Pickwick Capers

Regular Ramsgate reader Steve writes:

Happy Mother's Day - NOT!

I go to bed early last night having prepared breakfast, put teabags in the pot for the morning, written card from my infant son - it was all ready for the big day today.

Imagine my, and my wife's, disappointment when we were awoken about 0230 this morning by the sound of a nearby car horn - which went on and on and on.......

After about 5 minutes of this, shouting and screaming could also be heard. Police were called, clothes donned and a walk to the end of the road to see what all the commotion was about.

What is it about carpet fitters and Thanet? One seems intent on ruining it right from the top, whilst the others seem to scrape around the bottom pissing everyone off in between. Pickwicks Carpets from Park Lane Ramsgate had picked up his very drunk girlfriend, had an argument whilst driving home, and decided to park up on the way and have a row which woke a whole neighbourhood up. She locked herself in the van, honked the horn for 15 minutes while her idiot carpet-fitter other half screamed abuse from the outside.

So, if you were woken up by this pr*ck this morning, please do what I am going to do - ring them tomorrow morning and ask them for a quote for fitting some shagpile. When asked how much you need, tell them you want enough to stuff in your ears so you can't hear their idiotic employees arguing at the end of your road at 2.30 in the morning.

Hmmm. Sounds like he was giving her a right carpeting Steve. Still, it's better than being woken up by a noisy shag! Or seagull. Er, no. I don't know what I'm talking about now either.

A Pound For Your Thoughts

It's not often I grace the teeny-tiny streets of Boredstares with my presence, dear reader, and then it's usually under the cover of darkness. After all, I wouldn't want to be mobbed by the paps!

So forgive the gloominess of the above sepiatone, but it's there to illustrate that the Range Rover-loving Boredstarians now have their very own [trumpet fanfare] - pound shop! I must say it's furnished me with a delightful feeling of schadenfreude to know that the Dickensoned Dickensians can now step out of their tanning shops and binge on 3kg of sticky crap for a oncer, or cop a handy four gross of clothes pegs for a sov. When Iceland opens up in the former Woollies this autumn, it'll complete the town's transformation from picturesque, Devon style quaintness to all-out Isle of Sheppey chaverama!

But wait! Perchance I spoke too soon! This is 'PoundPlus'! And a quick call to my spies on the east side has confirmed that everything in the shop costs a pound or more! Kuh, typical! I suspect it won't be long before the canny traders of Cliftonville latch onto the scam and start opening PennyPlus stores!

What The Dickens

Oh go on then, I'm in a giving, generous mood, so I'll also mention that Dickens Week starts in Boredstares this weekend too. So if dressing in Victorian bathing costumes and cramming small children up chimleys is your cup of Earl Grey, you know where to go!