Dim Tim Sin

Holy green curries! Poor old Tim Garbutt - yes, he of the constant spamming of the comments on these jottings - has got himself in a bit of a Twitter pickle with top restaurant critic Jay Rayner!

It seems from a twatspat that's been twittering on over the past 24 hours that 'Mayor' Tim took on The Observer's foodie fanatic over a review of his Surin Thai restaurant in Ramsgate's Harbour Street. JR objected to his continuing use of the review, which is now something like a decade old.

But as we know from bitter experience, Tim is like a dog with a bone. Here's a slightly reheated and rehashed taste of the Twitter exchange:

Tim: Surin is 'one of the best Thai meals I have ever eaten', Jay Rayner, The Observer and BBC Food Critic. Ad inf.

Jay: Stop quoting (my review). It's out of date.... Every time you quote me I'll call you out for dishonesty.

Tim: Do not threaten.... How rude and childish... I'll contact the Observer to disown you... We can quote it as we wish.

Jay: Which bit do you not understand? I haven't been (to your restaurant) in ten years so I can't stand by that review.

Tim: Your ego is in overdrive.... Just stop the bullying.

Kevin Harris: (Who he? - Ed.) Best to avoid Surin it seems, the proprietor can't control himself.

Jay: I have no idea whether Surin is any good. But I'm sure that (Tim) is what my people call a bit of a schmuck... I don't expect people to try and promote through something a decade old.

Tim: After this nasty bullying you (Jay) are not welcome.

Jay: That will be the next quote Surin use: 'A Jay Rayner-free restaurant since 2014' :)

Tim: Your nastiness just silly.

Jay: I'm going to sit in the corner and think about what I've done.

Tim: It was a great piece of writing. Shame it's soured a bit.

Jay: TEN YEARS AGO. And do stop snivelling. It's unattractive.

Tim: Annoyed/ashamed of you. Expect better.

Jay: Restaurants change. Chefs lose their touch.

Tim: Bullyboy reviewer banned.

Jay: Does this mean you'll stop quoting my review? I mean, if you now hate me so much and I'm not welcome how can my review be valid...?... After this I can say I have no interest whatsoever in the restaurant you represent. Well done.

In my opinion, poor old Tim has just committed culinary hurry-curry there. My threat to come round and give the Surin an 'honest review' in response to him spamming my blog would now seem a trifle redundant!

Still, I don't expect we'll have to wait long for his perspective on it! Pip pip!

Big Deal Has Its Chips

Given all the hoo-ha about Margate's GB Pizza setting up shop in that London, it's about time to point out that Ramsgate is also doing its bit to export good grub to the rest of the nation!

The Bulgarian owner of Sunrise Fish and Chips here in the Millionaires' Playground tells me he's about to open another outlet down the road in Deal. That pretty much makes him a net exporter, given that anything beyond the Wantsum is viewed by most locals as suspiciously foreign.

Sunrise takes the accolade for best fish and chips in Ramsgate, in my humble proverbial. Lovely, freshly cooked food, humungous portions, and all served up with a smile and a small bill. What more could a Thanetian wish for!!??!

I dunno. They come over here, cooking good food, opening up successful businesses, employing people, contributing to the local economy. Tell Farage to put that in his Woodbine and smoke it!!

That Thatcher Funeral Buffet Menu In Full

STARTERS

Assorted Nuts

Pickled Scargills

 MAINS

 Minted Burgers

Roast Rump Of Argentinian Belgrano Beef With Delorsradish Sauce

Falkland Island Lamb Cutlets

French Fries

Irish Potatoes

Brussels Sprouts

Foraged Heath Turnips

DESSERTS

 Sour Grapes

Essex Mandarins

Nutty Slack

Cabinet Pudding

Eton Mess

Bombe Surprise

Finchley Blue Cheese And Crackers

DRINKS

 Bitter Pils

Chateau Callaghan 1979

Privatised Port

Coffee And Humbugs

Catering supplied by Nigel Lawson

Handbags at Dawn

Something For The Weekend

Apologies for the absence but I've been tending to the aged pater.

Mr Eastcliff Snr fell off the stage at the Derbyshire Miners Holiday Camp in Skegness earlier in the week whilst performing his world famous 'Man with Three Hands' skit. Thankfully he's now sitting up and joking with nurses at the Convalescent Home for Seaside Thespians (where every cardboard bedpan has 'Kiss me quick' round the rim (note position of quotation mark) so you can use it for the, er, usual and as a jolly titfer, preferably not in that order). But it means I've had to dash up and down the motorway every day to take him essential supplies.

So I haven't got the time to tell you about the start of Drunk Week in Boredstares, or what's happening down at Ramsgate's Royal Pavilion, or about the shelter that's being renovated over on our less trendy West Cliff. And no East of the Wantsum this week either (boo!).

That said, seeing as you all seem to have got your teeth well and truly stuck into fine dining following my previous item, I thought I'd share this with you...

So which restaurant here in the Millionaires' Playground would be displaying that outside their premises then? Not one of the Ile de Thanet's two Michelin mentioned restaurants, that's for sure! Could it be the one that the Observer described as 'mediocre', adding: 'Leave ------'s in peace', and which the Torygraph gave 2/5 stars to? I think we should be told?!!?! (This won't give you a clue.)

I'll leave you to chew on that.

A Word From Our Other Sponsor

As part of my new policy of carrying a modest amount of tasteful sponsorship ('selling out' in old money) here on the island's biggest and best blog, I'd like to introduce you to those nice people at Nice Things.

Based at the newly renovated Custom House in the Millionaires' Playground, Nice Things showcases local arts and crafts from, er, local artists and craftsmen. So if your other half has a birthday coming up or you need a last minute prezzie for that anniversary you've forgotten, or you just want to treat yourself, do pop along and browse their selection of paintings, ceramics, jewellery, trinkets, cards and wrapping paper.

Phew! The things I have to do to earn a wedge these days! If you'd like your name in front of thousands of readers a week, other slots are available. All it costs is less than a bottle of decent fizz a month, stuffed in cash into the customary brarn envelope, and deposited at an address of my choosing. Just email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

Another One For IsleOne

Do pop over to IsleOne and read my latest bilge, or the brown envelopes will stop arriving. Ker-ching!

A Word From Our Sponsor

For nigh on five years now, Thanet's Premier Blog has been bringing you all the news that's unfit to print, uncluttered by advertising or the need to plug some product, service or political doctrine.

Which means you haven't had to miss a single goal (ITV), or had useless tut from B&Q rammed down your throat just when you were about find out how to build a nuclear submarine (Quest).

But times are tough. Even for (Columbian Peso) millionaires like me. Yes, it's sad to say, dear reader, but I was recently reduced to buying a case of Shampagne from Aldi, steaming off the labels and replacing them with ones I'd photocopied from my last bottle of Krug. Shameful, I know, but after the tenth bottle nobody really noticed.

Where I work, in TV land, belts are being tightened. Top executives are seeing their pay slashed by up to 25%, leaving them with a meagre £400K-£500K a year to scrape by on. Nobody can afford to keep a Georgian town house in Chelsea and a villa in Tuscany on that sort of money.

So after much consideration I've persuaded the board of Eastcliff Richard (Virgin Islands) (2005) Ltd to allow some tasteful sponsorship. You won't be confronted by the kind of Googlesplatter you see on some of the more tawdry Thanet blogs. Just the occasional ad for useful things, carefully selected and road-tested by yours truly.

My first sponsor is IsleOne, a splendidly informative and superbly designed website chock full of luvvly Fannit fings, brought to you by top webmeisters freshfishdesign. I urge you all to pay a visit.

And if you'd like your name in front of thousands of readers a week, other slots are available. All it costs is less than a bottle of decent fizz a month, stuffed in cash into the customary brarn envelope, and deposited at an address of my choosing. Just email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

Ramsgate To Get Jamie Oliver Treatment

I'm not talking here about the recent handbags at dawn between Sainsbury's favourite chef and the ConDem Health Minister, Andrew Lansley.

No, it appears that Jamie Oliver's TV production company Fresh One is making a Hotel Inspector style series for Five (Channel Five in old money). And their first target is a restaurant in Ramsgate!

They've imaginatively called the show The Restaurant Inspector. I think you get the idea. But if you haven't got the idea, the idea is that they take my old chum Fernando Peire to a restaurant, and he inspects it. Fernando, as the cognoscenti will know, is the boss of ever-booked sleb-haunt The Ivy, where I've spent many a happy hour listening to Kerry Katona howling into her pud on the other side of the room.

According to the Press Association, the hour-long programme, due to air this autumn, will see Fernando take on a yet un-named family-run restaurant in Ramsgate. Well, un-named until now, that is, as I can exclusively reveal that it's the excellent Alexandra Ristorante on Harbour Parade, where filming has been taking place over the past few months.

Well, what's the point of being a media luvvy if you can't not keep a secret?! Mwah!

Makeover

As you can see, Thanet's Premier Blog has been revamped! My team of highly trained graphic designers have been working for weeks on the relaunch, combining all the familiar elements that has made Eastcliff Richard a must-read for tens of fousands of Fanetians every month with cutting edge internet elan!

Hope you like it!

Real Deal

Unlike some ferry companies I can't mention, LD Lines seems like a proper, reliable outfit and are forging ahead with advertising their new service between Ramsgate and Oostende (Ostend in old money).

48 sovs for a car and up to five passengers return seems like a snip. In fact by going direct to the LD Lines website I shaved another three quid off that. For comparison I tried booking Norfolk Lines from Dover to Dunkerque (Dunkirk in old money) with five people and a car, and they wanted £27 more!

LD Lines have also constructed a full page on their website about the delights of the Millionaires' Playground, so it's just possible we could get some visitors from t'other side in return, a stark contrast to the tourism-job-sapping Manston - Edinburgh flights.

And while we're on the topic of deals, don't forget that Ramsgate's very own Eddie Gilbert's, easily the best fish and chip shop in Thanet if not Kent or indeed the entire world, is currently offering free chips with every large portion of fish to celebrate National Chip Week. The offer ends tomorrow, so hurry! Sadly LD Lines have left EG's, Age & Sons and many other top Ramsgate eateries off their website, so they need to pull their finger out there!

Click here to book LD Lines Ramsgate Ostend
Click here for Ramsgate page on LD Lines website
Click here to read more about free chips at Eddie Gilbert's
Click here for more about National Chip Week on Guardian blog

Reasons To Be Cheerful

Kent Restaurant Awards have now got their act together and sent me a press release, and it seems we have even more reasons to celebrate here in Ramsgate than I thought on Saturday!

The awards were held last Thursday, and in addition to Age & Sons winning Best Cafe as already reported, Eddie Gilbert's got a gong for Best Newcomer, Harvey's for Best Launch, while La Magnolia was voted Best Italian. Yet more evidence that the Millionaires' Playground if fast becoming foodie heaven too! Here's the full SP:

Best Café
Age & Sons Cafe-Bar - Ramsgate

Best Takeaway
Prince of India - Faversham

Best Oriental Restaurant
Thai Square - Sevenoaks

Best International
Buenos Aires - Maidstone

Best Indian Restaurant
Raja of Kent - Tenterden

Best Italian Restaurant
La Magnolia - Ramsgate

Best French Restaurant
Le Restaurant Fabrice - Teynham

Best English Restaurant
Richard Phillips at Chapel Down - Tenterden

Best Gastro Pub
George and Dragon - Ightham

Best Hotel Restaurant
Eastwell Manor - Ashford

Best Seafood Restaurant
Hythe Bay Seafood Restaurant - Hythe

Best Gourmet Restaurant
Thackeray’s - Tunbridge Wells

There were also three special awards for:

Best Newcomer
Eddie Gilbert's – Ramsgate

Best Wine Cellar
Montrose – Tunbridge Wells

Best Launch
Harvey’s - Ramsgate

Over 6500 members of the public nominated and voted for more than 300 establishments across the county. A panel of expert judges visited a shortlist of more than 70 venues, assessing the quality of the cooking, service and ambience, awarding additional marks for the use of local produce of sound provenance using sustainable farming practices.

'The evening was a tremendous success,' said OrderOnlineNow founder Andrew Frisbee, who added, 'We hope the Awards will help to raise culinary standard to a new level and put Kent on the gastro tourist map.'

East Of The Wantsums

Lumme! Ploughing through a plenitude of emails that have been festering in my inbox for the last few weeks, I was reminded that I've also neglected to publish the last three EotWs on the blog.

For those of you in the dark, every week I do a hilarious strip for the Isle of Thanet Gazunder, our local blue top. Now, when I say 'hilarious', I do understand that there are those of you out there who think it's utter gusset. But in my defence, it's bloody hard to come up with drivel like this week in, week out, especially when you're not being paid for it. The only thing that keeps me going is the crystal meth my kind friend Josh supplies from that clapped out HMO on the corner.

By the way, if there are any publications out there who would be prepared to help supply my habit by offering real money for this sort of cods, do get in touch!

Watch Out, There's A Scammer About!

No, nothing to do with a particularly messy night out in the company of George Michael, as the above ad, taken from one of those 1960s East Kent Critics that our local Biblio-Bloke put up on his excellent thanetonline blog a while back, might suggest.

No, this is something altogether more serious. I've heard from a few of my contacts in the Thanet restaurant trade that an internet scammer is doing the rounds, sending out emails requesting block bookings over the festive season. Here's a typical example:

Hello,
I am Dr. Allen Bradley ,the director of Staff welfare MCL Offshore UK Ltd. I want to book dinner for my group of workers .
They will all come for dinner in your place as from December 2nd, 3rd, 4th by 6:30pm each day.
They are 15 in number.Get back with your response if there is availability in your restaurant.
Kind Regards,
Dr. Allen Bradley
Tel : +447045705287

From the weird grammar, phrasing and punctuation, you might possibly have smelt a rat already. If not, and you respond, this is what you get:

Hello.

Many thanks for your response.We will appreciate if you prepare a 3 course menu for my group for the dinner No special dietary.

We will be happy for any suggestion you may render since this is our first dinner in your restaurant

Kindly provide the total cost of the dinner for the 15 persons for the 3 night dinner so as to provide my credit card details for full payment confirmation.

Your response will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Dr. Allen Bradley
Mobile Number : +447035962564

You really should have twigged something's up by now, but continue the correspondence and here's the clincher:

Hello,

Thanks for your reply and assistance so far and we will book for the dinner.I will make a payment deposit of Euro 2,000 which will cover their meals and drinks in advance because we are not sure of what your guests might like to drink or how much they are likely to consume.

Moreover, we were able to make an arrangement with a pre-paid car hiring agent who will supply the guests with vehicles that will be used by the guests to and for your place. So in order not to share my credit card information with a third party, I have decided that only you will have to handle my credit card information.

More so, the prepaid agent and do not have the facility to make a manual charge to a credit card if not present. On my own side, I would have sent him his money directly, but am on the high sea work on an OIL RIG. There are no bank or moneygram here where I can make payment directly to the agent.

So once you are in receipt of my credit card details,you are required to charge the total amount of Euro 9,000 + processing fees on my card,then deduct Euro 2,000 as initial payment deposit for the dinner(meals and drinks) and send the balance of Euro 7,000 to the prepaid car / ticketing agent whose information I will forward to you once this is confirmed.

Confirm this and provide me with your
(1) YOUR FULL NAME
(2) FULL ADDRESS
(3) PHONE NUMBERS for office record.

All checks and balances shall be done with the group leader on the final day of their dinner.

Please be advised that we shall pay for all expenses and fees incurred as a result of the entire amount to be charged.

Kind Regards,
Dr. Allen Bradley
Tel : +447035946663
Mobile : +447035948143
Fax : +447075020654

Your response at this point really should be F*CK YOU, DICKWAD! Because, of course, what will happen is that he'll send you his (fraudulent) credit card details, but will force you to make the transfer to his 'car-hiring agent' (him or his mate) before you can put the transaction through. So you'll be down €7000, as the credit card will turn out to be a fake and worth nought. Oh, and he'll have your personal details too, so he can start cloning your identity.

There are all kinds of variations on this little earner. And although 'Dr Allen Bradley' or 'Allan Brad' seem to be his preferred monikers, he sometimes uses a foreign name to disguise the poor English. He's even been known to do this over the telephone. But his MO always seems to be the same - multiple restaurant bookings.

So be warned, bar owners and restaurateurs of Thanet! If someone wants to book a huge table three nights on the trot, it could be an early Christmas present. In all likelihood, however, it'll leave you with a very expensive hangover in the New Year!

Click here to read more about the 'Dr Allen Bradley' restaurant scam

Dine And Whine

Regular contributor Samantha writes:

We went to Harveys Fish Market, the new restaurant on Ramsgate Harbour last night. It's beautifully kitted out but a bit pricey for Ramsgate I feel. It was interesting to see the rather posh barman (he's their wine-buyer, apparently) turning away drinkers with a polite 'We're a restaurant not a pub'. The finish of the venue looks good but will Thanet folk pay £13 (minimum) for a main course with at least £3 for any side orders? My risotto, whilst nice, was literally three dessert spoonfuls with two lettuce leaves.

If Ramsgate is the 'new millionaires' playground' [Yes it is - Ed] perhaps it'll succeed but at the moment... Mind you, it's owned by the same guy who owns the Blazing Donkey where the lunch bill for a very modest meal was so ridiculous we never went back!! I asked for a starter to be a main and you should have seen the size of the portion - you needed a magnifying glass to spot it!!

If you give it a whirl do let me know. I want these new places to succeed otherwise it'll only be Thorley's that'll be left.

PS: Didn't realise the place on the harbour had gone as the advertising boards are still in situ but there seems to be a 'for sale' sign on the building. Didn't walk the whole way as it looked empty.

Well, that's one review of the new plaice place. I'll hang fire for further reports before I consider it for my Recommended Thanet Nosheries in the sidebar on the right. And yes, the caff at the end of the east pier is no more. It was called the Harbour Lights, but they went out a few months back I gather.

The Jewel In The Turd

Reader Dennis writes:

Last Tuesday lunchtime my wife, daughter and myself donned the old fire proof vests and with much trepidation left the Birchington bunker bound for the Indian Princess in Chargate. But for your recommendation we would not have been so brave.

What a gem this turned out to be. But in many ways surreal.

Inside the food was magnificent, the service impeccable and the décor wonderful. Outside a constant parade of knuckledraggers in regulation baseball caps with slavering pit bulls straining at the leash passed before our eyes. Across the road a dumped mattress propped up against a wall jostled for position with a pile of rubbish. I wondered if I should contact former denizen Tracy Emin to see if she might like to claim it for her own in the 'unmade bed' style of modern art.

But back to the restaurant though. It's streets ahead of most of the opposition – a bit like your blog – I'm sure this won't give you a big head as you probably already have one. But there, you have a lot to be big headed about. Bugger – I've done it again.

Kind words indeed, Dennis, kind words indeed. It just so happens I'm off to the IP myself ce soir, so I'll keep an eye out for the mattress. According to their latest mail-out, they've been visited by the Michelin people, so I guess it's a race between them and Ramsgate's own Age & Sons as to who gets the island's first coveted Michelin star.

Would the revelation that the IP is Our Sandy's favourite restaurant help swing it in favour of A&S? I do hope so!

Local Blogger Wins Lottery

Like most people reduced to an impecunious state, I'm now doing the Lotto. And so far it's paying off! For a two quid stake, I've just won £10! That's eight more pairs of Tesco bloomers! Ironically, my win was courtesy of two matched knackered old jumbos on a Quantum of Solace scratch card. I'll never complain about those blessed training flights again.

Talking of which, did anyone else spot the quote of the week in today's Gazunder? That nice young Kiwi Matt Clarke, who heads up RAF London Kent etc etc, apparently told a meeting of St Lawrence residents: 'Newer planes use less fuel and therefore omit (sic) less noise.' If that's the case, bring back the old Oasis Hong Kong gas guzzlers toute de suite, Matt! Oops, sorry, there I go again.

Pants

Being a much impoverished millionaire these days, I've had to cut down on a few things.

So recently I found myself in Wilkinsons (the horror!) buying two pairs of socks for something like 50p. I say 'socks', as that's how they were described on the pack. I think a more accurate description might have been 'foot tubes' as they lacked any sort of shape that even approximated the aforementioned epithet. Still, they did leave a two inch layer of fluff all over the old Eastcliff plates when I took them off, thus leaving the tootsies nice and warm in bed.

A much better buy were the three pairs of Tesco undercrackers I got for three quid the other day. Well elasticated, quality gusset, a snip! Well known underwear activist Jeremy Paxman should get straight over there, given his recent grumblings about M&S Grundies. Not only that, but during a telephone conversation with another Thanet blogger, it transpired he was wearing Tesco kecks too! Can you guess who it was?

Santa Gord

Ordinarily at this time of year I would, of course, be rehearsing for my Big Down Under tour, or preparing to pull off my festive Twankey at the Neasden Hippodrome. Alas, however, despite many a meeting with casting directors and agents, the only shouts of 'It's behind you!' appear to be referring to my career. Yes, I'm afraid it's true dear reader. What with that, my shrunken assets, and my credit all crunched, I stand before you a much impoverished millionaire. More like a half millionaire. Or perhaps a quarter millionaire. In Zimbabwean dollars. The old ones. Before they revalued. Sniff. Er, anyhow...

So words are not enough to thank our lovely Labour government for the sackful of goodies they gave away in the Queen's speech yesterday! I need no longer worry about my cliff top mansion being repossessed, and they'll provide me with all the Krug and caviar I can quaff. All I have to do is ask! Praise the Gord! Here's what else is on the list I just posted to 'Santa, c/o 10 Downing Street':

1. Bentley Continental Flying Toss (silver)
2. Beach house in Malibu (for hob-nobbing with other celebs)
3. Mont Blanc pen to replace the one I lost in Joss Bay two years ago
4. Two hours of private shopping in Harrods
5. Perpetual free pass to the Ivy

Hurrah! I just know this is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Cars But No Cash At WWX

Yes, dear reader, even I've had to curtail my Saville Row splurges, what with my assets shrinking and my credit being all crunchified. So it was that yesterday I found myself at M&S over in Westworld Chaos trying on a £100 suit. Really, it shouldn't happen to a celeb of my standing.

However, I thought I'd make the best of a bad job by doing some research. I asked this question of every shop assistant I encountered: 'Been busy over the last few weeks?' Without exception I got a shrug of the shoulder and a clear indication that it's as quiet as a church proverbial over there when it comes to flashing the cash. Plenty of lookers. Not many buyers.

So I therefore declare that the place is officially in a downturn/recession. And only a fistal stimulus of titanic proportions from our local government will save the place from going the way of Iceland. Well, if that Robert Peston can make a name for himself by doom mongering, I don't see why I should miss out!

Top Banana

Now that many of us Thanet bloggers run a live feed from other local blogs on their sites (see Recent Thanet Natter in my sidebar on the right), I've noticed some competition has crept in. I won't mention any names Tony, but timing your publication so that you go straight to the top won't get you anywhere. It's certainly not the sort of cheap ploy I shall be stooping to!