Any Publisity's Good Publisity

Rummaging around in my enormous inbox today, I noticed a press release from Thanet Council headed: NEW TOURISM AMBASSADORS FOR THANET.

Apparently The Duffers are training up beach inspectors and Winter Gardens staff to be 'visible and active tourist champions for Thanet'. They will also be given a handbook so that they can 'look up anything they need'.

Cllr. Martin Wise, Cabinet Member for Environmental Services, said: 'This is part of the council’s approach to modernising the visitor information service that we offer' (by closing all the visitor information centres, eh Martin?). Cllr Wise's quote ends: 'I’d like to take this opportunity to publically [sic] thank Thanet Leisure Force for their help in supporting this initiative.'

Presumably the ambassadors' handbook contains such useful advice as 'The nearest publical convenience is in Canterbury'.

Toilet Protesters Stage Sit-In

Here I am in Jersey about to go into a taxing but blissfully tax-free meeting with the backers of A Snip at £900 for the Harley Street Vasectomy Clinic. Yet thanks to the power of the internet I can assume almost godlike powers of omniscience! Which is why I know that, right about now, pissed off locals are taking matters into their own hands and staging a protest at the open/closed/open/closed loos down on the east end of our lovely Blue Flag beach there in the Ms' P.

A quick scan of the tourist map of Jersey kindly provided by the 12 star Radisson I'm staying in reveals no fewer than 32 public khazis located on this sunny Channel Island, which is roughly the same size geographically as Thanet, but with about two thirds of the population. On the other hand, our beloved council can only manage to keep around 20 conveniences open across our septic isle. Giving Jerseyans, by my calculation, a lavvie for every 2,700 citizens, and us Thanetians one inconvenient convenience for every 6,500.

So, good luck to the protesters! It's about time people stood up, or sat down (depending on their gender and requirement) for their right to splash out whenever they want to!

Small Point

According to a story in today's Thanet Times, 'cops have caught short perverts indulging in sex acts in Minster's public loos.' Apparently they had to let them off with cautions due to lack of evidence. Oh, go on then, please yourselves!

Click here for full story in Thanet Times

Down And Out In Ramsgate Or London?

As regular readers will have no doubt surmised, I've not had much work lately, apart from an offer from P&O to support Jimmy Cricket on a Baltic cruise. And now that our monocular visioned, Prime-Minister-in-waiting's pals at the Bank of England have pumped up interest rates again, well, something's got to give.

So what shall it be? Sell the pied-a-terre in Chelsea and settle here in Ramsgate? Or flog the cliff top mansion and trundle off back to the village? It was this dilemma that was fevering the old Eastcliff brow as I tottered home from knocking back a couple of pints of the Gaddfather's finest at my favourite watering hole last night. Then a sign appeared.

They say that all life is in London, but I beg to differ. After all, where else, in the space of little more than 24 hours, and in the same street, can you witness a drugs raid, an open-air display of male micturation, and two chaps inflating rubber mattresses in the middle of the road at midnight?

Nope, there's no two ways about it - it's Ramsgate for me!

Bog Rolls

Our glorious council leader Sandy Beach wants us to become a 'cafe culture' here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula, which is presumably why the public dunnies opposite the Waitrose car park have been converted into a sandwich bar.

I popped in earlier and had a nice chat with the new Italian owner, who's relocated from Canterbury to the Millionaires' Playground. He seemed rather tired of people commenting that his establishment used to be a khazi, and making all those awful jokes about 'bog standard food', 'cottage cheese', 'floaters', 'pain au chocolate' and serving sandwiches 'at your convenience'. I, of course, would never sink to such depths.

I had a jolly good Fairtrade latte for £1.40. The place is called, er, Fillers. Not far from Pooland, the former snooker hall. Oh gawd luvvaduck.

Toilet Humour

I see the council have finally got around to demolishing that public khazi on Victoria Parade, after getting planning permission to do the work in October 2003. All that remains is a huge patch of, er, dirt to remind us where it used to sit.

Now all they need to do is demolish the second, much larger khazi that stands next to it!