Monday, November 03, 2008

Sugar Babes Set To Put Margate On The Map

News that my old millionaire chum Sir Alan Sugar will be setting his charges to the task of turning Margate into a boom town for the next series of The Apprentice warms the cockles of my proverbial. I feel certain that Margatonians will welcome the sight of him cruising around in his Bentley Continental Flying Toss, explaining to all and sundry the finer points of tearing them a new arsehole unless they set off a tourism explosion.

Of course, Sir A is already a patron of the Arsonists' Playground, with Eli's excellent Sugar Lounge named in his honour. And his catchphrase 'You're fired!' has been applied to many of the town's former attractions and heritage buildings. But what else can be done to tart up the town and get the tills tinkling? Here are my top tips for his budding apprentices:

- Rename town 'Marbella'
- Erect brown signs directing people to attractions that don't exist
- Close all public toilets so people have to pee in bars and restaurants
- Remove rotting seaweed from harbour and dump it in Broadstairs
- Convert museums into luxury apartments

Oops, sorry. I think the council have already tried those. Apart from the first one, of course!

Click here to read full story in Isle of Thanet Gazunder

11 comments:

steve said...

i hope they come up with ideas such as "amusement park"

Anonymous said...

"Late night shopping" would go down a bundle in Margate as long as the street light are turned on (or is that off).

Lil~Miss~Lunatic said...

Hey, why don't they put a gigantic wheel opposite the seafront...??

Anonymous said...

Will there be extra security on the Scenic on Wednesday? Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

Why not open Northdown house as an exclusiue lap dancing club for our leader and his friends !!!!

Anonymous said...

How about opening a new cinema to show the film "Last Orders" and Tracy Emin's film, Bob Hoskins' film and any others set or partially set in Thanet which we never normally get a chance to see?

Lucy Mail said...

Sounds like a sweet deal. And that Alan is a bit of a babe, to boot!
Certainly wouldn't mind the chance to develop a deep and meaningfull restraining order with that hunk, I can tell you!!!

Anonymous said...

You naughty piggy!

Anonymous said...

why can't we forget tourism and get real, all the money spenders go to spain. Lets get real jobs

Anonymous said...

Never let a Dago buy, would be more the spirit!

Anonymous said...

"All the money spenders go to Spain"? Haven't you heard that 65% of Brits are planning to holiday in the UK next year due to the economic downturn?