Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Turneramaland

Lots of bigwigs will be present at the Winter Gardens over in Arsongate tonight, debating the future of the Anthea Turner Centre.

The new, revised masterplan is to put up a couple of sheds in the car park next to where the old pier used to be before it blew away, just down from the burnt out amusement arcades, along from the boarded up shops.

I can exclusively reveal that other exciting ideas for the regeneration of the surrounding coastline will include:

- Tower of shopping trollies
- Seaweed centre
- Haunted House of Horrors (prop. S. Beach)
- Car park (multi storey)
- Old bloke picking his nose.

After the meeting, Jack Vettriano will be giving a talk on 'Why Art Matters' and signing copies of his latest work 'Sorry I Ran Off With The Milkman' (available at all good Woolworths, price £2.95).

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shame you weren't at the meeting tonight Eastcliff - you missed your friend & mine Sandy Beach braggin about how he is making his millions buying & selling properties in Arsonland behind the Anthea Turner Centre! You need to watch out!!!He'll be richer than you soon - stiff competition eh?

Eastcliff Richard said...

Well if he's so wadded up, why does he look like the living dead love child of a liason between Bela Lugosi and Uncle Fester? I'd be heading directly for the plastic surgeon's knife if I were that loaded.

Lucy Mail said...

I find him rather dashing. Lovely brown eyes, strong looking (if a bit long) arms. And I'll bet he's got a thatched chest that courting couples could share a moments privacy in.
Probably best that he bears that in mind when he partakes of his morning ablutions.

Oh, dear. I think the lads at the factory are in for a rough ride today!

Eastcliff Richard said...

That's the last time I comment so late at night, what was I thinking of? Lucy Mail is right, Sandy's a handsome devil and make no mistake. The way his knuckles gently sweep the ground, the centre parting, the monobrow. How could I have been so cruel?

Lucy Mail said...

Did you not see the picture of him in last weeks Gazunder?
Looks like Moses has been at his advancing hairline. We're now getting the eyebrow in stereo!