Floaters

Eurgh! Reader Ben has sent me this photo he took today of our lovely Royal Harbour, and writes:

I couldn't help noticing that the Ramsgate inner harbour was filthy today. There was a large oily slick of floating rubbish - not far from the disused King George IV Maritime Heritage Pontoons. This is hardly a good advert for Ramsgate's tourist industry. TDC used to employ a chap who would row out and scoop it up, I guess this is no longer the case.

Indeed. And with a Eurofunded project under way to tart the harbour up, you'd think they'd be taking a bit more care of it! Oh, but then they'd probably want more Eurofunding to do that.

Speaking of poop decks, word has reached the old ECR shell-likes that our former dredger, fittingly enough called Ramsgate, has turned up in Norway after being flogged off by The Duffers for £65,000 a few years ago. That was apparently part of a plan by Cllr Latchford (Who he? - Ed.) to bring in new, super-duper dredging arrangements. Ramsgate has been refurbed and is still apparently doing sterling work for the Norgies, so it does make you wonder whether TDC could have done the same and saved a few bob on the hundreds of thousands they've subsequently spent on getting contractors to do the job.

Hang on a mo. I think I may have spotted some of my council tax floating in that slick pic!

Ferrygate - Inside The Secret TDC Committee

Hands up who's heard of Thanet Council's 'Ramsgate Port and Marina Cabinet Advisory Group'? I certainly hadn't. But apparently it does exactly what it says on the tin.

The minutes had, until a year ago, been published on TDC's website. Then the powers-that-be decided that what they were discussing was way too confidential for the likes of you and me, the people who actually pay their wages, to be privy to.

Councillors who are or were on the committee, according to those minutes that have been published, include Bayford, Campbell, Gideon, Huxley, Roberts and Watkins, with occasional appearances from D Green and Poole, and TDC officers such as Maritime Operations Manager and Harbour Master Rob Brown, and Corporate and Regulatory Services Manager Harvey Patterson.

Now, what is interesting is that on 26th January 2012, the last meeting where the minutes were published, the committee decided to spend a £20K EU grant that had to be used up by June 2012 on hiring a consultant to see what could be done to attract new business to the port. And here's the clincher. The reason? Because 'no-one within TDC was expert enough in this field'.

So, by their own admission, by the beginning of 2012, when TransEuropa's debts were already piling up, no-one at TDC was competent enough to run a maritime business in such a way that alternative shipping lines could be attracted to take up the slack. Un-flipping-believable!

Of course, we'll never know if a consultant was indeed hired, or if anything was done to attract any alternative, viable business. Because the minutes end with this killer punch: 'AOB: The Ramsgate Port and Marina Cabinet Advisory Group agreed that all future meetings would be private.'

Building Shite

No doubt inspired by my previous item concerning typographical errors, reader Barry writes:

Has anyone else seen the artist's impression of the new development they're proposing for the slipways next to the Maritime Museum in Ramsgate Harbour? I enclose a photo.

It's on public display at the Ramsgate Town Council offices at the Custom House. I see some wag has made an attempt at a critique by scrawling an arrow to the development with the word 'site' above it, but they have surely ruined the joke by accidentally omitting the 'H'?

Haha! Yes, well Barry, if I had jug ears and horsey teeth I might well describe the thing as a monstrous carbuncle on the face of an old friend. As it is, my teeth are (natch) perfect and the old shell-likes a treat to behold, so I'll just say it looks like a crap uPVC conservatory on steroids!

A Bunch Of Anchors

Regular contributor Walter emails me to say: 'I dropped into the new visitor centre in the Custom House today to find that the Port of Ramsgate (wish you were here) cards exclaim that the harbour has four gold anchors. A quick visit elsewhere indicated that they have only three.'

Well spotted Walter! For earlier this year it was a case of 'anchors away!' when the Yacht Harbour Association removed one of their nautical plaudits, due the parlous state of, well, just about everything in our lovely marina. Give that man a, er, gold star!

Never Let A Dayglo By

These bright orange 'Private Parking' signs in Pier Yard make an attractive addition to the heritage architecture, doncha think? Still, if I was paying close on a grand for the privilege of parking up my Priapus, I suppose I wouldn't want the oiks hogging my space either!

Quay Hole Surgery

Holy harbours! The salty seamen down in our lovely naval basin tell me that this hole, which has hastily been covered up with a metal Band-Aid, was caused by the boat hoist going through the tarmac! Here's the boat hoist:

The idea is it picks your floating gin palace up out of the water, and then drives it to the quay on the right where you can scrub the barnacles off your poop deck at your leisure.

Apparently it went in right up to its, er, ankles. But fortunately it wasn't carrying my £250K Sunseeker, or anybody else's, at the time.

It just goes to show what a parlous state the Cecil Square Duffers have allowed Ramsgate's Royal Harbour to get into. No wonder the marina lost one of its coveted Golden Anchors earlier this year.

Our beloved council have now fessed up, and the island's hacks were apparently invited down there to gawp today. According to my matelot mates, as part of the council's proposed groovy new staff structure at Maritime Services, there won't even be a full time engineer down there in future. I presume that's something the local scribblers weren't told!

Back To The Future

Mooching through some of the Thanet films my old factotum Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) used to throw together in between masticating in the ensuite, it struck me how much improved Margate Harbour Arm is these days.

Only three years ago it was derelict and vandalised, as this grab from Margate - The Last Resort demonstrates:

Mooching along the East Pier in our lovely Ramsgate Royal Harbour the other day, it struck me how derelict and vandalised it is these days, as this photo demonstrates:

Only three years ago, these lights were a twinkly feature of the harbour after dusk. Now the pier's dark of an evening, and you'd be lucky to find a single light that hasn't been knackerated.

Of course, the council will blame the scallywags.

Of course, I will blame the council for not installing vandal proof lighting in the first place.

And the moral of this tale? Well, despite being unsurpassed at playing with their spheres while Thanet burns, it would appear that the Cecil Square duffers can only cope with juggling one ball at a time. Find a grant, do it up, let it rot. Find a grant, do it up, let it rot. No wonder I'm getting a horrible feeling of deja vu!

Glasto Enteritis

It's that time of year again when those middle classes who aren't fans of football or tennis pack their VW Golfs and head for Glastonbury, where they can indulge their alternative fantasies with other mildly stoned estate agents and graphic designers.

I've only ever been there on official business with a film crew, and, having heard tales of overflowing pit toilets, managed to keep my bladder and bowels in check for the entire day on each occasion. One year my veteran cameraman couldn't keep it in any longer, and returned white as a ghost. 'Worse than Bosnia,' was his verdict.

Still, here in Ramsgate we seem to be putting on an alternative shit show courtesy of Southern Water, who recently took several years to mend our bursting sewer down in the port. Now the Inner Marina is swimming with the brown stuff. It started with The Great Stink on Sunday morning, and our local biblio-bloke and environmental campaigner Michael Child has finally tracked it down to crumbling Victorian sewers.

Maybe this could be seen as a positive step. After all, thousands of people flock to Glastonbury to get covered in poo each year. And now we have the chance to make our lovely, heritage Victorian seaside town even more authentic by introducing lovely, heritage Victorian diseases like typhoid and cholera! Hurrah!

Go Slow Dynamo No Show

There were more ancient hairpieces and walking sticks than you could shake a, er, walking stick at on Ramsgate's Harbour Parade for the Operation Dynamo 70th celebrations this afternoon!

As you can see from my photo, it was nice of our beloved council to recreate the bomb blasted ambiance of Dunkirk 1940 for the vets. And the farty waft of leaky colostomy bags can only have added to the authenticity of the occasion.

Those that could move were moving at snail's pace, so slow poking was the order of the day as the old tugs queued up for trips around our very own old tug, the newly painted Cervix, and the Maritime Museum (open, one presumes, for one day only). Disappointment, though, showed on their wrinkled faces as they peered skyward at the appointed hour for the Spitfire and Swordfish flypast, which was a no show. At least, I think it was disappointment. It was hard to tell as most visages were rigid with Parkinson's.

Still, on the plus side I'm glad to report that our newly elevated Tory leader, Councillor Bob Baywatch, had trimmed his face fuzz and ironed his suit especially!

Sack The Council Say Boat Owners

Lumme! I see from the front page of this week's yourfannitinnit that the paper's top newshound Tom Betts has been sniffing around our marina!

Although his nostrils won't have been as offended as mine were standing on Margate's Harbour Arm (pier in old money) the other day, he's dredged up a story about the Marina Association unanimously voting to oust our beloved council's harbour management team. According to the salty seamen, the place is now so badly run that it's 'embarrassing'.

One of the main gripes is, of course, the woeful lack of dredging. The association reckons that around two metres of silt has built up and that pontoons now sit on mud at low tide. Presumably the boats do too, lending an unusual slant to canapes and sundowners.

What with that and the loss of one of the marina's YHA Gold Anchors recently, you'd think that Acting Harbour Master and Thanet Council's Director of Regeneration, Brian White, would be on the case. But no. I'm told by my spies in the brass buttoned blazers and deck shoes that, far from getting out there with his bucket and spade, he's busy with yet another Maritime Services 'staff reorganisation'. Kuh!

Click here to read more in yourfannitinnit

Update: Talking of sackings, I've been told that former harbour master Dominic Evans, who was suspended by the council back in September, has this afternoon won his industrial tribunal case against unfair dismissal in Ashford. TDC have apparently caved in and offered him a settlement. Good news for him. Not so good news for us taxpayers who have to fork out for the useless council apparently sacking the chap unjustly in the first place.

Dreadful Dredging Drives Dosh To Dover

While the whole of Margate is so excited about Tracey Emin's visit that there's barely a dry gusset in the house, here in Ramsgate the news ain't so pant-wetting.

Riffling through my copy of Dredging Today this morning, I clocked an item about a former Shirley Temple Yacht Club commodore who's had to switch his allegiance to Dover because there's not enough water in our lovely Royal Harbour to float his boat:

Former RTYC commodore John Barrett says he's berthed his Beneteau First 35 race yacht Stiletto in Dover because Ramsgate’s harbour authority could not guarantee Stiletto’s keel would not get stuck in silt. Mr Barrett said: 'They are unable to accommodate Stiletto as they cannot guarantee the 2.5 metres of water that the boat safely needs.' Dover Harbour Marina has welcomed Stiletto with open arms, as they can guarantee the depth in their marina, and will undoubtedly use this problem in Ramsgate as a marketing aid.

Click on the pic to go to the full story. What with our marina losing one of its Yacht Harbour Association Gold Anchors recently, and the news last week that this year's tall ships race will be avoiding the harbour because of all the silt, it makes you wonder whether there's any reason why our beloved council's Director of Regeneration (and Acting Harbour Master) Brian White shouldn't be keelhauled!

Break For The Border

Ramsgate reader Ron writes:

Given Mrs Duffy's perfectly reasonable inquiry of Gordon Brown yesterday about immigration for which she was called a bigot, I thought your readers would like to hear of an incident that happened down the port the other week.

Several illegals were running across the lorry park and even the east European and Turkish lorry drivers were blaring their horns in an attempt to attract the attention of the UK Border Agency. It seemed they either weren't there or were having a cup of tea or were off chasing VAT receipts or whatever they do these days. The illegals just ran away into the town.

How Gordon Brown can tell us that our borders are secure is beyond me having witnessed this.

Well, thanks Ron. I suspect that Ramsgate was always a bit of a 'soft option'. After all, Ian Fleming's supervillain Auric Goldfinger used Ramsgate for his comings and goings, leading James Bond to describe it as 'a quiet little port' with 'customs and police who were probably only on the look-out for brandy from France.' Plus ca change!

That's The Spirit!

I'm indebted to those splendid chaps at the Oostende (Ostend in old money) Ferries Forum for these glimpses of the Ostend Spirit, the new LD Lines superduperferry which is due to enter service between Ramsgate and Ostend this coming Saturday, 27 March.

I'm told it's hard to get any closer to the vessel, which is currently undergoing preparations in Ostend. But these pictures certainly give you a sense of the scale of the thing. It's several orders of magnitude larger than any of the current TransEuropa tubs, and probably at the very limit of what our lovely port can handle. Let's hope the dredging's been done properly!

Of course, in her previous incarnation as the Prins Filip she used to ply the Ostend Ramsgate route in the 90s, so we know she'll fit. It's just that, thanks to our beloved council, a lot less water has flowed under the bridge since then, if you get my drift!

Muddy Waters

Regular readers will know that I often tool around our lovely Royal Harbour in my captain's cap, deck shoes and brass buttoned blazer, cheerily waving my Rolex at all the salty seamen in our naval basin.

On one such occasion earlier this week, I was shocked by the amount of water in the harbour. Er, there wasn't any! I know the tides have been particularly low recently, but there was so little of the beautiful briny in the outer reaches that I'm sure it would be preferable for any craft entering the harbour to be equipped with brakes rather than an anchor.

Now I know El Presidente and his jurassic junta have initiated a costly dredging programme in the port in preparation for the arrival of LD Lines' giant superduperferry Ostend Spirit later in the month. But what about the harbour and marina? Are they preparing to turn it into yet another car park? Or has some local developer chum of theirs put down a brarn envelope deposit on planning permission for a block of luxury flats on the land that's accumulating there? Deputy Rodge is on the record as saying: 'The council is undertaking a major investment programme in the Port and the Marina, the future regeneration initiatives will create jobs and facilitate future investment. This is good news for Ramsgate which, we are convinced, has a very exciting future ahead.' So when do the harbour and marina get the half a mill dredging treatment, eh Rodge? And, um, where's the dosh coming from?

Let's hope some water arrives before Ramsgate becomes the new Davos on 17 March. Yep, that's right, top City firm Bloomberg New Energy Finance is coming to the Millionaires' Playground in a couple of weeks as part of its third annual summit, described as 'the new Davos' (the Swiss resort where I and the rest of the world's economic elite club together once a year). 400 guests and 75 speakers will descend on the Saatchi Gallery, the Science Museum, the London Olympic Park and, er, Thanet Offshore Wind.

As well as some water in the harbour, hopefully there'll also be some businesses left in the harbour arches for the bigwigs to browse in. A bird tells me the Duffers have stopped renewing their leases. Why?

Click here to read more about the dredging in Dredging News
Click here to read more about Ramsgate - the new Davos!

Parking? Fine!

Finding myself short of folding ahead of my trip to the Baftas yesterday, I resorted to an old trick to raise a few sponds.

I shouldn't really be giving away trade secrets, but what the heck! There's money to be made, and why shouldn't I share my bounty with you? Donning my captain's cap and brass buttoned blazer, and armed with a notebook and digital camera, I made my way down to the Western Undercliff next to Port Ramsgate where the foreign lorries illegally park. There was a pretty good crop ready to be harvested:

Most of the drivers were dozing in their cabs, but my camera, notebook and official demeanour soon got their attention, and it was quite easy to explain in pidgin English that they were facing a €100 fine if they failed to hand over €10 on the spot for the, er, parking fee. I netted €120 before the rest got the jitters and moved on!

Flush with cash, I treated myself to a glass of fizz at the St Pancras champagne bar when I arrived in the smoke! Well, there's no chance of Kent Highways or our beloved council performing this service, so the way I figure it I'm doing everyone a favour, myself included. Go on, fill yer boots! There's enough gold in that there undercliff for everyone!

No Business Like Snow Business

Yikes! This was the view over our lovely Royal Harbour from the council's webcam a few minutes ago. Talk about blizzard conditions!

Click here for Ramsgate Harbour webcam
Click here for snow chaos on yourfannitinnit website

LD Lines To Start Ramsgate Service

See update on post below.

Ramsgate Harbour Goes Down The Drain

One of my spies has emailed me this (click on it to enlarge):

Eurgh! As if there wasn't already enough sh*t floating around in our lovely Royal Harbour, now it appears the drains from the Royal Sands (Pleasurama in old money) development will run into the inner basin! Admittedly, it's only the water off the roof, but as my correspondent writes:

I have never seen anything written about this, then a couple of days ago I found this leaflet had come through my letterbox.

I personally think that Ramsgate Royal Harbour and Marina should be left out from the Royal Sands Development. Yachtsmen, after investing thousand of pounds in their yachts, will surely not be happy to share the water in the harbour with the sewage (it remains to be seen if it's just 'rain water') from the new development.

I haven't seen any planning application regarding this. I feel that some questions should be asked of TDC's planning and environmental department, KCC and Southern Water, who should surely be providing a proper 21st century sewage system for Ramsgate, where every time there is a downpour something floods.

Quite! How much are the mooring fees down there? And when was the last time anyone from the council got off their poop deck and scooped out the captain's log, let alone dredged the blasted thing? I think we should be told!

Noises Off

New reader Lynn writes:

I have recently moved 'out of town' to the quiet (or so I thought) realms of North Foreland, only to hear what I would describe as a sonic boom every half an hour. What on earth is it? Any ideas?

Yours, baffled!

Well Lynn, we've had reports on this blog before of pile driving for the Thanet Offshore Wind fart farm causing this sort of disturbance, so it may be that. Or it could be those army wallahs letting a few big ones off at their Shoeburyness testing range across the Thames Estuary. If any of you lovely readers have any other thoughts, do pass them on.

Meanwhile, still on the theme of annoying noises, reader Millicent writes:

Is it just me or does anyone else hear a constant hum in Ramsgate at night? I remember someone else mentioning it a few months ago. For weeks I do not hear anything then suddenly it is back with a vengeance. It is driving me to distraction this week - all I want is a good night's sleep. And no I don't think I have tinnitus as I don't hear it when I sleep in hotels and elsewhere.

Well, I can't say I've heard a hum Laura. Smelt one down at our lovely Royal Harbour where the duffers can't be arsed to clear the icky detritus from the water, yes. But heard one? Nope. Anyone else having the same problem?

Harbour Master Suspended From Duty

Even parked up (or should that be 'moored'?) here in Trouville Marina on the north French coast, quaffing Krug and generally enjoying the high life, Thanet titbits follow me like a pack of bloodhounds sniffing out their news quarry.

So it is that an email has winged its way into the comms room here on the floating gin palace to the effect that the master of our lovely harbour there in the Millionaires' Playground has been suspended from duty by Thanet Council, pending an appeal. Quite what the circs are is unclear. However, it was reported here on the big blog and elsewhere in July that irregularities in contract procedure had been flagged up by an audit report to Thanet Council last December, and rumours have been rife that there was some sort of 'investigation' going on.

So, for now at least we must say 'adieu' to Captain Dominic Evans. Whatever the background, it wouldn't appear to reflect too well on Port Ramsgate's political boss, Deputy Dawg Latchford, or the senior council executive in charge, Head of Degeneration and Pisspoor Planning Brian White. Who's going to be i/c of shovelling all that muck out of the harbour now? And with that, dear reader, I'm off to snuggle under my Hungarian goose down dooner, and lay the old barnet down on some rather fine Egyptian cotton!

Update: I'm reliably informed that this week's Gazunder has followed up my exclusive with its own front page, er, 'exclusive' and that the council are saying Captain Evans has been 'dismissed'. I presume, though, that he might be appealing against his dismissal. Apparently three other council employees have also been suspended, although it's not specified in which department they worked.

Click here for July's report re: port 'irregularities'

Update 13 May 2010: It seems that Mr Evans has won his appeal at Industrial Tribunal. Click here for more.