Wednesday, April 05, 2006

How To Make A Billion

I see Sir Richard Branston has just sold his Virgin Mobile business to NTL for just short of £1bn. Good on you, Sir Richard! The bearded billionaire, who moved to Ramsgate a few weeks ago, shared his top tips with me over a tin of White Lightning outside Gussets (A Thorley Tavern) recently. Here are his top five:

1. Be sure your name is Richard. If it isn't, change it by deed poll.
2. Never wash, it's money down the drain.
3. Always wear plastic trousers.
4. Gissa nuvva pint yer f***er
5. All I want is 20p for a cup of tea, yer bastard.

Actually, I'm not altogether certain the sea air is suiting him.


Lucy Mail said...

I'm not sure I'd trust anyone who doesn't look me in the eye during conversation.
Only met Cur Richard the once and he spent most of his time staring at my chest.
What has he got to hide, I wonder?

Anonymous said...

I've been told that he's actually got a substantial amount to hide, but that he doesn't in fact mind showing it off.

Lucy Mail said...

Funny you should say that. As I recall, everytime I bent down to attempt eye contact, someone would tap me on the arm. On inspection, there was noone there.
How does he do that?

Anonymous said...

Er, sounds intriguing Lucy, but not quite sure how all that is physically possible.