by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Political Editor R. Slicker
Browntongue Disease, a virus which has already caused the death of many regeneration areas across the UK, has been found in Thanet for the first time.
So far there have been nearly 3,000 cases in the rest of Britain, and political scientists feared it was just a matter of time before the tip of Kent became infected. The condition is carried by Estateagentus Rapacius midgets (Surely midges? - Ed.) when they are blown by warm property winds from hotspots such as Brighton and Whitstable towards milder parts of the country.
The virus itself is transmitted when the midgets lick the bottoms of local politicians and tell them that what the area really needs is a new art gallery/retail park/block of luxury apartments. It is then only a matter of time before the district becomes swollen with enormous Tescos, Travelodges, Turnip Centres and empty penthouses.
(That's enough Browntongue Disease - Ed.)