Saturday, April 08, 2006

A Word From Our Sponsors

Convalescing here in my cliff top mansion, surrounded by flowers and cards from well wishers, I've been catching up with all the local news. A story in the Gazunder catches my eye.

Apparently there's been a lot of fuss this week over Albion House, some old khazi which stands on the East Cliff, overlooking Ramsgate's Monte Carlo style Royal Harbour. The edifice is well past its demolish-by date, and forward thinking local councillors have suggested turning it into a block of luxury flats or a Hilton Express. They are being hindered in their plans by a bunch of old fuddy-duddies, who claim the pile should be saved for the nation because Queen Victoria once had a wee there.

As ever, my quick-thinking, money-making mind comes up with a way of both conserving the place as a local amenity, and ensuring that it's no longer a drain on the public purse. Why not get Kelloggs to sponsor it, and rename it All-Bran House? Problem solved.

The same approach could be extended to other sites around the Ile which are in desperate need of tarting up, viz:

- Margate Winter Gardens to become Margate Windows Gardens
- Cliftonville Lido to become Cliftonville Ludo
- Pierremont Park Broadstairs to become Perriermont Park Broadstairs.

A further extension of the scheme could encompass entire towns in the East Kent region, e.g.:

- Sandwich becomes KFC Zinger Sandwich
- Deal becomes Big Mac Deal
- Walmer becomes 'Warmer, sponsored by Dungeness B Nuclear Power Station'.

Is there no end to my ingenuity?

7 comments:

sfdretywu said...

I think maybe some kind of consortium could pool their resources for the purchace of this fine Ramsgate monument.
It could, perhaps, be renamed 'All Buying House'?
I, for one, would certainly miss the constant 'tac tac tac tac tac tac tac tac' of the flag, every time the wind picks up to a gentle breeze or beyond.
The place just wouldn't seem like Ramsgate any more without something highly irritating happening in the background at any given moment!

RamSkateRaider.

Lucy Mail said...

I think, over this whole flag issue, that a pole needs to be taken.

Eastcliff Richard said...

We must thank our lucky stars that we don't live next door to One-Eyed Pete's Big Wheelie doing its flashy spinning creaky groaning thing 24/7, I think.

sfdretywu said...

Quite.

I love the sound of breaking glass,
Especially in the ni-i-ight.

That would obscure it horribly!

RamSkateRaider.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Careful RSR (or should I call you Nick?), you'll give your true identity away!

sfdretywu said...

Ode to a wan Kershaw?

But the tide is waxing, surely!

..or is it turning?

Dammit, I'm going to go and have a look.

RamSkateRaider.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Couldn't have put it better myself.