Twot

Flamin' Nora! It's way too sticky to be crafting my usual finely-honed prose! So here's a link to the Isle of Thanet Gazunder website. It's all there, you won't even have to cough up 70p. The only downside is that you can't line the cat's litter tray with your laptop once you've read it.

Right, I'm off for a cooler. You lot can talk amongst yourselves - you seem to be quite good at that!

Face Off

I've not been feeling myself recently, and it's nothing to do with any kind of improvement in my love life. So this afternoon it was off to the luxury, five star private hospital to have the jolly old sawbones look at what he persisted in referring to as 'a nasty patch' on the Eastcliff physog. Something to do with the ozone layer packing up in 1983, and a surfeit of Caribbean cruises.

Well, they don't hang around in these private places. None of this: 'Liver packed up, has it? We might be able to squeeze you in next March.' Nope, it was straight off to theatre for the op.

Now I know Bev, my agent, has been on at me to have a bit of work done to improve my chances with the showbiz Suits, but I'm not sure this was quite what she had in mind. Unless she's put me up for Phantom of the Opera or the remake of Scarface, that is. Oh well, for those of you obsessed with discovering my real identity, it shouldn't be too hard to spot a bloke wandering around Ramsgate with a blinking great gash down his right cheek. Although, come to think of it...

Puge Cock Up

Well what a disappointing old pile that Time Team special on Pugin turned out to be. All the money shots were of the famous Victorian architect's cliff top mansion, and bits of the West Cliff.

I know the occasional glimpse of The Lookout would have got old Nethercourt's pulse racing, but where was the rest of Ramsgate? And by that I mean our trend-setting, go-ahead, rinky-dink East Cliff.

No wonder Baldric finished the show beside Pugin's tomb in that flint monstrosatery behind the Grange with these words: 'It's amazing that this great man lies forgotten here in this part of England that time has been unkind to.' Precisement!

By the way, I've emailed Tony with the details of a good, reasonably priced plastic surgeon in Poland. I don't know about you, but he's looking like something he might have dug up on his own show these days.