Sunday, April 08, 2007

Eastercliff Richard

At the risk of engendering the kind of moral outcry that rained upon John Lennon in the 60s when he claimed the Beatles were bigger than Jesus Christ, I think it's only appropriate to reveal today that I am now officially bigger than Saint Cliff.

I have consequently decided to put myself up for election as Archbishop of Canterbury, as I have clearly been placed on this earth to make your humble lives a little better. I shall therefore be appealing to a 'higher authority' to have the incumbent deselected forthwith on the grounds of being in possession of dangerous eyebrows.

I realise that someone of my ability and intellect being thrust into such a prominent position at such a young age may well attract criticism, but please be clear that my critics are sick and twisted individuals who are motivated solely by envy of my undoubted talents and achievements, which are too varied and numerous to list here.

Let me say right now that, far from being arrogant and self centred as some have claimed, I am a man of the people and would be more than happy, perhaps on less formal occasions, for you to be seated in my presence. Here endeth the first lesson.


tony flaig bignews said...

This is the sort of cheap publicity seeking trick one would expect from a blighter like you.


don't mind if I pinch the idea?

Eastcliff Richard said...

Not at all - be my guest! And apologies to anyone who may have been offended by me taking Our Lord Cliff's name in vain.

Anonymous said...

So you believe in THE HOLY TRINITY
of Gay Singers then,
1-Freddie Mercury
2-Cliff Richard
3-George Michael

Anonymous said...

I thought he was-

Justin Brown said...

When you finally manage to dig yourself out of the hole that you've dug yourself into, if you'd like to step aside, I'd be happy to stir your porridge for you!

ron councillor said...

This wouldn't be a veiled satirical reference to one of our better known Tory candidates would it? I'd be careful if I were you, he's in a banning mood at the moment.

Justin Brown said...

A banning mood, bar none, I've no doubt!

Eastcliff Richard said...

He is currently the banningest banner in all banningdom.

Anonymous said...

How do you know Cliff Richard is gay? I know George Michael and Freddie Mercury are. They say they are. But Cliff has said he isn't gay and he is a Christian and the Bible is against homosexuality.