What's Dat Dair Den?

Here's a shot I just nabbed from Dr Steve Ladyman MP's embryonic Facebook campaign to, er, re-elect Steve Ladyman for South Thanet (173 members and counting).

But what's he got in his hands? Clearly not the keys to No 10. The keys to his Ferrari and two other sports cars perhaps? Or has he been plundering iPods off der kids in a civic minded anti-anti-social behaviour offensive on the buses? Answers on the usual postcard please!

Ladyman Survey Backs Flight Blight

It's late, but I wanted to be the first to bring you this drivel without breaking the embargo. Actually I've only just got back from the pub, otherwise I would have added it earlier as I don't give a stuff about embargoes. Needless to say, I will be putting even more resources into my campaign to unseat the dolt at the forthcoming General Election!

From: LADYMAN, Steve
Sent: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:26
Subject: Embargoed press release: Not to be published before 00:01 hrs 29.1.2010

3 out of 4 people in Thanet back Airport Development says survey.

A survey into Thanet attitudes, carried out by local MP Stephen Ladyman and the Labour Party, has shown 3 out of 4 people support the development of Manston Airport.

'This is an overwhelming majority in support of Airport development. Even in the areas of Ramsgate closest to the Airport, including the Nethercourt Estate, Southwood and Central Ramsgate, 60% backed the growth of the Airport' said Dr Ladyman.

The survey was carried out over twelve months and received 1501 replies. There were over 600 replies from people living in Ramsgate on the flight path and close to the Airport.

'The average newspaper opinion poll quizzes fewer than 1100 people so our survey of 1501 replies is certainly enough to give us a clear idea of local feeling.'

There was, however, a warning for Thanet Council and the Airport owners in the figures. The survey included 728 replies to a questionnaire that included questions about airport noise. Those replies showed that 50% of people are worried by aircraft noise and night flying and, among people living close to the airport, about 62% are worried. The Council and the Airport owners are currently in discussion about night flying policy.

'Many of these people are currently backing the Airport but clearly their support could easily shift if night flying grows or noise becomes more intrusive. If the Council allows too much flexibility and fails to protect the quality of local life then support for the Airport will quickly turn into opposition' concluded Dr.Ladyman.

Note to editors:

The survey included general questionnaires delivered in Ramsgate, Broadstairs, Cliftonville and Margate. 641 replies were received.

3000 detailed questionnaires were delivered in areas of Ramsgate on the flight path and near the airport and 728 people replied.

132 people completed an on-line survey

Total respondents were 1501, of which 626 replies were from people close to the airport.

Expenses

Sitting here diddling filling out my expenses for Smell the Profit, I thought I'd see if I could pick up any tips from my local MPs. As you probably know, our democratic representatives' claims were published online today, but with all the juicy bits censored.

Now, this is not meant in any way to be a slur on Dr Ladyman or Sir Roger, both of whom are generally regarded as good constituency MPs. Yes, Roger does have some bonkers idea about building a train station at Manston to serve fewer than 12,000 passengers a year. And then there was that iffy £25K donation from the China Gateway people to Ladychap's South Thanet Labour lot. But nobody's perfect (present company excepted).

A quick trawl through the Gale books elicited piles of bills for BT, Vodafone, postage, food... all the usual stuff really. I'm not sure I'd be able to get away with fitted bedroom wardrobes, though, or nearly £3,000 for a website. Let alone £300 for the annual use of Birchington Methodist Church's car park and £60 for advertising in the local parish magazine. And £340 for a bust dunnie. Still, it's my £137,337 and he can do what he likes with it I suppose.

Moving on to Our Steve, he frequently tells us he publishes his expenses on his website, although I'm buggered if I could find them there earlier. His 2007-8 claims also cover the normal-for-an-MP costs like, er, mortgage, utilities, council tax, insurance and publicity, including £300 for a half page appearance in Ramsgate FC's footie programmes. Indeed, he seems to have spent a remarkably similar amount to Roger - £137,559. If I was a cynical sort, I might even imagine these MP chaps were putting in claims based on some kind of mythical annual 'allowance' rather than actual expenditure. A monthly claim for precisely 250 quidsworth of petty cash from Steve does nothing to dispel that notion.

Hmm. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stiff the Polish Cheese Board with any of that lot. But then the old Eastcliff fridge is currently stocked to the rafters with Oscypek so there's always a silver, if somewhat whiffy, lining!

Roger's expenses
Steve's expenses

Priced To Sell

OIEO £25,000
This stunning semi-detached property will appeal to all Mod Cons! Situated in the heart of Thanet's up and coming Newington suburb, it was designed in the late 90s by election winning architects Blair and Brown, who have since installed a fast rail link directly opposite to whisk you to your consultancy/cardboard box in the City in just over an hour. Recently upgraded with 'Mandelson' kitchen cabinets, 'Motion' tables and 'Parliamentary' seats. OSP for Ferrari. NB: small deposit required but does not secure. The owner advises us of one or two broken promises to the rear of the property, but estimates these should only take £1-2,000,000,000,000 to fix.

Ladyboy's Thanet

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week local politician Dr Steve Ladyboy shoots from the hip! Politically speaking, that is.

A'right dair la'? Eh, reckon I need a cuppa tea an' a long sit down it's dat friggin' col' outside! Nah, nah, yer a'right. Any road, talkin' of 'avin a bevvy ar kid mentioned I orra be gerrin' dem voters in over in Cliftonville as it's gonna be in my constituency next lecky like an' all dat.

Well, yer know, it's a birrava lavvy over dair, y'know, all divvies an' limbo dancers, so, like, I thought I'd just send dem a note about me new TV channel like. Y'know, dair's no point standin' out in de friggin' col', talkin' to some 'unchback of Knotty Ash an' freezin' yer knackers off now is dair doh dair doh la?

An' like I put some of dem photos in it of me opening stuff an' dat an' like it shows I'm da gaffer like don' it doh dave dee dozy beeky mick an' tich. I'm tellin' yer it was de gear, de friggin' gear dair doh ray me far sew la tea doh!

That's enough politics - Ed.

Ladyboy's Thanet

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week local politician Dr Steve Ladyboy shoots from the hip! Politically speaking, that is.

Unemployment in Thanet is more than seventeen times the average for the rest of Kent, around 128 per cent above the average for the south east and something like 9,000,000 per cent above the average for Britain as a whole. It is one of the most deprived districts in the developed world, with life expectancy significantly below 23.

But if you talk to some of these people campaigning against the China Gateway plans for Manston Business Park you would think that the place was overrun with job opportunities and that everyone lived to 100.

If we want to cut crime, see our high streets thrive, build new leisure facilities, cut crime, get people back into work and see our high streets thrive, we need to attract extra cash into our local economy. That's why I accepted a £25,000 political donation from that nice chap Ken Wills, whose company, CGP, will be building China Gateway and bringing Thanet all the votes I so desperately need.

That's enough politics - Ed.

Chinese Water Torture

The south MP Dr. Steve Ladyboy of Thanet has called for 'a thorough investigation' into fears that the park of business proposed of China of the foot squared of squillion 12 in Manston could contaminate local water sources. In an email to the child of Michael of biblio-biblio-bloke, the Dr. Ladyboy writes:

The Environment Agency and the Council must investigate these concerns thoroughly and independently and make sure that adequate precautions are taken – and I will be doing my best to make sure those investigations do take place. They have blocked other local developments because of concerns about contaminants entering the water supply and they must be no less diligent about this application.

But in an apparent hollowing out of Thanet's foremost online celebrity, Mr Richard Eastcliff, the MP adds:

There are some of our local cyber citizens who only have the word ‘no’ in their vocabulary when it comes to developments associated with the airport – unemployment and low incomes in Thanet remain our chief problems in my view and this development must be given a fair chance to succeed if it can do so without risk.

Well, as a speed-loving minister of previous transport you would not expect him to be all green and tree-hugging, would you? Ho de ho, I think that I am starting definitively to get the hanging of this!

Estale to see commentaries of the Dr. Ladyboy in blog of the child of Michael here

Historical Reaction

I see the petition to stop the closure of our splendid Maritime Museum has reached almost 1000 signatures.

The campaign has been spearheaded by the Ramsgate Labour Party, including local councillors and our MP, Dr Steve Ladychap. You can see more on that over on caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Dave Green's blog.

Meanwhile there's a vicious rumour spreading around the north of the Ile that Margate Museum, which is also threatened with closure, has already been earmarked as a future 'function room'. Well call me old-fashioned, but I thought it already had a pretty useful function - as a flipping museum!

No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

Unless you're an MP that is. Then everything goes down on expenses, and today Parliament published its annual table of who claimed what and why. So, how did our local dynamic duo, Sir Roger Wind (Con.) and Dr Steve Ladyboy (Lab.) fare?

Well, Sir Rodge managed to clock up a whopping £134,308 in total, including £26,253 on 'office running costs', £80,497 on 'staffing costs' and £9,197 on 'staying away from main home' (hotels to you and me). He spent £4,901 on car travel, but a mere £187 on travelling on the rattlers.

Meanwhile, Dr. Steve claimed a relatively measly £129,436. Mind you, he spent considerably more on hotels (£21,549), and quite a bit more on the train (£945), but still had a sizeable petrol habit (£4,763).

I expect most people on the Ile will think these expenses pretty profligate, but I should point out that both MPs came in below the average of £135,600. And let's face it, the poor loves need a bit of extra folding. After all, it beats me how anyone could eak out a living on a basic annual salary of £59,686!

Download your copy of 'Members' Allowances' here and weep

Ladyboy To The Rescue!

I see my local MP, Dr Steve Ladyboy, has sent out a circular asking for views on the three post office closures that are proposed here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Well, when I last looked, the Post Office was still owned by HM Government, incumbents Gordon and Chums, the very same party that Dr Ladyperson represents. So couldn't they just tell them not to go ahead with it? I mean, a report out today predicts the UK population will rise to 157m by the middle of the century, and everyone's constantly urging us to cut our carbon footprints and shop local, so it's a bit short-sighted to shut local POs, isn't it?

In other news, the old Toyota Priapus was vandalised last night along with a number of other cars in the street. Must be the half term holidays.

Blimey! With Dr Biggles taking a break from Thanet Life at the moment, I seem to have taken over as the island's Chief Tory!

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News!

Cripes! The Gazunder's super-scooping cub reporter Thom Morris has got himself another splash in today's Thanet Times! Although I'm not sure that our local flying doctor/Tory councillor will be particularly chuffed to see one of his aerial photographs illustrating Labour MP Dr Steve Ladyboy's outcry over more predicted traffic chaos at Westwood Livid. Only last weekend Simes was tugging a banner around the Ile urging us to vote Tory if we wanted a say in the EU 'Is it or isn't it a' Treaty debate.

Elsewhere in the paper, lovely editor Rebecca Smith is complaining that Lib Dem leader Ming the Charisma-less has a 'seriously uncool' name. So in the best traditions of Windscale, H Block and Labour I'm launching a poll to find a new moniker for the old fart and boost his ratings. Or if you have a better suggestion email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

And check out the ECR TV story below for Tony Flaig's view of Westwood Chaos.

Company Cardigan

How splendid to be back in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula! Not quite the welcome I imagined, though. No comments, and Sir Roger Wind staring up at me from the doormat at the old CTM, imploring me to fight crime by placing his sticker in my window. I'm sure his gummy smile would be enough to deter even the most hardened bogus salesman, but as far as I know he's not even my MP. No, that honour goes to Dr Steve Ladychap.

Ah well. I had a good run back from Snives in the Priapus, and while I was there Alain, my cardi-ologist, fitted me for a gorgeous, hand-loomed organic hemp number, so I'll be cutting a dash on the Croisette later (Churchills). A bientot!

MP Plea

Just in case anyone thought I was less than even-handed banging on about the Blue Rinsers during the local elections, here's a little treat you may have missed. It's our local Labour MP, Dr Steve Ladychap, putting in a last minute plea on 2 May, the day before the election, for everyone to vote Tony.

Unfortunately for Dr Ladychap, when I spotted this earlier today, more than two weeks after the votes were counted, only 14 people had viewed it. That's substantially less than half the number of candidates that Labour actually put up in Thanet.

He's also clearly in need of some media training, and where better to get it than from yours truly? After all, look what I did for Bignews Tony.

Watch Ladyboy video.