In the first of a series of exclusive extracts from our glorious leader Sandy Beach's soon-to-be-published 'Thanet Diaries', the carpet laying council chief has been summoned to a meeting at the North Thanet Conservative Association...
"Cor blimey! As if I ain't gort enuff on me plate, that lot darn the NTCA go and 'old a bleedin' leadership election. It was like the blinkin' third degree darn there. I told 'em, it's abart bleedin' time they put darn a nice bit of Axminster. I could do 'em a deal.
"Lord luvva duck, all this bleedin' fuss over Dreamland, what a two and bleedin' eight. I told 'em, you wanna turn the place into a carpet ware 'ouse. I could do 'em a deal.
"Strike a bleedin' light, you can't please everyone, can yer. I dunno, now the blinkin' Turner Centre's gorn tits up. I told 'em, Rome wasn't built in a day, they said: 'We don't want bleedin' Rome, all we want is a bleedin' arts centre.' I said when it's up and running I'd do 'em a deal on a nice bit of Wilton offcut."
That's enough diary entries, Ed.