Mess Fine Mess

Apols for the graphic picture, but it does rather illustrate what we're up against here. Yes, I'm talking barkers' nests.

We all know that a toddle along Thanet's pavements and promenades can be a bit like tip-toeing through the proverbials. Nowadays I have taken to walking with my head down, scanning for the offending items, in the hope that my diamond-studded Church's brogues can remain uncontaminated by the digested remains of Tyson's Chappie and chips, thereby missing out on the wonderful views our island has to offer.

Still, we do know from all those signs on every lamp post that any owners caught failing to clear up after Fido can be handed a, er, 'on the spot' fine of £75, or a maximum penalty of £1000 if they're taken to a magistrates' court.

So, how many dog doo-doo fines have our beloved Thanet Council issued in the past year then? Go on, take a guess. 100? 50? Well, following an FOI request by one of my lovely readers, I can tell you the answer is 4. F-O-U-R, four.

Another request for the number of beach litter fines issued in the last 12 months reveals an even lower figure. The lowest figure you can get, actually. That's right, a big fat zero. And that despite the worst litter seen on Margate Sands for 30 years, when it took a team of 12 cleaners an entire day and night to clear the beach after July's Jamaican party.

You'd think for a council that says it spends more on cleaning than any other, and which has just poured £3.4m down the TransEuropa plughole, they'd be a bit keener at recouping some of our council tax!! Kuh!!!

Bandstand Superduperised!

Hurrah! At last someone has made a clean sweep of our super-duper bandstand here on the swanky East Cliff! Thanks to reader Samantha for the pic.

I must say, it's been looking in need of a back, sack and crack for some time. Ever since it was tarted up in 2006 (click here to read my story) it's been sorely neglected by Thanet Duffer Council. Like so many of their projects, it appears to be a case of neglect it for forty years, spend a bit of dosh on it, then neglect it for another forty years. Hey-ho.

In fact it wasn't even The Duffers doing the clean-up, apparently, but some organisation called Better Beaches, the same people who were clearing up after the awful mess that was made of Margate beach over the weekend.

Hang on. It's a bandstand, not a beach! So how does that work, then?

Litter Spray

Cripes! Judging by the number of email alerts I'm getting from the excellent FixMyStreet website, our beloved council's plan to stop regular cleaning of any road that isn't in a town centre or on the seafront is definitely coming to fruitation (©2000 Kevin Keegan).

Recent complaints to the Uranians via the site include 'lack of street cleaners', 'bin bags', 'domestic rubbish', 'dog mess' and 'litter', 'litter', and, er, 'accumulated litter'. A veritable tsunami of detritus! And that's for a council that boasts the motto 'Reduce, Reuse, Recycle'. Well one out of three ain't bad, I suppose.

Still, credit where credit's due. They are at long last getting around to implementing a limited recycling scheme here on Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff. According to a note that just plopped through my letterbox here at the cliff top mansion, a fortnightly paper and cardboard collection will begin as of this Monday. Let's hope the stuff is actually collected and not just left to blow all over the streets, eh? Otherwise I'm sure it won't be long before I'll need a metal detector every time I want to find where I've parked the old jalopy!

Click here to visit FixMyStreet

Bin And Gone

Meandering around Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff the other day, I clocked that the rubbish bin which the Uranians so helpfully placed next to our teeny-tiny kiosk a few months back has recently disappeared. I presume it's been redeployed to Broadstairs to fight the litter louts on the beaches and will now be a repository for bottles, cans and dirty nappies (eeurgh!).

Not that its services aren't required in keeping this particular part of Thanet beautiful. Perhaps Ramsgate Firster Gerry O'Donnell, who runs the kiosk, has annoyed the powers-that-be once too often with his stinging letters to the local papers, and this is their rubbish revenge!

Littoral Litter

The amount of litter on Britain's beaches has increased by more than 90% since 1994, according to an annual survey by the Marine Conservation Society. Top ten items found on the beach were:

1. Pieces of plastic, 1cm-50cm; 13.2%

2. Cotton bud sticks; 8.6%

3. Pieces of plastic, less than 1cm; 6.2%

4. Crisp/sweet/lolly wrappers; 5.6%

5. Polystyrene pieces; 5.5%

6. Plastic caps/lids; 5.4%

7. Rope; 4.3%

8. Cigarette stubs; 4.2%

9. Plastic drinks bottles; 3.9%

10. Fishing net; 3.3%

Well, maybe on Margate beach, but here in the Millionaires' Playground we have a better class of litter. Having combed the sea shore this morning, here's what I found:

1. Fortnum's picnic hamper
2. Copy of Country Life
3. Seven bottles of Dom Perignon
4. Five bottles of Krug
5. Apple iPhone
6. Two jars of Gentleman's Relish
7. Pair of Prada sunglasses
8. Chemical toilet from Sunseeker Portofino 35
9. Porsche Cayenne (minus wheels)
10. Bentley Continental (burnt out)

As you can see, even the cast offs are classier in Ramsgate!