Kick ASS 4!

Not the soggy-bottomed exploits at tomorrow's Water Gala, over in the Dickensians' Playground. Nor the feeble sequel that's just arrived at your local Ritzy.

No, I'm talking about something much bigger and better! For, fellow millionaires, it's that time of year again! Time to go and gawp at sculptures made out of a mango and 400,000 used coat hangers. Time to watch a fat lady in a smock warble La Traviata on the beach. Time to see grown men and women dressed as ferrets perform the hula dance whilst chanting verses from T S Eliot's The Waste Land.

Yes, over the three days of this coming bank holiday weekend, the Millionaire's Playground will be playing host to the fourth annual Ramsgate arts festival, more commonly known as A Summer Squall (or ASS for short)!!!!

It promises to be a packed programme, and I suppose now that Thanet Duffer Central has completely abandoned everywhere other than the Arsonists' Playground as a place to hold events, we should support it with all our Ramsgatonian might. Being, as I am, one of the island's leading intellectuals, my particular perennial faves are the Treasure Hunt on Sunday, which takes you on a ramble around Ramsgate's hidden gems, and Ramsgate's Got Writing Talent at the Shirley Temple Yacht Club on Monday, which gives wannabe writers the chance of an introduction to a top literary agent.

But there's loads more, with open studios all over the magnificent Ile de Thanet, a boat parade, traditional family games, a tiny art gallery in a caravan, retro re-creations of old seaside photos, street theatre, a market, comedy musical mayhem, and bands down on our lovely front, headlined by rockin' Si Cranstoun! (Who he? - Ed.) Plus, of course, the aforementioned operatic warbling on the beach.

You can download the full festival programme by clicking here.

Right, it only remains to wish you lots of ASS fun over the old BH weekend! Pip pip!

Squall In The Mind

Reader Richard (good name!) writes to remind me that today sees the start of Ramsgate's first ever Summer Squall festival, packed with more than firty Fannitty fun-filled frolics over the course of the bank holiday weekend and designed to put the Cannes of Kent back on the creative map where it belongs.

Dicky's photo shows artist Ben Parry's, er, sonic junk machine outside the Custom House at last night's launch. Apparently this Heath Robinson device will be floating around the town over the next three days, banging and clanging and whirring away to its electric heart's content.

Other highlights include the world's smallest solar powered cinema (seats eight) showing Thanet seaside promotional films from the 50s, 60s and 70s, the world's biggest percussion band made out of recycled old junk, a heritage treasure hunt on Monday morning, thrilling theatre at the King's Church Hall in the centre of town, and a chance to get your book published with an X Factor style writing competition at the Shirley Temple Yacht Club, also on Monday morning.

What with the weather turning up trumps, and all this stuff going on, it looks like the Millionaires' Playground is the place to be this weekend!

Click here for more details on the yourfannitinnit website
Click here to download full Summer Squall programme

Ramsgate Rocks!

Er, well, no it doesn't actually as I gather that Ramsgate Rocks (the powerboat festival but without the powerboats) ain't happening this year. Instead we're to be treated to two new, slightly more arty events in the space of a couple of weeks.

Whilst the Dickensian east side is currently indulging itself with mass bladder-on-a-stick waving, and the seedy north side gears up to get its baps out with its annual Titty Show, here on the trendy south side we're ramping up for Monster Bass (14-15 Aug) and A Summer Squall (28-30 Aug).

Monster Bass (nothing to do with drum 'n' bass or turning it up to 11, as most locals seem to think) will feature a huge papier mâché fish in a torchlight procession to the sea, along with street entertainers and a market. This is TDC's offering.

A Summer Squall is backed by our very own teeny-tiny council and promises 'events around the town with something for every age - music, theatre, film, writing and even archaeology!' Highlights will include the world's smallest solar powered cinema, a milk float that's been transformed into a 'sonic wind machine', and a percussion group that uses old tut to make a banging sound.

Quite how Ramsgate has transformed in the space of a year from a place where lardy, tattooed pit bull tuggers in nothing but thongs can get down the front with a bag of Stellas and jiggle their lobster coloured moobs to a Gloria Gaynor impersonator belting out 'I Will Survive', to a place where sophisticated DFLs swan around spouting off about 'The Legend of Lomea', art and architecture is quite beyond me.

Perhaps the fast train has something to do with it. Perhaps I've had something to do with it, with all my talk about the 'Millionaires' Playground'. If so, I'm sorry, as I actually quite enjoyed the atmosphere at Ramsgate Rocks. And I'm sure Frank Thorley and the other establishments on the strip enjoyed the tens of thousands it stuffed in their coffers! Maybe next year we could have a bit of both?

Rotters Remove Ramsgate Pansies

I'm indebted to reader Chris for this one. He writes:

Has anyone else noticed that the council dug up all the beautiful pansies from Albion Place just before the Dynamo Day celebrations last week (photo attached)? It was previously a riot of colour. Are they determined to make us Ramsgate council taxpayers second class Thanet citizens?

Haha! Well, er, 'Yes' is the answer to that one Chris (natch). They've probably taken the flowers over to Margate, where they're spending tens of thousands on tarting up Marine Gardens by the clock tower.

Meanwhile I see the latest issue of our beloved council's very own Pravda - Thanet Tatters - has omitted any mention of Ramsgate Town Council's Summer Squall arts festival at the end of August, choosing to publicise TDC's Monster Bass bash [What that? - Ed] instead.

And I'm also told by my spies on the less salubrious West Cliff here in the Millionaires' Playground that, as of the beginning of this month, you'll have to pay the Cecil Square duffers £5.50 for an hour of tennis if you want to use the courts in Spencer Square. As one correspondent puts it:

They've opened up a hut and got a council employee to book the courts and take the money. What happens when the courts are empty, are they still paying someone by the hour to watch the courts? How can that be viable?

It's not that I object to paying but it's the lack of consultation with local residents who use the courts that bugs me. I don't use the courts very often but I know a lot of local kids use them. In these credit crunch times I think the price will be a stumbling block for families/kids wanting to use the courts and get some fresh air and exercise. We've got an Olympics coming for goodness sake why does the council want to prevent young people taking up sport? Stupid bloody council make me sick.

Still, I suppose it's better than them squandering the shiny side of £80K on a vacuous attempt to sell the tennis courts off for development!

Download the summer issue of Thanet Tatters
Britain in Bloom sabotaged by mystery poisoner in Daily Wail
More on Summer Squall arts festival from Ramsgate Arts

Ballroom Blitz

I'm indebted to reader Steve for fettling the above out of BoobTube - Saturday's 'flash dance' in the centre of our lovely Millionaires' Playground. Look out for the doofus in the purple top!

Despite the merits or otherwise of their dancing abilities, it seems these Ramsgate Arts people are a force to be reckoned with, and I hear that plans for their Summer Squall three day festival over the August bank holiday are coming on apace.

Meanwhile our beloved council are planning their own, er, 'Monster Bass' arts bash in Ramsgate as a spoiler, based on some bogus myth they've invented about a, um, monster bass. And apparently they've nabbed half of the Ramsgate Arts chaps' best ideas! Er, why? Is it because they can't bear the thought of talented Thanet individuals getting together to organise shindigs which might well attract more visitors than theirs? Heaven forbid that any knees-ups on the island might be out of the Cecil Square duffers' control!

Not that, when the council's compulsory fun happens, much seems to have ever been in control in the first place.

Click here to go to Ramsgate Arts website

Dancing In The Street

Reader Steve writes:

I thought you might like this photo of the 'flash dance' that took place in Ramsgate town centre this morning. About 30 dancers dressed in pinnies with mops danced for about ten minutes as part of the Ramsgate Arts Take Art Take Pride series of events.

Well, thanks for that Steve. One question though. Was the town centre any cleaner afterwards?

Update: I see someone's now popped a video of this event on BoobTube:

Arse Gratia Fartis

Testes! Ego am finding this Latin mullarcius a bit of a dolor in the rectum! So I'll probably just restrict the old lingua latina to headlines from now on.

Any-old-quam, I hear that a date and name for the putative Ramsgate Arts Festival has finally been, er, finalised. So put 28, 29 and 30 August (August Bank Holiday weekend in old money) in your diaries for... da-dah... Summer Squall! Click on the pic to go to their websitium.

Quite what they'll be putting on, though, is anyone's guess. I'm thinking jugglers, fire eaters, wind sculptures and scary-yet-somehow-arty clowns. But what do I know? (Don't answer that). The Ramsgate summer season is filling up, what with the rotters at Thanet Council organising their own rival Monster Bass arts festival in the Millionaires' Playground, the possibility of an open air rock festival in the park, Ramsgate Week courtesy of the Shirley Temple Yacht Club, and another rock concert to go alongside powerboat racing in September.

I haven't heard much talk about Ramsgate Rocks though. Usually it's in July and diverts enough folding into the pockets of the bar owners on the front to keep them in Range Rover V8s with personalised number plates (class!) all year round!

Rubbish Photo

No actually, not the Gazette's front pager last Friday although at least one eagle-eyed reader (thanks L!) pointed out that the banner headline under the Gazette masthead says all you need to know about the contents really. (I'm not sure Dickie will thank me for saying that, what with his strip for the paper and all. Still, he says he doesn't get paid for it so no loss if they sack him eh?)

No, I'm talking about this story on page 8...

...telling us all about the results of the Love, Hate, Hope exhibition in Ramsgate in August. The exhibition was a huge success, with hundreds of visitors pinning their loves, hates and hopes up on postcards at the exhibition space, a disused shop in the town centre. The whole thing got a great write up by the Chair of the British Urban Regeneration Association in the Estates Gazette (click here to read the story) and you can watch the excellent film that the ladies of the Ramsgate Arts Festival made on YouTube (click here for that).

All good so far and I'm not griping about that. But here's the clincher. As the Gazette reported, top love was Ramsgate's beaches. So why the bloody hell did they illustrate it with a 'flipped' photo of Viking Bay in Broadstairs????


Sxx

Shop Tactics

Having nothing better to do after lunch, I thought I'd tool along to the Love, Hate, Hope Ramsgate exhibition in the high street, in one of them disused shops just up from Argos. The place was rammed! You couldn't get in for BBC TV crews, Radio Kent reporters and all manner of Ramsgatonians viewing the ten minute film they've made about the town, projected onto a giant TV screen.

Among the local luminaries featured in the epic are Gerry O'Ramsgate, Ralph 'Mr Wamsgate' Hoult, Michael Child and, er, another Michael Child. (How many Michael Childs (or should that be Michael Children?) does one town need?) Plus a whole plethora of people who'd just been stopped in the street and asked what they loved, hated and hoped for Ramsgatewise. There are three boards up too, where you can write your 'love', 'hate' or 'hope' on a postcard anonymously. A bit like this blog really. Except there were literally hundreds of postcards littering the walls, many with quite hilarious comments, and even two in the 'love' section with Eastcliff Richard written on them! OK, OK, I'll admit I wrote one of them, but it proves that I've got at least one other adoring fan out there! The whole thing is going to be featured on BBC1's South East Today tonight, so do tune in. And do get along to the exhibition, it's on until 8pm tonight, and again tomorrow from 11am to 8pm.

On the way out I heard one of the lovely ladies from the Ramsgate Arts Festival, who organised the shindig, trying to persuade a local to come in and watch the film. 'I ain't got ten minutes,' said the local. 'I would if it was free.' 'But it is free,' responded the RAFer. 'I fought you said it was ten,' came the response. Hey-ho, you've got to love the place, ain't yer!

Click here for Ramsgate Arts Festival

Lights, Camera, Ramsgate!

Don't be surprised if you bump into a film crew in the Millionaires' Playground over the next couple of weekends. The lovely ladies at Ramsgate Arts Festival will be out and about shooting for their upcoming exhibition: Love, Hate, Hope Ramsgate. They tell me they'll be aiming to interview Ramsgatonians, Thanetians, DFLs, and anyone else they can grab hold of about what they, er, love, hate or hope for the town.

The film will be shown at a high street venue from 13-15 August and who knows, as Ramsgate's foremost, best loved and most popular resident I may just be persuaded to drop my secret identity and parade the old chiselled features in front of the lens! For more details email ramsgateartsfestival@gmail.com or follow this link to ramsgateartsfestival.co.uk

Your Chance To Join The RAF

Having perfected my clothes peg routine down at the excellent Ramsgate Rocks shindig yesterday, I'm just about ready to roll it out as performance art, perhaps with the added frisson of a crocodile clip on each earlobe. And as luck would have it, I've received a communication from the lovely ladies at the RAF (Ramsgate Arts Festival), who are looking for chaps of my calibre to join their steering committee for the inaugural festival, which is due to take place next year. They write:

A group of Ramsgate residents has formed itself into a charitable organisation with a view to organising an annual event/festival located in Ramsgate and surrounds. The steering committee have thus far:

• constituted the organisation
• secured seed funding
• worked with a creative consultant in order to work towards a creative vision
• explored some preliminary funding avenues
• planned a trailer event to happen in the town this summer

The plan for the event/festival so far is:

• A three-day event, initially – Friday, Saturday, Sunday
• Centrepiece – a big event on the Saturday, probably stretching into the evening – centred on the Harbour
• Multiple events over the three days linked to the vision

We feel it should be:

• Focussed on the elements that are central to the area – sea, wind, sand, sun, with connotations of speed, energy, change etc in nature and the environment. Elements that shape the town’s geography, history, culture, economy and which will contribute to shaping its future.
• Authentic in drawing on the people of the town, their traditions, history, culture and aspirations.
• A festival that creates ritual and ceremony out of that authenticity and that creates stories and allows stories to be told.
• A festival that allows the widest participation and engages with the widest interpretations of art and culture.

What do we need now?

We are very conscious that we need to build a Management Committee/Board that is diverse and that properly reflects the different individuals, communities, experience and expertise in Ramsgate. We would particularly welcome expressions of interest from the following:

• Young people
• Men of any age
• People with community/voluntary experience in the area
• People with business/financial/legal experience/expertise
• People with experience of local government
• People who have lived in Ramsgate all their life
• People from under-represented communities e.g. disabled people, people from ethnic minority groups, older people
• Artists – from any discipline within the field of arts
• Anybody with a passion for Ramsgate, with a desire to make a difference and with a can-do attitude!

You will need to be able to commit time and energy to the project. We are currently meeting once a week and there are a variety of tasks that need to be undertaken outside of meeting times.

If you would like to join the Board, please contact us at ramsgateartsfestival@gmail.com

RAF Cleared For Take-Off On Runway 2010

My spies at last night's well-attended kick-off meeting for the proposed Ramsgate Arts Festival tell me the decision was taken to postpone the inuagural shindig until next year, rather than attempt a crash landing this August.

Well, as it's going to be the bestest, loveliest arts fest in Thanet's bestest, loveliest town there's no point going off half cock, is there?

RAF Ready For Take-Off In Thanet!

Before all you planespotters out there start getting over-excited and fiddling with your joysticks, I'm talking about the first ever Ramsgate Arts Festival.

The delightful Harriet Jump-Jet (Now that's just silly - Ed.), co-proprietor of the island's premier restaurant here in the island's premier town, is planning the shindig for the end of August and has asked the island's premier blog to rally the troops. Or is that ground crew? Er, ahem, well anyway if you're interested in getting involved and demonstrating that Ramsgate still has a thriving arts scene, despite cynical attempts to syphon off all the money and resources to the seedy north side of the island, then get along to Age & Sons for 6.30pm this Tuesday 17 March. The meeting will be upstairs in the restaurant.

Click here for Age & Sons website