Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News!

Cripes! The Gazunder's super-scooping cub reporter Thom Morris has got himself another splash in today's Thanet Times! Although I'm not sure that our local flying doctor/Tory councillor will be particularly chuffed to see one of his aerial photographs illustrating Labour MP Dr Steve Ladyboy's outcry over more predicted traffic chaos at Westwood Livid. Only last weekend Simes was tugging a banner around the Ile urging us to vote Tory if we wanted a say in the EU 'Is it or isn't it a' Treaty debate.

Elsewhere in the paper, lovely editor Rebecca Smith is complaining that Lib Dem leader Ming the Charisma-less has a 'seriously uncool' name. So in the best traditions of Windscale, H Block and Labour I'm launching a poll to find a new moniker for the old fart and boost his ratings. Or if you have a better suggestion email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

And check out the ECR TV story below for Tony Flaig's view of Westwood Chaos.

Browntongue Disease Sweeps Isle

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Political Editor R. Slicker

Browntongue Disease, a virus which has already caused the death of many regeneration areas across the UK, has been found in Thanet for the first time.

So far there have been nearly 3,000 cases in the rest of Britain, and political scientists feared it was just a matter of time before the tip of Kent became infected. The condition is carried by Estateagentus Rapacius midgets (Surely midges? - Ed.) when they are blown by warm property winds from hotspots such as Brighton and Whitstable towards milder parts of the country.

The virus itself is transmitted when the midgets lick the bottoms of local politicians and tell them that what the area really needs is a new art gallery/retail park/block of luxury apartments. It is then only a matter of time before the district becomes swollen with enormous Tescos, Travelodges, Turnip Centres and empty penthouses.

(That's enough Browntongue Disease - Ed.)

Blogged Off

No way am I returning to Blogger. Not even if you begged me. I have so many friends now on Facebook (eight). Even our glorious council leader Sandy Beach has joined in the fun! And I'm expecting to announce another big name signing any minute.

OK, I know that other Thanet blogs are attempting to fill the ECR gap. But let's face it, they're not hacking it are they? Just today Dr Biggles ran the story about 3.5bn square metres of glasshouses being erected in Birchington which I broke a week ago. Not the glasshouses, the story.

So you're definitely missing out on all the fun and goss if you don't join me here. See you on the other side!

Dreamland Consultation

Yes yes. I know I said I was off to Facebook but regular reader Millicent has kindly sent me the survey for the TDC Dreamland consultation which the Uranians have seen fit not to put on their website.

So if you want to deluge Cecil Square, feel free to email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk and I'll pop the survey over to you as a .pdf document. Closing date for responses is 12th October.

Update: Thanks to Degsy for pointing out that the survey is now available online here.

Last Post

Justin, my publicist, advises me that Blogger has now officially jumped the shark. So where to next? MySpace? Hardly. That's so old hat that it's been grabbed by the Murdochs.

No, the clever money is apparently now on Facebook, so that's where you'll find me in future. If you can work out who I really am that is. Toodle-pip!

The Changing Face Of Thanet

Here's a map I made 18 months ago of the Ile de Thanet and boy, how things have changed! Our casino will soon be moving to Westworld Chaos, and now most of the fart bushes are going to be replaced by tomatoes and peppers.

Still plenty of hairy folkers in Boredstares, though. And the number of pit bull tugging track-suited types in Margate has, if anything, increased!

Corporate B*ll*cks

Bev, my agent, has booked me in for one of those corporate jobs. I'm not normally one to prostitute my art, but the gas bill has just arrived.

On the one or two previous occasions I've presented corporate videos, I've always been struck by the appalling taste in art these large organisations possess. One company had an enormous statue of a naked Greek god proudly standing in front of its revolving doors, greeting all and sundry with the unavoidable sight of its rather over-exaggerated but nonetheless muscular buttocks. But the prize for the best example of arse gratia artis must go to a well-known utility company based in the Home Counties.

When this particular company moved into its shiny new glass palace, the then CEO decided that what it really needed to finish the whole thing off was a statue of a prancing stallion on the roundabout which stood between the east and the west wings. He owned several Ferraris, I seem to recall. However, the artist must have latched on to the testosterone fuelled nature of this commission, and endowed the statue with the heftiest set of equine testicles ever to grace a company forecourt. After a few weeks, and a myriad of complaints, the crestfallen artist was recalled and made to remove the offending spheres with an angle grinder.

The Deputy CEO told me that story, whilst we were waiting for the cameras to be set up. He was a much more amiable cove than the top man, and had therefore been chosen to be the face of the company. His office was on the opposite side of the building to the CEO's. 'He gets to look at the horse's head, and I get to stare at the arse all day,' I remember him saying. 'Shows which way my career's going.' Sure enough, he was history within a year.

The Veg Of Teh Known World

Cripes! A new company styling itself 'Thanet Earth' is set to build seven, eight metre high glasshouses on the Ile - covering the equivalent of 75 football pitches - and fill them with tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers. Construction of the glasshouses, and a 30,000 square metre pack-house, is due to start in March 2008. The first commercial crops, which will be grown 24/7 using heat and lights, will hit the supermarket shelves in autumn 2008.

Should make a pleasant change from the usual pot plants and fart bushes cultivated in these parts.

Full story

Bloody Immigrants

Proof if ever it were needed that Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula is being swamped. (Note to self: must forward this to Councillor/Dr Biggles.)

Paiglegate

Nice to see Gazunder editor Rebecca Smith back at the helm this week after maternity leave. Not only that, but she's written today's front page lead, and what a scoop!

Apparently that bunch from Reading are in talks to sell Margate's Dreamland eyesore to Paigle, the people who did a magnificent job of tarting up the Sea Bathing Hospital, and are planning to do the same to the Cliftonville Lido. The deal could be sealed as early as next month, according to the Gazunder.

Got The Painters In 2

Many thanks to my spies for providing a full report of last night's Eastcliff Residents' Association meeting with the Pleasurama developers (see previous post). The architects, developers and builders were all represented, along with the estate agent and a couple of chaps from TDC (Brian White and Doug Brown). Here are the, er, highlights:

Brian White started saying planning consent had been given but the detail that had been revisited was the final roof design and the material finish – we were shown a piece of grey material which will be on the roof. It was pointed out that residents had not been consulted about the roof changes.

There is money this year to repair the cliff face – but from what was said they seem to be going to remove quite a chunk too. Coping will be put back in place. Epoxy resin coating in light grey colour. Tenders go out next Wednesday.

Knights (the builders) will be on site from next Monday starting traffic changes in Harbour Parade – hope to have meeting soon with local traders and contractors to consult re how to deal with inevitable disturbance. Lady from Playbay asked re parking spaces for her customers – they had not been told work would start Monday. Waffly answer meant in reality they won’t have any spaces. A question was asked about whether there would be hoarding along the cliff top once the repairs had been effected, Knights replied that waist high railings would be sufficient for site protection.

107 apartments, 60 bed hotel, restaurant, shops etc. “virtually” at existing level. Environment Agency say it should be 5.5m above sea level but in fact is 6.05 m. In the event of a 1953 style flood the retail on the ground floor would flood but the apartments would be OK. Height has been “depressed”. Explained roof gardens etc. Spaces for 184 cars on site i.e. 1 car per appartment, 1 car per hotel room plus 17 spare for traders – none for visitors. Said this was going to be a “stunning development” that will regenerate the town. Terence Painter said there was lots of interest - one hotel chain was on the point of signing but they were still talking with others. Will take 2.5 years to complete.

Geoff Woods asked if SFP Ventures (the developer) would be willing to support bandstand project financially – Terence Painter said he was willing to discuss it.

Jocelyn McCarthy asked about which route all the building lorries would take into town – the reply was twisted to mean just site access but that was not what Jocelyn asked. Terence P said there was a meeting next week to discuss this. Gerry O’Ramsgate asked again about the effect on the harbour traders during two and a half years of building works – said their concerns were not really being taken seriously (applause).

Other points which came up during the meeting were that the Marina Restaurant is to be redeveloped, space for traditional seaside entertainments and amusements in the new Pleasurama development is a commercial rather than a planning issue, flat owners will not have a clause in their lease preventing complaints about music at the bandstand (following the recent complaints from flat owners about music from the bandstand in Cliftonville).

Peter Landi rounded off the meeting very succinctly saying he was horrified that they (the developers and council) had come to the meeting so ill-prepared. Were the council aware of the extent of the tunnels under the East Cliff? He lived on the East Cliff during the war and remembers the vibrations from the bombs and anti-aircraft guns and was not sure the cliff was going to stand all the work just about to be done to it.

The general feeling was that residents had not been consulted even though work is supposed to start on Monday. No definite plans are in place for site access and lorries through the town. No guarantee of safe access to the beach. Not enough parking places – Doug Brown went off at a complete tangent claiming it was political to assume people would use cars less in future and raving on about walking buses to schools which had nothing whatsoever to do with the evening’s topic.

Got The Painters In

Just a reminder that the Eastcliff Residents' Association meets tonight at 7.30pm. Special guest will be diminutive property magnate Terence Painter, who's i/c flogging the Pleasurama development should it ever be built.

Expect some tough questions about the height of the building, the concomitant repairs to our crumbling East Cliff, and whether every luxury apartment will come with its own life raft, due to it being built on a flood plain. Should have a full report for you tomorrow.

Margate Couple Scoop £8m

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Money Editor Dud Fivers

A couple from Margate are celebrating their good fortune this week after picking up a massive £8m cheque.

Sid and Doris Wantsum went from rags to riches after seeing an advertisement in a glossy architecture magazine at their dentist. 'It was inviting designs for an arts centre in Margate,' a delighted Doris told the Gazunder. 'Sid used to be a builder and had the plans left over from a conservatory he put up, so we took a chance and sent them in.' A week later a cheque for £8m arrived.

The couple say they are now planning to spend the money on a big house in Marbella (Shurely Margate? - Ed.).

Here's how you can cash in:

1. Draw building on back of fag packet.
2. Post to SEEDA/Arts Council/KCC
3. Sit back and plan your holiday - the cheque's in the post!

Picture This

As a patron of the arts, I'm often looking for new material to hang in the gallery here at my cliff top mansion. The Monets are quite nice, but to be frank I'm getting a bit bored with them. What it needs is something that reflects the area. Something with a bit of brine, a dab of decline, and a smidge of seaside seediness.

Which is why I was delighted to find the photographic musings of Mr DJ Bass on that flickr photo thingo on the internet. His studies of the tip of Kent are nothing short of superb. I could wax lyrical, but a million words would hardly do justice to his pictures. So I urge you to sneak a peek for yourselves.

Click here to see DJ Bass on flickr

New Paper

It's here - the very first edition of your super, soaraway yourthanet! I picked this up from a pile in the corner of the corner shop this morning. Published by those nice people at Kent on Sunday, yourthanet imaginatively styles itself The newspaper for Margate, Ramsgate, Broadstairs and district.

As you can see, the front page splashes drooping fortunes at Pfizer, our local Viagra manufacturer, whose lead has definitely fallen out of its pencil. Mind you, the writing was already on that particular wall back in December. The paper's nicely laid out, with the usual KOS mix of style, celebrity, and a little bit of news thrown in. There's even a 'mystery blogger' who does a passable but ultimately unconvincing imitation of yours truly. All wrapped around the meat in the sandwich - reams and reams of ads for property and cars.

My old mate Frank appears to be a big fan, judging by the number of pages he's taken out. In fact local bigwigs have flocked to congratulate KOS on the launch. Among the twittering stars in Thanet's firmament to append their best wishes are Sir Roger Wind, Dr Steve Ladychap, and our glorious council leader Sandy Beach, who, with no sense of irony whatsoever, given the story on page 5 which details Margate traders at their wits' ends over the closure of the Dreamland cinema ('There's nothing left here'), kicks off his spiel with: 'People and businesses are upbeat and they talk about the opportunities that are available.' Constant plugs, too, for yourkenttv, a pallid version of my own ECR TV surrounded by annoying ads.

Oh well, it's bound to be ludicrously lucrative, and will certainly give Sadscene a run for its money, if not the Gazunder itself. Now, all I need is a silly name for it. Anyone for yawnthanet?

Update: Kent County Council's TV offering, due to launch on 21st September courtesy of 1.6m of your council tax pounds, is now running a promo on its website. Typically for a made in Maidstone production, their opening gambit is: 'Kent TV, coming soon from Maidstone, Canterbury, Faversham, Tunbridge Wells, Dover, Whitstable!' Not a dickie bird about the 127,000 souls who live in Kent's East End.

Honestly, next time my council tax demand arrives, I'm seriously contemplating posting the cheque to Lille.

Dr Richdiet Says...

OK. You know you want it. I know you want it. Here it is. The next nail-biting instalment of 'Dr Richdiet Says...'!

The story so far... Dr Helmet Richdiet, the man charged by Thanet District Council with administering the £1.5m Heritage Lottery Tarting-Up-Ramsgate-Front Fund has resigned in a fit of Teutonic pique. He's accused the project of being underfunded, and the Uranians of making too many promises. Basic skills and proper ways of working do not exist on the Ile. Now read on, before it completely burns a hole in my inbox...

All key projects are blocked.

West Cliff Terrace Mansions: Not any chance to start the restoration of one of the most beautiful buildings in England in collaboration with these property owners, who have played cat and mouse with TDC for decades. Enforcement did and does not exist in reality. [Sentence removed for legal reasons.]

The only solution to save this building might be, that the National Trust or a similar organisation buys it, that it is restored according heritage standards and then may sold again. WCTM might become a pilot project for a professional restoration combined with modern equipment like a real central heating, a central aerial, a roof garden with view to France, and a rainwater soak-away, sealants in bathrooms and kitchens, sound insulation in the hollow floors and so on.

Devonshire House: One building, two property owners. New and existing property owners are not able to manage such a large and difficult project.

Nelson Crescent/Prospect Terrace: All property owners want to have all for free. Wealthy people are applying for grants to let replace some rotten sill-boards, because they have spent all their money inside.

Kent Terrace and Sion Hill: Insensitive Planning Permissions by TDC. Trouble with the neighbourhood is programmed. HLF and English Heritage will not be amused. The architects should read the booklet, which is written by the Prince of Wales 20 years ago.

Albion Place: It is not possible to close the bomb gaps. The residents do not want to loose their parking.

Granville House: Large amount of basic reinstatement works, which may be impossible to be financed and managed by the property owners. [Sentence removed for legal reasons.]

Royal Harbour, Arches in Military Rd and Royal Esplanade: Somebody has forgotten to prepare a professional sealant in 1993. To make it may cost £ millions now. The cleaning of the brickwork face is wasting money without having sealed all leaks properly before. [Sentence removed for legal reasons.] TDC, KCC and English Heritage are blocking each other. In the meantime one of the badly corroded antique German steel beams of the prime generation of mild steel may break. That may cause more damages to the structure than to remove them immediately.

Hmm. Something is rotten in the state of Thanet, and it ain't just the buildings!

Once Upon A Time In The North

I know you're dying for the next instalment of 'Dr Richdiet Says...' but I'm sticking with the Arsonists' Playground today. Reader Millicent has sent me this cutting from the Thanet Times dated 31st May 1901:

Margate, the sun of the East Coast, the healthiest place in the Universe, the children’s paradise, the Londoners’ pleasure resort, the invalids’ last hope. It rejuvenates the old, makes strong the weak, and invigorates the jaded. You buy a railway ticket and we do the rest. The air, which contains more health giving properties to the cubic inch than any other town in England, is laid direct on the North Sea. Nature’s marvellous panorama of sea, cliff, and sands may be viewed free of charge. Thousands can witness without payment, the glorious sunsets which are considered the biggest things of their kind in England. Margate, the paragon of watering-places. Come and try it and when you return to your homes restored in health and strength, recommend your friends to come too.

Stripe me pink! They don't write publicity material like that any more! Not about Margate anyway. There's a bit about the rest of the Ile too:

This beautiful Isle of Thanet, in addition to its being grandly rich in its historical associations, filling the soul with admiration and delight, gives life and vigour, health and strength to every visitor that honours it with their presence, and hold to declare that it is nothing less than a foretaste of the precious elixir of immortality.

The precious elixir of immortality, eh? I think they stock that down at Superdrug these days, don't they?

Dreamland Themeland

The results of my latest 7-day poll show that a modern theme park or aquarium are your top choices for restoring Margate's Dreamland eyesore to its former glory.

Interestingly more people would prefer to let the place rot or burn down than build luxury apartments on the site. And less than a third felt that a heritage amusement park was just the ticket for revitalising the area's fortunes. The results in full (more than one choice was allowed in the poll):

Question: What should be done with Dreamland?

Modern theme park: 60% (24 votes)
Aquarium: 50% (20 votes)
Ice rink/other leisure: 40% (16 votes)
Heritage amusement park: 30% (12 votes)
Let it rot/burn: 17% (7 votes)
Luxury apartments: 5% (2 votes)

Don't forget our local council is currently holding a consultation on Dreamland until 12th October, so if you really do want a modern theme park, now's the time to tell them. So that they can ignore you and rubber stamp luxury apartments and a heritage amusement park, of course.

Company Cardigan

How splendid to be back in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula! Not quite the welcome I imagined, though. No comments, and Sir Roger Wind staring up at me from the doormat at the old CTM, imploring me to fight crime by placing his sticker in my window. I'm sure his gummy smile would be enough to deter even the most hardened bogus salesman, but as far as I know he's not even my MP. No, that honour goes to Dr Steve Ladychap.

Ah well. I had a good run back from Snives in the Priapus, and while I was there Alain, my cardi-ologist, fitted me for a gorgeous, hand-loomed organic hemp number, so I'll be cutting a dash on the Croisette later (Churchills). A bientot!

Tate That

Apologies to the hoard (Degsy) who are clearly gagging for the next thrilling instalment of 'Dr Richdiet Says...' but I've been called down to the tip of Cornwall by my old arts chums at Tate St. Ives. Something about urgently needing something hung well. Or was it someone well hung? It escapes me now. So you'll have to wait a couple of days to hear more of the Teutonic apparatchik's valediction to Thanet Council. Crumbs! I think I might have swallowed a dictionary for breakfast!

The Tate has worked miracles for St. Ives and the surrounding area, just like the Turnip Centre will undoubtedly do for Thanet. When I was in St. Ives a couple of months ago I got into a conversation with the lady who's run the fudge shop on the front since Cocky was an egg, and she was positively effusive.

'They're trying to build an extension. We've all petitioned against it, but it won't do any bloody good,' she proclaimed. 'But it must have benefited the area?' I countered. 'Oh yes. You get the arty types and the surfers now. But they don't buy fudge. They come in and ask if they can have a small slice to taste it.' Proof, then, of the boom times ahead for Margate!

Dr Richdiet Says...

I've had to omit a couple of sentences here for legal reasons. Herr Dr Richdiet continues:

English Heritage is not able to give support. Their rules for scaffolding on listed buildings are ridiculous and are ignoring European Norms and British Standards. I am afraid to let erect scaffolds at buildings of the seafront. Basic requirements of safe working condition are not available in Thanet. I am waiting for a structural adviser for months.

Nobody wants to play with me neither the property owners (“Dr Richdiet makes it too expensive for us”) nor the consultants (“Dr Richdiet wants to know single unit prices. What a terrible question”), nor the contractors (“We don’t like to disclose our price calculations”).

A private consultant is not able to work out a solution for the replacement of a tiny balcony within half a year. A quantity surveyor is refusing to disclose quantities of his project. His tender documents are medieval and opaque. Structural engineers are inexperienced or only want to work for nightclub-prices. (Eh? - Ed.) Basic requirements for a good restoration are not available in Thanet: Experienced engineers, serious consultants and surveyors, skilled tradesmen.

There's loads more if you want it. But honestly, I'm an artiste! I need an audience! [Exits stage left sobbing uncontrollably.]

Dr Richdiet Says...

The whole concept of HLF (Heritage Lottery Fund) is bound to fail especially during such a boom time of reinstatement works like in Thanet now. In my opinion everybody is blocking everybody in Thanet. There has been not any serious investigation or calculation before the application to HLF. There is not enough money for such a large project. In reality I might not give more than 10% as grant. There have been too many promises by TDC before the grant scheme has started. Not anybody of the property owners is interested in the quality of works. Some of them thought TDC might finance a proper lick of paint. And contractors are booked-out until next year!

Would you like to see some more?

Germany Calling

I see our local council have just introduced fixed penalty fines for litter louts. Just in time, it would seem, because you'll never guess what I found in a pile of rubbish on Augusta Road today? Only the resignation letter from that German fellow they employed to administer £1.5m of tarting up money from the Heritage Lottery Fund for Ramsgate! It must have been thrown out with all those old nappies and sanitary towels.

The money is earmarked for improvement schemes to buildings in the conservation area, which now stretches right along Ramsgate front. But Dr Helmet Richdiet resigned a couple of months ago in a fit of frustration at the lack of co-operation and skills he found in the area. It makes uncomfortable, if rather Teutonic reading for Thanet Council, I can say! Yes, yes, I know it's been in the local papers, but not everyone who reads this blog is local, are they? And now I've got the whole letter, not just selected snippets.

So would you like to see it?

Bussed Up

When you're a celebrity, like me, you don't take public transport. The hoards of fans and autograph hunters are just too much to bear. I have noticed, however, that we're pretty well served for public transport here on the Ile de Thanet, and have often wondered what it would be like to travel on the Thanet Loop. Well last night I got my chance.

Meandering along the grimy back streets behind our beautiful East Cliff in search of a late night bottle of Chardonnay, I came across a single decker bus attempting to negotiate the junction of D'Este Road and Truro Road. I wasn't aware that this was a normal route for this service, and it soon transpired that the driver wasn't aware of the normal route either. He had become wedged between the cars parked on all sides of this narrow junction, and was stuck.

Quick as a flash he leapt out of his bus and beckoned me over. 'I was on my way back to the depot and took the wrong turn, Can you help? You'll have to get up the back and give me directions.' As the vehicle was empty, I was happy to oblige. Which was how I got a free ride, in reverse, all the way to Victoria Parade, a distance of at least 50 yards.

Well, as they say on their buses, you'd be loopy not to, wouldn't you?

Update: As some of you have pointed out, the entire episode was rather reminiscent of this:

Life's A Mitch

As ever your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard is first with the blogging news! Say hello to Ramsgate Mitch, who's retired from the world of serious work and now devotes his time to family, renovating his house and 'trying to keep out of mischief', amongst other things.

Mitch says: I'm going to try and use this log on a daily basis and let you know about things as they happen here. There won't be anything controversial because the whole set up is global not just one known person to another. Some of the 'blogs' I've looked at seem to want to shock and maybe push radical thinking beyond acceptable boundaries. Not here it'll be my day to day happenings that could be of interest to those who know me.

I wonder who he could mean by that?

All Agog At The Synagogue

Our local biblio-bloke, Michael Child, who owns the splendid Michael's Book Shop in Ramsgate's trendy King Street, has been out and about with his camera again. His latest collection is from the recent rare open day at the Montefiore Synagogue and Mausoleum between Dumpton Park Drive and Hereson Road.

For those of you with only a slender grasp of Ramsgate history, Sir Moses Montefiore was the original millionaire to settle in the Millionaire's Playground, way back in Victorian times. He was a renowned wit, and a huge benefactor to the town. I like to think I'm continuing that tradition.

According to his entry in Wikipedia in 1873 a local paper mistakenly ran his obituary, to which his response was: 'Thank God to have been able to hear of the rumour and to read an account of the same, with my own eyes, without using spectacles.' A local paper making a mistake? Surely not!

Anyhoo, you can see all Michael's photos here. And I'm not one to be picky, but why on earth he's got a link to the flying doctor on his front page, and not Ramsgate's current foremost citizen, heaven knows!

Dreamland Poll Chance

With the listed cinema due to close later this year due to competition from the new multiplex at Westworld Chaos, the final nail has been well and truly driven into the Dreamland coffin. There've been many suggestions as to what should replace it, with the front runner currently a mix of residential and retail, plus a few old rides preserved in aspic as a sop to the Save Dreamland campaigners.

But what do you think? I've added another 7-day poll to my sidebar, with a number of choices to vote for. And just in case you have more than one preference, I've configured it so you can vote for any combination you like.

So, what are you waiting for? Get voting!

Update: Our local council are currently holding one of their marvellous 'public consultations' on the future of Dreamland. Next Monday, 10th September, they will be hosting a 'drop-in session' for two whole hours from 2pm to 4pm when you'll be able to talk to council officers, fill out a survey and have your say. Providing, one assumes, that you say the right things. The survey is, apparently, also available online on their website, but I'm buggered if I can find it.

Click here for council press release. Closing date for the 'consultation' is 12th October.

Charity Begins At Ramsgate

Whilst on an urgent mission to the Costcutter for essential provisions yesterday (high strength painkillers), I noticed a new charity box next to the till.

Being a millionaire, I usually deposit any spare coppers in the RNLI lifeboat as those chaps do marvellous work, and all deserve to be cannonised in my humble opinion. Often, however, the lifeboat is stuffed to the gunwales as other millionaires hereabouts feel the same, and so it was on this occasion. So I moved on to the St John Ambulance box, but that too possessed an elegant sufficiency. It was at that point that I spied a new, third box for something called Beach Within Reach. As it didn't sport a registered charity number, merely a mobile phone number, I have to admit I was slightly sus, but I popped my two pennorth in nonetheless.

This morning I checked on the Charity Commission website, and it seems that Beach Within Reach was formed in June this year, with the primary aim of relieving the needs of people with a physical limitation by supplying, operating and maintaining four all terrain wheelchairs together with associated items for use on Ramsgate Main Beach to enable equal access for people of all ages with a physical limitation and for use by local organisations and charities who work with people with a physical limitation in order to enable them to both use the sands and enter shallow water. More details can be found here.

So, a genuine and worthy cause after all. By the way, you may have seen those posters advertising the Quality Coast Awards around the place. I've already done my bit and given Ramsgate a write-up, if you'd care to do the same you can find their site here.

Venice Of The North

Before I tool off and get astonishingly drunk with my Finnish fiends, I see that yesterday's Times mentioned Exodus, that Channel 4 film they made in the Arsonists' Playground last year. It's been entered for the Venice Film Festival. Here's what they say about Margate:

Exodus features 25 nonactors who were given speaking roles, and more than 800 extras. All are from Margate, Kent, which thrived when Turner painted there but which today is defined by unemployment, drugs, crime and asylum-seekers.

Talk about give a dog a bad name.

Full story

Those Crazy Finns!

I'm kicking back a bit today. It's my birthday. 29. At least, that what it says on the publicity handouts. I'm pretty philosophical about it. After all, as the great Finnish ski jumper Matti Nykänen once said: 'Tomorrow is always the future'. That was after he went on to become a boozed-up cabaret singer and male stripper, one assumes.

Actually there's a bit of a Finnish theme to today's celebrations, as I've booked my old Eurovision-winning chums Lordi to play in the marquee here at the CTM. I'm taking their advice and freezing some vodka to use as ice cubes in the, er, vodka.

Ah yes, they're a great bunch, the Finns. Open, honest and direct, as this clip amply demonstrates:

The Lonely Boat Nerd

How marvellous to be back in the thick of the showbiz action! This offer to star in Ramsgate! - The Musical has reinvigorated the old Eastcliff imagination. I've even started writing the songs!

[ECR:]
High on a cliff was a lonely boat nerd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Rich was the name of the lonely boat nerd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Down in the port an old matelot heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Lusty and clear from the boat nerd's throat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[the Ramsgatonians:]
O ho lay dee odl lee o, o ho lay dee odl ay
O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay

[ECR:]
A mate on the bridge of a ferry boat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
[Councillor Green:]
A scrote in the sky with a jet to fly heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[the Ramsgatonians:]
Blokes in the midst of a roofing quote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
[ECR:]
Chaps drinking Gadds with the foam afloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

A twonk with a vote who had proved turncoat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
[Councillor Turncoat:]
I fingered back to the lonely boat nerd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[ECR:]
Soon had a man with a gleaming gloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
A pain with a plane and an anecdote heard
[ECR and the Ramsgatonians:]
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

[ECR and the Ramsgatonians:]
Ummm (ummm) . . .
Odl lay ee (odl lay ee)
Odl lay hee hee (odl lay hee hee)
Odl lay ee . . .
. . . yodeling . . .

[Sandy Beach:]
One cheeky git in a bright blue coat heard
[ECR:]
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hoo hoo
[Sandy Beach:]
He yodeled back to the lonely boat nerd
Effing odl tosser odl-oo

[ECR and the Ramsgatonians:]
Eff-ing tosser odl lay ee
Tosser odl lay lay hee hee
Eff-ing tosser odl lay ee
Tosser odl lay hee hee!

Do You Wantsum More Jazz?

A couple of clips on BoobTube of last weekend's Wantsum Jazz Festival at our very own super-duper, out of this world East Cliff bandstand. The first is from our local biblio-bloke, Michael Child, the second from someone revelling in the appellation The Fat Baker. Groove!

East Side Story

It goes without saying that I'm usually a man of utmost discretion, but I can't keep my von Trapp shut about this any longer.

I've been contacted by a television company who want to make Ramsgate! - The Musical. I kid you not. Here's what their representative said:

I’ve been reading your blogs and they’re very informative and funny (natch). I’d love to talk to ‘real people’ in regards to Ramsgate and the lack of or may be not community spirit, what they think Ramsgate is missing and how successful do they think a musical project such as ours would work bringing different sides of the community together.

I really need to speak to key people that have opposing opinions as well. Youth Leaders, prominent business men busy bodies etc. We have visited the Newington Area and were particularly interested in working with the residents there as well as the wider area of Ramsgate.

Can you sing Richard and would you be interested in taking part in this project? You could use your real name and there would be no need to mention Richard Eastcliffe at all.

Hmmm. Well, obviously I can sing. I wouldn't have been voted TV Times Entertainer of the Year (1989) if I couldn't. I'd better have a word with Bev, my agent.

Ramsgate! - The Musical (artist's impression)

Mansion Sweet Mansion

Phew! What a relief to be back here in the Ile's premier location! I tell you, the sound of silence over in Broadstairs is deafening. All I did last night was jostle with millions of people, and hundreds of rozzers in stab vests, to see the Wednesday fireworks. I mean, where's the point in that?

Wither Margate?

Sitting here in the serenity of my Broadstairs guest house, it's hard not to forget that I'm just that little bit closer to Margate than I would be ordinarily.

So what news of the place? Well, the Margate Town Renewal Community Partnership Alliance, or whatever they're called this week, are asking for design ideas for a feature that will signpost what they describe as the town's 'architectural gem', according to the BBC website.

What be that then? The listed Dreamland Cinema? No, that's closing. The Lido then? No, that's being converted into flats. The Sea Bathing Hospital? Nope. Ditto. So what do they mean? Well, here's the griff:

We know there's a great deal going on in Margate's creative industries at the moment. They're at the heart of the town's regeneration and are helping to change the face of the Old Town beyond recognition from a few years ago, when it was falling into dereliction. We are aiming to take that regeneration forward and we want artists and designers involved in that process. Margate's cultural regeneration into a "dynamic, thriving and successful town" also includes a new Turner Contemporary gallery and ongoing redevelopment plans for the Dreamland site it says here.

Hmmm. You know, maybe it's time to resurrect my plan from over a year ago to install a giant arse on Margate front. You never know, there'd probably be a hatful of grants, and I couldn't think of a more fitting tribute to the place. After all, if you're going to die on your arse, you might as well make it a big one!

Richborough Pickings

Cripes! Someone's literally making a bomb at our local disused power station! Either that or they're putting together a militia to repel all non-Thanetians.

I spotted this video on BoobTube, it's actually those chaps at Shadow Ops Airsoft Ramsgate who've converted the place into an urban combat zone for pellet-powered war games. And knowing my readers take a keen interest in militaria, particularly in the context of redundant power facilities, I thought I'd give you the chance to have a butcher's.

Actually it's perked me up a bit. It's quite the snooze cruise here in global epicentre of Victorian bathing paraphernalia.

Up On The Roof

Haha. No, really, it's only temporary this move to Boredstares. I'm staying at a rather nice guest house on the front while Dave the Roofer replaces some of the tiles that our 400 tonne aluminium friend has been blowing off.

I've just popped back to monitor progress, and as you can see he's getting on pretty well. By the way, the device to the left of the chimney is what he uses to treat the East Cliff to the sophisticated sounds of KMFM. With his own vocal accompaniment of course. As I was leaving, he'd just launched into the chorus of Karma Chameleon.

Change Of Address

Ahem. According to the weekend's Sunday Mirror, Broadstairs is now the latest 'must-live-in' destination. So I've taken the appropriate steps to keep up with the Joneses.

Full Sunday Mirror story

Manston Flights A Nuisance - Official

It's official! 73% of you think training flights from RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport are a nuisance.

Of the 78 people who voted in my 7 day poll, only 15 thought that having a 400 tonne Oasis Hong Kong Airlines 747 flying feet from their bonces every five minutes didn't constitute an annoyance. The results in full:

Question: Are Manston training flights a nuisance?

Yes: 73% (57 votes)
No: 19% (15 votes)
Can't hear myself think: 6% (5 votes)
Don't know: 1% (1 vote)

Let's hope this gives our local politicians (step forward Councillor Green) the ammunition to press for tighter control of these flights such as perhaps a weekend ban, or at the very least better monitoring, and publication of the flight times and any trangressions on the Manston and/or TDC websites.

Meanwhile you can sign my Downing Street petition here. Let's see if we can swell number of signatures to above, um, 30!

Hangover

Yurgh! I'm feeling a trifle delicate this morning. I blame a certain local brewer. Well, no, that's not fair really. After all, he wasn't the idiot who poured eight pints down the old Eastcliff gullet. No, that was me.

Thanks to everyone involved in putting on such a splendid bash at the bandstand yesterday. And apologies to everyone I bored with my latest gut-busting joke about the trainee psychic who packed it in because he couldn't see a future in it. Somehow it doesn't seem quite as amusing this morning.

TV Winners

Kent on Sunday (on Saturday) are splashing their new Kent TV service all over the front page today, urging readers to send in clips ahead of the launch of their BoobTube-alike platform for Kent next month. 500 smackers are on offer for the best entry, which, they say, could encompass anything from 'a great day out' to, er, 'Morris dancing'.

Don't knock it, though, as they're well ahead of KCC TV, of whom we hear, well, um, nothing, despite hundreds of thousands of our tax sovs being ploughed into it. Of course, both channels have been well and truly trumped by my own ECR TV, which has been serving the Thanet nation since March. No pesky propaganda, no annoying ads, just pure entertainment!

Do You Wantsum Jazz?

With the weather set fair for the Bank Holiday, the BBC is reporting that seaside resorts are top of the list for a weekend getaway. It was certainly rammed in Waitrose earlier, with both local and DFL millionaires practically garotting each other to get at the last of the free range, organic pork bangers.

So it should be a good turn-out for the Wantsum Jazz Festival on Sunday, here at our very own super-duper, out of this world East Cliff bandstand. Acts include Omar, the John Altman Quartet, the Electric 'Arkestra' Experience, and the Harbour Jazz Orchestra.

It all kicks off at 2pm, so be there or be square, man! And don't forget the wild Alaskan smoked salmon!

Update: If you don't fancy BYO, there'll be a food stall and, of course, the Gaddfather of Ale's beer tent (yippee!).

Heavy Metal Fans

Chatting to my architectural consultant (Dave the Roofer) the other day about sprucing up the old CTM, he revealed that there's been a spate of lead thefts in the Millionaires' Playground recently. Apparently churches and schools have been the main target, and even our local alms houses have failed to escape the attention of the blighters. Apparently it's something to do with the price of metal going through the, er, roof.

Coincidentally I bumped into celebrity DIYer and Meridian-boy-made-good Nick Knowles in the wine bar recently, apparently winding down from a mission to rescue yet another DIY disaster, this time in Ramsgate. I say coincidentally, but with all the belt tightening that's currently going on at the Beeb, you have to wonder, don't you?

Interesting Developments

Hey-ho! What more interesting way to spend a wet Thursday afternoon than putting together a round-up of some of the fantastic building developments going on here in the Cannes of Kent?

Pleasurama (aka Royal Sands, artist's impression above): Work about to start, we're told, on a vast complex of shops, hotels and luxury apartments. About time too, as the site has been a blot on the Ramsgate coastscape for the best part of a decade. Set to become 'the jewel in Ramsgate's crown' according to the estate agent. However, according to our local biblio-bloke Michael Child, who's seen the plans, it could be more a case of 'the concrete in somebody's head' as living space shrinks to avoid the flood plain at the bottom and the height restriction at the top.

Victoria Road (Dorman's Yard): Best not to mention this one as despite the fact that it's nearing completion, it could be about to be demolished due to a breach of planning.

Granville Court: Completed a few years ago, with Phase 2 waiting in the wings, the rumour is that only a few of the 40 or so apartments have sold. I thought I'd better double check this with Oakleigh Developments, but their website doesn't exist, and my email bounced back with an 'undeliverable' notice. I'm afraid at that point curiosity got the better of me, and a quick check at Companies House revealed that their accounts are listed as overdue. I also discovered a winding-up petition against them from last year, although I've been unable to discover the outcome. Perhaps it's no wonder their Phase 2 site is rapidly reverting to its previous bomb site status.

So, there you have it! From eyesore to luxury apartments and back to eyesore again in three easy steps!

Update: Reader Jean writes: I have been complaining to the council for months about the state of the fence at the rear of Granville Court, which blew down in February. Fly-tippers have been having a field day and the site, which contains deep excavations, is a hazard, especially to curious children. This week I sent them a rather stern email after they failed to respond to my latest official complaint within ten days - their own service level agreement - and threatened to go to the local papers. Lo and behold, today they are fixing the fence. We shouldn't have to resort to such extremes just to get simple problems resolved. The site is opposite a guest house, heavens knows what visitors to Ramsgate must think.

Blue Act For Granville Theatre

Yet more evidence, if it was needed, that Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff is the place to be. Work on tarting up the exterior of our super-duper Granville Theatre-ma has finished, and although it still bears more than a passing resemblance to a public toilet block on steroids, the tasteful shade of light blue is a definite improvement on the previous tones of sh*te brown.

With the private sector doing its bit to beautify the area, what a shame our local council can't get off its lardy backside and return the compliment by fixing the two adjacent Victorian shelters which have been 'undergoing repair' since February.

June: Brown

August: Blue

Separated At Birth?

Reader Samantha writes:

I wonder if anyone else has spotted a similarity between Jack Hawkins, the rugged stalwart of 50s and 60s British films, and Sandy Beach, our rugged Thanet Council leader? Are they by any chance related?

Bridge Over The River Kwai

Bridge Over The River Wantsum

Dognappied

This takes the dog biscuit. After it's passed through the pooch, that is. My thanks to Mr X for the photo, but this is absolutely, definitely, positively my final post on barker's nests and what to do with them.

Tomorrow I return to weightier matters, and will reveal... ah, but you'll just have to come back then and find out!

Scoopez Le Poop

Yikes! This blog is rapidly degenerating into one of those silly sign sites. This latest is from reader Glenn (of Terracotta fame), who spied it in Poopignan, er, Perpignan in the south of France. Loosely translated it says:

Make a clean gesture: use the bags provided for you in this distributor.

I'm not sure it would work around here, though. The chances of anyone making a clean gesture if you asked them to scoop up after their pit bull are about as likely as getting a fly-tipping problem resolved by Thanet District Council!

Ramsgate Property Goes Through The Roof

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Property Editor Brickson Mortar

Ramsgate has come top of the seaside property league in a recent survey by the Halifax Building Society. According to the society's number-crunchers, homes in Ramsgate have increased in value by nearly 40% over the past three years, the highest increase in the whole of the south east.

And in the past year, the isle's premier town has only been pipped by Burnham on Crouch and Margate (Can we leave that out? - Ed.)

A spokesman for the Halifax told the Gazunder: 'Whilst other seaside towns across the UK have done better, as far as the south east is concerned Ramsgate was certainly the place to buy three years ago. Unfortunately now it's dear as poison so our advice is to flog granny's bungalow while the going's good, and p*ss off to Bulgaria'. (Shurely shome mishtake? - Ed.)

Ramsgate: bloody expensive

Jet Vote

With all the recent controversy over training flights at Manston, I thought it might be an idea to gauge public opinion. So I've initiated a poll on my sidebar which will run for the next seven days.

Update: Reader Tony suggested that I contact the airport with my idea that they might at least give advance warning of training flights on their website. I emailed them this morning, here is their response:

Dear Mr. Eastcliff, thank you for your email and for your practical suggestion. We shall certainly look in to this initiative. Regards, Customer Services.

Tell Tale Signs

Yesterday's appeal for signs spotted by readers on their travels has really opened up the sluice gates. Mr X sent in the above, which, although it's not officially recognised by the Commission on International Signs and Symbols, is nonetheless pretty clear in its meaning. Mr X also contributed this:

Perhaps if we were to adopt a similarly direct approach with our signage here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula, it might prove more effective?

Scooby Doo-Doo

I appear to have struck a rich, um, vein. Following the publication of that barker's nest warning sign last week, 'Don't Doo-Doo' notices from around the world are now winging their way to my inbox on a daily basis.

Regular reader Millicent spotted this one in Germany. Having popped it into the old Alta Vista Babel Fish, it translates thus:

We find sh*ts. Dear owners of dog, dog excrement on sidewalks must from them immediately be removed. On the other hand to threaten up to €50 fine.

Ah, you can rely on the Germans to be blunt about these things. And I expect the fines are rigorously enforced too. If anyone has any further examples, my inbox is always open. eastcliffrichard@yahoo.co.uk

And don't forget that our local ace reporter Kathy Bailes is looking for examples of lorry drivers doing disgusting things over on our less salubrious West Cliff. If you've witnessed anyone depositing, er, an illegal load, or you're concerned about the increasing number of lorries that are parking there, give her a call at the Gazunder on 578992.

Bullet Train Bulletin

I see today's Observer is reporting that our new Japanese bullet trains are due in at Southampton docks any time soon. The super-duper, 140mph service will run from 2009, and cut the journey time from the Millionaires' Playground to London's newly revamped St Pancras down to just over an hour. Or just over an hour and 20 minutes if you're a Conservative.

Our train operator is quoted in the newspaper as saying that 'property prices are heading north' because of the new link. I presume that means that the price of a semi in Ramsgate will soon be so eye-watering that people might be forced to consider buying in Margate.

Full Observer report

There's A Kind Of Hush 2

Oh dear. I should have kept my big trap shut. Here come Oozalum Airways again to blast jet fuel over the picknickers on our beach every five minutes!

Update: Here's what Wikipedia says about Oasis Hong Kong Airlines, the people responsible for this particular lump of aluminium. They're a budget, long haul airline (yep, it's a long way from Manston to, er, Manston) based in Hong Kong. They currently own three 747s, with another three due for delivery. In the UK they fly out of Gatwick, which is where they should stay if you ask me.

Oasis was founded by the Reverend Raymond Lee and his lovely wife Priscilla in 2005. There's a background interview with him here. According to the Rev:

I was born into a wealthy business family in Hong Kong. But I never seriously contemplated a career in business. If anything, I was appalled by the strains in familial relations that had been wrought by the love of money. I decided, instead, to serve mankind.

If the word ‘spiritual’ is properly understood to mean ‘bringing enormous benefit to people in all walks of life’, I’m a deeply spiritual man!

Yeah right. Tell that to the people who can't hear themselves pray in St George's on a Sunday, Rev.

Deja Vu?

So, a derelict site in a seaside town has burnt down, not long after it was bought by an arcade owner. Hmmm. Why does that not surprise me?

There's A Kind Of Hush

Lumme! I really am stuck in a 60s groove at the moment, now I'm getting an attack of the Herman's Hermits!

What I meant to say was how marvellously peaceful it's been here in the Millionaires' Playground for the last week or so without those knackered old Jumbo Jets flying over every ten minutes. And as far as I know, nobody's even had to chain themselves to the RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport gates to achieve it!

Actually, you could say it's been a bit too quiet. I mean, isn't this the peak holiday season? Aren't there meant to be queues as far back as Bristol just to check in at Heathrow? And haven't several people recently died of old age waiting to go through security at Gatwick?

So where's the thriving holiday traffic Manston were boasting about in the papers just a week or so ago? Not one of my roof tiles has been blown off by a jet aircraft for days. Not that I'm complaining. As you know, I'm currently running a No.10 petition to get our local council to implement better regulation of those blasted training flights. And as part of my campaign, I've already had some interesting feedback from Airport Watch and the Campaign to Protect Rural England, so watch this (air)space!

Lazing On A Sunny Afternoon

Well the fish aren't biting and the tea's gone cold. The tax man's taken all my dough and left me in my stately home, lazing on a sunny afternoon. I can't even sail my yacht, he's taken everything I've got.

Oops. I appear to have fallen into a Kinks-fuelled timewarp there, sorry. No, the reason for the nostalgia attack is because I've just found Radio Caroline on the web. Since I relocated to Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula, I can't count the number of times that people have come up to me and said: Do you remember the days when you used to be able to get Radio Caroline round here blah boats sinking blah masts snapping blah police raids blah Marine Offences Etc. Act 1967 blah blah blah. I can't count the number of times because, um, there haven't actually been any. But I wouldn't want the truth to get in the way of a good story.

Any road, you can now listen to the former pirates, still pumping out their eclectic mix of 60s and 70s favourites (plus a few newies), but no longer on 259 medium wave. These days they're on broadband, or on your MurdochVision thingy, if you're that way inclined. And they've forsaken the North Sea to broadcast instead from a nice air-conditioned studio in Maidstone. About the only good thing to come out of the place, if you ask me.

Zzzzzzzz

Ho-hum. It seems everyone's moaning about the lack of enthusiasm in mondo blog at the moment.

Big Blog Adem and Big News Tony have both complained of a certain ennui creeping into their jottings, and I know how they feel. Of course, Councillor/Doctor Doctor/Councillor Moores still has his crack team of ex-Daily Mail hacks grinding out the same old stuff day in, day out, but that's only to be expected.

Is it worth telling you that Muffin the Mule appears to be struggling to make ends meet? Nah, probably not. Or that, according to my insiders at the Beeb, the factual and documentary departments are still running around like the proverbial headless chickens after that spot of bother with the Queen? Nah, who cares?

Nope, it's back to the old fishing rod, methinks. And a nice Thermos of tea.

Graphic Warning

Yurgh! What dreadful weather we're experiencing this afternoon here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula! Nothing but gales and sideways rain.

To cheer us all up, regular reader Mr X, winner of last year's Joke Week/Weak Joke competition, has sent me this:

Not the new logo for the Snake Charmers' Union, or directions to the local Cumberland sausage factory, but rather the internationally recognised sign for 'Warning! Barker's Nests Ahead!'

Nice one, Mr X. I'll be putting in an express order for several hundred to be distributed around the East Cliff forthwith!

Vicars In A Twist

Holy underwear! I see from the front page of today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder that the vicar of St Peter's Church, the Reverend Brian Moore, has run off with his Sunday school teacher!

The news gives an entirely new complexion to the phrase 'Sunday service', but the writing was on the internet for those in the know as the Randy Rev applied a couple of weeks ago for planning permission for an erection. Of two free-standing, non-illuminated signs outside his church.

I'm not allowed to reproduce the signs, which can be found on the UK Planning website, for copyright reasons. But here's a passable mock-up:

What A Yacht I've Got!

Excitement is mounting in Boredstares, I'm told, where Victorian bathing costumes are about to make way for the thrills and spills of hemp smocks and bladders on sticks.

Yes, the Dickensians are eagerly anticipating their annual Folk Week (or Drunk Week as it's become known locally), which kicks off today. Around 150,000 men and women with beards are expected to descend on the UK's second best seaside town, turning the camp site at Upton School into a mini version of Glastonbury, with the waft of illicit drugs such as Old Nutty Shag and Nadger's Dorchester Wobbly permeating the air.

Meanwhile, here in the Millionaires' Playground, we're anticipating something much more salubrious. Ramsgate Week, organised by our very own Shirley Temple Yacht Club, will see the cream of the yachting fraternity hoity-toiting on land and sea for six days as of tomorrow. According to the lovely Commodore Davena Green, 'Ramsgate Week now provides a real alternative to Cowes', which presumably has had to be cordoned off this year due to foote and mouthe.

Due to one or two financial transactions still being in the, er, pipeline I shan't be participating in the sailing. But you will be able to spot me in my Captain's cap, brass buttoned blazer and deck shoes with the salty seamen on the front. I might even get my Rolex Oyster (Whitstable Edition) back from Hiltons for the occasion. And I'll definitely be rooting out my CockSox swimmers for the Hunks in Trunks competition!

Avast behind! Participants prepare to get their bottoms scraped
at last year's Ramsgate Week

Blue Rags Beach

To the Margate Carnival yesterday. By George, you couldn't have wished for better weather!

And it wasn't just the sun that was out. Our glorious council leader Sandy Beach was mingling with the crowds, pressing the flesh. Dressed in Tory blue top and shorts, of course, accompanied by his charming blonde partner, who was also sporting party colours in the form of a pale blue, flowery summer dress.

Still, somehow the carnival wasn't quite the same this year without the traditional fire to finish it all off.

Update: For the curious among you, one of my readers appears to have captured our Sand and his lovely companion here:

For the sake of disambiguation, Sandy's the chap in blue on the right walking like a former boxer. Which is in fact what he is, apparently.

Live From Margate!

Yes, I'm still on holiday. But I couldn't resist commenting on the fact that Bev and Geoff from BBC South East Today have struggled all the way over from Tunbridge Wells to present their teeny-tiny news from the Arsonists' Playground today. You've got to admire their, er, neck.

Don't expect any hard-hitting journalism, though (as if). Embarrassing questions about Turnips, The Theatre Royal, Dreamland, etc. are off the agenda, I hear, as part of a contradeal not to mention diddling Blue Peter viewers, upsetting the Queen, and that nastiness yesterday at Maidstone Crown Court. Instead we'll be treated to the usual spin about 'turning the corner' and, um, fish and chips.

Who knows, maybe I'll wander over there with my 'Ramsgate's Miles Better' banner!

Meanwhile I see from today's Gazunder that the council's newly inserted artistic director at the Theatre Royal is to put on his own adaption of Homer's Odyssey as part of an exciting new autumn programme. Crikey, that should get the Margate punters flocking. Although to give him credit, it could just be that he's jumping on the Simpsons bandwagon.