Things have reached such a low ebb over on the north side that even Roy Chubby Brown won't go there.
According to our local red top today, the comedian has pulled out of his June gig at the Winter Gardens 'due to unforeseen circumstances'.
I suggest that the 'unforeseen circumstances' were that somebody finally plucked up the courage to tell him he'd been booked in Margate.
Not to worry, however, because on the very next page I see that our magnificent boys in blue have come up with a plan to find a replacement. After a brainstorming session in their canteen across the road from the venue, they're "building a portfolio" on some pot smoking, foul mouthed drunks that are causing havoc here in the Millionaires' Playground.
Fans of Chubby's unique style of humour shouldn't get their hopes up too quickly, though. A Thanet police spokesman is quoted as saying: "It may not seem as if anything is happening on the surface".