Weather News

Whilst us Thanetians haven't yet been affected by the polar vortex that's clagged up most of North America, I'm not taking any chances, and have kitted out the old jalopy accordingly. Boris the Bulgarian, round at that corner garage, did a very nice job - at a very nice price!

We have, nonetheless, been experiencing the odd blow down here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula. According to the excellent FixMyStreet website (from which I have purloined the photo below) the hoarding around the Granville Eyesore here on the trendy East Cliff has succumbed, and is partially blocking a road...

I guess the owner, a Mr Jason Hough who lives in Surrey and bought the site for a paltry £165K, couldn't really be expected to give much of the proverbial tinker's, especially given that his recent planning application to build 1,235,987 flats there was rejected. I must say, though, that with last year's tragedy over at the Ramsgate flour mill still fresh in people's minds, and with the parlous state of the deep earthworks on the site, he's taking a bit of a gamble leaving it exposed like that.

Meanwhile I see the Ramsgate Society is offering a £100 reward for information leading to the conviction the knuckle-dragging vandals who desecrated the restored shelters on the front. Good luck with that!

And the Krug is on ice for the end of next month, when the deadline for those other knuckle-dragging vandals, SFP Ventures, to get on with their non-development at the Pleasurama Eyesore runs out. Our beloved council appears to have grown a full set of cajones this time, the indications being they will tell SFP to shove it where the sun doesn't shine (Margate? - Ed.). About time too.

My chum Councillor Motormouth has already congratulated the 1000+ Friends of Ramsgate Seafront group, which has, er, 1000-handedly carried out a high profile Facebook campaign to rid the town of this more-than-decade-long blot on our seascape. That seems a trifle premature, but what the heck! Well done chaps!

Now, what are we going to put in its place? Heritage theme park? Van Gogh Museum? Ginormagantuan Wetherspoons? Site-specific barker's nest installation? Answers below please.

Pip pip!

Update Jan 2014: The hoarding has now been repaired - hurrah!
Update Feb 2014: But now the rest of it has blown down - boo!

Just A Spoonful Of Sugar

Back from my fishing trip, but to be honest all I caught was crabs. Still, I'm in time for the Margit episode of The Apprentice (9pm, BBC1). Hurrah!

Tonight the Sugar Babes are given the task of rebranding the Arsonists' Playground, as if you hadn't heard already. Here's what the blurb says:

They must use all of their creative and marketing skills to rebrand one of Britain's most enduring tourist attractions [Shurely shome mishtake? - Ed] - the seaside resort of Margate. Once a jewel of the Kent coast, Margate still has a faded [i.e. carbonised] grandeur, but it is up to the teams to bring a much-needed sparkle[r] for the 21st century.

The teams have just two days to produce an eye-catching series of posters and an information-packed leaflet that will attract new tourists to the town. They must then pitch their campaigns to tourism industry experts [None of them local, one assumes, as there aren't any] and to the residents and dignitaries of Margate.

Hmmm. It'll be interesting to see if the much-previewed idea of attracting the pink pound wins the day with Sralan and the 'dignitaries'. Or will they go for burning the place down and building a car park, like so many before them?

Sralan and the Sugar Babes on BBC1
Daily Mail goes for the 'gay hole' angle, natch

Update: Our local red-top, the Thanet Times, appears to have bust all embargoes and run the full story ahead of tonight's show, even revealing the identity of who's fired. Hmm, not sure the Beeb will be too happy about that. If you don't mind having your surprises spoilt, click here to read on.

You're Torched!

Click here for full story on The Mirror website

Sugar Babes Set To Put Margate On The Map

News that my old millionaire chum Sir Alan Sugar will be setting his charges to the task of turning Margate into a boom town for the next series of The Apprentice warms the cockles of my proverbial. I feel certain that Margatonians will welcome the sight of him cruising around in his Bentley Continental Flying Toss, explaining to all and sundry the finer points of tearing them a new arsehole unless they set off a tourism explosion.

Of course, Sir A is already a patron of the Arsonists' Playground, with Eli's excellent Sugar Lounge named in his honour. And his catchphrase 'You're fired!' has been applied to many of the town's former attractions and heritage buildings. But what else can be done to tart up the town and get the tills tinkling? Here are my top tips for his budding apprentices:

- Rename town 'Marbella'
- Erect brown signs directing people to attractions that don't exist
- Close all public toilets so people have to pee in bars and restaurants
- Remove rotting seaweed from harbour and dump it in Broadstairs
- Convert museums into luxury apartments

Oops, sorry. I think the council have already tried those. Apart from the first one, of course!

Click here to read full story in Isle of Thanet Gazunder

Bentley Does It

Yikes! I see robbers made off in a Bentley after a raid on the Halifax in Ramsgate last night! They must have heard Our Gordon Master had stuffed it full of lovely taxpayers' dosh. Just goes to show that even the local millionaires round here are feeling the pinch!

What's that? Where was I last night, officer? Er, um...

Click here to read full story in Thanet Extra

This article has been approved by the Politburo

Painting The Town White

As we all know, Ramsgate is on the up and up. Not only is the trendy East Cliff's Granville Cine-theatre-ma getting a long overdue lick of paint, but this, erm, hut opposite our imposing railway station is also receiving the millionaire treatment.

One of our local bear hench bigwigs told me over a beverage the other evening that those nice people at Pierremont Cars have bought the place and are planning to run a swish car hire centre from it. Bentleys and Mercs only, one presumes. And so handily positioned for all those City types alighting from the futuristic fast train service!

Actually, I think it's a charming piece of art deco architecture which has been neglected for too long. Did you know it used to be the Ramsgate tourist information bureau? Yes, you probably did. And I think I know a bibliophile who might have a photo of it from its heyday. Michael, a link please!

Grow Your Own Turnip Centre

Holy Sewells! It's all gone a bit arty-farty on the isle of blogs today!

Cliftonville Chronicle devotes 17 pages to the unsurprising news that T S Eliot found inspiration for The Wasteland by sitting on a bench in Margate for a couple of months.

And Turneround Margate has a glowing paeon of praise to that chap from the circus who's been entrusted with designing the Anthea Turner Centre. The great man is quoted as saying:

“I think that the point of being an architect is to help raise the experience of everyday living, even a little… None of this means designing funny shapes or getting politicians to go ‘wow’ or making the media think you’re the new thing. It takes a lot of patience, a lot of experience, and a lot of unfashionable thought”.

Right. So let me get this straight. We're spending £17.4m (plus £8m wasted on the previous effort) on a building that will have the 'wow' factor deliberately designed out of it, that will be unfashionable, and will not be regarded by the media as anything new. And that's going to attract lots of people down from London to marvel at it, is it?

So being the da Vinci style genius I am, I thought I'd rustle up my own design (above) which definitely does have the 'wow' factor, and is certainly at the cutting edge of 'fashionable' and 'new'. I've never seen anything like it, that's for sure. Bentleys all round!

PS: Please don't let on that I designed my Turnip Centre in three minutes using that free Google SketchUp thingo, otherwise my £2m fee might be jeopardised. Thank you.

Loaded

Interpol called this morning to say they had apprehended Cyril, my accountant, attempting to fly out of Schiphol Airport with a suitcase full of fifties. Apparently it's my money! Woo-hoo!

And to confirm the old adage that winners are grinners, my millionaire chum Sir Alan phoned to say he's going to be in Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula for the weekend, and did I fancy doing lunch? Apparently he's here for the knees-up and fireworks tonight to celebrate the 150th anniversary of our Shirley Temple Yacht Club.

So things are looking up! No more shopping at Netto! I think I'll leave the sponsors on the blog, though, as I've got quite a queue of them lined up, and, as they say at one of those cheap supermarkets I've been visiting lately, every little helps!