What's The Crack?

I can't for the life of me understand the fuss over this new exhibition at the Tate Modern. If you've been on the moon for the last few days, here's the griff. Someone called Doris has put her 500ft crack on show, and it's got all the tongues wagging. As usual, the Torygraph, among others, has got all huffy-puffy about it being a waste of public money.

Now, I'm going to surprise you all by agreeing with them. After all, we've got plenty of cracks here in the Millionaires' Playground, and not a single penny of the public's hard earned dosh has been spent on any of them. There's our crumbling East Cliff for a start. And what about this little, er, cracker I snapped in one of those grimy back streets the other day? It's got to be worth a Turner, surely?

Cracking good art

Tate That

Apologies to the hoard (Degsy) who are clearly gagging for the next thrilling instalment of 'Dr Richdiet Says...' but I've been called down to the tip of Cornwall by my old arts chums at Tate St. Ives. Something about urgently needing something hung well. Or was it someone well hung? It escapes me now. So you'll have to wait a couple of days to hear more of the Teutonic apparatchik's valediction to Thanet Council. Crumbs! I think I might have swallowed a dictionary for breakfast!

The Tate has worked miracles for St. Ives and the surrounding area, just like the Turnip Centre will undoubtedly do for Thanet. When I was in St. Ives a couple of months ago I got into a conversation with the lady who's run the fudge shop on the front since Cocky was an egg, and she was positively effusive.

'They're trying to build an extension. We've all petitioned against it, but it won't do any bloody good,' she proclaimed. 'But it must have benefited the area?' I countered. 'Oh yes. You get the arty types and the surfers now. But they don't buy fudge. They come in and ask if they can have a small slice to taste it.' Proof, then, of the boom times ahead for Margate!