Thursday, November 06, 2008

News From Uranus

A report in this week's excellent yourfannitinnit (available free in the corner of all local stores, usually behind the twelve boxes of Haribo etc) that a US fighter pilot was scrambled from RAF Manston in 1957 to attack a UFO 'the size of an aircraft carrier' has prompted the following correspondence:

Picture if you will two young scamps out for a cycle ride in the late 50s. Let's call them Sandy and Roger. They are abducted by aliens. Having been given the usual rectal probing, which seems to be standard procedure in these situations, I would imagine the aliens accepted that there was no intelligent life to be found on Earth. So we have Sandy to thank for indirectly saving the planet.

However, I am worried there might be a trigger word that will activate his alien past. What could it be? 'Jobs', 'Axminster', or 'Tosser'? It might explain some of his erratic behaviour. I also wonder if Tiny Terry might not be of this world as he is unfeasibly small, and I think the dapper carapace might hide something the size of a hermit crab.

The Turner Centre could well be a UFO refuelling station as nobody really thinks it will ever hold any art, and it would explain the council's desire to get it built. And as any experienced time traveller will tell you the most revered alien group are the ANIHCs who require a time portal or GATEWAY to search other galaxies. Is it a coincidence that if you spell ANIHC backwards you get - CHINA? I think we should be told!


Hmmm. An interesting theory you speak. And while at it I am, how George Lucas millions can make, when only sentences ending in a verb can he write, another mystery it is.

Click here full UFO story in yourfannitinnit to read

15 comments:

Matt B said...

Sounds as sane as anything else published recently... honest.

Anonymous said...

It's no more far-fetched than Manston being a fifth London airport.

Anonymous said...

I really must object to you likening Terence Painter to a hermit crab.
As any lover of the shoreline knows Hermit crabs are an asset to coastal areas, and share no similarities to estate agents

Anonymous said...

I think it does make sense when you drive by the Thanet Earth green houses. Do you really buy the growing tomatoes thing. It looks like a large branch of kwik fit for flying saucers. A new set of Radials ?no problem Guv.

Anonymous said...

UFOs. Good news for Manston.

Anonymous said...

I once was taken up into a spaceship where I was met by grey beings with big sad eyes. They asked me to take my clothes off and then I was led through some chambers to a steamroom where I received to obligatory anal probing by two sweaty old men with grey hair. one sounded pompous and as if he was trying to hard to sound like he was upper middle class, which told me he was upper working class. The other had foul language, which alerted me to the fact that he was an old c*nt.

As I left I noticed a tescos carrier bag by the door.

Anonymous said...

Manston is an official NASA landing and first contact greeting site for UFOs. Not a lot of people know that.

Anonymous said...

I have seen brochures recently with a load of coffin dodgers called the Thanet Greeters.
I was under the impression it was for tourists visting Thanet, but maybe they are all NASA approved.
It is only a matter of time before you see a bunch of Klingons being shown round the Crampton museum, and Darth Vader having a Latte and fairy cake at the Oscar Road cafe

Anonymous said...

Not to mention the Daleks at Cecil Street council chamber who are very good at (ex)terminating things

the borg said...

Resistance (to our plans to concrete over everything) is futile.

Anonymous said...

Would it be a bad thing to get the visiting daleks to exterminate the indigenous Chav population?

Please Discuss in less than 250 words...

Nige

Anonymous said...

http://www.google.com/intl/xx-klingon/

Anonymous said...

nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'

Eastcliff Richard said...

Up the stairs, second door on the right. And do make sure you 'flush and brush' afterwards. I've had trouble with Klingons before!

Anonymous said...

With regards the council, it sounds like the famous,'It's life Dickie, but not as we know it!'