Monday, September 24, 2007

Browntongue Disease Sweeps Isle

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Political Editor R. Slicker

Browntongue Disease, a virus which has already caused the death of many regeneration areas across the UK, has been found in Thanet for the first time.

So far there have been nearly 3,000 cases in the rest of Britain, and political scientists feared it was just a matter of time before the tip of Kent became infected. The condition is carried by Estateagentus Rapacius midgets (Surely midges? - Ed.) when they are blown by warm property winds from hotspots such as Brighton and Whitstable towards milder parts of the country.

The virus itself is transmitted when the midgets lick the bottoms of local politicians and tell them that what the area really needs is a new art gallery/retail park/block of luxury apartments. It is then only a matter of time before the district becomes swollen with enormous Tescos, Travelodges, Turnip Centres and empty penthouses.

(That's enough Browntongue Disease - Ed.)

9 comments:

One of your biggest fans said...

Brilliant - you're back - and with one of your best articles EVER - if that doesn't win the Blogger of the Year Award it should!!!!!

Mitch said...

I agree with your biggest fan! What we need is more of this excellent journalism...chuckle chuckle. Who else is going to take those empty shops if there are no new agencies to spring up apart from that rather good fishmonger just opened in King Street. Well done and welcome back Richard

Anonymous said...

Ramsgate has a new fishmonger?
Great!
What sort of things do they sell, then?

Timmy Tent said...

Very expensive cat food. Much like the previous shop on that site, really.

ZumiWeb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ZumiWeb said...

Eddie Gilberts: sounds like their heart is in the right plaice. And the shop.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Superb! Just the place to get the lobbies for my next DP!

With any luck, what with this and the new fish market they're building on the harbour crosswall, we'll become as famous as Padstow! Whitstabubble eat your heart out!

Anonymous said...

Thought it was whitstabubble that was getting giant tesco's on its pier,that will upset the trendies from london..

Eastcliff Richard said...

Yes, I heard that there was a kerfuffle about a new development there.

I'd advise them to grab anything they can while the going's good. Give it a few more years and the whole place will be submerged.