Surge Of Sympathy

Sitting here in the luxurious splendour of my five star suite at the Bournemouth Travelodge, I can't help feeling sorry for anyone on the Ile de Thanet affected by last night's storm surge. Mind you, speaking personally, the old cliff top mansion stands at least 100 feet above any such watery nonsense, and Natasha, my housekeeper, reports it's as dry as a bone this morning.

TBH, quite why anyone would want to purchase a property at sea level these days, what with climate change and the world's oceans rising at the rate of a metre a year, gawd knows!

And it is with that tenuous link in mind that I congratulate the lovely Emma Irvine and her husband Ben on finally getting the keys to Albion House, high and dry on the trendy East Cliff in the Millionaires' Playground, off the council. They plan to spend a heap of dosh on refurbishing it, and opening it as a boutique hotel next year.

They recently held an open day, with guided tours of the pile. There's a video of that below.

And congrats, too, to that nice Dr Who lady, who's also finally got the council's thumbs up for her Project Motorhouse in the old Ramsgate Motor Museum! There's another video below the video below showing her plans for how that will pan out. So, it's all go Ramsgate!!!!!!!

Anyway, moustache as I need to devote a coupla minutes to polishing my Twankey ahead of this afternoon's matinee. Toodle-oo!

Shaving Mr Hanks

Photo: Disney

Ahoy Fannit fans! I've just got back from giving my old Twankey a burnishing in Bournemouth, in preparation for a four week run of Aladdin starting next Saturday! (Tickets available at all good websites.)

I must say, the back of that camel's giving me a bit of gyp, but such is the burden that we slebs have to bear.

And speaking of slebs, none other than my old showbiz chum Tom Hanks popped over to the clifftop mansion the other day for a spot of reminiscing about his early life on the septic isle. As regular readers of this rubbish will remember, Tom was born in Thanet while his father was serving with the USAF at Manston, and spent his formative months in Cliftonville. I must say, he didn't seem very impressed with the area, but he did appreciate the Turkish barbers in Ramsgate who relieved him of his Movember mo ahead of the gala premiere of his latest flick in Leicester Square!

And speaking of shaves, while I've been away the comments on this blog seem to have become rather unkempt, a bit like a 70s porn star's dangly bits. Dear-oh-dear-oh-dear-oh-dear-oh-dear-oh-dear-oh (Get on with it - Ed.) Quite who gives a flying twankey about the comings and goings at RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Maggie Thatcher Schipol International Airport, gawd knows.

And speaking of polls, I've just had one of my biggest ever! Yes, almost 200 of you voted on whether Thanet Council is fit for purpose, here's the full SP...

Question: Is Thanet Council fit for purpose?

Yes: 6% (13 votes)

No: 93% (182 votes)

An overwhelming vote there, confirming, er, what we already knew anyway.

So there you have it! Moustache now, and get on with carefully rehearsing my ad libs! Toodle-pip!

Mincers By The Sea

I see there's a Bandstand Bazaar being held here on Ramsgate's trendy, award winning East Cliff this Saturday. It'll feature carol singing, affordable arts and crafts, a Christmas light parade (eh?) and a fire sculpture finale. Although that last one's taking a bit of a risk in these parts if you ask me.

We're also promised mulled wine, beer, hot snacks and mince pies, so that and the old cashmere thermals should keep the Arctic blasts at bay. And there'll be mistletoe! So if your fantasy has always been a quick snog with our local caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Dave Green, or the lovely Mrs caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Elizabeth Green, now's your chance. Festivities start at midday.

I've also received an invitation from the delightful Mrs Gaddfather of Ale to tonight's Eastcliff Residents' Association Festive Quiz at Albion House (kick-off 7.30pm), which also promises to be a boozy affair. Unfortunately I'm tied up with my festive Twankey, so if anyone's got a pair of scissors...

PS: Comments are now back on. Please keep them to the point, or if you can't keep them to the point keep them funny. And if you can't manage either, sod off!

John Gone

How sad to wake up this morning to the news that the lovely John Inman has passed away.

I played a minor role in Aladdin alongside his Widow Twankey at the New Theatre Oxford many moons ago. Even though I was just starting out in the biz, he took me under his wing, and many a time bought me pink gins in the Gloucester Arms after the matinee. He loved the fact that he'd found an entire new fan base among the students, and they adored seeing him waft around town in his huge faux mink coat and bright yellow scarf, sporting big Polaroid sunglasses and a trilby.

Makes me feel very old, and much in need of a face lift.