Kent Cops Make Up For Budget Cuts By Running Sex Line

Armed Police In Camden Square

This story seems to be moving quickly. There are now reports of a large police raid being conducted in Camden Square here in Ramsgate. Thanks to reader Steve for the photos.

Update: More details now running on KM website here.

Update update: It appears three people, including a 15 year old boy, have been arrested following suspected robbery and kidnap. Investigations are ongoing. Click here for more.

A Pig Of A Night

Reader John from the seedier west side of the Millionaires' Playground writes:

At 0330 this morning I was awoken from my stupor by car doors being opened and closed, and a man and woman chatting. Looking out of the window, I saw a police car and two officers checking the front and back of my car and others along the street. After my car and others being keyed and broken into of late, I thought it wise to enquire what was occurring.

Donning my dressing gown and slippers, I went outside and asked the officers what the issue was. 'That car has an illegal number plate and we are giving it a ticket,' came the response.

I did ask the officer if he was joking, to which he replied he wasn't.

Well John, you wouldn't expect them to be doing something useful like catching the vandals who've been spraying cars in Ramsgate and Broadstairs with paint stripper, would you? No, they're stuffing their faces in pie shops and fiddling with their Blackberries all day, followed by a spot of light ticketing in the wee small hours to earn the overtime to pay for the pies!

Police Farce

I snapped this out at Westwood Cross this morning. That's great that is. Need some shopping in a hurry? Can't be bothered to park miles away from the shops? Just turn up in a shiny new police car and plonk it on the yellow lines! No sign of the coppers. They were probably enjoying a nice cup of tea and a truncheon meat sandwich hehe.

And while we're on the subject (I've got me started now), blue badgers! What's the deal with them? They rock up in their 59 plated Beemers, park in the disabled bay, pop their blue badge in the dashboard and then practically hop, skip and jump off to do their shopping. I know not all disabilities are physical, but you can't tell me that some of the people I've seen are disabled. There must be a pub round here knocking them out. If anyone knows where, don't bother telling the police as they're too busy trying on nylons (over their heads probably) in M&S. Just tell your Auntie Samantha ;-)

Sxx

Margate Runs Out Of Rozzers

My spies in the Arsonists' Playground report that the gift shop on the Harbour Arm (pier in old money) was broken into on Friday night.

Apparently a call was put into the cops when some suspicious looking types were seen casing the joint. 'We'll be there in 25 minutes,' came the vapid response from Kent's finest. Sure enough, the burglary was soon in progress, and another call was made to the Peelers. 'We'll be there in 25 minutes,' repeated the automaton at the other end. Needless to say, the Bill arrived 25 minutes after the vagabonds had made off with their booty.

Judging by the number of flatfoots in Broadstairs for Drunk Week, and the van loads that were scooping deadbeats off the pavements here in the Millionaires' Playground during the simultaneous Ramsgate Week, it's not surprising that, er, 'resources were stretched' to use public sector speak. There again, this break-in happened in full view of Margate cop shop, so you'd think there'd at least have been one copper on a tea break prepared to put down their copy of Pensions Weekly and toddle over to take a gander!

Meanwhile reader Eddie reports that Thanet's favourite journo, Rachel Cooke of the Observer, has been writing up the island again, this time in rather more glowing terms than those in which she described Broadstairs recently. Admittedly her article doesn't start off that promisingly:

If Margate were a blind date, waiting for you at a bar, you would turn on your heel and run. Who wants to spend an evening with a man whose front teeth are missing, whose expression is permanently leery, whose tatty clothes smell of stale chip fat and worse?

But by the next sentence... And yet I fall for the town in the time it takes me to walk from the station to the prom.

Clearly Rachel likes a bit of rough, given that the saccharin charms of the Dickensian east side failed to woo her, but she's now fallen for a toothless, leering tramp. She then witters on for many thousands of words about the Turnip, fish and chips, crab sandwiches blah blah blah.

The PR types at Duffer Central will no doubt be going 'hurrah!' at yet another mensh of Margate. Rachel's staycation in Broadie was presumably subsidised by this piece, although like all good hacks she's managed to sell the paper two for the price of one after her nasty experience with the receptionist at the Albion Hotel. Maybe something happened to her here on the south side, and next week we'll be treated to an item on Ramsgate. If 'treat' is the right word!

Rachel does Margate
Rachel buggers Broadstairs
Even the Independent's getting in on the act!

Ramsgate Restaurant Robbed

News just in! A substantial amount of cash was taken from a till at top Ramsgate restaurant Age & Sons yesterday - while the mayor and other civic dignitaries were handing over a cheque for the 2010 Ramsgate Arts Festival. The rotter or rotters took advantage of the ceremony in the upstairs restaurant to empty the till in the downstairs café.

It's not the first time thieves have struck at Age & Sons, which is on course to become the island's first Michelin star restaurant. Lovely co-owner Harriet tells me several tables and chairs have also legged it recently from outside the eatery. She adds: 'I went outside on one occasion and saw an elderly woman sitting at one of our tables. She wasn't a customer, so I assumed she was just having a rest. She was at least 70. Next thing I knew, she was scuttling off with a couple of our chairs.' Needless to say the dauntless Harriet dashed after the wizened old crone and, er, repossessed her property.

It makes you wonder whether the local pit bull tuggers really deserve to have their town improved by the influx of incomers who have fallen in love with the place, and are putting their hard-earned cash to work at making it all lovely. And, of course, most times Kent's finest are about as much use as tits on a bull when it comes to tracking down the offenders.

Still, word has it that the excellent Eddie Gilberts fishmongers on King Street are about to open a restaurant upstairs. EG, whose vehicles carry the hilarious warning: 'No scallops kept in van overnight', will be offering the finest fish and chips, along with more adventurous stuff like mussels and crabs. Yum!

Update: The police now have a man in custody and will hopefully be feeding him to his own dogs in the very near future.

Rave review in the Independent on Sunday: This Sunday's IoS (17 May) gave Age & Sons 17 out 20. Hurrah! The paper said: 'With the help of local fishmonger Eddie Gilbert's, (Toby) Leigh is putting on some of the best fish I have seen in years. A moist, fleshy tranche of wild turbot (£15), gently braised on the bone with brown shrimps, lemon and white wine – like potted shrimps as a sauce – is as thrilling as British fish gets.' Another triumph for Ramsgate! Click here to read full review.

Age & Sons
Ramsgate Arts Festival

Arson About

Not for nothing is the seedy north of the island dubbed the 'Arsonists' Playground'. According to the BBC News website, Foreness Water Ski Club in Palm Bay has received a visit from the chaps in the Swan Vesta sponsored tracksuits, and may now have to be demolished.

As ever, Kent's finest are on the case. And as ever, that's probably the last we'll hear about it.

Click here to read full story on BBC News website
Click here for picture on Thanet Extra website

Ramsgate Raiders

Reader Chris writes:

A collection of assorted council officers and fire officers, totalling 9, are currently 'raiding' industrial units in Pyson's Road. This crack force entered my premises, introduced themselves and then told me they'd send me a letter regarding self risk assessment. Then they left. Their crucial work just could not have been done by letter alone and I'm very grateful they bothered to tell me in person to expect it. At least I know what I pay my business rates pay for now.

I'm sure there is justification for this somewhere but it is pretty laughable from where I sit.

Braking News

According to Kent Online, there were no fewer than eight separate accidents on the Thanet Way this morning, one of which tragically resulted in a fatality. The cops have told people in the area 'not to even try getting onto the Thanet Way'.

Rather tellingly the report adds that Kent's finest ordered Kent Highways to grit the dual carriageway following the accidents, although that didn't happen until 9.40am. So was the road gritted last night, the coldest night of the year so far (and widely predicted as such)? I think we should be told.

Meanwhile KCC have announced the average council tax bill this year will be above four figures. The Tory council's ruddy-faced leader claims front line services (like gritting, perhaps?) will be protected, but makes no mention of savings that could be made, such as the £2m spent on Kent TV, the £6m on pointless spin, and £50m poured into dodgy Icelandic banks!

Click here to read Thanet Way story on Kent Online
Click here to read council tax story on Kent Online

Update: According to the Gazunder's website, Kent County Council's district highway spokesman Phil Scrivener said: 'The road would have been salted.' Presumably what Phil means there is that the road would have been salted, if Kent Highways had salted it.

Bentley Does It

Yikes! I see robbers made off in a Bentley after a raid on the Halifax in Ramsgate last night! They must have heard Our Gordon Master had stuffed it full of lovely taxpayers' dosh. Just goes to show that even the local millionaires round here are feeling the pinch!

What's that? Where was I last night, officer? Er, um...

Click here to read full story in Thanet Extra

This article has been approved by the Politburo

More Trouble On T'Cliff

Reader Kevin writes:

Late yesterday afternoon I thought I’d take a walk along the front between Westgate and Birchington as I don’t get up there much, and I fancied seeing how the rich live.

Lots of police there - three cars and a van, paramedics and an ambulance. The promenade below the cliffs was closed off and they were telling people not to go down there. I saw an ambulance leaving the lower promenade at high speed (lights and all). I would guess it was either a jumper, or an accidental fall.

Maybe one of the Birchington toffs got bad news on his Lehman Brothers shares?

This is the second report of a cliff top incident in the past few days. I wonder whether, in the interests of health and safety, the council will eventually be forced to sand down our cliffs into gentle slopes?

Rozzer Matter?

Pootling along Victoria Parade in the Priapus around 7pm last night, I saw a number of rozzermobiles and several of Kent's finest taping off a section around Winterstoke Gardens. Anyone know what was going on?

White Van Manhunt

Reader Colin, who's on holiday here in the Millionaires' Playground, writes:

I looked out of my room yesterday morning to see a number of police officers crawling over a white van which had had its windows smashed. They seemed to be particularly interested in the contents of the van and were searching the surrounding area. I took this snap. Any clues as to what was going on?

Er, no Colin. But there has been a great deal of police activity in these parts since the dreadful robbery/assault on Clarendon House student Sam Eastwell in Albion Place last week. Another reader who was out and about last night writes:

Last night myself and some friends were making our way in a taxi from Broadstairs to Ramsgate when we were stopped along Victoria Parade not once but twice by hi-vis clad police officers asking if we had seen anything suspicious on the night of August 6/7 as apparently there had been a 'burglary' in that area. We said our usual 'No officers, we were at home asleep in bed at that time, honest!' and continued on our merry way and ended up at the Belgian Bar.

The night wore on and I decided to head on home with my friends in tow. When we reached the top of the stairs by Madiera Walk we were stopped once again by a group of police officers, one or two in Reebok jackets! Each asking whether we had seen anything on the night of Wednesday 6 August as there had been an assault. It occurs to me, why spend a week doing nothing before taking action on a crime by randomly stopping people THREE TIMES and asking incredibly vague questions, why have two VERY different stories as to what had happened on the evening of august 6/7 and why start asking questions in the middle of the night? Altogether there were (approximately estimated by my 'I'm sober, honest I've only had one shandy!' friend) about 15 police cars, 6 vans and 25 individual officers all just standing around chatting and chewing gum.

There is an ongoing police operation in the area involving, apparently, 70 of Kent's finest, some of whom will presumably as a matter of course be on gum-chewing and standing around duties. However, 17 year old Sam is still critically ill in hospital and has yet to regain consciousness. The cops say the assault could be linked to two other robberies, the first in Newington Road on Wednesday evening and the second in Victoria Parade less than an hour before the Albion Place incident. A watch, mobile phones and cash were among the items stolen.

The suspects in the Victoria Parade incident are described as white, aged about 18 or 19, between 5ft 10ins and 6ft, both slim, but one heavier built than the other. One was wearing a yellow and grey striped hooded top and dark jogging bottoms. The other was wearing a white or light-coloured hooded top and dark bottoms.

Unfortunately that description narrows it down to any of around ten thousand youths here in Ramsgate, but the message is the police are clearly desperate to nick these violent and dangerous offenders. So, if you have any information contact police on 01843 231055 or Kent Crimestoppers, anonymously, on 0800 555111.

Click here for more on Thanet Extra website

Update: Two teenage boys have now been arrested in connection with this incident. Click here to read more.

Plods Still Investigating At Albion Place

Regular contributor Walter has emailed me the latest episode of CSI: Ramsgate, aka the ongoing investigation into an incident at Albion Place, here in the Ms' P:

Late last night I noted two Met Police vans exiting Thanet at speed. This morning at 0 my god its early... around 05:00 the rozzers where crawling all over the Albion Gardens area. They did not look like your local rozzers, with lots of SOCO's about.

The lid is being kept on something awful, but interesting? I had to go back the Albion gardens way at around 07:00 and the rozzers were rummaging around the bushes. They had massive plastic bags to put items in, so they are really doing more than just the normal search for some local scroat.

Thanet Extra reported yesterday that a man had been found injured in the early hours and was in a critical condition in hospital. Click here to read full story.

Update: The victim has now been named by the cops as 17 year old Sam Eastwell aka Sam Armstrong. Three hours earlier, another 17 year old boy was punched in the face and robbed of his watch in Newington Road. A girl and boy, both 17, and an 18 year old man were also robbed of their mobile phones and money in Victoria Parade by two males in hooded tops, and police think these three attacks could be linked. Anyone with information should contact Kent Police on 01843 231055 or Kent Crimestoppers on 0800 555111.

Click here for full story in Thanet Extra.
Click here for full story on BBC website.

Cowardy Cowardy Custody

I've received another email from reader Barry, who you will remember recently dished the dirt here on the island's premier blog on some of the, er, unusual practices prevalent among the local plods. Barry says that, whilst he stands by everything he said, his email has subsequently become something of an embarrassment to him, particularly now that he finds himself in a position to help the police (with their enquiries). As a result he has asked me to remove yesterday's insights from my jottings. Happy to oblige Barry!

Don't Hold Your Breath

I must say, reading the news that Kent's finest are to breathalyse every driver involved in a crash had me in stitches! So much so that the old glass eye popped out and is currently being batted around the study by Bertie, my pedigree Burmese.

And the reason for the hysterics? Well, have you tried getting Her Majesty's Testicle Scratchers to attend an accident recently? I have, and they don't. Regular readers will remember I was rammed up the jacksie by a white van man on the A2 last December. A call to the rozzers elicited the blunt response 'We will not be attending.' And a while back, when I was, er, dismounted from my throbber by an inattentive hit and run driver, a similar call to the constabulary was met with the advice 'We're too busy to send anyone. Just take down witness details and report them to your nearest police station.' Not so easy to do when you and your two-wheeler are splayed across a main road in a number of irregularly shaped pieces. But hey-ho, they did offer to send the ambos over, which is something I suppose. (The offending driver turned out to be uninsured. Not that the cops discovered that, or did anything in fact. I had to don the deerstalker and do all the sleuthing myself to bring the rapscallion to justice!)

So forgive my cynicism when it comes to this new initiative, which looks more like a PR puff than anything which might actually be put into practice. A shame really, as these days, every time I see them charging down Victoria Parade with the blues and twos blaring, I imagine they must be on their way to an important pensions meeting, or that a nice bit of Battenburg has just come in at the nick canteen. No wonder the crime stats are falling. We've all learnt from bitter experience there's no point picking up the phone to the plod in the first place.

Blues And Twos In Cliftonville

Just getting reports over the Thanet airwaves that the Police Armed Response Unit has been called out to Cliftonville Casino. Unconfirmed at the moment, but might have more later. Unless there's anyone out there who can fill us in?

Update: The story has now appeared in Kent Online. Apparently the incident related to a disturbance involving an imitation firearm at a nearby block of flats. For full story click here.

Hatchet Job

It's not often one has the opportunity to witness a youth in a tracksuit, wielding an enormous rusty meat cleaver, running down the street shouting 'I'm not gonna f*cking put up with this any f*cking longer', but that was the delightful vision that confronted the Eastcliff mincers today as I toddled down the road for my afternoon snifter.

Yes, I did think of ringing the rozzers, but on balance I decided they probably had more important things on their plates. Such as a vital pensions meeting, or a presentation on health and safety most like.

Holly Nickers

Nothing to do with personal feminine itching. No, I've received this email from a reader on the Dickensian east side of the island calling himself Joss Bay, a pseudonym we must assume:

I read in the papers recently that there's a national shortage of holly this festive season, and prices are going through the roof. So I was not entirely surprised as I was driving home the other night to see, as I approached my house, a shadowy figure who appeared to be cutting branches from the holly tree in my front garden. As I pulled into my drive, I remonstrated with the woman, who, calm as a cucumber, retorted: 'It's only a bit of holly' and sauntered off.

I thought about reporting the incident to the police, but she was the wife of the copper who lives a few doors up.

Crikey! Still, you've got to pity the rozzers. They've just had a piss poor pay deal, and what with that and the prospect of having to retire on full pay at 40 and set up their own security business, no wonder some of them are being driven to desperate measures!

When Is A Library Not A Library? Part 2

When it's Thanet Gateway Plus, of course!

The latest edition of our beloved council's very own trumpet-blowing magazine Thanet Matters devotes a front page and several hundred words to the revamping of Margate Library, which re-opens its doors on the 7th of January and now features Thanet Gateway Plus (urgh!), a 'one stop shop' for council services. But casting the old Eastcliff mincers over the lavish, double-page spread, I clocked only two mentions of the word 'library'. Oh yes, plenty of 'customer service' this, and 'council officers' that, but 'books'? Not a dickie bird!

Santa really must be on his way, as Thanet Matters wasn't the only Christmas present that plopped out of my local paper...

The local rozzers have spent a bob or two too, telling us how luvverly duvverly everything is round here. Actually my housekeeper had occasion to be thankful for the bizzies while I was away. Yet again she came across a posse of them in one of those grimy backstreets, this time tackling some ne'er-do-well with a gun. Cripes!

Anyway, as yuletide is clearly fast approaching, I've decided to put my Christmas deccies up!