Westwood Angry

Christmas comes but once a year, and so today I made my annual pilgrimage (with the emphasis on the 'grim') to Westwood Cross. You see, I was in need of a department store, and whilst Debenhams doesn't even do a pale, Les Dennis style impersonation of John Lewis I wasn't prepared to pilot the G Swizz up the M2 to Bluewater and then remain there for 10 hours while it charged up for the journey back.

Needless to say parking was at a premium, unless you're one of those lucky blue badgers who pop the old permit on the dashboard of their 7 Series Beemer and then gaily hop, skip and jump the few yards to the shops. Even the grass verges had been colonised by cars.

Curiously, the centre itself has been colonised by potting sheds. An interesting choice of Christmas present, but one that will no doubt be more appreciated by Auntie Mavis than the traditional delight of a glass bowl filled with silverised Minstrels. This year every shop you enter is bedecked with posters of a gurning Harry Hill, but he seemed to have missed a trick with Vision Express which was empty when I nipped in to have the old glass eye serviced. Surely the sight of a larger than life Harry in his finest NHSers would have pulled in the visually impaired punters?

Now I do understand that I might be sounding a little 'Bah! Humbug!' by now. To be honest, it was nowhere near as traumatic an experience as I was expecting. The Ile de Thanet does need shops such as Debenhams, Next, HMV, Waterstones and M&S if it's going to compete with the likes of Canterbury. Trouble is, in the pre-Westwood past these shops would have been in our town centres where they belong. One north island, blogging doctor/councillor (no names mentioned) seems to think that despite Westwood detractors such as myself, the people have 'voted with their feet' (or perhaps more appropriately 'with their wheels'), a phrase much loved by Tricky Dicky Nixon in the 70s. But if I had the choice, I'd be shopping in Margate or, even better, Ramsgate this Christmas.

Still, I hear the Ramsgate Society has put forward a plan to erect an 'anchor store' on the Staffordshire Street car park site here in the Ms' P. What a splendid idea! Maybe in a year or two I'll be able to toddle down the road and buy Auntie Mavis a bilge pump and a couple of galvanised shackles for Crimble!

Puzzle Corner

From where I'm typing this, I can see a Tesco Extra, a B&Q and a Vue cinema. But I'm not at Westwood Cross. Where on earth am I?

Posted from Romford via iPhone oh tits

Westwood Chaos As Shops Blacked Out

Speaking of fires, it seems that an electricity substation burnt out this afternoon and left Westwood Angry, the ile's 'town centre', in darkness. Apart from Tescos, that is, who presumably have a back-up gennie. Oh no! I've mentioned back-up generators! Cue Rick!!!

Cars But No Cash At WWX

Yes, dear reader, even I've had to curtail my Saville Row splurges, what with my assets shrinking and my credit being all crunchified. So it was that yesterday I found myself at M&S over in Westworld Chaos trying on a £100 suit. Really, it shouldn't happen to a celeb of my standing.

However, I thought I'd make the best of a bad job by doing some research. I asked this question of every shop assistant I encountered: 'Been busy over the last few weeks?' Without exception I got a shrug of the shoulder and a clear indication that it's as quiet as a church proverbial over there when it comes to flashing the cash. Plenty of lookers. Not many buyers.

So I therefore declare that the place is officially in a downturn/recession. And only a fistal stimulus of titanic proportions from our local government will save the place from going the way of Iceland. Well, if that Robert Peston can make a name for himself by doom mongering, I don't see why I should miss out!

Westgreat News

Reader Kevin Crace, Saviour of the Westgate Shed, er, Pavilion, writes:

Would you thank your readers for supporting the Westgate Pavilion Demelza House Children’s Hospice charity night last Friday, which I’m glad to tell you raised in excess of £2,500. Additionally, we also collected more than 50 soft toys and games, which will be sent directly to the children, so as to reach them in time for Christmas.

Should any of your readers have any toys, teddies (new only please) or money that they would like to donate, then please contact me at the Pavilion, so we can arrange collection. I’m glad to advise we are now looking at additional ways that we can support this truly worthwhile cause.

Good on yer Kevin! According to the Chief Executive of Thanet Council, only half a dozen people read this blog, so I'm glad the ECR 6 proved so generous. If only Smyths, the new toy shed out at Westwood Chaos, were to match their generosity. Now that really would make for a fairytale ending to this particular toy story!

Westwood Cross - Eyesore Of The Future?

Holy underwear! I see Marks and Spencer have announced a 5.3% drop in sales, and are predicting stormy times ahead for the UK economy. Meanwhile separate data suggests that high petrol prices have led to a drop in trips to out-of-town shopping centres. According to figures from Experian's footfall index, visitor numbers fell by 5.8% in June from the same month a year ago. Even millionnaires like me are feeling the pinch. Recently I had to make the ultimate sacrifice and cancel my weekly Fortnums delivery.

All this must surely place a questionmark over the future of Brownwater. Even more units are going up, but you have to ask whether Britain's major retailers have their investing trousers on at the moment. I think the answer is probably no. And how long before we see abandoned units over there? There's nothing sadder than the sight of a derelict shopping centre. You only have to pop into Arlington Arcade to witness that!

On the other hand less out of town shopping could be good news for Thanet's beleagured local high streets. Margate was recently given a teeny-tiny boost when our beloved council agreed to a few hours free parking on Saturdays for an experimental three month period. As ever with our Cecil Square-centric councillors, no such concession was announced for Ramsgate. But then, really, what did you expect?

Click here for full story on BBC website

Every Minute Helps

As Waitrose had run out of millionaire shortbread, I found myself schlepping out to the Tesco megabarn at Westwood Chaos this afternoon. Except they weren't even open, having evacuated the store due to a fire alarm.

Hundreds of bemused shoppers were hanging around outside wondering why the fire brigade had taken so long to turn up, given they're only based next door. After all, it's not as if the Tesco site's owned by one of our misfortunate, arson-prone local developers, for whom a considerate, half hour delay seems de rigeur these days!

Update: The cops are urging people to ignore an email hoax that is doing the rounds which states that a small girl was snatched from the Manston Tesco. Apparently there's absolutely no truth in it. Click here to read more. Meanwhile credit-crunched shoppers are deserting the Big T for cheaper supermarkets like Aldi and Netto. Oh well, as they say, every Lidl helps!

Rigger Mortis

It's been so blustery here in the Millionaires' Playground recently that I thought I'd pop down to Riggers, our local outdoor shop, and treat myself to a new Berghaus. Trouble was, nobody had told me they've given up the ghost! And they're not the only ones. A five minute trundle around our town centre produced this haul:

So what's going on? Global recession? Greedy landlords forcing traders out with extortionate rents? Or could it be that our new out-of-town retail centre, Westwood Cross, has finished sucking all the life blood out of Margate and is now performing the same trick here too? I think we should be told!

That's All Folks!

Margate's historic, Grade II listed Dreamland Cinema closes today with a showing at 8.30 this evening of, appropriately enough, Peter Sellers' 1957 comedy of cinematic errors The Smallest Show on Earth.

The management have blamed the closure on the council's decision to allow a new multiplex to open at Westwood Chaos. As my good friends at the Cinema Theatre Association told me:

Unfortunately, local councils give planning permission for multiplex cinemas which invariably spell a death knell for independent cinemas, particularly tottering ones such as the Dreamland.

This, you will remember, is the same council that has placed its bets on arts regen to rebuild Margate's fortunes. Hmm. So, bingo gone, amusement park gone, cinema gone, still no firm plans for the site. That's regeneration!

Dreamland story on BBC website

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News!

Cripes! The Gazunder's super-scooping cub reporter Thom Morris has got himself another splash in today's Thanet Times! Although I'm not sure that our local flying doctor/Tory councillor will be particularly chuffed to see one of his aerial photographs illustrating Labour MP Dr Steve Ladyboy's outcry over more predicted traffic chaos at Westwood Livid. Only last weekend Simes was tugging a banner around the Ile urging us to vote Tory if we wanted a say in the EU 'Is it or isn't it a' Treaty debate.

Elsewhere in the paper, lovely editor Rebecca Smith is complaining that Lib Dem leader Ming the Charisma-less has a 'seriously uncool' name. So in the best traditions of Windscale, H Block and Labour I'm launching a poll to find a new moniker for the old fart and boost his ratings. Or if you have a better suggestion email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

And check out the ECR TV story below for Tony Flaig's view of Westwood Chaos.

Westwood Housing Scheme Makes Tony Cross

I was wondering where Mr Ceacescu (no relation) had dashed off to yesterday. He was last seen heading in the direction of Westworld Cross in his BMW.

It would seem that he met up with Margate's very own pie-devouring superblogger, Tony Flaig. Together they've made a short film for ECR TV about the new housing estate that's going to be plonked there, and the lack of forethought on the planning front.

Not a bad first effort for Mr Flaig. And, even more gratifyingly, it didn't cost me a sausage!