL Offshore UK Ltd. I want to book dinner for my group of workers .
They will all come for dinner in your place as from December 2nd, 3rd, 4th by 6:30pm each day.
They are 15 in number.Get back with your response if there is availability in your restaurant.
Kind Regards,
Dr. Allen Bradley
Tel : +447045705287

From the weird grammar, phrasing and punctuation, you might possibly have smelt a rat already. If not, and you respond, this is what you get:


Many thanks for your response.We will appreciate if you prepare a 3 course menu for my group for the dinner No special dietary.

We will be happy for any suggestion you may render since this is our first dinner in your restaurant

Kindly provide the total cost of the dinner for the 15 persons for the 3 night dinner so as to provide my credit card details for full payment confirmation.

Your response will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Dr. Allen Bradley
Mobile Number : +447035962564

You really should have twigged something's up by now, but continue the correspondence and here's the clincher:


Thanks for your reply and assistance so far and we will book for the dinner.I will make a payment deposit of Euro 2,000 which will cover their meals and drinks in advance because we are not sure of what your guests might like to drink or how much they are likely to consume.

Moreover, we were able to make an arrangement with a pre-paid car hiring agent who will supply the guests with vehicles that will be used by the guests to and for your place. So in order not to share my credit card information with a third party, I have decided that only you will have to handle my credit card information.

More so, the prepaid agent and do not have the facility to make a manual charge to a credit card if not present. On my own side, I would have sent him his money directly, but am on the high sea work on an OIL RIG. There are no bank or moneygram here where I can make payment directly to the agent.

So once you are in receipt of my credit card details,you are required to charge the total amount of Euro 9,000 + processing fees on my card,then deduct Euro 2,000 as initial payment deposit for the dinner(meals and drinks) and send the balance of Euro 7,000 to the prepaid car / ticketing agent whose information I will forward to you once this is confirmed.

Confirm this and provide me with your
(3) PHONE NUMBERS for office record.

All checks and balances shall be done with the group leader on the final day of their dinner.

Please be advised that we shall pay for all expenses and fees incurred as a result of the entire amount to be charged.

Kind Regards,
Dr. Allen Bradley
Tel : +447035946663
Mobile : +447035948143
Fax : +447075020654

Your response at this point really should be F*CK YOU, DICKWAD! Because, of course, what will happen is that he'll send you his (fraudulent) credit card details, but will force you to make the transfer to his 'car-hiring agent' (him or his mate) before you can put the transaction through. So you'll be down €7000, as the credit card will turn out to be a fake and worth nought. Oh, and he'll have your personal details too, so he can start cloning your identity.

There are all kinds of variations on this little earner. And although 'Dr Allen Bradley' or 'Allan Brad' seem to be his preferred monikers, he sometimes uses a foreign name to disguise the poor English. He's even been known to do this over the telephone. But his MO always seems to be the same - multiple restaurant bookings.

So be warned, bar owners and restaurateurs of Thanet! If someone wants to book a huge table three nights on the trot, it could be an early Christmas present. In all likelihood, however, it'll leave you with a very expensive hangover in the New Year!

Click here to read more about the 'Dr Allen Bradley' restaurant scam

Caravan Of Love

As if there weren't enough examples of what happens when an alcohol-soaked sperm collides with a crack-addled ovum tottering around (mainly the north of) our lovely island, the junta of duffers that is our beloved council now want to cram even more 'static caravans' onto Thanet soil.

As we all know, trailer trash breed like rabbits, whereas the emaciated gametes of the overworked, overtaxed and overachieving middle classes can barely make it out of the launch tubes these days. Result? Within a few years we could be swamped by Stella-sodden, crystal meth toting, permanently pregnant cro-magnons in ripped jeans and peroxided mullets, sucking on the public nipple until the blasted thing runs dry. I mean, there's an evens chance that, given that scenario, Waitrose might become a Morrisons. And then where will I be able to buy millionaire shortbread? Yikes!

The sorry saga of how the extension to Bradgate Caravan Park in Lydden was nodded through by the crew of cretins in Cecil Square, despite a previous refusal and a recommendation to refuse again by council officials, has been written up on Bertie Biggles' excellent Thanet Strife blog (good to see you back, and on form, Bertie!). What Bertie hasn't mentioned, though, is that 'trailer park ghettoes' are currently springing up like great, plastic, box-shaped weeds on the north Wales coast, due to the vicissitudes of the current economic climate. The county of Conwy now has 165 of the blasted things! And guess what? Many of the people living in them stay there the whole year round, and don't even pay council tax. So, a planning application wafted through, and not much hope of even making a few bob for the community coffers out of it. Hmm. Methinks I smell a large, rotten, TDC fish!

Still, never fear, Tory planning supremo Ken Gregory batted off objections that the transport infrastructure wouldn't be able to cope with the influx of, er, happy caravanners by saying they would be 'rolling up in Bentleys and Rolls-Royces to stay in their holiday homes.' Oh, so that's alright then. As we know, the council's planning department have never got anything wrong, have they?

Click here to read about the planning debacle on Thanet Strife

Click here to read about Bentley driving trailer trash in yourfannit
Click here to read about Welsh trailer trash on BBC News website

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Hello, Hello, I'm Back Again!

And living in Cliftonville. Or Ramsgate. Or Herne Bay. Take your pick.

Well, it took a long, expensive lunch and several bottles of Australian Leg Opener to persuade Samantha to hand over the password to my blog. Apparently she thought it would be amusing to kill me off. Hmm. Not sure I was particularly amused by that. She also seems to have gone a little power crazy during her tenure, and taken the opportunity to toy with the immense kudos and influence that running Thanet's Premier Blog confers. She's not all bad, though, and has offered to make it up by buying me a pair of elasticated trousers at Westwood Cross tomorrow. I've, er, put on a bit of weight since I was immobilised.

But the enforced break (courtesy of a Pole in a Peugeot) has given me cause to look deep into myself, and, to be honest dear reader, I haven't liked what I've seen. For too long now I've been using my enormously superior wit and intellect to bully and berate the little people. The little people who live on the north of the island. This really isn't fair. They are, for the most part, poorly educated and feeble minded, and deserve our sympathy more than our scorn.

So from now on you'll be seeing a shiny, new Dick. An upstanding Dick, with two great, weighty appendages - responsibility and respect.

Nah, on second thoughts that sounds like a load of bollocks to me! Now, have I told you about the Boredstares bar owner who gets his kicks by dressing up in ladies' undercrackers?!?!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The King Is Dead, Long Live The Queen

Having a bite down at the excellent Belgian Bar last night, the references on their menu to 'Ramsgate's riviera' and the 'Millionaires' Playground' reminded me that there was something I meant to tell you. Poor old Dickie passed away yesterday following complications arising out of his motorcycle accident. He had seemed to be making a full recovery but contracted some kind of chest infection and went rapidly downhill. Despite the best efforts of the doctors and nurses at the UCL, he died in the early hours.

I don't think he would want any of us to be sad, and he was still cracking jokes about Thanet Council right up until the end according to his sister. In fact he made a point of writing his own obituary because, as he said in true ECR style, he 'didn't want any other bastard writing it'. I will maintain this blog to the best of my ability as a tribute to the great man, and the fact that phrases such as 'the Cannes of Kent', 'knackered old Jumbos' and 'council duffers' have passed into local parlance are a lasting legacy to his genius.

So as we say goodbye, here are the final words 'what he wrote' (as he said in the email):

In Memoriam
Eastcliff Richard
The King of Thanet Bloggers

So farewell
Then, Eastcliff Richard.

They called you
'Thanet's Premier Blog' and
'The Local Blogging King'

'You can't get rid
Of me that easily'
That was
Your catchphrase.

Well I've fucking
Gone now
So I hope
You're all happy.

E. C. Richard (29)

Monday, October 26, 2009

North Thanet MP Plans Wife Swap

This article in yesterday's Mail on Sunday caught my eye. Apparently Roger Gale, the Conservative MP for North Thanet, is planning to swap his wife with another MP's to get around the new rules that ban family members from working for right honourable members. Here's an extract:

'It's ironic you can shack up with an MP, but if you are married to him or have a civil partnership you get the sack,' says Suzy Gale, who licks envelopes for her husband, Roger Gale, Tory MP for Thanet.

I presume, as well as a long, licky tongue, that a good bark, a wet nose and a propensity for scraping your arse along the living room carpet are also prerequisites for the post, Suzy. On no, haha, my mistake, Suzy's the one on the left! Sxx.

Click here to read more in the Mail on Sunday

Ramsgate Woman Given Bad Head

Yes that will be me then. It's been pounding all morning after a weekend of mad drinking with my mad drinking friend Beth. I don't think I've been to so many bars in 48 hours.

Being free and single she was half hoping to find romance in Ramsgate as she really hasn't had much luck in London, but was sadly disappointed by the quality of the men on offer. Most seem to think a series of unintelligible grunts followed by the words 'Show us your knickers' counts as flirtation, and I suppose that for most of the female population of Thanet on a Saturday night that would do the trick. Thankfully though, Beth's not really the kind to squeeze into a white lycra body tube that stretches to just below the pubic region and a millimetre above the areolas, let alone spending the entire day bleaching and straightening her hair, and gluing dead caterpillars to her eyelids, before trowelling in the Polyfilla for a cold October night out, so their charms were wasted on her.

But we did 'learn' a few things from the locals. We now 'know' that 90% of the inhabitants of Dalby Square are paedophiles, that Gary Glitter lives in Cliftonville and that one of the pillars of the local community has fatally succumbed to swine flu. Why is it that so much of the local gossip is so horribly negative? Or just plain shit? Sxx.

Friday, October 23, 2009

East Of The Wantsum

For what it is worth, here is this week's East of the Wantsum. Personally I think the blow to Dickie's helmeted head has addled his brain and he'll never be the same again. But then what do I know, I am not a brain surgeon.

By some sort of perverse, crappy magic, as I was walking to the shop on Bellevue Road to pick up this week's Thanet Gazette, I came across some more old rubbish:

This situation has persisted for years in this part of Ramsgate's East Cliff. The council appears to be incapable of doing anything about it. So maybe Dickie is right after all. Hey-diddle-diddle. My friend Beth is down from London for the weekend tonight and we're out on the razz. So what do I care? Sxx.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Dreamland Remembered

East Kent author and journalist Nick Evans has just published an expanded and updated version of his excellent book Dreamland Remembered, and has sent me a couple of photos from it. The first is from the 70s, or possibly even the 60s judging by the outfits Mum, Dad and the kids are wearing. And there's also this great photo of Norman Wisdom causing mayhem in the funpark during an episode of It's a Knockout:

The place was first called 'Dreamland Hall' in 1920, so next year will be the 90th anniversary. Nick's book, which is widely regarded as the definitive history of Dreamland, now includes a lot more colour and black and white photos (240 in all), plus more historical data, spread over 128 pages. Priced at £15.99, it's available at local bookshops (including Michael's excellent emporium here in Ramsgate) and other outlets around East Kent. Or you can get it via mail order by sending a cheque for £17, including post and packing, from Nick Evans, PO Box 201, Whitstable, Kent CT5 1WT. It can also be ordered online from Amazon and Joyland Books.

Well, that's the ad over. I'm sure Nick won't mind me having a little dig now. Here's a peep into the future at the thrills and spills we can look forward to once the proposed 'heritage theme park' is up and running on the site. Enjoy! Sxx.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

KCC Win £6m Back Over Turner Cock-Up

Good news for supporters of Margate's Kunstbunker which is currently rising up on the Rendezvous site. Kent County Council have won £6m back from the architects of Turner Center Mark I, which was going to be built in the North Sea as an extension to the harbour arm (or pier as it used to be called until about a year ago).

According to the magazine New Civil Engineer, Norwegian architects Snohetta, cost consultant Davis Langdon and consultant Ramboll have agreed to pay the council the £6m inclusive of interest and costs it spent on the project that was abandoned in February 2006.

Now all KCC have to do is get our £50m back from Iceland! And more good Margate-related news the delightful Fiona Sherriff, proprietor of the Harbour Arm/Pier thingy, has emailed me to say she is putting on those lovely old folkers Fairport Convention at the Theatre Royal next January. They were a big draw when they played at Margate's Westcoast Bar in May, and Fiona says she is also working on getting a 'special act' to support them. The gig is on 30 January, and tickets are available from the box office on 0845 130 1786. Sxx.

Monday, October 19, 2009

At Last - Thanet Council Does Something Useful

I see from the BBC News website that UKIP is being forced to give back £363,000 donated by a bookmaker from Thanet, because he wasn't on the electoral register at the time he made the donation.

Alan Bown says he was removed from Thanet's register by mistake without his knowledge. As anyone who donates more than £200 to a political party has to be on a register it means the money will have to be paid back - to the Treasury. Haha! That should wipe the smug smile off Nigel Farage's face! Well done TDC! Sxx.

Click here to read the story on the BBC News website

Whitney Boob

Did anyone else see Whitney Houston nearly fall out of her dress live on X Factor at the weekend? It was almost a Judy Finnigan moment. She looked a bit whacked out too, but we are told she has put all that behind her.

The gorgeous Dermot O'Leary recovered the situation well though, I thought. Someone told me he has a place in Ramsgate. Now that's one Ramsgatonian I wouldn't mind bumping into on a dark night ;-) Sxx.

East Of The Wantsum

I've been in a real state over the weekend because the central heating broke down. My thanks to Geoff from British Gas for spending hours rummaging around my pipework and getting me going again, what a hunk of spunk xxx.

I forgot to put Dickie's Gazette strip on the blog on Friday so here it is. He thinks he might be well enough to start blogging again this week so watch this space! Sxx

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Thanet Council Should Get The Sack

By that I mean the 'Reusable Seagull Proof Refuse Sack', silly! My friend Stacey in Totnes sent me this photo of hers and it really seems like a good way of avoiding all the mess on the streets that the seagulls peck out from the black bin bags on bin day.

I know the residents of Augusta Road here in Ramsgate have petitioned the council for them, as the council says theirs is one of the roads that are 'unsuitable' for wheelie bins. For 'unsuitable' read 'can't be bothered' if you ask me, but anything that can stop the area looking like a third world country most of the week has got to be worth considering hasn't it? Sxx.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Swell Party

Oops, silly me! I was trying to turn comments off last night so that Peter the Onanist from Westgate couldn't wipe his wad off on my blog in between midnight knuckle-shuffling, and I appear to have taken the entire thing offline. Sorry.

Reader Gary has sent me these rather grainy photos taken on his camera phone at Broadstairs jetty last night. He says that, despite it not being an especially high tide, there was a strong northerly blowing and most of the jetty was awash. The cars in the picture were being slammed into each other by the force of the waves apparently. A number of people had gathered to gawp at the scene, and Gary adds that there was quite a party atmosphere.

It does make me wonder why anyone would buy a beach front property such as Royal Sands. And as Margate was probably taking the brunt of it, I dread to think what state the Kunstbunker construction site is in this morning. Anyhow, here are a few more of Gary's photos. Sxx.

Friday, October 16, 2009

More Clots In Broadstairs

Ooh, I forgot to mention. On my way back from Amelie, I had to go to Broadstairs. What on earth are they doing in Albion Street? As if the traffic arteries in the town weren't narrow enough, they're closing them off for yet another eight weeks to make them even narrower. That's about the tenth time this year. At this rate only Victoria Beckham will be able to squeeze through their streets.

My advice - avoid Broadstairs like the plague until after Christmas.


Arse Gripe

Just back from a wonderful session with Amelie, my super esthetician. It's amazing what a skin peel can do for a girl, I feel like a new woman :-)

She's having a spot of bother with the council though. Something to do with business rates, so I said I'd look into it for her. My oh my, their website has changed! And being a woman, the first thing that caught my eye on the front page was a link to 'Thanet Decorative and Fine Arts Society - Does my Bum look Big in This?', a lecture at St Peter's Church Hall on 19 November. Curious, I clicked through for details, but the only extra info I could find was 'After the lecture, tea and biscuits is served'. Grammar aside, it struck me that this could only lead to the conclusion that bums certainly would be looking bigger after the event.

Sadly it's all very reminiscent of the late Mr Clarke, who tragically died of food poisoning a few years ago. Not that we were very close. His little joke, whenever I asked him 'Does this make my bum look big', was to say 'No darling, your bum makes that look big.' I can't say I miss him much.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Banner Ban

Quite why Councillor Moores is complaining on his Thanet Life blog about not being able to fly his advertising banners over the 2012 Olympic games is a mystery to me. He writes:

'Our Government will shortly be enacting secondary legislation to "protect" the commercial interests of the 2012 Games sponsors. In a nutshell, you need to think back to the Beijing Games and the heavy-handed approach of the Chinese authorities. This legislation will be 'catch-all' to prevent, 'Ambush Marketing' within broad geographically defined areas and the airspace surrounding them.

So, let's say you try and wear a Pepsi-branded T-shirt within that defined area of London or perhaps Weymouth or Manchester or any other sporting venue. You could, in principle be arrested. Try flying a banner or displaying a flag or a travelling road-sign with the same and you certainly will be and if it's a 'Free Tibet' flag then I suspect that will be caught under the legislation as well.'

I've got nothing against the man personally, and he seemed quite nice on the couple of occasions I met him. But wasn't it his kow-towing Tory administration here in Thanet that suppressed the news of a flying visit by Chinese delegates in August, and blocked off Margate old town precisely so that no 'Free Tibet' flags could be waved in front of their China Gateway chums?


Police Farce

I snapped this out at Westwood Cross this morning. That's great that is. Need some shopping in a hurry? Can't be bothered to park miles away from the shops? Just turn up in a shiny new police car and plonk it on the yellow lines! No sign of the coppers. They were probably enjoying a nice cup of tea and a truncheon meat sandwich hehe.

And while we're on the subject (I've got me started now), blue badgers! What's the deal with them? They rock up in their 59 plated Beemers, park in the disabled bay, pop their blue badge in the dashboard and then practically hop, skip and jump off to do their shopping. I know not all disabilities are physical, but you can't tell me that some of the people I've seen are disabled. There must be a pub round here knocking them out. If anyone knows where, don't bother telling the police as they're too busy trying on nylons (over their heads probably) in M&S. Just tell your Auntie Samantha ;-)


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Night Flight Consultation To Cost £80,000

Yes - £80,000! Think how many public loos and other local amenities the council could keep open for that!!! And what other business employing a mere 80 people would the council be prepared to spend £80,000 of our money on to bail out? Certainly not mine. It's a disgrace, especially as the result is a forgone conclusion as far as Ramsgate is concerned - they can stick their night flights!

Click here to read full story in Thanet Gazette
Click here to sign the No Night Flights petition


Indian Princess To Pull Out Of Margate?

My oh my, it would be a total tragedy if the jewel in Margate's admittedly tawdry crown were to fall out and roll across the Kentish floor to destinations west. But that's what the Indian Princess has been hinting on its Facebook pages recently.

Voted one of the top restaurants in Kent, and supposedly council leader Sandy Ezekiel's favourite restaurant in the whole wide world, the Indian Princess is a superb eatery. In the three or so years since they established themselves here in Thanet, the delightful Vik and Dev have worked tirelessly to gain an unrivalled reputation for fine dining based on Indian fusion cuisine. But on Monday they posted on their Facebook account:

'Indian Princess wonders if it's in the wrong location.' And after supportive comments from Facebook friends added: 'Thank you for the kind words. We want to stay in Margate but despite hard work it doesn't seem to be happening for us. We are in the Michelin guide book next year and hope the publicity will give us a lift but its unlikely we will last through the winter with these poor sales. Canterbury, Broadstairs, Whitstable, Tunbridge Wells????'

If the restaurant did relocate it would be a massive blow for Margate's regeneration chances. But if they do decide to set up somewhere more upmarket, we'd be delighted to welcome them in Ramsgate!

*On a brighter note for Margate, the lovely Louise Oldfield has declared her new boutique B&B in Hawley Square well and truly open for business. Click here to go to the Reading Rooms website. Looks fab!


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Rubbish Photo

No actually, not the Gazette's front pager last Friday although at least one eagle-eyed reader (thanks L!) pointed out that the banner headline under the Gazette masthead says all you need to know about the contents really. (I'm not sure Dickie will thank me for saying that, what with his strip for the paper and all. Still, he says he doesn't get paid for it so no loss if they sack him eh?)

No, I'm talking about this story on page 8...

...telling us all about the results of the Love, Hate, Hope exhibition in Ramsgate in August. The exhibition was a huge success, with hundreds of visitors pinning their loves, hates and hopes up on postcards at the exhibition space, a disused shop in the town centre. The whole thing got a great write up by the Chair of the British Urban Regeneration Association in the Estates Gazette (click here to read the story) and you can watch the excellent film that the ladies of the Ramsgate Arts Festival made on YouTube (click here for that).

All good so far and I'm not griping about that. But here's the clincher. As the Gazette reported, top love was Ramsgate's beaches. So why the bloody hell did they illustrate it with a 'flipped' photo of Viking Bay in Broadstairs????


Monday, October 12, 2009

Tired And Emotional

Well, well, well. I would like to apologise for being a bit 'untidy' on Saturday night. It's probably a good thing that I didn't make it to Boogaloo at the Monkey House as rather more damage than referring to a friend's choice of hosiery as 'lesbian socks' may have been done. (Sorry H!). I must say, despite doing nothing yesterday, trying to get to work this morning I could still have done with some of this:

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Urological Song

Irregular contributor Richard Eastcliff writes:

'Hello Samantha! Mwahs for looking after the big blog while I'm banged up! Things are pretty dull here in the Actors' Convalescent Home in Bournemouth. So betwixt the old pethidine injections I've been penning my first musical!

Inspired by the proposed night flights over Ramsgate, it's about an incredibly suave, sophisticated and handsome young blade who lives in a cliff top mansion in the Millionaires' Playground (played by me, natch). In the small, wee hours whenever the knackered old cargo planes full of rotten bananas roaring overhead disturb his beauty sleep, he climbs up onto his chimney stack and aims a large, gushing wee at the offending 747s. I've called it Widdler on the Roof.

And I've already written the first number. Here goes.... (give me an F minor please, Norman)... ahem... right... here goes...

[ECR (spoken)]
You see, Sandy...

[sung] In this life, one thing counts
Lots of kip, large amounts
Knackered old planes as low as trees,
You've got to have a snoodle or two

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys,
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

Knackered planes as low as trees.
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[ECR (spoken)]
Let's show Sandy how it's done, shall we, my dears?

[sung] Why should we, break our backs
Paying you, council tax?
Better to sit on benefit
Better have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

Why should we pay council tax?
Better have a snoodle or two.

[ECR (spoken)]
Who says brarn envelopes don't pay?

[sung] Brian White, what a joke!
On jet fumes, he can choke.
He doesn't care, what's in the air
When we need a snoodle or two

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

Brian White on fumes can choke!
We want to have a snoodle or two.

Take a tip from Richard E
Whip it out and start to pee.
Climb up tall and expel it all
He'd rather have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

We should be like Richard E
So we can have a snoodle or two.

[ECR (spoken)]
Effin' night flights!

Jumbo jet, passing by
Ancient heap, can barely fly
Scull all the beer, piss on its gear,
So you can have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

Scull your beer, piss on its gear
So you can have a snoodle or two.

When I hear, planes that whine,
I protest, with urine.
Only to find some peace of mind
We have to have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

Just to find some peace of mind

We have to have a widdle or two!

Ahthankyou. Gros bisous! Mwah!'

Friday, October 09, 2009

Sandy's Vision

Not only do Thanet Council seem incapable of running even the basics such as public loos, dredging the harbour etc here in Ramsgate, but now their vision for 2026, which has just been published, talks only about supporting regeneration in Margate and Cliftonville.

Don't get me wrong. Both Margate and Cliftonville need all the help they can get. But now Leader Ezekiel seems only prepared to 'invigorate' his northern outposts (I wonder why? Does he get more votes there?), along with putting the rest of his rotten eggs in Westwood and Manston's baskets. What a load of tosh! Even the vision for Margate is questionable. Allowing the high street to contract by granting planning permission for residential units, the Turner, and, of course, the crackpot scheme to put a 'heritage' theme park on the Dreamland site.

Still, this is only the latest of many of Sandy's 'visions'. He's probably had more than Joan of Arc by now. If I had my way, I would burn him at the stake!


Click here to read all about it on the Gazette website
Click here to download Mystic Sandy's ramblings (or Core Strategy Preferred Options draft document as they call it)

East Of The Wantsum

Despite all the pain and suffering Dickie's been through over the past few weeks, he has still managed to knock out an East of the Wantsum for this week's Isle of Thanet Gazette. What a brave little trooper!


Thursday, October 08, 2009

New Euroferries Website Up And Running

No I am not a journalist and TV producer so maybe I'm not as good at picking up 'scoops' like Richard (so bollocks to Lucy and Peter), but I am pretty sure nobody has seen the new Euroferries website yet, which appears to have gone live today. Euroferries are planning to run a fast catamaran service between Ramsgate and Boulogne which was going to start, ooh let me see, some time ago really. So for all you ferry fans here is a first peek:

This next page made me laugh:

'All crossings are currently running on time'! Only if the Bonanza Express, which is the catamaran they will be using, has done a quick dash up from Tenerife where it was last spotted!

In fact there is no date on the site for the start of the service, but when I tried to book a crossing for next week it came up with this message:

So I presume that is when they will be starting.

Click here to go to the new Euroferries website

Thanet Council Trashed On BBC News

Lucky I'm WFH today - I caught this story on BBC South East Toady's lunchtime news. Apparently Thanet Council has been caught sending people's recycled trash (the stuff in the blue bags) off to the landfill rather than recycling it lol!

Click here to watch trash story on BBC South East Today
Click here to watch viewer's hidden camera video on Facebook


Going For A Thong

My, my. After all that horrid rain yesterday it's a beautiful day today in Ramsgate. How strange the weather can be at this time of year. I'm glad though as I'm WFH today and it's the perfect opportunity to get my smalls out on the line, and about time too. I've been wearing the same thong for three days now. That's one way of making a crust I suppose hehe!


Wednesday, October 07, 2009

News Nibbles

Had the girls round last night for wine 'n' nibbles and made these sushi rolls, which went down a treat. And they just loved the new Air Wick Mulled Wine Plug In! No, not really. What, do you think I live in a council house or something?

That gave me an idea for the title of this blog post. Dear old Dickie has been on the blower badgering me to get on with it, and sent over a whole heap of stuff that people have emailed him. So here's some stuff fresh out of Dickie's sack. Er, mail sack that is as I know how gross some of you lot can be.

More than £175,000 worth of Lottery funding will be coming to Thanet to help improve anti-social behaviour and relationships between the generations. The money, from the Big Lottery Fund's Reaching Communities Programme, has been awarded to the Children's Society to run the Thanet Participation Project over the next two years and will pay for a new project to run in Dane Valley, Newington, Whitehall and Birchington. Hopefully that'll stop the little bastards running amuck.

Burlesque queen Miss Maybe will be running a workshop in Broadstairs on Sunday 25th October. Miss Maybe promises to teach her students moves that will increase their confidence and inspire them to 'unleash their inner minx'. Miss Maybe is herself fascinated with the burlesque arts but also believes it has an appeal to women of all ages, shapes and sizes. I'll get the tassles warmed up for that one.

The second Thanet CAMRA Cider Festival will be held on Friday 16 and Saturday 17 October at Churchill Tavern in Ramsgate. There will be around 60 real ciders and perries from around the UK and cider related pub food. Opening times will be Friday 5pm to 11pm and Saturday Noon to 9pm. Admission is £2.00, but free to card carrying CAMRA members. For further information, please visit their website at www.fannitshiderfeshtival.pis.up

Ramsgate brewer Gadds is hopping, er, hoping to repeat last year's success at the Taste of Kent Awards where Gadds No 3 was voted Best Kentish Beer. The Taste of Kent Awards celebrates the very best of Kent Food and Drink and the public vote in 12 categories. This voting decides the Top 3 nominees in each category, who are then subject to an expert judging panel, mystery diner or mystery shopper. The Top 3 are announced in January and will be invited to the Awards dinner in February where the winners will be announced. Voting runs until the 3rd January 2010. Click here to vote, or just go down the pub and get smashed on the Gaddfather of Ale's excellent beers.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Town Council Meeting Tonight

Dickie just rang me from the Actors' Convalescent Home in Bournemouth to remind me to remind you that there is a meeting of the new Ramsgate Town Council tonight at 7pm at Albion House. They also have a new website which you can visit here.

I gather they will be discussing topics such as next year's Ramsgate Arts Festival and the proposal from Infratil to fly 747s over the town all night into and out of Manston. Not many people realise that although the headline proposal talks about an extra 90 minutes' night flying, the actual request is for a quota system that will allow a certain number of planes to fly ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT!! Infratil have cleverly omitted to say in their request just how many planes that will be, so if it is agreed it could technically be an infinite number.

Unfortunately I will be staying in and washing my hair otherwise I would pop along and tell the council to get a new logo. I mean look at it. The guy on the left looks as if he is wearing a whale foreskin, while the chap on the right in the sailor suit looks like he's just had a halibut shoved up his jacksie. Surely they could have found some better models for the thing?


Government Legalises Shooting Immigrants

Good morning my lovelies. I do hope you all had a smashing weekend. No you are not having a waking nightmare in which the BNP have taken control of the country, it's all about the hoo-ha in the papers over the government's decision to allow Green Parakeets to be culled.

We have quite a sizeable population of these birds here in Ramsgate and I for one find them an attractive addition to the landscape. Certainly they are more attractive and much less trouble than the indigenous white population, haha I'm talking about the seagulls there. They also seem to be very hard workers and much less likely to live off hand outs i.e bin bags than the locals. Please do not misunderstand me I am not being racist and I think it's a good thing that all the jobs created here in Thanet eg Thanet Earth, Manston Airport, China Gateway etc etc go to foreigners as they are much more industrious than the local dross who just moan all the time and look as if they spend most of their day pissed or banging six inch nails into walls with their deformed foreheads.

The decision has apparently been called racist and 'eco-xenophobic' by somebody at Sheffield Hallam University (that doesn't sound like a real university, does it? Probably one of those jumped up polytechnics.) Anyway you can look at that story from Saturday's Telegraph by clicking here.


Sunday, October 04, 2009

Tracey To Become Tax Exile?

Hooley-dooley, that was a good night out last night in Broadstairs and the girls were on good form. Unfortunately it was a bit chilly and it even rained at one point. How the local 'ladies' can go around in lycra mini skirts, or 'pussy pelmets' as my old recidivist Dad still calls them, along with tiny tops that leave nothing to the imagination I don't know and I won't go into the quality of Thanet men. I think I'll save that for another day.

Talking of local ladies, I see from my copy of the Sunday Times this morning that Margate's 'wunderkind' Tracey Emin is thinking of moving to France for tax reasons. She reckons that with the new 50% tax rate for those earning over £150,000 a year she will have to pay something like 65p in the pound in tax. 'The French have lower tax rates and they appreciate arts and culture,' she tells the Sunday Times and adds: 'This Labour government has had no understanding for the arts. At least in France their politicians have always understood the importance of culture and they have traditionally helped out artists with subsidy and some tax advantages.'

Well said Tracey. Did anyone else see our 'Culture' Secretary Ben Bradshaw struggling to remember who Roman Polanski is on the BBC's Question Time on Thursday? You could practically see the cogs whirring. I was sure he was wondering: 'Roman Polanski? Did he do Rosemary's Baby?' To which the answer would in all likelihood have been 'Yes'.

Now I know this isn't the general view around here but I have always admired Tracey and think she is an underused asset as far as Margate is concerned, and I would be sad to see her go. At least here in Ramsgate we could wave to her in France on a clear day. Maybe she could build one of her famous neon signs for us in Calais, 100s of feet high, saying 'Wish you were here'?

Tracey Emin interview in the Sunday Times

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Noise Pollution

My what a lot of planes have flown over Ramsgate today. I personally find them really irritating and would prefer it if the airport closed for good, but that is just a personal opinion and I know that is not Richard's view. As someone who runs a local business employing ten people I feel it does the Ramsgate economy more harm than good to be having British Airways, private jets and cargo planes flying over all day. Heaven knows what it will be like if they agree these night flights.

Some of them do not even seem to have markings but here is a list of airlines banned by the EU, I am sure you will spot some of them coming into Manston!


The first line of defence against potentially unsafe airlines is the Commission's blacklist - which details all airlines barred from European airspace. While largely composed of African and Asian airlines, there are also a number closer to home:



All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Angola, excluding TAAG Angola Airlines which can operate only to Portugal with one of its new Boeing 777-200ER aircraft and only under strict conditions, including:


All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Benin, including:


Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Democratic Republic Of Congo

All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Democratic Republic Of Congo, including:

Equatorial Guinea

All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Equatorial Guinea, including:


All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Gabon, including:


All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Indonesia (excluding Garuda Indonesia, Mandala Airlines, Airfast Indonesia and Premiair) including:


Kyrgyz Republic

All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Kyrgyz Republic, including:


All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Liberia.


Sierra Leone

All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Sierra Leone, including:



All air carriers certified by the authorities with responsibility for regulatory oversight of Swaziland, including: