Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Open And Shut Case

Here's a bit of an admission. I actually enjoyed a night out in Margate yesterday!

On the way to meet my chums for a gargle or two (yes, it's true, I do have friends on the north of the Ile), I noticed that something called The Flower Lab is due to open in what the Uranians insist on calling the 'creative quarter':

Nothing too creative about experimenting on poor, defenceless nasturtiums, but good luck to them anyway. Then I noticed one of the creative flagships of the creative quarter has creatively closed:

This is the place that those nice people at GOSE (Government of the South East) spent a substantial amount of money (or European Objective 2 Funding as they prefer to call it) on not so long ago. Now it's up for sale for a cool £415,000.

GOSE, you'll recall, is also the body that recently tipped the nod to 1300 new houses at Westworld Cross. I don't recall voting for them, but it's nevertheless reassuring to know that all the tax I give them is being put to such, um, profitable use.

Outfitters Gallery on the GOSE website

Outfitters Gallery on the Lovetts website
And if you fancy running an Italian restaurant, Soprano in Cliftonville is up for sale too!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Ted Dead?

Well I must say the Baftas weren't quite what I expected last night. Much of the razzmatazz seems to have gone now that they've moved them to the Granville CineTheatre here on our East Cliff, and there were more pensioners sporting Dannimacs than I recall from previous awards nights. Come to think of it, there didn't seem to be any awards either.

And what's happened to my erstwhile commentator Dane Valley Ted? His blog appears to have been overrun by some gambling nonsense. And as a consequence the Thanet Blog List Recent Feeds page is turning into one humungous great bookie's ad.

I wonder if this is some money-making scheme DVT's come up with? Or perhaps he's cashed in his chips? If you're out there, Ted, give us a sign.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Baftas

Must dash - just off to the Baftas. And so handy to get to this year!

East Cliff Chopper Strikes Again!

It started with Pugin's nose. Then it was his concrete lion. Not long after, our car crushing, caff crushing, graffiti removing local Councillor Dave Green's bollards were hacked off.

Now someone's gone and hopped off with our all new, turret-mounted, M61 Vulcan 20mm rapid firing machine gun with infrared night vision, which was protecting one of our marvellous monuments from the daubists. Is nothing sacred?
28 March - ICCCTV

19 May - INoCCCTV

Saturday, May 19, 2007

MP Plea

Just in case anyone thought I was less than even-handed banging on about the Blue Rinsers during the local elections, here's a little treat you may have missed. It's our local Labour MP, Dr Steve Ladychap, putting in a last minute plea on 2 May, the day before the election, for everyone to vote Tony.

Unfortunately for Dr Ladychap, when I spotted this earlier today, more than two weeks after the votes were counted, only 14 people had viewed it. That's substantially less than half the number of candidates that Labour actually put up in Thanet.

He's also clearly in need of some media training, and where better to get it than from yours truly? After all, look what I did for Bignews Tony.

Watch Ladyboy video.

Manston Pickle

Yikes! Pootling around the interwhatsit just now, I noticed a recent and rather gloomy discussion about the future of RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport on something called the Professional Pilots Rumour Network. Here's a taster:

And I keep hearing about investment in the airfield. Personally, I would draw a distinction between investment and spending money on repairs and maintenance. The radar was stuffed. It had to be fixed. That's not investment. It's just running costs. Real money will have to be spent on sorting out the airfield's drainage and fuel tanks. Again. this is money down the drain (pardon the pun). These things don't increase your revenue stream (like a new terminal). They just allow you to keep going.

I think Infratil have some tough decisions to make. The airfield needs investment, millions of pounds. If they're as hard-headed as everyone says, I think they'll, want to see concrete evidence that they will get a return on their investment. The odd flight, now and then, doesn't really constitute hard evidence.


The fly boys then go on to discuss the proposed new airport at Lydd as being a more viable option than our facility. So, what's the betting that my investment banking chum's windfarm-cum-housing estate plan comes to fruitation (as Kevin Keegan once put it) after all?

Typical, isn't it? You spend millions on a cliff top mansion close to an airport where you can park your Lear jet, only to find the wings have come off a couple of years later!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Sign Of The Times

Terracotta Glenn, who sent in his plan for larger-than-lifesize Vikings along the seafront in my Richard Eastcliff Award For A Grand Design For Ramsgate competition, has sent me another photograph from his China trip. He writes:

If Ramsgate is to be taken seriously as an attraction for the rich and geriatric, this picture shows what you really need. A man of your, er, standing in the community must surely have noticed.

I have noticed, Glenn, and more and more frequently as I head towards my, er, 30th year.

Cauli Poor Show

Time for a quick round up of the trade papers.

Fresh produce news, and Kent's biggest cauliflower farmer, Robert Montgomery, is to cease production of the crop as it's no longer financially viable. Mr Montgomery, who farms at Upper Hale, Birchington, near Margate, said that the cauliflower acreage had dropped 35 per cent in the Thanet area over the past six years, and nationally it was nearer 50 per cent. 700 acres of caulis, and 30 staff, will now go from the Montgomery farm.

What odds am I offered that Mr Montgomery will be growing a bumper crop of 'executive homes' in the not too distant future? Although, given climate change, it would be terrific to see peppers, or even olives, replace the fart bushes.

Oh, and the BBC has lost Neighbours, almost certainly to ITV1.

There. Where else would you get brassicas and broadcasting on the same blog? Quality!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Cannes Do

I see from today's Sadscene that a chap from Cliftonville is planning to put Thanet on the movie map by holding an international film festival on the Ile.

Carl Tooney, known to his chums at Warner Bros as 'Looney' Tooney (er, not really, I just made that up) is organising the first, week long festival for June next year. And what better place to hold it than Ramsgate, the Cannes of Kent? (Note to self: must bring forward opening of my new theme restaurant Planet Thanetwood.)

Speaking of which, the Millionaires' Playground is due to feature in a Waitrose ad airing from Monday. The 40 second commercial shows organic Kentish apple juice being delivered to our local store, where you can also buy deliciously appropriate Millionaire Shortbread. Ha! That'll teach the Dickensians to get all hoity-toity over a fleeting glimpse of Boredstares jetty behind that irritating nodding dog flogging car insurance!

And finally, Margate is set to feature on a new set of Royal Snail 'British seaside' stamps. Well, two of the donkeys that wander up and down the beach, that is. Such a shame that no-one from the Arsonists' Playground will ever see the stamps in real life. I mean, who in Margate is ever going to spend 78p on postage?

Cliff Bottom Mansion

Crumbling cliff tops! Our crusading local biblio-bloke, Michael Child, has unearthed the April 2005 engineers' report into the state of our East Cliff, and it doesn't make for reassuring reading. Lowlights listed under 'Summary of Defects' include:

Displacement and failed concrete in concrete barrier
Various cracks
Exposed, rusting reinforcement
Large void behind one of the arches
Horizontal displacement of wall face

The report continues:

There is evidence that the facade's original purpose is to minimise the weathering effect on the chalk cliff face (and this) has not been entirely successful due to lack of maintenance and due to penetration of rainwater giving rise to particle migration.

If my cliff top mansion plummets beachwards I'll have to change the old moniker by deed poll. Somehow, though, Beach Bungalow Bill doesn't quite have the same ring.

More pics of 1947 West Cliff collapse.
Engineers' report on the crumbling East Cliff.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Roll Up! Roll Up!

The Chipperfield circus is back in town next month. Although I'm afraid this is one circus where the clowns could well end up making the taxpayers, rather than the children, cry.

Yes, I'm talking about the Turnip Centre! The Anthea Turner Centre! The Ike and Tina Turner Contemporary! The latest mail-out from the Mysterons informs me that the architects 'will present the latest progress on the design for the new gallery on Monday 18 June, 18.00-20.00' (6pm to 8pm in old money) 'at the Winter Gardens, Margate'.

The presentation 'is open to the public and places will be allocated on the night on a first come, first served basis'. What's the betting that everyone with a vested interest miraculously manages to come first and be served first?

And what are they going to present to us? Well, we've already seen stages A and B, viz:

And:
Now we're going to be treated to stage C, which, we're told, will 'provide a more detailed internal layout and a clear direction of the building form and range of construction materials under consideration'.

Presumably the architects will then diligently proceed through stages D to Y, culminating in stage Z:

Trebles all round!

Ramsgreat Ideas Flooding In

A big 'Mwah!' to everyone who's been sending in their plans for the snappily titled Richard Eastcliff Award For A Grand Design For Ramsgate. Here's a couple of the best so far.

Reader Glenn writes: 'I recently went on holiday to China, and was very impressed with the visitor centre for the famous Terracotta Army. Outside the centre you can have your photo taken as one of the terracotta soldiers. Given our area's connection to the Vikings, wouldn't it be great if people could pose on the seafront as a Viking!"

And a reader who goes by the name of 'Krystal' writes: 'I read that the Motor Museum (West Cliff Hall) was once a venue for a Rolling Stones gig. What better tribute than to turn it into a Museum of Rock?' He's even sent me a photo of himself in his, er, curator's uniform.
Terracotta Glenn

'Curator' Krystal

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Regeneration Game

I happened upon this 'Regeneration Map' on Kent County Council's website whilst researching the Richard Eastcliff Award For A Grand Design For Ramsgate yesterday.

Designed by the same people who brought you Snakes and Ladders, this is what those chaps in Maidstone are planning for us here 'at the edge of teh known world'. As you can see, Margate's still down to get an 'offshore' Turnip Centre, which, according to the blurb, 'will make the town internationally renowned for culture by 2010'. They'd better get their skates on then. And Dreamland is, according to the KCC mandarins, due to become a 'major mixed-use development'. So forget any debate about preserving it as an amusement park.

As you'd expect, they make no mention of the Millionaires' Playground, apart from an oblique reference to 'new road schemes' and 'the introduction of flights to 27 European destinations from Kent International Airport'. Hmm.

You can download the full map as a PFD (Pretty Funny Document) here.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Ramsgreat Idea!

The Independent on Sunday ran an article yesterday about the regeneration of the British seaside. Among the grand designs mentioned were Margate's Turnip Centre, and my old showbiz chum Roger de Courcey's plans for Folkestone.

But no mention of Ramsgate. Probably because our friends on Uranus and their pals at KCC have neglected to draw up any grand designs for the Millionaires' Playground. Apart from flogging the best off to developers, and allowing the rest to rot.

So to redress the balance, today I'm launching The Richard Eastcliff Award For A Grand Design For Ramsgate. It's a catchy title, I'm sure you'll agree, and is bound to attract a great deal of media attention. Just email your ideas to:

richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

The best of them will be published here, and the winner will receive a valuable signed photograph of yours truly. Plus my personal architect Mr Ceaucescu (no relation), who spent many years at the Janitorial Studies Department of the world renowned Ion Mincu Institute of Architecture in Bucharest, will turn your design into a working scale model (subject to completion of the guttering here at the old cliff top mansion).

So what are you waiting for? Let's put Ramsgate on the regeneration map!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Virtually Pointless Exercise

Ahem. You know me, I'm not normally one to crow, but I would just like to remind you of what I said back in March following the competition to find the UK's entry for last night's Eurovision Song Contest in Helsinki:

Once again, I fear, the Great British Public have squeezed the pimple of success only to find that they will, alas, be reaping the pus of failure.

As it happened, only Ireland's twiddly-diddly dirge saved Scooch and their dreadful song from being crowned the embarrassing boil on the bottom of Eurovision.

So for next year I propose we invite Professor Stephen Hawking to perform a cover of The Floaters' 1977 hit Float On live from NASA's Vomit Comet. Well, it's got to be worth a try, surely?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

...Tall Ships Grow

Don't forget to pop over to our Monte Carlo-style marina this weekend for a gander at the Grand Turk. Although she's of more recent construction than most of the vehicles you'll see in Margate, she cuts a much more graceful and majestic figure.

Unlike the little Acolers mentioned in the previous post, though, this is one of the many attractions that we subsidise through our council tax. And we still have to pay the ferryman if we want to take a butcher's inside.

Still, I for one will not gripe, as she adds a welcome touch of old style class sitting there among the Sunseekers and Bentley Continentals.

Friday, May 11, 2007

From Little Acols...

Philip Page, aka Artyblartfast, has just reminded me that the Acol (long A, hard C) Art Group's 2007 Exhibition is on this weekend, with the opening this evening.

They bill themselves as 'quiet, yet industrious', and don't cost us taxpayers a single penny. Hurrah! So, if you get a chance, do tool along to the Acol Village Hall, or 'Turnip Centre' as they like to call it, and grab yourself something gorgeous for that empty wall in the drawing room.

Full details.

Tories Gain An Extra Seat

As if I didn't open enough veins last week, now I find the blue rinsers with an even larger majority, according to today's Gazunder.

In the paper's double page spread headlined: 'Meet the people who are representing you' there are 34 Conservative councillors, one more than the official tally of 33. Who is the mysterious extra Tory? Step forward Dennis Payne, who polled 432 votes to take the, er, non-existent third seat in Westbrook, according to the crack team at the Gazunder Building.

Meanwhile the paper also credits Grey Party candidate Jane Burgess with another mysterious non-existent third seat in Bradstowe ward. And poor old Ramsgate Firster Mike Taylor's seat in Central Harbour has disappeared altogether.

Oh well, not for nothing does the Gazunder sport a true blue masthead!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Down And Out In Ramsgate Or London?

As regular readers will have no doubt surmised, I've not had much work lately, apart from an offer from P&O to support Jimmy Cricket on a Baltic cruise. And now that our monocular visioned, Prime-Minister-in-waiting's pals at the Bank of England have pumped up interest rates again, well, something's got to give.

So what shall it be? Sell the pied-a-terre in Chelsea and settle here in Ramsgate? Or flog the cliff top mansion and trundle off back to the village? It was this dilemma that was fevering the old Eastcliff brow as I tottered home from knocking back a couple of pints of the Gaddfather's finest at my favourite watering hole last night. Then a sign appeared.

They say that all life is in London, but I beg to differ. After all, where else, in the space of little more than 24 hours, and in the same street, can you witness a drugs raid, an open-air display of male micturation, and two chaps inflating rubber mattresses in the middle of the road at midnight?

Nope, there's no two ways about it - it's Ramsgate for me!

Separated At Birth?

Reader Samantha writes:

I wonder if anyone else has spotted a similarity between the photograph that newly elected Tory Councillor Simon Moores has put on his Thanet Life blog today to illustrate a post about our recently resigned Labour Prime Minister Tony Blair, and the photograph of himself that sits in the top right hand corner of the very same blog? Are they by any chance related?
Tory

Tony

Yellow River

Cripes! I'm going to have to change my route to the blasted newsagents. After almost being mown down by half a dozen burly rozzers on their way to a drug raid yesterday, this morning I came across a fellow urinating up against a building in precisely the same spot.

It's bad enough having to dodge the barker's nests, let alone tip-toeing through human waste as well. Needless to say all I got was a grunt and the finger when I asked him if he had a wee problem.

Sandy's Election Diary

Top politician Sandy Beach gives the Isle of Thanet Gazunder his exclusive insight into last week's election tussle.

Some tossers said we couldn't get elected for another four years. Yeah right. F*cking tossers. Tossers the lot of them. In yer face. In yer face. Do you wantsum? Do you wantsum? Geddit?!!?! F*cking tossers.

That's enough insight - Ed.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Weather Presenter Sprouts Rain Forest

Our lovely local weather presenter, Kaddy Tea-Pot, was sporting something a bit extra this evening. Unfortunately we're not oop north, otherwise I could have made some awful pun about her 'Wyre Valley'.

Still, shrubly weather for ducks at the moment, eh?

Nicked!

You go for weeks without seeing a bobby, and then six come along all at once!

Toddling down to the newsagents for my copy of Gra*ia just now, my glass eye nearly popped out of its socket as round the corner of Augusta Road marched half a dozen of our blue uniformed finest in stab vests. One was carrying a battering ram. My initial reaction was to rummage through the old grey matter in pursuit of any unpaid parking fines I may have neglected, but to my relief they brushed right past.

Naturally curiosity got the better of me, and I watched as they proceeded to make a forcible entry into one of those grimy residences on Truro Road. Much shouting and screaming from a top floor window, including the words: GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH NOW!, ensued.

One can only assume that they were on the trail of another of our talented local, er, horticulturalists. And they say nothing happens around here.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Ascension To The East Cliff

I must say I've rather taken to heart all this criticism that I don't give those hard working chaps at the council their due.

So to redress the balance here's a bit of good news. They've finally found the spare part for the East Cliff lift, and its now going up and down like a good 'un. And to celebrate my recently elevated (geddit?!!?) opinion of the Uranians, I've even dug out some archive footage from the last time it was working!

Private Functions Catered For

My very old chum Angina took a tumble from his Davros undercarriage on Sunday, and was admitted to the QEQM for observation.

He'd been to the 80s night at the Boredstares Pav, as is his wont, and had been careering home up the High Street in, er, very high spirits when the wheels came off. That's what he says anyway.

He's just phoned to ask if I can come and pick him up from the Discharge Lounge. Just like the old bugger to have headed straight for a club in Margate!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Scootermania

Over to Margate yesterday for a butchers at the old scooters and even older scooterists that had braved the bank holiday weather to attend the National Scooter Rally.

Scores of them had parked up in the 'piazza', and were tucking into plates of cockles and whelks from Mannings seafood stall, washed down with beers and frothy coffees from various establishments in the Old Town. A splendid sight, and many a nostalgic tear was shed by wizened old men reliving their youth as they stared dewy-eyed at Lambrettas and Vespas like the one above.

Indeed, far from resembling the kind of mad skinheads hellbent on trashing the joint that many Westgate residents, and our own Nervous of Clacton, were in trepidation of, most of the 'mods' looked well into their granddad years.

So as a celebration of all things scootery, I've ferreted out this marvellous piece of Italian kitsch from YouTube. It's a promotional film for Lambretta, extolling the virtues of a dance called the 'Lambretwist', and incontrovertible proof that mind altering drugs were pretty much mandatory back in the 60s. Enjoy!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Tory Story

Now that Lord Simes of Westgate has been elected a councillor 'at the edge of teh known world' (his words), I see he's wasted no time in blowing his own trumpet.

He's promoted his blog from a hitchhiker's guide to Thanet to one councillor's guide to Thanet, and instead of claiming to be Thanet's alternative newspaper it's now Thanet stories, humour (yeah right), ideas (er...), photos, politics, opinions, links and news (what, no recipes?), from Westgate Councillor Simon Moores.

No mention of affiliation to the Tories, though. Perhaps he's keeping his options open.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Thanet Goes Down The Gurgler

That's that, then. It's Blue Rinsers 33 seats, Labour 19, Independents 3, and Ramsgate First 1. If I were to clutch at straws, I suppose at least it gives us a bit of continuity. Continuity of incompetence and foul mouthed abuse, that is.

I see my arch nemesis, Dr Biggles, has polled the highest number of votes in Westgate-on-Sea. Congratulations Councillor Dr Biggles. Or would that be Dr Councillor Biggles? Protocol was never my forté.

I wonder if it's too late to have the stitches removed from that vein?

Car Crushing Councillor Rides Again!

I see our local car crushing, caff crushing, graffiti removing Councillor Dave Green has got back in. Congratulations DG!

Not only that, but my good chum (he waved at me from a carnival float once) Steve Ward the Mayor of Ramsgate is past the post!

Maybe I'll see about getting one of those veins stitched back up.

Not A Turnout For The Books

Woe, woe and thrice woe! According to the Uranians the turnout here on Ramsgate's East Cliff was a mere 28.9%, although this was not quite as baleful as on Ted's patch over in Dane Valley, where barely a quarter of the electorate could muster the energy to drag their Nikeed plates over to a polling station.

You can follow all the, er, excitement as the results come in here. I'm off to open the other vein.

Out For The Count

It's quiet. Too quiet. I suppose anyone who's anyone has pootled along to the jolly old Winter Gardens to watch the ballot papers being counted.

Judging by the rest of the country, it looks like we're in for another four years of Sandy and Co. I'm off to open a vein.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Poll Dance

Call me old fashioned, but I do like a good vote once in a while.

This is how I see it. I give the state squillions every year in tax. Four or five years pass. No annual general meetings, no shareholders' reports, no consultations, nothing. That's it. Then a bit of paper with some names on arrives, and I get to put an 'X' next to one of them.

If I walked into Harvey Nics once a year and wrote them a cheque for £100,000, and they said: 'That's great. We'll send you some stuff. And in a few years we'll hold a vote for the bloke who chooses it for you.' Well, I wouldn't be too impressed, would I?

But hey, that's democracy! So here I am, about to toddle down to the East Cliff's luxury, 12 star Comfort Inn, and perform my democratic duty. What are the choices?

Conservatives: The current incumbents here on the Ile de Thanet, but not for me I'm afraid, as I lived through the mad cow years. Yes, they've had a makeover, but can a cow really change its spots? And they've hardly been on a smarm offensive locally over the past few weeks. I'll admit some things have improved, but they've made a hash of the Pleasurama site, Dreamland, West Cliff Hall, the Theatre Royal, Ramsgate Library, our crumbling East Cliff, the list goes on.

Labour: I also lived through the lying Prime Minister years, so again not my favourites. Although locally they've done a pretty good job, with Councillor Green crushing cars and eyesore caffs, removing graffiti, erecting new lamp posts and improving road safety like some kind of crusading superhero.

Ramsgate First: I find myself mysteriously attracted to our chief teeny-tiny councillor, Gerry O'Donnell. Why? Well so much of the council tax we pay here in the Millionaires' Playground seems to end up subsidising the Tory heartlands in the north of the island. We're not, as Mr O'Donnell puts it, getting our 'fair share'. But then is an organisation with no obvious links to any of the mainstream parties ever going to get its voice heard? And then there's the ever-so-faint whiff of UKIP to consider.

Of course, as regular readers will know, I'm a self-confessed Minger and would ordinarily vote for the Invisiberals. But they're not standing here on the East Cliff, and they've only put up three candidates on the entire island. Still, they're known to have a yellow streak, perhaps they're running scared of the rather combative style of local politics around here.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Nothing In The Air Tonight

Holy smoke! According to the BBC, a Ramsgate chap has been jailed for nearly five years for running what is thought to have been the largest cannabis factory in the UK.

If you recall, the rozzers raided an industrial unit on the outskirts of town almost exactly a year ago in an effort to stop the entire town going to pot.

Full story

West Cliff 'All Use To Us

The future of West Cliff Hall, Ramsgate's former Motor Museum, is still in doubt.

Adscene trumpeted that the listed building had been given a 'new lease of life' on its front page last Thursday, complete with a photo of Our Sandy handing over the keys to representatives of the Global Generation Church, who propose running it as a community centre.

But according to a statement from the council's chief executive yesterday, a lease has yet to be signed, and the church group is only being considered as a 'short term', 'temporary' lessee. The statement adds: 'It appears that Global Generation Church invited Cllr Ezekiel to meet them at the property this week when the photograph was taken. Global were not authorised to have taken this action.'

You can read the full text of the statement on Councillor Green's Eastcliff Matters blog.

According to Global Generation's website the group was reformed in 2001 after some soul searching:

Global Generation took a more detailed look at why God would want a church in Ramsgate, out of this came the realisation that we wanted to be known as a Gift To The Town.

I'm sure their hearts are in the right place, but a much better gift to the town would be a long term solution to restore this wonderful building and bring it back to life for the benefit of all Ramsgatonians.

If you want to see just how neglected the exterior is, here's Philip Page's report on the state of the arts in Ramsgate from ECR TV a few weeks back:

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Notting Hill On Sea v The New Millionaires' Playground

I'm playing host this week to one of the country's greatest living writers who's doing a bit of research for his column in The Sunday Telegraph.

He's been told that Hastings has been dubbed 'Notting Hill on Sea', and that Ramsgate is, of course, the 'New Millionaires' Playground'. Judging by the number of people who reach this blog by putting 'Ramsgate property' and 'Hastings property' into their google-iser, word has clearly got around.

So he's decided to spend a couple of days in both towns to determine the winner. He's already been to Hastings, which he describes as 'scuzzy' and 'terrifying in parts'. His initial thoughts on Ramsgate? 'Much nicer, and seems to have much more of a sense of purpose, with the harbour and everything.'

Of course, I'll be wining and dining him to the max over the next couple of days. This is one competition I'm determined Ramsgate is going to win!
Ramsgate: nicer than Hastings

Monday, April 30, 2007

Yak! Yak! Yak!

Phew! Now that Beelzebub's off my tail, I can get back to the seriously half-hearted business of keeping everyone here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula informed.

And the latest news is... er... well, the privet on Victoria Parade has been trimmed. Er... that's about it really.

However, I do appear to have become the local news hub for all things scootery. Derek from Sheppey wants me to tell you that the delightfully named Sid James Scooter Club is holding an end of May bank holiday rally at Sheerness. Now that a splendid new bridge has been built to the island, there should be no trouble getting there. And I'm reliably informed that, with travel to and from the island much enhanced, the new bridge has brought the added benefit of widening the gene pool, so it should be OK to go out after dark.

Other scooter news, and Nervous of Clacton has emailed me to say he is definitely NOT Tony Flaig, and his address is NOT... oh, I've just noticed he didn't want that published. And finally, Simon of Westgate would like it made clear that he has not spoilt everyone's fun at the National Scooter Rally in Margate this coming bank holiday by getting the camp site relocated to somewhere north of Great Yarmouth. Happy to make that clear, Simes.

The Number Of the Beast

Flaming omens! I've just noticed that I've posted 666 times since I began these jottings last year. So I thought I'd better stick this one up quick before I started coming out in boils.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Rich's Rich List

With the publication of the Sunday Times Rich List today, I've had my own team of researchers (Mr Ceaucescu (no relation)) assess our local zillionaires. Here's the Thanet top ten:

1. Lord Richard of East Cliff - £950m (Media and universal adoration)
2. Sir Roger de Courcey - £900m (Old people and hand puppetry)
3. Jimmy Dreamland - £600m (Property and amusement parks)
4. Sir Thorley Tavern - £500m (Fags and booze)
5. Lord Sir Dr Moores of Westgate - £200m (Ads and droning on)
6. Robert Builder - £150m (Luxury apartments)
7. Sandy Beach - £80m (Carpets)
8. That Bloke From The Costcutter - £34m (Groceries and tourism)
9. Ronnie Corbett - £46 (Kiosk)
10. Sir Richard Branston - 38p (Begging on Victoria Parade)

Much the same as last year, with the exception of That Bloke From The Costcutter who's soared into the top ten following the success of his £1000+ cruises from London to Ramsgate.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Lamp Standards

Harking back to that lamp post yesterday, I'd just like to make it clear that it wasn't in any way meant to be a slur on the brave lads and lasses at Kent Highways, who do a difficult job, often under dangerous circumstances.

No, it was rather directed at the 'higher ups' who have clearly made a decision that Wellington Crescent deserves less than gold standards when it comes to the new lighting along there. The new posts are definitely not of the same quality, calibre or character as the ones they erected along Victoria Parade last year. They're not black (yet - but let's hope they paint them soon), and I counted at least four which were just the old lamps with new bits bunged on them.

Why? Search me, guv. Perhaps one of my frequent KCC readers would like to explain.

Did The Earth Move For You?

Dozing in my Comfilux bed here at the old CTM this morning, I suddenly became aware of a violent shaking.

My initial thought was that I might be dreaming, but as the vibrations continued for more than several seconds, and the entire bed appeared to be wobbling, a small feeling of panic started to ensue.

My immediate thought was that our crumbling East Cliff had finally given up the ghost and toppled onto the Pleasurama site below. Or that a very heavy truck, possibly carrying wage packets for senior council officers, had rumbled past and shaken the building.

But no, it appears to have been an earthquake under the Channel a few miles from Dover.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Air Con

I see that two men have been jailed at Canterbury Crown Court for stealing a jet engine from RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport.

Rodney Matthews, 47, and Mark Cooper, 37, both from Tooting, were given 18 months and 30 months respectively. The thieves were caught on CCTV as they used heavy lifting gear to steal the engine from a locked compound.

Defence for Cooper described him as 'a simple man of fairly limited intelligence' who 'didn't realise he was stealing aircraft engines, he thought he was stealing air conditioning units'.

Just in case anyone is thinking of committing a copycat crime, here's an air conditioning unit:

And, um, here's a jet engine:

Full story

Old Lamps For Old

Good to see Kent Highways' contractors out yesterday installing the new, long-awaited 'heritage' lamps along Wellington Crescent. Of course, we had ours changed along Victoria Parade a year ago.

There's something rather odd about these 'new' lamps though.

They're not actually new. They're just the old lamps with new tops and a couple of fancy bits from B&Q bunged on them.

Presumably someone will come along and paint them black at some point, so they at least look half convincing, but I won't be holding my breath. Honestly, what a cheap trick!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Prayers Come True For West Cliff Hall

Hallelujah! According to today's Thanet Sadscene, Ramsgate's crumbling West Cliff Hall has finally been leased. The Global Generation Church will be running it as a community venue, and is going to spend the next year renovating the dilapidated building. They're promising a juice bar, cream teas, rock school and a pie factory (bit ambitious that last one if you ask me).

Council leader Sandy Beach, who's pictured on the front of the paper handing over the keys, must be praising the lord that yet another eyesore has been sorted in time for the local elections.

Curses! First the library rebuild, now this. No sooner do I knock something than it gets put right!

Floppy Stroppy

My old matinee idol chum seems to have got himself into a spot of bother again. Normally he's a mild mannered sort of cove but, as they say, still waters run deep.

I remember him spitting his dummy at our annual Water Voles Cricket XI dinner back in the 90s, just after he'd been in Four Weddings. Our captain had spent the entire evening teasing him relentlessly regarding repeated rumours (eat your heart out Wossie!) of a dalliance with Our Madge. In fact a story about her telephoning him and inviting him out to dinner had appeared in the Evening Standard that very day, and the journalist who wrote it was sitting at the same table.

Half way through the main course there was a frightful din and a clatter of cutlery. I looked up just in time to see the floppy-haired one storming out the door.

We never saw him again. He went off to the States, where, if you remember, he found someone to suck his dummy for him.

Mods (And Rockers)


I see Margate is due to be invaded by gangs of bikers this coming Mayday Bank Holiday. Well, rather smartly dressed scooterists in actual fact, so that should be a welcome change from the normal riff-raff you see along the Golden Mile.

My only worry is they're coming for four whole days. What on earth are the poor sods going to find to occupy themselves?

Even Boredstares is getting in on the two wheel act in its own sedate way, with a Mods and Rockers Reunion being held at the Crampton Tower Museum on the 19th and 20th of May. I expect that'll just be a couple of hairy bikers in Victorian bathing costumes.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Thanet 'May Support Life' Say Boffins

By Isle of Thanet Gazunder Science Editor Tess Tube

Scientists have made an amazing discovery - a Thanet millions of miles from our own which may even support intelligent life!

Top university boffin Dr Terry Scope, 42, told the Gazunder: 'It's an ocean world consisting of land surrounded by seas not dissimilar to here. We're very excited.' But he added it would take many years to get to the new Thanet, even by bus.

And he warned that we may well find the people there very different: 'We may not recognise them at first. For example, they may stand upright with their knuckles well off the ground and look quite smart.'

Communicating with the new Thanetians may also pose a problem. 'They might pronounce their consonants and be unaware of traditional greetings we use here such as 'Ello yer old c*nt and Got any spliff?'

Dr Scope is 42.

Ramsgate First First, Labour Second, Tories Third

No, not a prediction of the local election result by my clairvoyant showbiz pal Mystic Meg, but the order in which their campaign leaflets have plopped through my letterbox.

Curiously I've yet to hear from the Mingers. Maybe that's because they've given up the ghost round here. Or maybe they're conducting an invisible campaign, in line with their policy of electing an invisible leader.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Please Take A Fence

Stone the crows! I see from the counteruppything on my sidebar that it's two years today since the local council erected 'temporary' fencing along our crumbling East Cliff here in Ramsgate. And far from being 'temporary', the darn thing appears to be growing like topsy!

Now the East Cliff Residents' Association have appended these tasteful signs to the council's ugly erection. Not usually known for their direct action, I hear the ERA are also preparing to storm the barricades and dive like human lemmings onto the deserted Pleasurama site below.

Speaking of which, it seems like only six months ago (because that's how long it is) that our glorious council leader Sandy 'Just Put Your Face In Mine' Beach was pontificating on the BBC about the new deal he'd signed with the Pleasurama developers. Since when... nada.

And it seems like nearly a year ago (because that's how long it is) that Sandy said on Thanet Life:

Let’s start with the issue of the cliff face. It’s the Council’s responsibility to maintain the coastline. Here we’re lucky enough to enjoy 26 miles of beautiful coastline and stunning beaches, but with that comes responsibility and this is one of those cases. The problems here were identified as part of our programme (of) coastal defence surveys and we will be carrying out work here in due course.

Since when... you guessed it.

Still, it's not all bad news. Apparently our Sand's also promised his Tory chums a resounding victory at the local elections on May 3!

Cycling Squad

Reader Clive has sent in this photograph of a couple of our fearless local law enforcers getting on their bikes to patrol Ramsgate's wild east.

I've heard of drugs being pedalled in those grimy back streets, now the rozzers are responding by pedalling two-wheelers. A swift bicycle clip around the ears should put any miscreants back on the straight and narrow! Just give them a bell, and they'll put any picksprockets they catch in a chain gang, or behind handlebars!

Oh dear, I think I'm having one of my turns.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Hurray! Hurray! It's A Public Holiday!

Well, er, no, it's not actually. But there are many people who believe that today being St George's Day, it should be. So I'm taking the day off.

Not that I'm one of those little Englander types, you understand. Just a lazy blighter grabbing any excuse to do bugger all.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Westwood Housing Scheme Makes Tony Cross


I was wondering where Mr Ceacescu (no relation) had dashed off to yesterday. He was last seen heading in the direction of Westworld Cross in his BMW.

It would seem that he met up with Margate's very own pie-devouring superblogger, Tony Flaig. Together they've made a short film for ECR TV about the new housing estate that's going to be plonked there, and the lack of forethought on the planning front.

Not a bad first effort for Mr Flaig. And, even more gratifyingly, it didn't cost me a sausage!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Ball Trouble

Good lord! According to the front page of yesterday's Isle of Thanet Gazunder, our glorious Tory council leader almost came to blows with the Labour Mayor of Margate at a black tie ball last weekend.

As the less than civil civic occasion was drawing to a close at Margate's Winter Gardens, the mayor is said to have approached our Sandy at the bar, only to be met by a tirade of abuse. The top Tory and former pugilist is alleged to have called the mayor a 'f*cking tosser', and said to another Labour councillor who attempted to intervene: 'Come on, just put your face in mine.'

In his defence, Sandy claims he was 'set up' and had snapped after enduring months of racist comments from the mayor.

Whatever the truth behind the story, we all know that the level of debate from the Conservatives here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula is sometimes less than parliamentarian. I myself have been called a 'left wing c*nt' and 'middle class pratt' by the blue rinsers, so personally I'd say the mayor got off lightly.
Sandy: 'F*cking tosser'

Friday, April 20, 2007

Lost In Translation

Thanks to the Thanet Bloglist Recent Feeds page, I've become an avid reader of the adventures of our Spanish chum who's here in Ramsgate to learn English. He runs a blog called Mi Vida en RAMSGATE and recently went on a trip to the New Inn in Sandwich (Emparedado).

I left a comment to make him feel at home:

What ho old bean! Welcome to the Millionaires' Playground. Hope you have a splendid stay!

And as his blog's in Spanish, I translated it using the old Alta Vista Babel Fish thus:

¡Qué vieja haba del ho! Dé la bienvenida a los millonarios al patio. ¡Esperanza usted tiene una estancia espléndida!

Strangely, though, he hasn't responded. As I read his blog using the aforementioned Babel Fish, and have occasionally become alarmed at sentences like Every morning I get up and ignite the television, I thought it best to check what I'd said by translating my welcoming message back into English:

How old haba of ho! Give the welcome to the millionaires to the patio. Hope you have a splendid stay!

No wonder the poor lad hasn't got back to me, he probably thinks I'm a nutter. Still, at least we now know how the writers of Doctor Who manage to come up with all those other-wordly names week in, week out.

Littoral Litter

The amount of litter on Britain's beaches has increased by more than 90% since 1994, according to an annual survey by the Marine Conservation Society. Top ten items found on the beach were:

1. Pieces of plastic, 1cm-50cm; 13.2%
2. Cotton bud sticks; 8.6%
3. Pieces of plastic, less than 1cm; 6.2%
4. Crisp/sweet/lolly wrappers; 5.6%
5. Polystyrene pieces; 5.5%
6. Plastic caps/lids; 5.4%
7. Rope; 4.3%
8. Cigarette stubs; 4.2%
9. Plastic drinks bottles; 3.9%
10. Fishing net; 3.3%

Well, maybe on Margate beach, but here in the Millionaires' Playground we have a better class of litter. Having combed the sea shore this morning, here's what I found:

1. Fortnum's picnic hamper
2. Copy of Country Life
3. Seven bottles of Dom Perignon
4. Five bottles of Krug
5. Apple iPhone
6. Two jars of Gentleman's Relish
7. Pair of Prada sunglasses
8. Chemical toilet from Sunseeker Portofino 35
9. Porsche Cayenne (minus wheels)
10. Bentley Continental (burnt out)

As you can see, even the cast offs are classier in Ramsgate!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Dom

As promised I've been out and about with the old Box Brownie to bring you some snaps of the tall ships that are currently moored in Ramsgate's Royal Harbour (one night only).

Forest of masts...

and, er, more masts...

offering plenty of opportunity for jigging in the rigging...

as the local millionaires soak up the Monte Carlo style sun and lattes!

Tall Ships Story

News from Uranus reports:

Ramsgate’s Royal Harbour Marina is today (Thursday 19 April) welcoming one of Europe’s biggest classic sailing ship races.

The Race of the Classics involves a flotilla of 18 tall ships, which left Rotterdam earlier this week, before making their first stop at Ostend. They then sprinted over to Ramsgate, the only British stop on the route, and, from there, the ships will spend tonight in the town, before returning to Amsterdam, leaving Ramsgate tomorrow morning (Friday 20 April).

The race is now into its 19th year and is organised by students, with the ships crewed by a mixture of international students, accompanied by professional sailors, all competing for the Heineken Challenge Cup. It is the largest event of its kind in Europe to involve non-professionals on tall ships.

Head of Maritime Services Dominic Evans said: “The Race of the Classics is a stunning sight and we are delighted to welcome them back to Ramsgate, the first time they have made a stop here in three years. The last time they visited us in 2004, they attracted huge crowds to welcome the students and sailors to the country. If you haven’t had a chance to see the ships before, it’s well worth a visit as they look completely at home in the beautiful setting of Ramsgate’s Royal Harbour Marina.”

I'll put up some piccies later. Meanwhile, if you're very lucky, you might just catch a glimpse of them on the Ramsgate Harbour webcam.

Tall ships off Ramsgate this morning

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Deafening Silence

Oh well, there you go. My email to the top Tory toff asking whether it was his party's policy to condone paedophile bashing has fallen on deaf ears. Not a sausage.

So I've decided to have a spring clean, as you'll notice from the sidebar on the right. With 10,001 new visitors to this site in the past week, it's about time I had a tidy-up.

And if any of you local oxymorons find yourselves here by mistake and are looking for a way out, just hit the link that says Pond Life.

Ramsgreat!

Regular reader Claire writes:

Some friends of mine recently bought a penthouse flat in a refurbished building in Ramsgate. They paid a lot of money for it and keep going on about Ramsgate being the new black!

Well Claire, we've all heard about spring being the new summer, and porridge being the new soup (which was the new capuccino), but Ramsgate the new black! Just goes to prove that the place really is the new Millionaires' Playground. And that's confirmed by a recent report from findaproperty.com:

But what of the hotspots for the year ahead? Forget Kensington and Chelsea: Colchester, Ramsgate, Luton and Slough are the best places to watch your investment grow.

And that confirmation's confirmed by yet another reader, Alice, who's a wannabe DFL:

I have tried several times to buy a property in Augusta Road, but each time I've been gazumped!

It's a shame you've missed out, Alice, so by way of consolation here's a picture of Augusta Road for you:

Augusta Road: gazumpers' paradise

Scooby Don't

Is it me, or are the writers of BBC1's Sea of Souls recycling old plotlines from Scooby Doo?

Watching the first in the new series last night, I was half expecting some ne'er-do-well to be de-masked and carted off to jail uttering the immortal lines: 'Why, if it wasn't for those pesky paranormal psychologists...'

Monday, April 16, 2007

Ramsgate First First

Hurrah! The first piece of local election literature plopped through my letterbox this morning, and it's from those Ramsgate First people who want their own teeny-tiny council here in Kent's answer to Monte Carlo.

Couldn't see much in the way of policies, though, apart from repeated and, to be frank, rather repetitive reassurances (eat your heart out Wossie!) that they want to put Ramsgate, er, first.

Still, they're hoping for a swathe of teeny-tiny councillors, and promise 'we do as you say', so I might pop round to their HQ at 45 King Street later on and suggest they wear their Reg Grundies on their head and go 'wibble'. That should liven the local political scene up a bit!

Pirates!

Strolling along the prom this morning, I spotted a medium sized vessel anchored just off the Millionaires' Playground. Upon whipping out the old binocs, I could just about make out that it was the MV Patricia.

Thinking this might be the long awaited Roman invasion, I scurried back to the CTM, fired up the Del Boy laptop, and headed straight for google, expecting to discover that the MV Patricia was one of my Russian millionaire friend's floating gin palaces.

Sadly I was eventually disappointed, as it turns out to be a Trinity House vessel. Although I did experience a brief frisson when I noticed the pirate station Swinging Radio England had broadcast from a similarly named ship in the 60s.

Now there's an idea! Anyone for Wonderful Radio Ramsgate?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

And It's Goodnight From Him

There were several reasons why I started this blog. Principally it was meant to be a bit of fun. And an occasional antidote to the simpering, Daily Mail hypocrisy of our Greatest Living Thanetian. I think you know who I'm talking about.

It's not much fun, however, to be labelled a paedophile by some knuckle-dragger who Dr Simon Moores' claims to be one of his supporters, and even less fun to be told that there are 'several peple already who want to put me in a coma'.

It's an irony that the most abusive, foul and violently aggressive comments that have been made about me have come from Tory supporters, a party that claims to put law and order at the forefront of its policies.

Well bollocks to them.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Abuse

Apologies for the lacuna but I've been consulting with my wolf pack of highly trained media lawyers following abusive comments about yours truly placed on the One Voice in Thanet blog. I am reprinting these comments here, as I have been advised by m'learned friends that by doing so I may well be able to sue myself, as well as the anonymous perpetrator, for a substantial sum. Here's the first:

ECR and One Voice share so many attributes. Their many and varied achievements in Thanet are there for all to see. Their rapier wit and immense courage in tackling the issues of the day is legendary. We, the people of Thanet should be forever grateful to these two paragons of all that this country now stands for. On a personal note, I just wonder how they are able to walk the streets of Thanet without the benefit of spines, unable as they are to identify themselves with their rather hysterical outbursts. Two FICTIONAL characters slagging off REAL PEOPLE. What a joke, ECR is a middle class patronising pratt, unloved by Mummy and Daddy who feel he has to explain things to the people of Thanet because we're too thick to understand current events. One Voice has yet to master chewing gum and walking at the same time.

Which was followed by a further example of shining wit:

Friday 13th April. Shock horror! ECR & One Voice are the same person. ECR sobbed on local radio this morning "Yes its true. One Voice and I are two halves of the same moron". "Its time to tell the truth at last. I CANNOT reveal my identity now because the Police are still scanning my hard drive and video collection. My credit card was stolen and used to download pictures from the internet. The pictures on my hard drive (as I have explained to the authorities) are simply resaerch for my book on the corruption of youth. The fact that between 3 and 4 pm most weekdays I'm outside wearing a large raincoat whatever the weather when I sit in the local park is (again as I have explained) mere coincidence. If a certain law gets passed I may have to move or no longer register myself as there are several people alredy who want to put me in a coma. Hope you my TRUE adoring public will understand this quite innocent set of unfortunate circomstances".

To put these comments in perspective, I had earlier commented on the same post that I found Simon Moores' Thanet Life blog 'nauseating'. These comments appear to be the Wildean riposte.

I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

SITE SUSPENDED FOR LEGAL REASONS

We apologise for the interruption to our scheduled programmes. This is due to a fault on our Ramsgate transmitter. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

In the meantime, here is some music.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Lie-in Detective Test

I'm having a bit of a snooze under the duvet today in the hope that a blonde, 26 year old lady rozzer will come round and turf me out of bed. As they apparently do if you're a pupil at Marlowe Academy in Ramsgate.

Kids today, eh? They get all the perks!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Not A Pretty Site

Holy tamoly! I see one of our local websites, Thanet Council Information and Critique, has been got at by some internet sleaze merchant. It now promises 'ebony pics', 'big cock porn' and a 'mature bitch'.

Or it could, perhaps, be that something has slipped into the water around here from that Pfizer factory in Sandwich, given the front page of today's Thanet Times, which reports that the Pegwell Bay nature reserve has become a hotspot for open air orgies.

Curiously the paper also cites the prevalence of 'dogging' in the area, but I can't quite see the connection. As far as I'm concerned they've got to walk them somewhere, and as long as they clear up the mess behind them who are we to criticise?

Monday, April 09, 2007

Fun In The Sun

As temperatures here on the UK's Costa Cutter soared into the 90s yesterday, I decided it would be a splendid opportunity to check out how the tourist trade was coming along. So it was on with the leathers and onto the old throbber for a quick thrash around the island.

First stop Ramsgate, and as befits Kent's premier Monte Carlo style resort the place was heaving. Versace wearing, Ferrari driving millionaires were parked up along the marina, sipping lattes and nibbling ciabattas outside the continental cafes on Harbour Parade. It might have been the croissette, if it wasn't for the knackered old jets taking off from RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport every ten minutes.

Next Boredstares, and despite the strange moustachioed men in Victorian bathing costumes giving some of the young middle class mums cause for concern, the joint was jumping. The experiment in converting the wibbly-wobbly jetty into a new beach is coming along a treat too. The sand now obscures all those boring white lines in the car park, so I was forced to place my gleaming machine on top of a Sharan load of chip munching nippers that had hogged the bike bay.

Then Margate. The unmistakeable smell so beloved by Ronnie Biggs was in evidence, but even I will admit that the front was packed. Albeit mainly with second generation unemployables wheeling the third generation along in pushchairs.

I pushed on to God's Waiting Room, Westgate, but as advertised the place was dead. Or at least heavily sedated. Not for nothing is the mini golf course on Westbrook front called Strokes.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Eastercliff Richard

At the risk of engendering the kind of moral outcry that rained upon John Lennon in the 60s when he claimed the Beatles were bigger than Jesus Christ, I think it's only appropriate to reveal today that I am now officially bigger than Saint Cliff.

I have consequently decided to put myself up for election as Archbishop of Canterbury, as I have clearly been placed on this earth to make your humble lives a little better. I shall therefore be appealing to a 'higher authority' to have the incumbent deselected forthwith on the grounds of being in possession of dangerous eyebrows.

I realise that someone of my ability and intellect being thrust into such a prominent position at such a young age may well attract criticism, but please be clear that my critics are sick and twisted individuals who are motivated solely by envy of my undoubted talents and achievements, which are too varied and numerous to list here.

Let me say right now that, far from being arrogant and self centred as some have claimed, I am a man of the people and would be more than happy, perhaps on less formal occasions, for you to be seated in my presence. Here endeth the first lesson.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Glued To The Blog

Urgh. Must have had an off pint at the Beer Festival yesterday. The world's just fallen out of my bottom. On second thoughts, though, it's more likely to be something to do with the Thanet District Council regulation hot dog I indulged in after the tenth pint.

Talking of which, that flying doctor chappie over in Westgate appears to have developed blogarrhea. Ten posts in less than two days, and some of them very loose indeed. There must be an election on or something.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ten Things I'd Like To Do In Thanet Before I Die

Scanning through the current edition of Isle magazine, I can see at least three things to do in Thanet that have already dropped off their list in the few short weeks since the magazine was published, viz:

Drink in ale and art (at the Belgian bar). Nope, it's gone bust.
Ride the scenic railway. Nope, Waterbridge aren't going to open the Dreamland site this year.
Dress for the theatre. Er, nope again. The council have bought the Theatre Royal in Margate so they can close it for six months.

And that's if you discount the huge photo of last year's Kent Air Show, which is also, alas, no more. So I've put the old thinking cap on and come up with a shorter, alternative list of things I'd like to do in Thanet before I die:

1. Walk along Ramsgate's East Cliff undisturbed by temporary fencing.
2. Have a latte in one of the cafes in the new Pleasurama development.
3. Borrow a book at Ramsgate library.
4. Gawp at some Monets in Ramsgate's West Cliff Hall.
5. Gawp at some Turners in Margate's Turner Centre.
6. Buy some undies in the M&S on Margate High Street.
7. Buy anything on Margate High Street.
8. Amble along the front without getting Barker's nests on my shoes.
9. Drive to Westworld Cross in less than an hour.
10. Go to a fun park which has anything more exciting to see than a stuffed hippo.

Please bear in mind that I am 29 and can therefore expect another 50 years at least.

Top Beer

I must say I'm getting very excited about the Planet Thanet Easter Beer Festival.

Beer o'clock is at noon tomorrow and Saturday, with stretchers at 10.30pm both days. Sadly the festival has relocated this year from the Millionaires' Playground to the Winter Gardens in Margate, so I'll be wearing my CelebProtect Kevlar stab vest to and from the venue just to be on the safe side.

The organisers are promising thousands of different beers and ciders, including a reconstruction by Ramsgate's very own Gaddfather of Ale of an ancient brew from Margate's now defunct Cobbs brewery, along with all the old favourites such as Nadgers Old Jockstrap and the rather fine Tossingtons 'Wibbly-Wobbly' India Pale Ale.

So - be there or be, er, sober!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Ramsgate's Burning! (Again)

Flaming caffs! I'm just getting reports here in 'the smoke' that one of those restaurants in Harbour Street has gone up in flames. My sources back in Ramsgate say the stench of cremated chicken parmaganas has been pouring across the town from Cavallinos since lunchtime.

That's one more place the tourists won't be flocking to during the Easter break then.

Beach Blankets Broadstairs

Talk about the blinking tail wagging the dog. Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) now tells me he's so busy with ECR TV, in between what he terms 'masticating' the new Villeroy and Boch chinaware here at the old CTM, that's he's now got me running errands for him.

So yesterday afternoon I found myself in Doyles Psychic Emporium over in Boredstares High Street looking for a set of healing crystals. Afterwards I decided to take a wander down to the Dickensians' teeny-tiny harbour for a lungful of invigorating ozone.

Imagine my surprise to discover their wibbly-wobbly jetty virtually knee deep in sand! Oh well, it's probably for the best. There are only a couple of old tubs bobbing up and down in the 'harbour', so converting it into an extension of the beach will be no loss. Plus it'll give them even more scope to romp around in Victorian bathing costumes!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Radiological Conclusion

Yikes! It seems I've dropped a bollock calling my media outfit ECR TV. Something by the same name already exists - take a look!

The European Congress of Radiology's TV station even features a 'sketch' in which Dr Paul Dubbins performs a rib-tickling impression of a grumpy old codger. Spooky. Other delights for your televisual entertainment include novel techniques in breast imaging, and a gripping debate on whether prostate MR should be performed by specialists or beginners.

Somehow I don't think Corrie's got anything to worry about, but it might just prove more popular than Sky 1's latest primetime effort Corkscrewed which pulled in just 53,000 punters (0.29% of the available audience) last night.

Sunday, April 01, 2007