Saturday, October 10, 2009

Urological Song

Irregular contributor Richard Eastcliff writes:

'Hello Samantha! Mwahs for looking after the big blog while I'm banged up! Things are pretty dull here in the Actors' Convalescent Home in Bournemouth. So betwixt the old pethidine injections I've been penning my first musical!

Inspired by the proposed night flights over Ramsgate, it's about an incredibly suave, sophisticated and handsome young blade who lives in a cliff top mansion in the Millionaires' Playground (played by me, natch). In the small, wee hours whenever the knackered old cargo planes full of rotten bananas roaring overhead disturb his beauty sleep, he climbs up onto his chimney stack and aims a large, gushing wee at the offending 747s. I've called it Widdler on the Roof.

And I've already written the first number. Here goes.... (give me an F minor please, Norman)... ahem... right... here goes...

[ECR (spoken)]
You see, Sandy...

[sung] In this life, one thing counts
Lots of kip, large amounts
Knackered old planes as low as trees,
You've got to have a snoodle or two

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys,
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[RAMSGATONIANS]
Knackered planes as low as trees.
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[ECR (spoken)]
Let's show Sandy how it's done, shall we, my dears?

[sung] Why should we, break our backs
Paying you, council tax?
Better to sit on benefit
Better have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[RAMSGATONIANS]
Why should we pay council tax?
Better have a snoodle or two.

[ECR (spoken)]
Who says brarn envelopes don't pay?

[sung] Brian White, what a joke!
On jet fumes, he can choke.
He doesn't care, what's in the air
When we need a snoodle or two

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[RAMSGATONIANS]
Brian White on fumes can choke!
We want to have a snoodle or two.

[ECR]
Take a tip from Richard E
Whip it out and start to pee.
Climb up tall and expel it all
He'd rather have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[RAMSGATONIANS]
We should be like Richard E
So we can have a snoodle or two.

[ECR (spoken)]
Effin' night flights!

Jumbo jet, passing by
Ancient heap, can barely fly
Scull all the beer, piss on its gear,
So you can have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[RAMSGATONIANS]
Scull your beer, piss on its gear
So you can have a snoodle or two.

[ECR]
When I hear, planes that whine,
I protest, with urine.
Only to find some peace of mind
We have to have a snoodle or two.

You've got to have a snoodle or two, boys
You've got to have a snoodle or two.

[RAMSGATONIANS]
Just to find some peace of mind

[ECR AND RAMSGATONIANS]
We have to have a widdle or two!

Ahthankyou. Gros bisous! Mwah!'

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think your medical staff should see if any serious concussion was undiscovered during your prang .

Lionel Bart your are not.

derick97 said...

Sounds pretty good to me,
Hope your on the mend old bean

Lucy Mail said...

Well that looked rather like one of those irritating posts, with the exception of being quite amusing.

Glad to see that your accident hasn't ruined any permanent damage.

Samantha Clarke said...

I don't think ECR thinks he's Lionel Bart, especially as, if he was Lionel Bart, he'd be dead. No, I think he thinks he's the new Lionel Bart. Or maybe even the new Stephen Gately, given today's news.

Anonymous said...

Sorry ECR, don't give up on the day job - when you're well enough that is. Get better soon anyway.

Anonymous said...

Piddler on The Roof or Oliver, (can I have some more night flights, Sir?)

Anonymous said...

you are making a musical, KCC have made a soap opera.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/8301604.stm

whatever next? TDC making a panto? Roger Latchford would make a great widow twanky.

Anonymous said...

ECR - you are a genius