Monday, May 08, 2006

The Internet - A Beginner's Guide

With all the new 'blogs' popping up across the Ile de Thanet, some of you may be confused by all the technical jargon involved.

I've been blogging for quite a few months now, and I like to think I'm abreast of all the new developments. So here is my ECR Guide To The Internet.

DIAL-UP - a service provided by Pizza Hut

NARROWBAND - similar to the above, but your order is not guaranteed to arrive within 30 minutes

BROADBAND - a type of legume

JAVA - West of Krakatoa

WEBLOG - first person plural of the verb 'to blog'

WEBCAST - first person plural of the verb 'to bcast'

MP3 - what John Prescott was hoping for when he asked Patricia Hewitt and Margaret Beckett to join him in his office

iPOD - what Gordon Brown keeps his glass eye in at night

PODCAST - a way of hearing voices directly from the internet

CODCAST - as above but strictly for fisherfolk

GODCAST - time to review your medication


sfdretywu said...

And some of the older stuff that we don't hear too much about these days but could be useful for new users when they come across hard core net heads.

IRC - I'm not in a good mood.

FTP - Scottish toilet call.

USENET - a) Problem solving idea for landing fish. b) A declaration that a group of people are governing the Worlds' leading super-power nation.

HACKING - Exercising ones pony.

PHREAKING - Alarming somebody else's telephone.

GUI - Web pages that are supposed to be easier to use but can be a bit sticky.

RTFM - Radio station for people that can't handle the truth, so have to resort to drawing pictures of things.

Plus some older ones that just won't go away...

FLASH PLAYER - Yet another 'latest' version of an iPod.

AOL - Arsehole* on line.

COMPUSERVE - Same as AOL but used to be much bigger. Speaks for itself, I suppose.

CHAT ROOM - A place for ugly people to gather and masturbate.

sfdretywu said...

Being as it's bingo day at the Lido on tuesdays, shall I assume that's the reason for everything being so quiet here?
May have to pop over there myself next week, to see what all the fuss is about.
So, if I may be so bold, s*e y*u n*xt tu*sday!

Artyblartfast said...

More less than obvious abbreviations:
WYSINWYGTG; Invented by TDC stands for what you see is not what your're going to get. Usually reserved for plans, regeneration and big art projects.
DTP: Death Threats Permissible, unique to the Thanet labour group.
LMAO: What councillors do in private.
IPOD: I "Urinate" on Dissent - council motto.