East Of The Wantsum

I'm having such a super time here in the Channel Islands that I clean forgot to blog this week's East of the Wantsum! Here it is - as ever, you can big it up by clicking on it.

Yesterday I bumped into my former accountant Cyril, who now resides in these warmer financial climes and was parking up his SL65 AMC with the personalised number plate (MON 3Y) out the front of the 12 star Radisson I'm staying in. Apparently he's cooked up some whizz-bang tax avoidance scheme, and is taking me out to lunch today to discuss the finer points of what he's calling his 'Jersey Cash Cow' fund. Hurrah!

Harbour Views

With other local commentators seemingly obsessed by that old Chinese water chestnut at the moment, there's more than an air of ennui in the blogosphere. I mean, who could care less about water when there's plenty of champagne at the local Waitrose?

So what better way to brighten things up than to talk about accountancy? There's been some debate recently about whether Ramsgate's splendid port and harbour is a net contributor to the council's coffers or not, with campaigning biblio-bloke Michael Child unearthing some figures which appear to show us council taxpayers subsidising the place to the tune of more than 800,000 lovely pounds a year.

However, after a lengthy chat with my accountant Cyril (which frankly left me feeling more than a little lightheaded) I can exclusively reveal that on a day-to-day, cash flow basis the port, harbour and marina contribute substantially - to the tune of around half a million smackeroonies a year. The reason for the deficit is apparently asset depreciation - the amount the council considers everything has crumbled by over the year. Which, let's face it, given the way things are allowed to fall apart in Thanet, is always going to be substantial.

Further evidence comes in the form of a missive from the Ramsgate Marina Association which states that the marina alone makes a profit, after all expenses, in excess of £250K a year. You might be interested to know that TDC gaily includes this particular piece of campaigning literature in all the bills it sends to boat owners. Shades of Gerald Ratner telling everyone his jewellery was 'total crap' if you ask me!

Click on image to enlarge

Loaded

Interpol called this morning to say they had apprehended Cyril, my accountant, attempting to fly out of Schiphol Airport with a suitcase full of fifties. Apparently it's my money! Woo-hoo!

And to confirm the old adage that winners are grinners, my millionaire chum Sir Alan phoned to say he's going to be in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula for the weekend, and did I fancy doing lunch? Apparently he's here for the knees-up and fireworks tonight to celebrate the 150th anniversary of our Shirley Temple Yacht Club.

So things are looking up! No more shopping at Netto! I think I'll leave the sponsors on the blog, though, as I've got quite a queue of them lined up, and, as they say at one of those cheap supermarkets I've been visiting lately, every little helps!

Skint

Well that's that then. Cyril, my accountant, says I'm broke. Apparently splashing out 44 Gs on Del Boy's Robin Reliant yesterday was the final straw.

Still, it was kind of Cyril to call me from the airport on the first day of his trip to the Dutch Antilles. I know I've always said you can't get rid of me that easily, but as the old adage goes, there's no escaping taxes and death, and when I last looked the old tootsies were still wiggling so I must have succumbed to the former.

The only assets left are the TT, the Smart car, the Robin Reliant, the old cliff top mansion, and this blog. So from today I've got a new catchphrase:

WILL BLOG FOR FOOD