Don't Call Me Shirley

Lorks! What with Councillor/Doctor Biggles' recent obsession with Romans and gladiators, and his ongoing interest in flying, I'm beginning to wonder whether he's not positioning himself for the part of Captain Clarence Oveur in some putative remake of Airplane!

Update: Our Simes now appears to have a bee in his helmet about something in today's Gazunder, and is threatening to do a tug over the paper's offices if they don't print the truth. Hold the inside middle page!

Thanet Death

In Memoriam
Thanet Life
Popular Tory Blog

So, Farewell
Then Thanet
Life.

'Thanet's alternative
Newspaper',
That was
Your catchphrase.
'The Isle of Thanet
With a blue tint',
That was
Another.

Still, just like
Arnie,
I expect you'll be
Back.

After all, that ruddy-faced Governor of Kent can't go on forever.

E.C. Richard (29)

Striking News

Suffering spam filters! With all the increased traffic on my site recently, I'm being inundated with email! I'd need an entire newsroom of highly trained hacks to sort through the gossip and check out all the stories you're sending me. So rather than going to all that bother, I'll just reprint this little missive just in from a usually reliable source:

From Wednesday next week the binmen are on strike. I don't suppose Biggles knows about this as Council members haven't been officially informed yet. There are no plans for a 'catch up' collection so those with wheelies will have to go a month without a collection and there will be no 'side waste' collected from the backlog!

Roger Gale is being taken to an Industrial Tribunal by a disgruntled ex-employee for unfair dismissal who is so p*ssed off with the Tories she has volunteered to work for Steve Ladyman!!

South Thanet Conservative Association is in receivership and the Sandys woman is having to work from Gale's office as the Ramsgate one has been closed due to said receivership.

From April this year those Thanet residents fortunate enough to have a green waste collection it will be abandoned and all of us will have to pay £6.00 for up to three bags of green waste to be collected. This will of course lead to even more fly tipping, thus more expense for the Council to clean up. Why not just leave it free? Probably cost less in the long run.

Phew! There's enough there to fill an entire newspaper!

Update: Just as I was thinking I might have been the victim of a beyond-the-grave prank by the late, lovely, dearly-departed Jeremy Beadle, along comes confirmation that a series of bin strikes will be going ahead on:

Wednesday 13th February
Thursday 21st February
Friday 29th February
and
Monday 10th March

As for the rest of it, surely it's just a matter of time!

Click here for full bin strike story on KOS media

Nice Chopper

I see our flying doctor/councillor has been getting all gooey-eyed over local squillionaire Ken Wills' super-duper helicopter. The Doc drools:

A big Augusta 109, the airborne equivalent of a Bentley, owned and flown by Thanet businessman, Ken Wills. When the Chinese delegation arrive in a month or so to look at the site of the proposed China Gateway at the Manston business park I'm sure they will get a very comfortable 'birds-eye' view of Thanet in the process.

So much more newsworthy than the council-sponsored uglification of Broadstairs, eh Doc?

In The Doc For Censorship

Yikes! Thanet's most famous Tory blogger has accused me of censorship! Talk about pots and kettles!

Here's the story so far. Dr Biggles refused to publish our local Tree Huggers' concerns over the hideous new fencing that our Tory council has put up in Broadstairs, and instead buried the issue on an existing strand. So in the interests of maintaining a free press, I published the news here. Now he has the temerity to say:

I did make one of my rare forays over to the ECR site yesterday and left a comment of explanation against his story, where it was suggested that I didn't print photos of fences for sinister "political" reasons. That comment was not published.

Now as regular readers of my blog will know, I have never censored comments that do not fit in with my view of the world. Not even when one of those, er, well-rounded Thanet Lifers added the Wildean bon mot: I'm f*cked off with left wing c*nts like you. I made this point on the Doc's blog, to which his response has been:

Grow-up ECR! What others choose to write on your website is not my concern.

Grow up? Who does he think he is? The headmaster of Thanet or something? He's now backtracking and claims that his comment on my blog may have 'disappeared into hyperspace' rather than being censored, as he previously implied. But that's not the point. The argument on his blog was originally about him censoring a story because it was 'not interesting enough'. The fence debacle in fact attracted more comments than anything he's ever printed there, so either he was being disingenuous, or he's got a very poor nose for news.

Pursuing his usual policy of drowning out any criticism by 'swiftly moving on', he's subsequently buried the entire story under an avalanche of the usual Tory twaddle and, sure enough, it's now been relegated to the archives. But as the Doc should know, there's no hiding in cyberspace, and you can see the whole sorry saga yourself by clicking here.

Photo: Paul Wells

Plane, Trees

Oops, wrong photo.

There that's better. Some lovely trees, and not a plane in sight! Which is my way of saying I've buried the hatchet with those Thanet Tree Huggers and put a link to them in my sidebar on the right. After all, they seem to have the Ile's environmental welfare at heart despite their indiscretion in accepting £3,000 from Oasis Oozalum Airlines and airport bosses Infartil. What's more, they're more than happy to have a pop at our true blue Tory councillor and kerosene-head Dr Biggles over Stalag Broadstairs, so they can't be all bad!

Railing Against The Council

Last year I had a bit of a run-in with those Thanet Tree Huggers, who I accused of playing right into the hands of Ramsgate-polluting Oozalum Airlines and Manston owners Infartil by accepting £3,000 worth of 'environmental' funding from them. But Amy, one of their leading lights, has sent me a copy of a recent email written by Chief Tree Hugger Paul Wells concerning the offensive fencing that has gone up around the allotments in Broadstairs, and I have to admit they've got a point.

Presumably Amy is familiar with my soft spot for rubbish railings, given my incessant, er, railings against the temporary fencing along our East Cliff here in the Millionaires' Playground. Of course, I couldn't ordinarily give a monkey's about Boredstares, but the same email was sent to true blue councillor/doctor Biggles for publication on his Thanet Life blog, only to be promptly buried on page 98. The same page where all criticism of the ruling Tories ends up.

I therefore make no apologies for reprinting Mr Wells' email, and a couple of his photos, in full:

As a result of reading a letter in the Isle of Thanet Gazette on Friday, I went down to Culmers Land in Broadstairs to see what has been going on there over the Christmas period. I think what has happened is quite awful and I attach a composite picture of the footpath entrance into Culmers Land from Alexandra Road as it was in October 2007 and as it now is.

In 1998 Broadstairs & St Peters Town Council asked Trees for Thanet if it would plant 250 hedgerow trees to help screen the allotments fence and make the walk through Culmers Land from the car and coach park to the harbour more attractive for locals and visitors. 21 young volunteers carried out the task one Saturday morning in February and the young hedge was hand weeded by volunteers for the next two summers until the plants became established . As the picture shows, a rather nice wildlife hedgerow was produced.

This work has now been ruined by the most insensitive, ill-conceived and poorly placed security fencing you are ever likely to have the misfortune to come across. Whilst I fully support the requirement to install secure fencing to prevent the scandalous attacks of vandalism that are the scourge of all allotment holders in Thanet, what has happened at Culmers Land is a disgrace and shames those responsible. Those responsible have created a barrier that has turned Culmers Land into a prison-camp with the only thing missing being ‘goon towers’.

The new fence has not been built on the boundary fence of the allotments but up to 5m into the small park area and as a result cannot be screened by fresh planting in front of it as it borders the tarmac footpath. Why was it not constructed on the original fence line or was the work involved in clearing the old one away and lopping some insignificant trees too much bother? If it had been sited properly, the hedgerow planted in 1998 would have automatically have screened it and further planting would have been possible where necessary. I am sure this type of security fencing can come in a range of colours; was green not an option? This fence is on the main pedestrian route to Viking Bay beach for coach visitors and is utterly out of character for a Victorian picture postcard resort and greets visitors to the town! What regard has been paid to Thanet District Council’s motto ‘Thanet is beautiful, let's keep it that way’?

My enquiries with TDC Planning Dept have revealed that no Planning Consent was applied for this monstrosity as it was meant to be 2m high (and thus avoids the need for consent). I measured the fence at 15 points yesterday and all heights exceeded 2m 35cm and so this fence is in breach of planning regulations. I have already lodged a complaint with the planning Dept at TDC and urge your readers to do likewise.

One final point. As our local biblio-bloke Michael Child has discovered, the new railings destined to eventually grace our cliff top will not be of the heritage variety. Let's hope we don't end up with a similar abomination to the one they've erected in Broadstairs.

Thanet is beautiful, let's keep it that way!

Biggles Makes A Splash

As you know, I don't normally sully my hands with the red tops, but turning to page 19 of yesterday's Thanet Times I almost choked on my G&T. There was our local blue rinse, blue sky doctor/councillor staring back at me, becapped and beshaded, small as life, hand on hip, standing in front of his teeny-tiny plane looking for all the world like the ghost of the lovely, dearly-departed John Inman!

For some reason the Times had devoted an entire page to the Doc's banner tugging business. I couldn't imagine that it merited that much newsprint in its own right, but the words 'advertising feature' were C by their A. Could it be that, in a small fit of pique at receiving very little attention for his Christmas charity tug, the flying doctor pestered the Times hacks into granting him wall-to-wall, no questions asked coverage? I think we should be told!

Merry Christmas!

Well, did you see it? Just a few minutes ago, the flying doctor did a double circuit of Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff, on his charity tug with the banner paid for by Bignews Tony, and, of course, me and all you lovely readers here on the island's premier blog site. Proceeds will be going to the NSPCC.

Right, I've got the biggest bird I've ever had waiting to be stuffed in the kitchen, I'm off to smother some breasts in butter. Happy Christmas to you all. Unless you're a bigot, Oasis Hong Kong Airlines or That Bloody Awful Noel. In which case, I'll wish you a Crappy Mizmas!

Charity Bid's A Winner

Hurrah! The ECR/Bignews Margate axis has won the flying doctor's charity eBay auction to get our very own banner tugged around the island. Well, er, it wasn't that difficult as we were the only people to bid. What a load of skinflints you Thanetians are!

More news closer to the day (Christmas Eve), but we're hoping the banner will read MERRY XMAS FROM THANET BLOGGERS, and that the proceeds will go to the NSPCC. Tony and I are going half each on the £150, but one or two of my readers offered to chuck in the odd fiver, so I'll make my contribution the full ton. Hopefully, if Tony does the same, we'll have raised 200 nicker for a good cause.

And as it's Christmas, I suppose I ought to thank the Doc for contributing his time, plane, fuel and er oh gawd I think I'm going to throw up.

Update: As Tony is over the weight limit (85kg) for the passenger seat, and I'm a purely fictional persona, Dr Moores has asked us if he could auction the spare seat off for more charity wonga via local radio. Which is a nice idea, so listen out for that.

Update update: Er, he's now taking sealed bids via email for the spare dicky, so send your offers to simon_moores@hotmail.com

Run It Up The Flaigpole

Burger loving Margate burgher Bignews Tony Flaig (scourge of the Freemasons, police and Kent County Council) has rung to accept my offer of going 50/50 on the flying doctor's charity Christmas tug.

If you recall, the Doc has so far failed to get any bids for his eBay offer which starts at £150. The deal is that Tone and I will chuck in 75 sovs each, but if any other Thanet bloggers want to make a contribution for a banner that will, we hope, read MERRY XMAS FROM THANET BLOGGERS then there'll be more for charity. Unless the charity is the Oasis Pilots' Benevolent Fund, in which case you can count me out!

Neither Tony nor I will be going in the doctor/councillor's cockpit (Tony's too fat and I'm too anonymous) so who knows, this could be your chance to join the mile high club with your favourite Blue Rinser! Just append your comment with the size of your donation to this post, and we'll work out the details later. Happy tugging!

Click here for the Doc's relisted eBay offer, currently showing our £150 bid

Time Running Out For Doctor Banner Bid

There's only an hour or so left if you want to get your very own banner tugged by our local doctor/councillor, who's making the Christmas charity offer on eBay. Bidding started at £150, and so far it's up to, er, £150 since nobody's yet made a bid.

As Marvel Comics fans will remember, Dr. Banner was the Incredible Hulk's real name. Let's hope our chap doesn't turn green and split his shirt open if the sponds aren't forthcoming!

Click here if you want your banner tugged

Update: Bidding has now closed with the grand total of 0, zero, none, nada, no bids.

Towing The Party Line?

Holy joysticks! Footling around on eBay just now, I came across this offer from our favourite Blue Rinser. Yes, the flying doctor/Tory councillor is giving us the once-in-a-lifetime chance to see a banner of our choice tugged around behind his teeny-tiny plane on Christmas Eve!

Bids start at £150, and proceeds go to chariddee. You also get the opportunity to go in the Doctor's cockpit, as long as you weigh less than 185kg (that rules out Santa and most Margatonians then).

With only three days of the auction left, the Doc has yet to be made an offer, but I'm sorely tempted. Seeing him tug TORIES OUT OF THANET or EASTCLIFF RICHARD IS THE BIZ around the Ile would be the Christmas present to end all Christmas presents. Although I'd be a bit ginger about joining him on the flight. You never know, he might develop finger trouble with the ejector button!

Click here if you want your banner tugged

Ladyboy To The Rescue!

I see my local MP, Dr Steve Ladyboy, has sent out a circular asking for views on the three post office closures that are proposed here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Well, when I last looked, the Post Office was still owned by HM Government, incumbents Gordon and Chums, the very same party that Dr Ladyperson represents. So couldn't they just tell them not to go ahead with it? I mean, a report out today predicts the UK population will rise to 157m by the middle of the century, and everyone's constantly urging us to cut our carbon footprints and shop local, so it's a bit short-sighted to shut local POs, isn't it?

In other news, the old Toyota Priapus was vandalised last night along with a number of other cars in the street. Must be the half term holidays.

Blimey! With Dr Biggles taking a break from Thanet Life at the moment, I seem to have taken over as the island's Chief Tory!

Plane Funny

As I sit here in my cliff top mansion, pondering the grim inevitability of the Reverend Lee's 400 tonne red and white lump roaring inches over my head every ten minutes for the next three hours, I'm indebted to reader Mr X for the following pilot jokes, which I shall be emailing to our local flying doctor/councillor, and raking into the Ramsgate sands, as soon as said lump appears:

Q: How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: How do you know if a pilot is at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: How do you know when you're half way through a date with a pilot?
A: Because he says: 'That's enough about flying, let's talk about me!'

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News!

Cripes! The Gazunder's super-scooping cub reporter Thom Morris has got himself another splash in today's Thanet Times! Although I'm not sure that our local flying doctor/Tory councillor will be particularly chuffed to see one of his aerial photographs illustrating Labour MP Dr Steve Ladyboy's outcry over more predicted traffic chaos at Westwood Livid. Only last weekend Simes was tugging a banner around the Ile urging us to vote Tory if we wanted a say in the EU 'Is it or isn't it a' Treaty debate.

Elsewhere in the paper, lovely editor Rebecca Smith is complaining that Lib Dem leader Ming the Charisma-less has a 'seriously uncool' name. So in the best traditions of Windscale, H Block and Labour I'm launching a poll to find a new moniker for the old fart and boost his ratings. Or if you have a better suggestion email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

And check out the ECR TV story below for Tony Flaig's view of Westwood Chaos.

Bloody Immigrants

Proof if ever it were needed that Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula is being swamped. (Note to self: must forward this to Councillor/Dr Biggles.)

Tory Story

Now that Lord Simes of Westgate has been elected a councillor 'at the edge of teh known world' (his words), I see he's wasted no time in blowing his own trumpet.

He's promoted his blog from a hitchhiker's guide to Thanet to one councillor's guide to Thanet, and instead of claiming to be Thanet's alternative newspaper it's now Thanet stories, humour (yeah right), ideas (er...), photos, politics, opinions, links and news (what, no recipes?), from Westgate Councillor Simon Moores.

No mention of affiliation to the Tories, though. Perhaps he's keeping his options open.

Thanet Goes Down The Gurgler

That's that, then. It's Blue Rinsers 33 seats, Labour 19, Independents 3, and Ramsgate First 1. If I were to clutch at straws, I suppose at least it gives us a bit of continuity. Continuity of incompetence and foul mouthed abuse, that is.

I see my arch nemesis, Dr Biggles, has polled the highest number of votes in Westgate-on-Sea. Congratulations Councillor Dr Biggles. Or would that be Dr Councillor Biggles? Protocol was never my forté.

I wonder if it's too late to have the stitches removed from that vein?

Two Million Hits!

According to my counterstaterometer, this site will soon clock up its two millionth hit. Not a bad record for just over a year of anonymous drivel.

Of course, driving traffic to your site isn't rocket science. Just fill it with interesting content. And if you're not up to that, just promise you'll stop posting once you've reached a certain target, then sit back and watch the numbers soar!