Ellington Woots

Jolly well done, and all that, to the team behind the bid to win a slice of lottery money to tart up our lovely, but slightly shabby, Ellington Park here in the Millionaires' Playground.

They've reached the play-off next Tuesday on ITV Meridian East (What's that? - Ed.), and stand to win a whopping £50K if they beat the DFLs from Hernia Bay, who are also bidding to tart up a spot of greenery.

If you want to find out more about their plans, there's an open meeting at Churchill's this afternoon, 4pm kick off. And if you want to vote for them on Tuesday, you can get more info by clicking here.

On Monday it's the turn of Boredstares to bid. They're asking for fifty grand to build a shed, and are up against some poor bastards in Seahaven who need food.

 Pip pip!

A SEASONAL MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT RICHARD MILLHOUS NIXON

My Fellow Thanetians,

Since thawing out from cryogenic suspension in a warehouse at Port Ramsgate in 2006, courtesy of the intermittent nature of your French power supply, I have moved among you as the man you have grown to love and trust, Mr Richard Eastcliff.

Now, with the new year approaching, the time has come for me to address you directly about the year that has passed, and the year to come. [Applause.]

2009 has been a year of considerable progress. The topping out of the Turner Centre, funding for the New Old Dreamland, and round the clock banana flights from Chas 'n' Dave Margate International Airport are just some of the achievements we can be rightly proud of. Thanks to my ground-breaking visit to Angola in 1972, a runner bean grown in Africa, using slave labour at a rate of less than $2 a day, can now be whisked in first class luxury to a supermarket near you in less time than it takes a small child to die of malnutrition, allowing our new Chinese friends to enjoy the true taste of Thanetian democracy with their wan ton soup. I feel certain that they will soon be voting with their feet, as they will be too busy with their hands, injecting lethal substances into the mentally ill of the area. [Applause.] Ha, ha, er, no, that was just my little joke there. [Laughter.]

Over the past twelve months, neglect, corruption and incompetence have grown. Yet there are many other improvements still to be made. I have personally witnessed people questioning authority, and asking whether planning permissions have been granted courtesy of brown envelopes or rolled up trouser legs [gasps of shock and disbelief], and there are still far too many beautiful coastal areas which would benefit from a Watergate [surely 'waterfront'? - Ed.] style development. [Cries of 'Hear, hear'.]

Sadly many of you will, however, be facing difficult times in 2010. Your luxury apartments will be repossessed and your jobs handed over to Freemasons. The few remaining shops in your high street will almost certainly close. That is why I have taken strong measures during the year to stimulate the economy and ensure that, no matter how bad things become, no Thanetian called Richard need suffer the ignominy of having to tread barefoot on anything less than lambswool shagpile. [Three choruses of: 'Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!']

I feel certain that you will agree when I say that the continuing prospect of a Thanet with a tremendous great Dick in charge will give great comfort to the populace. To that end, I will be keeping my albeit rather trembly finger poised on that big red button in my plushly carpeted office in Margate. [Rapturous applause followed by cries of '90 more years!!']

By the grace of God, and with your support, I am confident that my trusted policies of ignoring your problems, ruining your life, and destroying your future will guarantee my place in history.

May God continue to bless the United States of Thanetia.

Richard M Nixon, President

The King Is Dead, Long Live The Queen

Having a bite down at the excellent Belgian Bar last night, the references on their menu to 'Ramsgate's riviera' and the 'Millionaires' Playground' reminded me that there was something I meant to tell you. Poor old Dickie passed away yesterday following complications arising out of his motorcycle accident. He had seemed to be making a full recovery but contracted some kind of chest infection and went rapidly downhill. Despite the best efforts of the doctors and nurses at the UCL, he died in the early hours.

I don't think he would want any of us to be sad, and he was still cracking jokes about Thanet Council right up until the end according to his sister. In fact he made a point of writing his own obituary because, as he said in true ECR style, he 'didn't want any other bastard writing it'. I will maintain this blog to the best of my ability as a tribute to the great man, and the fact that phrases such as 'the Cannes of Kent', 'knackered old Jumbos' and 'council duffers' have passed into local parlance are a lasting legacy to his genius.

So as we say goodbye, here are the final words 'what he wrote' (as he said in the email):

In Memoriam
Eastcliff Richard
The King of Thanet Bloggers

So farewell
Then, Eastcliff Richard.

They called you
'Thanet's Premier Blog' and
'The Local Blogging King'

'You can't get rid
Of me that easily'
That was
Your catchphrase.

Well I've fucking
Gone now
So I hope
You're all happy.

E. C. Richard (29)

A SEASONAL MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT RICHARD MILLHOUS NIXON

My Fellow Thanetians,

Since thawing out from cryogenic suspension in a warehouse at Port Ramsgate in 2006, courtesy of the intermittent nature of your French power supply, I have moved among you as the man you have grown to love and trust, Mr Richard Eastcliff.

Now, with the new year approaching, the time has come for me to address you directly about the year that has passed, and the year to come. [Applause.]

2008 has been a year of massive developments. China Gateway, Thanet Earth, and the expansion of Chas 'n' Dave International Airport are just some of the achievements we can be rightly proud of. Thanks to my ground-breaking visit to China in 1972, a cucumber grown in Thanet, using no natural light or soil whatsoever, can now be whisked in luxury to Beijing in less time than it takes to grow it, allowing our Chinese friends to enjoy the true taste of Thanetian democracy with their wan ton soup. I feel certain that they will soon be voting with their feet, as they will be too busy with their hands, tucking into our delicious watery toms. [Applause.] Ha, ha, er, no, that was just my little joke there. [Laughter.]

Over the past twelve months, neglect, corruption and incompetence have grown. Yet there are many other improvements still to be made. I have personally witnessed people questioning authority, and leaking confidential tapes and documents to the press [gasps of shock and disbelief], and there are still far too many beautiful coastal areas which would benefit from a Watergate [surely 'waterfront'? - Ed.] style development. [Cries of 'Here, here'.]

Sadly many of you will, however, be facing difficult times in 2009. Your jobs will be repossessed and your homes handed over to Martian investors. The few remaining shops in your high street will almost certainly close. That is why I have taken strong measures during the year to stimulate the economy and ensure that, no matter how bad things become, no Thanetian called Richard need suffer. [Three choruses of: 'Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!']

I feel certain that you will agree when I say that the continuing prospect of a Thanet with a tremendous great Dick in charge will give great comfort to the populace. To that end, I will be keeping my albeit rather trembly finger poised on that big red button in my office in Margate. [Rapturous applause followed by cries of '90 more years!!']

By the grace of God, and with your support, I am confident that my trusted policies of ignoring your problems, ruining your life, and destroying your future will guarantee my place in history.

May God continue to bless the United States of Thanetia.

Richard M Nixon, President

O'Barmy Army Romps To Victory

Well really, there's not much point continuing with my 24 hour poll as the result in the US has been a landslide for Barack Obama. For the record, here's how Thanet voted up to this point:

Question: Who do you want to win the US election?

Senator O'Barmy: 68% (26 votes)
John McCain's Oven Chips: 15% (6 votes)
Mayor McCheese: 15% (6 votes)

A deserved and momentous victory. Although personally if I have to listen to him banging on about 'change' one more time I'll probably go spare. That's a point - do you think if we could find someone round here to campaign for change, we'd actually get it?

Has McCain Had His Chips?

With the Septics holding a bit of an old vote for Prez today, I thought I'd pop a 24 hour poll in the sidebar on the right to gauge Thanetian opinion on who should be the most powerful man in the world.

Remember, this is just for fun. Oh hell, who am I kidding, this ain't the BBC. So I promise that whoever the island votes for will be the winner!

A SEASONAL MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT RICHARD MILLHOUS NIXON

My Fellow Thanetians,

Since thawing out from cryogenic suspension in a warehouse at Port Ramsgate last year, courtesy of the intermittent nature of your French power supply, I have moved among you as the man you have grown to love and trust, Mr Richard Eastcliff.

However, with the new year approaching, the time has come for me to address you directly about the year that has passed, and the year to come. [Applause.]

I was greatly encouraged by the re-election of the island's Republican administration this year, as was my Vice President and Chief Pardoner, President Gerald Rudolph Ford, who currently resides in a spare freezer round the back of Iceland. I look forward with anticipation to the day when Gerald and I will be able to reminisce about the good times again, and feel sure that, thanks to EDF, that day is fast approaching. [Applause.]

Over the past twelve months, neglect, scandal and incompetence have grown. Yet there are many other improvements still to be made. I have personally witnessed people questioning authority [gasps of shock and disbelief], and there are still far too many beautiful coastal areas which would benefit from a Watergate [surely 'waterfront'? - Ed.] style development. [Cries of 'Here, here'.]

It is with a joyous heart, however, that I see our Chinese friends will be investing in the island, following my pioneering talks in Peking in 1972, and I have already taken the precaution of reserving a place for Chairman Mao in a frozen ready meals cabinet at the Westwood Tesco, where he will continue to mastermind the import of cheap old tut upon which our economy depends. [Three choruses of: 'Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!']

I feel certain that you will agree when I say that the continuing prospect of a Thanet with a tremendous great Dick in charge will give great comfort to the populace. To that end, I will be keeping my albeit rather trembly finger poised on that big red button in my office in Margate. [Rapturous applause followed by cries of '90 more years!!']

By the grace of God, and with your support, I am confident that my trusted policies of ignoring your problems, ruining your life, and destroying your future will guarantee my place in history.

May God continue to bless the United States of Thanetia.

Richard M Nixon, President