State Of The Union

My fellow Thanetonians.

As I gaze down upon your small island from my orbiting cryo-cyberspace station 200 miles above, I see a nation divided. To the south I see wealth, happiness and naked virgins gaily cavorting in the Caribbean sunshine. To the north I see squalor, deprivation and tattooed pit bulls fanning the flames of hate and greed. (Applause.)

This state of affairs, which the journalists Mooreward and Flaigstein have called 'The Margate Scandal', must come to an end. I have instructed the Director Of The FBI, Davros Undercarriage III, to investigate, and he has already impeached a couple of ice cream vendors and dog called Butch. The investigation is progressing surely and swiftly to its inevitable conclusion, and it is only a matter of time before the winds of change reap their revenge on the seeds that have been sown by a rolling stone which gathers no moss. (Applause.)

I feel certain you will agree that, if this situation is not nipped in the bud, people will begin to vote with their feet. Frankly, I would vote with my feet too, if they weren't like blocks of ice. Would somebody turn the frigging heating up in here, please. (Applause.)

May God continue to bless the United States of America. (Applause.)

Richard M Nixon, President