Labour Goes Hart To Hart In Dane Valley

As exclusively predicted here on the island's premier blog, lovely Labourette Sandra Hart, wife of equally lovely Labour leader Clive Hart, has romped home to victory in the Dane Valley by-election precipitated by the absence of the previous Tory incumbent, Panama Steve Broadhurst. Click here for more.

The support of this blog no doubt played a major role in securing Sandra's seat, and stuffing the Tories into third place. Let's hope the rot has now well and truly set in for the Thanet Reich!

By way of celebration, I offer you this short video insight into Clive and Sandra's glamourous, crime-busting, Thanet lifetstyle which they allowed me to film earlier in the week. Enjoy!

Why I Won't Be Voting Lib Dem In Today's Dane Valley By-Election

Well, the short answer is because I don't live there, thank heavens! But ordinarily, of course, I have a yellow streak a mile wide, and would be gung-ho for Bill Furness to get elected, despite his proposer being the chippy fat man from Margate. But no, I'm (virtually, of course) supporting Labour.

So why the change to Hart? First I would like to scotch the rumour that I'm supporting lovely Labourette Sandra Hart, wife of the equally lovely Labour leader Clive Hart, merely so's I can make Hart to Hart hay about 'Max', 'Freeway' and 'big hair' should she get elected. Noooooo. Not me.


Er, yes, well. Ahem. Seriously though, by all accounts, Birchington Bill is a thoroughly nice cove. But the point is, he lives in Birchington. Not Dane Valley. Surely the electors have had enough of absentee representatives after the last incumbent, Panama Steve Broadhurst, was discovered to have spent the majority of his time 5,000 miles away in central America? Plus Lib Dems in Thanet are about as common as hen's teeth, so in my view the only chance of deposing the current Thanet Reich lies with Labour.

Remember, this is a local election on local issues, so we should be putting aside the fact that Old One Eye has f*cked up the country royally, and concentrating on the fact that the Tories round here have f*cked up Fannit locally.

Meanwhile a bird tells me that another Dane Valley Tory, the alleged cat-killing Mayor of Margate, will be up before the beak today somewhere out west. Perhaps someone will tweet the result of that particular contest later in the day!

Update: Margate Mayor Edwin Watt-Ruffell and his co-defendant, wife Alexandra Watt-Ruffell, have entered a plea of not guilty to causing unnecessary suffering to a kitten in their care. The pair did not appear for the hearing at Sittingbourne court this morning. A trial date has been set for next year. Click here for more.

Moving Swiftly On...

Why doesn't it surprise me that the proprietor of Margate's most fatuous (Geddit?!!!?!) blog appears to have got the address of his Lib Dem candidate in the Dane Valley by-election wrong? You'll recall that this vote has been precipitated by the enforced resignation of Tory councillor 'Panama' Steve Broadhurst, who spent more time in Central America than actually doing anything for his electorate in Central Margate.

Ordinarily, being of a Liberal persuasion, I would have thrown the entire weight of the ECR media machine behind Fat Bloke's Bill Furness, who I hear is a jolly nice chap. But not on this occasion.

It's less to do with his proposer's continual petty snarking at yours truly, and more to do with the fact that, as far as I can see, Labour have more chance of winning. And anything that helps oust the current Thanet Reich has got to be a good thing in my book. Hopefully Panama Steve's Dane Valley colleague, the alleged feline-killing Tory Mayor of Margate, will do the decent thing soon and step down too. If so, the Blue Rinsers won't stand a cat's chance in oh dear let's not go there.

So come on Dane Valleyers! Vote for the lovely Labour candidate Sandra Hart, wife of the equally lovely Labour leader Clive Hart, on 3 December!

Disclaimer: I would like to make it clear that my support of Sandra Hart is in no way motivated by a petty desire to see a 'Mr and Mrs Hart' on Thanet Council and consequently be able to make endless jokes about 80s TV shows, 'Max', 'Freeway', and 'big hair'.

Bonfire Night Of The Vanities

I managed to hobble round to my 76 year old neighbour Betty's bonfire party last night. After the whizzbangs, she got to telling me that her poor old pussy is losing its fur and feels quite dry sometimes. Apparently it's also rather twitchy at this time of year and tries to slip out, so she spends most of her time pushing it back in through the flap.

I then happened to mention that the Tory Mayor of Margate, Ted Watt-Ruffell, was hauled up on a charge of maltreating kittens at the Cecil Square magistrates' court yesterday. I wonder if the kitty-fiddling accusations are related to the story in today's Gazunder about two sick little moggies found dumped outside a hotel in Cliftonville in September? The poor purrers have now been rehomed by the RSPCA, but it does all sound a little coincidental.

Anyway, Betty then went off like a rocket. 'The bloody Thanet Tories!' she fulminated. 'I'd like to put the whole f***in' lot of them on the f***in' bonfire! That f***in' Ezekiel he's been scolded by the standards people twice for calling the mayor a f***in' tosser and upsetting that f***in' petition! And as for f***in' Latchford and all the other f***in' cronies and hangers on. And that f***in' freeby trip to China that Wills paid for! And what about the f***in' planning department letting people build whatever they f***in' want wherever they want. What about all the f***in' burnt out holes that Jimmy Godden's left rotting for years, they've done f*** all about those! And now they want the f***in' airport to fly all night, those f***in' planes rattle the f***in' windows all day as it is!'

Well, after that rant, I was quite glad to limp back home and play with my own pussy!

Ted Not Dead

Reports (er, by me) of the demise of one of the Ile's most redoubtable bloggers have proven premature. Dane Valley Ted is alive and well. He'd simply moved. Sorry Ted.

If you'd like me to come round and treat you to one of my comedy monologues ('Brilliantly observed!' - Plastics Distributor and Fabricator Industry Magazine) by way of recompense, I'd be more than happy to oblige.

Ted Dead?

Well I must say the Baftas weren't quite what I expected last night. Much of the razzmatazz seems to have gone now that they've moved them to the Granville CineTheatre here on our East Cliff, and there were more pensioners sporting Dannimacs than I recall from previous awards nights. Come to think of it, there didn't seem to be any awards either.

And what's happened to my erstwhile commentator Dane Valley Ted? His blog appears to have been overrun by some gambling nonsense. And as a consequence the Thanet Blog List Recent Feeds page is turning into one humungous great bookie's ad.

I wonder if this is some money-making scheme DVT's come up with? Or perhaps he's cashed in his chips? If you're out there, Ted, give us a sign.