The G Of The Bang

Regular readers will know that I often cavort with the salty seamen down on our lovely Royal Harbour here in the Millionaires' Playground. In fact I can be spied most weekends, tooling around the marina in my brass-buttoned blazer, captain's cap and deck shoes, sporting, of course, the old Rolex Oyster (Whitstable Edition). It's on these occasions that I often get a nibble on a tasty titbit or two.

And this weekend was no different. One of those lifeboat chaps told me that the maroon has finally gone up for good, and there'll be no more banging to let us know when the brave RNLI types are on a shout. If you recall, the maroons were banned a while back for health and safety reasons. But then they were reinstated locally on appeal. Until such time as the stocks ran out. Which they now have, as Pains Wessex apparently no longer make them. 'It's all done by pager now,' moaned the morose, de-marooned matelot. 'Which is a shame as we come tearing along Military Road, but of course the town hasn't had a warning that there's an emergency'.

Fortunately, the RNLI have developed a 'desktop pager' which you can download for your PC or Mac here. While you're at it you can also make a donation to the guys in orange and blue, if you're feeling generous. Meanwhile if you want to know what a heavy sea looks like, I recommend you take a gawp at this cruise liner on BoobTube, narrowly avoiding a recreation of The Poseidon Adventure:

Pushing The Boat Out

On my morning toddle down to the Costcutter for my copy of Gra*ia (oh what glittering lives us celebs lead), I noticed the RNLI lifeboat was in serious trouble off the Haribo coast, just beyond Wrigley Rock, south of the Trident Sands. Yes, I'm talking about the charity lifeboat that I customarily pop any loose change in.

It's now in serious danger of turning turtle, due to the weight of 'Herbal V' it appears to be carrying on its deck. The noxious looking sachets promise 'sexual pleasure for men' and seem to offer a whole new way of, er, 'launching the lifeboat' for the older male. To be frank, I felt like telling them to stick their Herbal V, and the rest of the sugary crap that's overwhelmed the RNLI box, up their arses. But then, I'm far too polite. And I guess they know what their customers want to splash out on better than I do!

Boatloads Of Dosh

Ahoy me hearties! A big ECR 'Mwah!' to everyone who clicked on my recent 7 day poll to raise money for the brave chaps at the RNLI. The final result was:

Yes, I'd like ECR to donate 25p per vote to the RNLI: 94% (88 votes)

No, I'm such a miserable old skinflint I can't even bear the thought of giving somebody else's money to charity: 5% (5 votes).

As I find five people not wanting to donate someone else's money to a very worthy cause rather incredible, I've taken the total number of votes - 93 - as the final tally. Which makes a whopping £23.25! And to show I'm a good sport, I've doubled it by adding £23.25 of my own hard-earned, bringing the total to £46.50, which, as you can see from the screen grab above, I paid online.

Um, oh, er, Cyril, my accountant, has pointed out that the first £23.25 was also my money. Oh well, if I'm ever caught out in my Sunseeker by a force 10 blow, I'm sure I'll consider it money well spent!

Click here to read more about the RNLI SOS Day or donate direct

S.O.S.

Don't forget you've got less than a day to spend my sponds in aid of the RNLI! For every 'yes' click I'm donating 25p, so get on my poll in the sidebar on the right and do your stuff!

Spend One's Sovs

The 'feeble and pathetic team' (see comment on post below) are firing on all one cylinder here at the old cliff top mansion!

With the RNLI launching their SOS fundraising initiative this week, and with their lifeboat moneybox rapidly disappearing under a freak wave of Haribo and other sticky crap down at the local Costcutter, the 'team' have come up with a plan to help keep them, er, afloat. I've popped another of my 7 day polls in the sidebar on the right, but this time, for every vote in the appropriate box, I'll donate 25p of my hard-earned to the brave chaps in the orange and blue duck.

So whaddya waiting for? Get clicking!

Click here to read more about the RNLI SOS Day or donate direct

Lifeboat Rescue

Since the new owners took over that Costcutter near Mr Filthy Talk Talk's (soon to be ex-) Post Office, I've noticed that every week, when I go in to buy my Gra*ia, the teeny-tiny lifeboat that I usually drop the spare change in has become more and more marooned.

The other week, instead of being ready for action right by the till, it was washed up behind an enormous bank of Haribo, chewing gum, and all manner of cheap sugary crap. I'm afraid I berated the otherwise friendly owner for a serious lapse of civic duty, and this week I see it's back on display in pride of place. Hopefully the new dredging arrangements in our Royal Harbour will do the same for the real thing.

Unfortunately the same can't be said of the St John's Ambulance tin, and Beach Within Reach box, which have both been consigned to the retail equivalent of a Westgate nursing home, i.e out of sight and out of mind. Which is a shame, because only the other day I received this missive from Kim Twyman, the Treasurer of Beach Within Reach, Ramsgate's newest charity:

We have noted your comments about our charity boxes not having a charity number on them. We would like to let you know that we have now replaced the old labelling on the charity boxes with our new charity number. We apologise for the delay in replacing the labelling but as you can imagine there are numerous things to set in place when starting and running a new charity.

I wonder if it would be possible for you to put details of our charity on your website. I have attached a leaflet on our charity and a photograph (as a Jpeg) of the All-Terrain wheelchairs to give people an idea of what we are trying to achieve. These All-Terrain wheelchairs can be used by adults and children and can be fitted with accessories to enable severely disabled children/adults to use them. There will be no hire charge only a returnable deposit. Proof of ID will be required.

Hopefully these All-Terrain wheelchairs will be on Ramsgate main beach for the new season of 2008 and on other beaches in the Thanet area as funds permit. We hope this project will increase the tourism industry in our area. We are trying to reach charities, organizations and schools out of the area that run holidays/breaks/days out for the disabled.

Kim concludes:

Donations towards the purchase and running of these All-Terrain wheelchairs would be very welcome. Especially from millionaires!! Please send cheques made payable to “Beach Within Reach” to 28 Crescent Road, Ramsgate, Kent CT11 9QX.

Glad to be of service Kim!

Charity Begins At Ramsgate

Whilst on an urgent mission to the Costcutter for essential provisions yesterday (high strength painkillers), I noticed a new charity box next to the till.

Being a millionaire, I usually deposit any spare coppers in the RNLI lifeboat as those chaps do marvellous work, and all deserve to be cannonised in my humble opinion. Often, however, the lifeboat is stuffed to the gunwales as other millionaires hereabouts feel the same, and so it was on this occasion. So I moved on to the St John Ambulance box, but that too possessed an elegant sufficiency. It was at that point that I spied a new, third box for something called Beach Within Reach. As it didn't sport a registered charity number, merely a mobile phone number, I have to admit I was slightly sus, but I popped my two pennorth in nonetheless.

This morning I checked on the Charity Commission website, and it seems that Beach Within Reach was formed in June this year, with the primary aim of relieving the needs of people with a physical limitation by supplying, operating and maintaining four all terrain wheelchairs together with associated items for use on Ramsgate Main Beach to enable equal access for people of all ages with a physical limitation and for use by local organisations and charities who work with people with a physical limitation in order to enable them to both use the sands and enter shallow water. More details can be found here.

So, a genuine and worthy cause after all. By the way, you may have seen those posters advertising the Quality Coast Awards around the place. I've already done my bit and given Ramsgate a write-up, if you'd care to do the same you can find their site here.