And living in Cliftonville. Or Ramsgate. Or Herne Bay. Take your pick.
Well, it took a long, expensive lunch and several bottles of Australian Leg Opener to persuade Samantha to hand over the password to my blog. Apparently she thought it would be amusing to kill me off. Hmm. Not sure I was particularly amused by that. She also seems to have gone a little power crazy during her tenure, and taken the opportunity to toy with the immense kudos and influence that running Thanet's Premier Blog confers. She's not all bad, though, and has offered to make it up by buying me a pair of elasticated trousers at Westwood Cross tomorrow. I've, er, put on a bit of weight since I was immobilised.
But the enforced break (courtesy of a Pole in a Peugeot) has given me cause to look deep into myself, and, to be honest dear reader, I haven't liked what I've seen. For too long now I've been using my enormously superior wit and intellect to bully and berate the little people. The little people who live on the north of the island. This really isn't fair. They are, for the most part, poorly educated and feeble minded, and deserve our sympathy more than our scorn.
So from now on you'll be seeing a shiny, new Dick. An upstanding Dick, with two great, weighty appendages - responsibility and respect.
Nah, on second thoughts that sounds like a load of bollocks to me! Now, have I told you about the Boredstares bar owner who gets his kicks by dressing up in ladies' undercrackers?!?!