Empty Promises

A reader has emailed me a link to the above video on YouTube. It was shot at one of those public sector renewal love-ins at the Margate Media Centre last week.

The subject under discussion is crap housing, and in particular the No Use Empty scheme. No Use Empty is, as you know, an East Kent initiative backed by KCC and Thanet Council. Its aim is to bring 6,000 empty and derelict properties (otherwise known as 'eyesores'), back into use by persuading landlords, and bribing them with grants, to do up their shitholes instead of leaving them and the surrounding area to go down the khazi, in the greedy expectation of profit tomorrow without spending a penny today.

A worthy cause you might say. But let me just save you nine minutes or so and summarise the video for you.

Audience member: What control do you have over the many asbentee private landlords in the area?

Speaker (Head of Community Planning KCC): I'm not making excuses, but the best person to ask isn't here.

Audience member: I run the new B&B in Hawley Square and in the last few weeks we've had five couples from out of the area, looking for family homes here, stay with us. The estate agents have told them there are no large houses to buy, it's mostly small units, the houses have been divided up.

Then we have the No Use Empty scheme... many of those projects are still standing empty and are touted as a success after they've only had a first wave renovation. These very small, one bed flats in these large historic buildings which would have been appealing to the people we actually want to attract to give a more balanced, settled community are then added to the other 880 empty properties that you've got. So you're actually losing some of the key buildings that would have been attractive to incomers... that would rebalance the social imbalance that's been created over the past 30 years.

Who's actually checking that these buildings... are now occupied and why are you turning beautiful buildings into more substandard bedsits and flats? When we renovated our listed building and took away ten bedsits we got nothing... and yet property developers are able to get money to renovate buildings and not occupy them, and they're still standing derelict. And that's KCC money.

Speaker (Head of Community Planning KCC): That is... is exactly the key issue here, but rather than give an answer blah 880 empty properties, that's a potential for investment blah.

Audience member: One of the problems is that we never know who to talk to... nobody knows who's in charge. Will you support a directorate that would bring everything together in one place in Thanet?

Chair: Colin is only a (council) officer, he doesn't need to answer that one.

It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?

Update: Arse! The video has been removed from YouTube by whoever uploaded it. Must have been embarrassed by the glaring spotlight of my publicity!

Update update: Er, it's back again now.

Click here to go to No Use Empty website
Click here to go to Margate Renewal Partnership website

The Ice House Goeth

Rumours have reached the old Eastcliff lugholes that this knackered old Victorian eyesore, er, ice store down by our lovely Royal Harbour here in the Millionaires' Playground has been earmarked for the axe. And when I say 'axe' I don't mean a flogging off like Albion House, Northdown House or parts of Viking Bay. No, I hear it's destined for the full ball and chain job. As far as I can make out, it's only claim to fame is that it currently houses the Kent and Essex Fisheries Committee, whatever that is.

Ah, what a relief to return to important and weighty affairs of state after all that frothy nonsense across the Atlantic!

A Chance In A Pavilion

The ongoing row over whether Wetherspoons should get planning permission to turn some old church/cinema in a back alley here in the Millionaires' Playground into a pub aptly demonstrates the lack of joined up thinking in these parts when it comes to planning for a sustainable, seaside future.

In a prime pozzy on the seafront we have an edifice that would make an excellent hostelry - the Royal Pavilion, which has been empty all season since those Rankers upped sticks and relocated their casino to a shed at Westwood Chaos. Trouble is it's in a parlous state, as the council never saw fit to enforce the repairing terms of Rank's lease over the last 40 years. Which makes it a distinctly unattractive proposition for even an imaginative outfit like Wetherspoons, who recently opened a pub in Oxford called The Four Candles in honour of a former nearby resident, the late, great, dearly departed Ronnie Barker.

So now we have a rapidly deteriorating eyesore which will probably go the way of all our heritage bricks and mortar (West Cliff Hall, Marina Restaurant, Kent Terrace, the list goes on). If Wetherspoons do open an establishment in Ramsgate, perhaps they should name it the We'll Run This Place Into The Ground 'Cos The Council Don't Give A Toss And Then Bugger Off To Westwood At Which Point It'll Burn Down Or Be Accidentally Demolished and be done with it!

Click here to read about the Pavilion and Rank hypocrisy
Click here to read about Wetherspoons on Cllr Green's blog

Sea Bathing Firm Goes Down The Plughole

It's official! And you read it first in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Splashed over the front page of today's Thanet Times is the news that Paigle Properties Ltd and Paigle (Margate) Ltd have gone down the gurgler. According to the administrators appointed to liquidate the companies' assets, work on Margate's Royal Sea Bathing Hospital development will continue. But they were unable to comment on the future of Paigle's proposed development at the Cliftonville Lido.

Actually it gives me no pleasure to be proved right on this. I have a nasty feeling that Paigle won't be the last developer on the island to cash in their chips. I can't honestly say that the prospect of swapping ten years of hideous eyesores for another ten years of half built, hideous eyesores is filling the old Eastcliff cockles with joy!

Royal Sands Of Time Running Out?

Last month I brought you the news that tiny Terence Painter, the Ile's dapper, diminutive developer and estate agent, had closed his office opposite the Royal Harbour. TP, if you recall, is the lead agent for selling the seven, 12 star hotels and 9 million luxury apartments at the planned Pleasurama Development (aka Royal Sands aka Titanic aka Elsbels Palace Hotel).

Word has now reached the old Eastcliff lugholes that the bankers for the developer, SFP Ventures (UK) Ltd., have withdrawn their funding for the project, no doubt because their credit has been well and truly crunched. If confirmed, this would be a serious blow to the future of Ramsgate's seafront, which has already suffered a decade of eyesore blight, following the mysterious fire that destroyed Pleasurama in the late 90s. Should the development not be in position to go forward, may I humbly suggest that our friends on Uranus somehow wrest the site back from SFP and flipping well do something useful with it? Heritage theme park, anyone?

One Up, One Down

Regular contributor Samantha writes:

I was pleased to see Mears joiners working on behalf of Thanet Council finally reinstating the boundary to Granville Court behind Victoria Parade in Ramsgate last week (see photo attached). It has taken months to get the council to clear this site and replace the hoarding around it after it became dangerously dilapidated and a magnet for fly tippers. Well done TDC (at last)!

And there's another cheer for TDC from reader Brian who sent in this shot of our once-crumbling East Cliff:

As you can see, most of the 'temporary' Heras fencing has been removed. And it only took three years, three months and three days! In fact it had been there so long that this is the first time I've had the pleasure of peering at the prom in its full, un-Herassed glory, as I only DFLed to the Millionaires' Playground at the start of 2006.

I'm tempted to dispense with the 'temporary' fencing counter-uppy thingo on my sidebar, which is currently registering 1,170 days. But then not all the fencing has disappeared, and there are one or two spots of it erupting further up. And a substantial patch has recently burst out along Royal Parade on the west side. Rather like acne really. Whaddya think? Should I stop counting? Or are happy days here again?

More Front Than Dolly Parton

Tooling along the front yesterday with Mrs Ceaucescu (no relation), I spied a planning notice for yet another block of those luxury whatsits. As the drawing shows, this one will be by the (almost) fallen arches just before the hairpin bend on Marina Esplanade, where there's been an eyesore for donkey's years.

So regardless of what you make of the design and purpose of these blocks, regeneration really is coming on apace here in the Millionaires' Playground, what with that and the titanic Royals Sands development on the Pleasurama wasteland. Except, oh dear, right, well according to the planning history for this site, the first application to erect a block of flats there dates back to 1973. And still no sign of anything springing up other than weeds!

Thanet Council Cops A Private Eyeful

Yikes! I see our beloved local council features in this week's edition of Private Eye, where it's described in the Rotten Boroughs section as 'supine'. Reaching for my OED, I see it defines the word as 1. 'lying face upwards' and 2. 'failing to act as a result of laziness or lack of courage'.

Just about right on both scores, eh?

Eyesore Gone In A Blink

Regular reader Samantha writes:

I was surprised and delighted to see that the festering hole behind Granville Court in Ramsgate has been completely cleared by Thanet Council. However they have yet to sort out the perimeter which still contains a blighting mix of dilapidated fencing, temporary fencing and rubbish. Apparently though they will be sorting this out 'asap'.

She adds that the excellent yourthanet newspaper (available free in the corner of all your favourite local stores, usually behind the twelve boxes of Haribo etc.) followed up the 'festering hole' story this week, which presumably gave our beloved council the, er, prod up the jacksie it needed to get on with it. Our local campaigning, crap-clearing, caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Dave Green also played a part in getting this mess sorted out, I'm told. Lumme, if this continues he's going to sound like a 70s soft drink ad.

So, three cheers for yourthanet and three cheers for campaigning etc. Dave Green. And, er, two and a half cheers for Thanet Council. Now that's something you don't hear me say very often!

Granville Court before the Thanet Council clean-up

Granville Court after the Thanet Council clean-up

Eyesore Tour Boosts Isle Economy

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Tourism Editor Wee Ken Brake

Thanet is set to welcome more than a million visitors this Easter weekend - all due to its growing reputation for eyesores.

An enterprising coach company has set up a tour of the island taking in its most famous sites for sore eyes. The brochure says: 'With millions of pounds in grants over the past ten years, Thanet is now firmly on the eyesore map. Where else could you take in so many delightfully derelict sites in just one day?' The itinerary includes:

Margate - visitors are met at the station and begin their tour with breakfast at Arlington Square, followed by a trip around Dreamland with its famous car park and knackered old roller coaster. 30 minutes for shopping in Lower High Street or enjoying the peace and tranquility of the new library.

Cliftonville - board the coach for the short trip to the island's eyesore capital for lunch, pausing briefly to admire the Lido.

Broadstairs - short break to walk along the Culmers Land fence, followed by a 'discomfort stop' at the vandalised conveniences.

Ramsgate - the grand finale of the tour. Visitors can explore the fly tip behind Granville Court, before marvelling at such World Heritage Eyesores as the Pleasurama site, the Marina Restaurant, the Royal Pavilion, the derelict former Motor Museum and the Western Undercliff illegal lorry park. Tour ends with walk along King Street (security provided).

Eyesore Tours can be contacted on 01843 577000.

Photo: Reader Samantha

Day trippers enjoying the Granville Court eyesore in Ramsgate

Dish Of The Day

With high winds buffeting the Millionaire's Playground again this morning, it looks like another great day for raising the roof, or popping out with your camera and snapping a few aerial photos!

Speaking of which I'm indebted to Mary, who describes herself as a 'fan' (Ooh! spare my blushes!), for the photo of this, er, dishy collection. Mary writes:

My dear Graham went home to visit his parents over the holiday. To avoid becoming house-bound, avoid parent overload, and generally do his body good, he walked your beloved Ile de Thanet, putting in about 5 miles each of the seven days he was home. He also made a photo journal of his travels. One of the sights that he noticed and found a need to document was the appearance of and proliferation of these pieces of (somewhat) necessary evil. The beautiful old architecture surely would benefit from a ban on these eyesores, but I wonder what new technology would be capable of invisibly replacing the necessity of the hardware? When that happens, I wish your council God-speed in passing a ban on them.

I couldn't agree more Mary!

Ramsgate Makes A Spectacle Of Itself

My new ophthamologist, Mr R. de Cock, has recommended these little beauties. Wire framed, too, so they're not so prone to spontaneous combustion as the plastic Ben Sherman Margates.

Casting the old glass eye around the doc's reception as I was waiting to see the great man, I spied a filing cabinet labelled 'R. de Cock Letters'. Now I know where all those spam emails promising me a 'lighthouse in an open sea' are coming from!

Gerry/Builders

Cripes! I see local teeny-tiny council campaigner Gerry O'Ramsgate has waded into the murky waters of the Pleasurama Development (aka Royal Sands aka Titanic aka Elsbels Palace Hotel).

In a recent email to all our local councillors, he writes:

Don't forget that at the Eastcliff Resident's Association meeting where the developers (£££££££££) met the people (********) I extracted an undertaking from Chief Planning Officer Brian White (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that he would keep an eagle eye on the height of the development (??????????) and call a halt if the footings and the subsequent layers suggest the promised height is likely to be exceeded as we all know it will. Developers' measuring rulers and tapes come in Metric, Imperial and Fictional.

Go get 'em, Gerry!

Eye News

The dreaded appointment with my new opthalmologist, Mr R. De Cock, is less than a week away, so you'll forgive me for being a trifle ocularly obsessed at the moment.

Lunching with my old satirical chum Ian at his mansion in the Kent countryside yesterday, he revealed that he's moved into that age where he requires bifocals, so he's no longer able to pop in the contacts. Hence the debut of the snazzy new goggles on Question Time last week. I expect they'll become a regular feature of the news-gnome's physog during the new series of HIGNFY, which begins again this Friday.

During the chit-chat he revealed that another prominent journo recently encountered similar age-related opthalmic difficulties. Vanity prevented her from donning bifocals, so she opted for laser treatment and now has one eye for close-up work, and the other for long distance vision. Modesty, of course, prevents me from revealing her name.

Meanwhile, Wossie's been chatting to me on Facebook about having his lumps removed over the summer break. I recall Elton pointing out on his show that the nodule under his eyebrow could easily be fixed, and he's confirmed that he had it off over the recess, along with 'a hard thing attached to a vein on my leg'. How us celebrity types suffer for our art, eh?

Still, it's worth it, isn't it? After all, who would guess that Brucie is 103?

Sticking Up For The Visually Impaired

I've been having a spot of bother with the old glass eye. During an important production meeting the other day at Nuts TV it fell out and, to my undying shame, bounced across the table only to become lodged in the ample cleavage of one of the luvverly presenters of Fit and Fearless.

And as I don't get up to town as much as I used to, seeing my Harley Street specialist is proving somewhat of a pain. So I asked him if he could recommend a chap in these parts. Sure enough, I got a letter today from my new Kent consultant, a Mr R. de Cock.

Knowing my usual quack possesses a rather aqueous sense of humour, I imagined he was pulling my plonker. But no, apparently Mr R. de Cock is one of the best minces men in the land. He's even had erudite articles published in Eye, the journal of the Royal College of Ophthalmologists.

Oh well, I'll give him a go I suppose. Let's hope it'll be better than a poke in the proverbial with a, er, sharp stick.

R. de Cock in the Eye

That Sinking Feeling

With the occasional rat-a-tat of a pneumatic drill alerting me to the fact that development work has begun on the Pleasurama eyesore, it's time to come up with a decent name for the new building.

Officially it's going to be 'Royal Sands', but let's face it, that's a load of old pony. What it needs is a proper name. After all, does anybody know what that cliff top lump near the Western Esplanade in Boredstares is actually called? Of course not. But the Dickensians all know and, er, love it as 'Alcatraz'. So, what shall we call our own cliff bottom lump? Dun Burnin'? The Shelter? No, no, no, I've got a much better idea. Here's my reasoning:

1. It's vaguely ship-shaped.
2. It's got four sticky-out bits.
3. With climate change continuing apace, it'll almost certainly end up putting to sea.
4. It hasn't got enough, or indeed any, lifeboats.
5. In a once-in-a-lifetime storm surge a large object might collide with it, causing it to sink (don't take my word for it, this is our local biblio-bloke Michael Child's 'worst case scenario').

So, guessed the new name yet? It's obvious, isn't it? Say hello to: THE TITANIC!

Full text of Michael Child's research

Update: Here's today's spring tide (28 September) at Ramsgate, as filmed by Michael. A rather moderate example of what the Titanic will be setting sail in! The video was shot from roughly the bottom left hand corner of the above artist's impression of the new development.

Dreamland Consultation

Yes yes. I know I said I was off to Facebook but regular reader Millicent has kindly sent me the survey for the TDC Dreamland consultation which the Uranians have seen fit not to put on their website.

So if you want to deluge Cecil Square, feel free to email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk and I'll pop the survey over to you as a .pdf document. Closing date for responses is 12th October.

Update: Thanks to Degsy for pointing out that the survey is now available online here.

Paiglegate

Nice to see Gazunder editor Rebecca Smith back at the helm this week after maternity leave. Not only that, but she's written today's front page lead, and what a scoop!

Apparently that bunch from Reading are in talks to sell Margate's Dreamland eyesore to Paigle, the people who did a magnificent job of tarting up the Sea Bathing Hospital, and are planning to do the same to the Cliftonville Lido. The deal could be sealed as early as next month, according to the Gazunder.

Dreamland Themeland

The results of my latest 7-day poll show that a modern theme park or aquarium are your top choices for restoring Margate's Dreamland eyesore to its former glory.

Interestingly more people would prefer to let the place rot or burn down than build luxury apartments on the site. And less than a third felt that a heritage amusement park was just the ticket for revitalising the area's fortunes. The results in full (more than one choice was allowed in the poll):

Question: What should be done with Dreamland?

Modern theme park: 60% (24 votes)
Aquarium: 50% (20 votes)
Ice rink/other leisure: 40% (16 votes)
Heritage amusement park: 30% (12 votes)
Let it rot/burn: 17% (7 votes)
Luxury apartments: 5% (2 votes)

Don't forget our local council is currently holding a consultation on Dreamland until 12th October, so if you really do want a modern theme park, now's the time to tell them. So that they can ignore you and rubber stamp luxury apartments and a heritage amusement park, of course.

Dreamland Poll Chance

With the listed cinema due to close later this year due to competition from the new multiplex at Westworld Chaos, the final nail has been well and truly driven into the Dreamland coffin. There've been many suggestions as to what should replace it, with the front runner currently a mix of residential and retail, plus a few old rides preserved in aspic as a sop to the Save Dreamland campaigners.

But what do you think? I've added another 7-day poll to my sidebar, with a number of choices to vote for. And just in case you have more than one preference, I've configured it so you can vote for any combination you like.

So, what are you waiting for? Get voting!

Update: Our local council are currently holding one of their marvellous 'public consultations' on the future of Dreamland. Next Monday, 10th September, they will be hosting a 'drop-in session' for two whole hours from 2pm to 4pm when you'll be able to talk to council officers, fill out a survey and have your say. Providing, one assumes, that you say the right things. The survey is, apparently, also available online on their website, but I'm buggered if I can find it.

Click here for council press release. Closing date for the 'consultation' is 12th October.