Terminal Decline

Holy airports! With just 24 hours to go until the big 'Save Manston' meeting over on the seedier north side of the island, news that he's a 'confirmed guest' appears to have come as, well, news to Councillor Biggles, the island's self-styled resident expert on all things aviation.

In response to a story in The Gazunder alleging that he'd be attending along with usual suspects Sir Roger Gale MP and Laura Sandys MP, Simes sent this rather sharp tweet back to the hacks: 'I have not confirmed anything other than I am working on Saturday!!'

In all likelihood he'll be up in his teeny-tiny plane, hand on joystick, tugging a banner over Old Trafford. Which seems to be his regular gig these days.

Hey-ho. Support for the 'Save Manston' campaign has hardly set the tarmac on fire. I've seen only one 'Keep Calm and Save Manston' poster displayed on the island (in Westgate, natch!), and the mini-mob in the photo seems to be composed of a few old gippers and some embarrassed children who've been dragged along by their grandparents. Do they really think they're going to fill the Winter Gardens? I expect some of you will tell me tomorrow!

Meanwhile it's been revealed via one of those Freedom of Information thingies that Kent County Council couldn't be arsed to even look at the legals when the current owner, Scottish squillionaire Ann Gloag, bought the place for a quid off Infratil last year. Neither, indeed, did KCC's Tory leader Paul Carter, aka Sir Paul Ruddyfaced-Man. And they're not even bovvered about casting their glass eye over any of Sir Rog's current 'negotiations'. Here's what KCC's FOI response says:

I can confirm that neither Mr Paul Carter, nor any officer of Kent County Council (KCC) holds any information relating to the Heads of Terms or the sale by Infratil of Manston Airport. Also, neither Mr Carter nor any officers of KCC were they shown any Heads of Terms either by the buyer or the seller or any third party. Furthermore, KCC holds no information on how many and which businesses who asked for the closure of the airport were prevented from taking it over and in response to your third question relating to negotiations reported in the media, KCC holds no information that you requested. KCC has not been and is not a party to any of these negotiations.

Which is quite surprising really, given the kerfuffle KCC and Sir PR-M have made about Manston. What with their talk about a new railway station, planes 'flying straight out to sea', 'longest runway in Britain', and the like. Not to mention all the lovely taxpayers' lolly they've lavished on it over the years.

The words 'washing', 'their' and 'hands of it' spring to mind. You do have to wonder whether they were just using the place as a stalking horse to chase off Boris Island, thus keeping their lovely, northwest Kent cottages nice and peaceful at night.

Needless to say, Paul Carter, like Biggles, is not a 'confirmed guest' for tomorrow's meeting. Happy landings!!

Smokin' Future For Manston?

The results of my big poll on the future of Manston are in! And the winner is.... well, it's a dead heat actually.

Asked what you thought RAF London Kent Manston Etc Airport should become now that its days as a runway are rapidly coming to a close, 22% of you went for 'leisure', while another 22% of you opted for a '700 acre cannabis farm'. Hmm. I suppose the two aren't incompatible. And when you add in the 15% who wanted the airport to be returned to agriculture, I think we have a pretty darn good consensus!

That should please Councillor Ian Driver, our appropriately Green local representative who is campaigning for a cannabis caff to open up on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula. I mean, cripes! With 700 acres of the stuff on his doorstep, he could open up a cannabis superstore!! Here are the results in full:

Question: What future for Manston?

700 acre cannabis farm: 22% (32 votes)
Leisure: 22% (32 votes)
Renewable energy: 16% (23 votes)
Agriculture: 15% (22 votes)
Housing: 12% (17 votes)
Industry: 10% (14 votes)

Personally I would have voted for renewable energy, which came in third. But then, what do I know? Well, what I do know is that it will almost certainly become a mammoth housing estate, which came in second to last.

Meanwhile airport champion Sir Roger Guff has been meeting with airport owner Annie Get Your Gloags today in a bid to save the place. Initial reports are that Sir Rodge has said there is no offer on the table. Believe me, Rodge, there's not only no offer, there's no table, no chairs, not even a room to put them in.

Still, one cloud hanging over the future of the airport as a non-airport, which may in the end prove to be the ace up Roger's hole, is the very well-founded rumour amongst the fly boys that there are unexploded pipe bombs on the site, left over from the war. But then again, if they've been landing planes on them for decades, I can't see it's much of an argument really. Anyone for a housing boom?!?! (Geddit??!!!!!??!?!?!)

Fokker Off

Holy joysticks! With the last KLM flight out of Manston departing this morning, I see the airline has vowed never to return to our septic isle!

In an exclusive interview with Air Transport World, KLM's Cityhopper MD Boet Kreiken said: 'We can’t leave the booking window open if they can’t guarantee operations after April 9. We can’t do business in a shaky environment. That’s not possible, not for the company, or our customers.'

Which will come as a, er, blow to all those Thanetians who were talking about hopping over to Amsterdam to enjoy the city's coffee shops. Actually, thinking about it, none of the ones I came across ever seemed to have the sponds to fund such a trip. Oh well, they'll have to hope that Councillor Motormouth's plan to open a cannabis cafe in Thanet comes to fruitation!

The KLM boss added: 'Now it is game over. We will redeploy the aircraft. We are gone. We can’t flip-flop in and out all the time. That is not the way we work.'

Cargolux have already relocated to Stansted, and Newmarket Holidays are eyeing up Lydd, so it's really looking like there'll be no happy landings for RAFMMTECNDMTSSPI Airport. Which is a bit of a shame, as I'll have to find somewhere else to park my Lear jet now.

Still, per ardua ad astra, as the fly boys say! Which is why I've popped one of my 7 day polls in the column on the right. What do you think the future of Manston should be? Pip pip!

Click here to read KLM comments in Air Transport World.

Click here to read Newmarket Holidays story in Kent Messenger.

Click here to watch video of the last KLM flight on Thanet Gazette website.

Game Over For Manston?

Yikes! Despite Sir Roger's Wind's best efforts to talk the airport up with rumours of a mystery 'consortium', it seems that existing users are voting with their feet and heading swiftly for the emergency exits.

The only scheduled passenger services, operated by KLM, are unavailable on the airline's website as of Wednesday 9th April. And from next Monday, Saudia Cargo will no longer be running its twice weekly round trips between Manston, Kenya and Saudi Arabia, according to the Kent Messenger. Cargolux are also rumoured to be tanking up and taking off for pastures new in the very near future.

Meanwhile, another airport business has been overheard in one of the local pubs discussing its imminent and permanent departure from Manston.

So Sir Rodge had better hurry up and ride to the rescue, otherwise there won't be anything worth saving. Mind you, if he had an ounce of business sense, he would have known he was backing a loser 15 years ago!

Mannston News

Well, there I was, all ready to bring you another of my regular round-ups of news nibbles concerning Ann Gloag, the millionaire owner of RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Chas 'n' Dave Maggie Thatcher Schipol Skyport Poundland International Airport...

But now we hear the airport is CLOSING! The curse of ECR strikes again!!!!!

To be honest, from what I've monitored of Ms Gloag over the past few months, she seems much more interested in property development than running an airport. Perhaps the picture above will give her an idea of how to move forward. Although, if you ask me, a 4,000 home sink estate is more likely to be on the cards!

Click here to read about Manston closure.
Click here to read my previous jottings about RAFLKMMTEC'N'DMTSSPI Airport.

Kiss Me Margate?

Hmmm. I'm not quite sure what Topshop are suggesting here. Unless 'Margate' is vernacular for those parts that only the former Chief Exec of the Lib Dems can reach. Allegedly.

Oh well. One thing that will be kissing the clouds over Margate, and the rest of the island, should the air traffic control chaps at NATS get their way, is planes taking off from London City and Gatwick airports. The 'London Airspace Consultation' ends next Tuesday, so get your proverbials on if you want to have your say. Although anyone who can make sense of their Dad's Army style maps is a better man that I am, Gunga Din.

Whatever. If it means the grimy norf side of Fannit finally getting its fair share of aircraft noise, I'm all for it!

Right. I'm off down the Croisette here in the Millionaires' Playground for my traditional Friday night Krug and caviar! Toodle-pip!

Manston Owner Denied Planning Permission

Cripes! RAF Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Chas 'n' Dave Maggie Thatcher Schipol Skyport Poundland International Airport's new owner Ann Gloag has lost a planning battle to build a row of new homes!

Hmmm. Well. It's a bit of a slow news week. So the story, which I spotted in The Scotsman, relates to a patch quite a few miles north of our septic isle. Somewhere called Kinfauns, in fact.

According to the paper, the 71 year old former nurse, one of Scotland's wealthiest women, wanted to build a row of three bedroomed houses on a green belt site which objectors said breached 'just about every planning policy for the location'.

Stagecoach tycoon Ann, who shares in an estimated £650m fortune with her brother Sir Brian Souter, bought RAFMMTECNDMTSSPI Airport in November for £1. It's not the first time she's been criticised for blight planning. In 2012 she obtained planning permission for another development which Forestry Commission Scotland warned would ruin an area of ancient woodland, and which locals said would cause property prices to plummet.

Talking of blights, what on earth, or, indeed, in air, was that unmarked plane doing the rounds over Ramsgate this morning? My Plane Finder app had it down as HFI 651K, but unusually, when I popped that into Google, instead of the usual slew of anorak data, all I got was the one hit - for a number plate vendor.

It's ironic, as Annie G won a landmark case in Scotland in 2007 to keep ramblers out of the ten acres of grounds surrounding her castle. She seems to have no problem sending planes over my cliff top mansion, though!

Ah, but maybe, as one of my Twatter followers suggested, it's covert practice for a bombing run over the Pleasurama Eyesore at the end of next month!

Update: Yikes! The day after I wrote this, Ann Gloag cancelled this year's Manston Air Show!

Plane Jane Takes A Flight Of Fancy

Holy planet-boilers! My normally level-headed chum, lovely Boredstares writer Jane Wenham-Jones, has gone to Manchester to speak at the annual Woman's Weekly Live! event.

Nothing out of the ordinary in that. Except she's chosen to fly there via Holland from RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Maggie Thatcher Schipol International Airport!

Talk about carbon positive! Any right-minded, environmentally conscious celeb would have driven there in their Toyota Priapus, or taken the train. But JW-J is so besotted with the idea of Richard Branson commandeering RAFLKMMTEMTSIA and turning it into a trillion-passenger-a-month uber-hub on her doorstep, she was apparently determined to let the plane take the strain.

Oh well, I gather her 9.35am KLM flight from Manston was delayed until 11.10am, meaning she didn't get to the centre of Manchester until 3pm. With an hour's check-in time, that makes the journey about six and a half hours, whereas the train would have got her door-to-door in just over four hours, and at roughly the same price, when you add the cost of cabs to and from airports.

Then again, I hear she's currently obsessed with a pilot. A TV pilot, that is, about wannabe writers, which she's presenting. I've popped a link to it on BoobTube down below. I guess she must be hoping that it'll, er, take off! (Geddit??!!!!???!!!!)

Update: Click here to see Plane Jane's justification in the Isle of Thanet Gazunder. Apparently it was plastic cups, along with 'wine and little salty biscuits' that persuaded her to feck the planet!

Breast Implants Caused Manston Radar Boob

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Beauty Correspondent Piers D'Nipple

A Manston firefighter has claimed her boob job joy turned to misery when it caused radar at Kent International Airport to malfunction.

The firefighter, who asked not to be named, says the problem only came to light when air traffic controllers spotted a pair of giant bosoms on their screens, heading for Ramsgate. She told The Gazunder: 'I was off duty at the time and enjoying my new bust. But then I got a call from the airport on my mobile to say there was an emergency, and to prepare for a pollution incident as they thought the two enormous, flying breasts might be leaking contaminated milk.'

She added that it was only when she was preparing to dash to the airport that she realised her new 36Ds could be causing the problem. 'I called the control tower back and they asked me to jiggle them around a bit. Sure enough, they were jiggling around on their radar screens too!'

The emergency services were stood down once the source of the blips was identified.

A spokesman for the airport said: 'I know we have our knockers, but this is ridiculous.'

What The Fokker Was That?

Thanks to reader Steve for this pic of the KLM 737 which was circling the island for what seemed like hours late yesterday afternoon. As we know, KLM only operate Fokker 70s out of RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Maggie Thatcher Schipol International Airport on a scheduled basis every day, so the sight of a 737 doing circuits was unusual to say the least.

Then this morning the Gazunder website reported that five fire engines from around Thanet were called to 'a blaze at Manston airport' at 7.33pm last night, with reports that a KLM aircraft 'had caught fire'. However, when they got there 'crews discovered there was no incident to be dealt with'.

So what's the story? Was this flight circling to ditch fuel ahead of an emergency landing? Or did some joker ring the boys in brown after getting fed up with yet another training flight? I think we (and the CAA) should be told!!

Superjumbo Lumbers Into Manston

Just a taster there of what we can expect this summer over Ramsgate. Yes, fellow millionaires, it's the brand new, just-out-of-the-box, British Airways Airbus A380 that's going to be doing training circuits over the town every day except Sundays for the next few weeks! (Thanks to reader Samantha for the vid.)

To be fair (Why? - Ed.) it's supposed to be ever so environmentally friendly. And I've been assured that the Rolls-Royce engines only explode every now and then, which is a great comfort.

Once that's gone, we've got the new BA Boeing 787 Dreamliners to look forward to. They only burst into flames about, ooh let me see, once a week.

Still, it'll give the planespotters something to jiggle their joysticks to, I suppose!

Update: Reader Steve writes 'Here are a few more shots of the A380 circuiting over the Channel this afternoon. I'm afraid they're a bit grainy, they were taken on a long lens from Ramsgate. Enjoy!'

Enjoy? What am I now, bloody planespotters' corner? Kuh!

BA A380 dive bombs fart farm

BA A380 dive bombs Deal

BA A380 dive bombs some clouds

BA A380 being followed by a little red thing

Er, not sure that's a plane - Ed.

Time Flies When You're Plastered

Lorks! Has it really been over a week since I contributed to this drivel? Hmmm. I really shouldn't have downed that third bottle of Sambuca with Cilla last weekend.

Meanwhile all the news that's fit to print has, er, been printed in today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder. The air show at RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Maggie Thatcher Schipol International Airport was a shambles apparently, with vehicles backed up all the way to the M62. I'm indebted to one of my readers for sending me this pic of the catering van exploding due to the sheer number of four stone Shergar burgers being fried to feed the hordes of hungry Thanetians that attended.

Meanwhile Ferrygate rumbles on. One of my spies reports: 'I had the pleasure of talking to a council officer today. I mentioned TransEuropa Ferries and he said that all the staff had been instructed not to discuss this issue with the public.' Makes sense, I suppose. If I'd dropped a £3.4m bollock, I wouldn't want people talking about it either.

And finally, some good news here in the Millionaires' Playground, where our waterworks seem to have been rejuvenated! Not only is our lovely, Niagara-style Madeira Walk waterfall working again for the first time in living memory, but so is the Festival of Britain fountain up by the Granville Theatre and Cinem! There's even a rumour that the Winterstoke fountain might be in the process of being restored! Hurrah!!

PS: If you want a glimpse of what the inside of Pfizer's canteen looks like, I'd heartily recommend a trip to the flicks to catch World War Z, starring our very own Brad Pitt (who, as we all know, was born in Cliftonville, as was the lovely Tom Hanks). If, however, you're hoping to see zombies rampaging through the streets of Thanet, as reported in today's Gazunder, you'll be sadly disappointed since most of the film was shot in Glasgow and Malta, with just the 'exciting' denouement featuring the Pfizer site. That said, I'm sure if you take a walk down Boredstares high street on a Saturday night, you'll get a feel for what might have been.

Dreamland? Dream On!

I can't tell you how much I'm dreading this flight back to Blighty later. Not that I'm a bad flyer, you understand. No. It's because our Production Manager has booked us on the awful British Airways. Economy.

It may just be me, but I generally find BA high-handed, patronising and mumsy. And that's just the senior management I've worked with! OK, OK, the check-in chicks and trolley dollies try their best most of the time, and first class is usually acceptable. But if ever there was an airline that needed to buy into the dictum that the customer is always right (apart from during emergencies, granted - of which they seem to have a few) it's our national flag carrier.

Any-old-how, I've been using these last couple of hours to catch up on Thanet news, and I see there have been further developments in the plan to place knackered old heritage rides on the Dreamland site over in the Arsonists' Playground. According to the BBC News website, plans for the 'thrilling theme park from the past' will go on show on Sunday. I don't know about you, but there's something about the phrase 'thrilling theme park from the past' that doesn't quite get my pulse racing, or my boat floating, if you catch my drift.

Ah well, I expect things will look a lot different once I've touched back down on Duffer Island tomorrow. No, really, things will look different, won't they? Please God, tell me they will!

Posted from Montreal via iPhone

Airport For Sale - One Careful Owner

Unfortunately not a plan to sell off Manston and turn it into a wind farm. Although that would probably be for the best, given last night's experience.

No, this is Maypole Airfield, just off the Thanet Way between St Nicholas-at-Wade and Hernia Bay. It also happens to be where our local doctor/councillor tugs many a banner from. And where some of the local residents object to the aforementioned banner tugging.

It's on the market for £1.25m, and for that you get 56 acres, 'five spacious hangars', a toilet block with two WCs, a club house, equestrian facilities, and a three bedroom bungalow. Lovely. I suggest the Doc gets down there quick with a wad of folding, before the locals club together and, er, queer his pitch.

Click here for details of sale at Browns Country Property
Click here for Maypole Airfield website

Jet Vote

With all the recent controversy over training flights at Manston, I thought it might be an idea to gauge public opinion. So I've initiated a poll on my sidebar which will run for the next seven days.

Update: Reader Tony suggested that I contact the airport with my idea that they might at least give advance warning of training flights on their website. I emailed them this morning, here is their response:

Dear Mr. Eastcliff, thank you for your email and for your practical suggestion. We shall certainly look in to this initiative. Regards, Customer Services.

There's A Kind Of Hush

Lumme! I really am stuck in a 60s groove at the moment, now I'm getting an attack of the Herman's Hermits!

What I meant to say was how marvellously peaceful it's been here in the Millionaires' Playground for the last week or so without those knackered old Jumbo Jets flying over every ten minutes. And as far as I know, nobody's even had to chain themselves to the RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport gates to achieve it!

Actually, you could say it's been a bit too quiet. I mean, isn't this the peak holiday season? Aren't there meant to be queues as far back as Bristol just to check in at Heathrow? And haven't several people recently died of old age waiting to go through security at Gatwick?

So where's the thriving holiday traffic Manston were boasting about in the papers just a week or so ago? Not one of my roof tiles has been blown off by a jet aircraft for days. Not that I'm complaining. As you know, I'm currently running a No.10 petition to get our local council to implement better regulation of those blasted training flights. And as part of my campaign, I've already had some interesting feedback from Airport Watch and the Campaign to Protect Rural England, so watch this (air)space!

Wish You Were Here?

While Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) was in Margate filming the latest contribution to ECR TV, he popped into that tourist office on the piazza and picked up this:

A handy, postcard size guide to all the events happening here in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula during the summer season. On closer examination, though, he was disappointed to find that the Kent Air Show had been scrubbed out in biro:

I had to inform him that the organisers had gone nipples up, and the leaflets were probably printed before the show was cancelled.

He seemed strangely disappointed, and said that his cousin in the Ministry of Information had specifically asked him to send home as many photographs of airplanes as he could. With that, he loaded his gear into his BMW and screeched off in the direction of Manston.