Ahem. You know me, I'm not normally one to crow, but I would just like to remind you of what I said back in March following the competition to find the UK's entry for last night's Eurovision Song Contest in Helsinki:
Once again, I fear, the Great British Public have squeezed the pimple of success only to find that they will, alas, be reaping the pus of failure.
As it happened, only Ireland's twiddly-diddly dirge saved Scooch and their dreadful song from being crowned the embarrassing boil on the bottom of Eurovision.
So for next year I propose we invite Professor Stephen Hawking to perform a cover of The Floaters' 1977 hit Float On live from NASA's Vomit Comet. Well, it's got to be worth a try, surely?