Time to announce the winner of the Eastcliff Richard Competition To Find Something To Do With Dreamland, and, well, frankly I'm disappointed. Some of the more promising entries were:
- Hamster Juggling
- The 'You Looking At Me Or What?' Hall of Mirrors
- Synchronised Pocket Billiards (local constabulary)
- Guff Lighting Displays on the beach opposite.
But really, as for the rest, what a sorry lot you all are.
After consulting with Elton, we have decided to award the prize of the Eastcliff Richard Memorial Gold Barker's Nest to One-Eyed Pete, the man who is single-handedly revitalising the Dreamland site, for his brave attempt at combining local authority policy with a mass visitor attraction. From One-Eyed Pete's new 148ft 'Big Wheelie Bin', crammed in the hole on the promenade where the last attraction burnt down, amazed visitors will be able to spy:
- Ye Turdy Rock (natural coastal formation)
- Birchington World of Crime
- Anthea Turner Centre (car park only).
Pete, known by his carny friends as 'Rusty Nuts' (presumably from his ginger demean), promises even more spectacular rides in the near future. Good luck with the 'Big Wheelie', and God bless/help all who sail in her.