Monday, October 26, 2009

Ramsgate Woman Given Bad Head

Yes that will be me then. It's been pounding all morning after a weekend of mad drinking with my mad drinking friend Beth. I don't think I've been to so many bars in 48 hours.

Being free and single she was half hoping to find romance in Ramsgate as she really hasn't had much luck in London, but was sadly disappointed by the quality of the men on offer. Most seem to think a series of unintelligible grunts followed by the words 'Show us your knickers' counts as flirtation, and I suppose that for most of the female population of Thanet on a Saturday night that would do the trick. Thankfully though, Beth's not really the kind to squeeze into a white lycra body tube that stretches to just below the pubic region and a millimetre above the areolas, let alone spending the entire day bleaching and straightening her hair, and gluing dead caterpillars to her eyelids, before trowelling in the Polyfilla for a cold October night out, so their charms were wasted on her.

But we did 'learn' a few things from the locals. We now 'know' that 90% of the inhabitants of Dalby Square are paedophiles, that Gary Glitter lives in Cliftonville and that one of the pillars of the local community has fatally succumbed to swine flu. Why is it that so much of the local gossip is so horribly negative? Or just plain shit? Sxx.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

It`s negative because its all true!

Luke Edwards said...

I thought Gary Glitter ended up moving to Herne Bay? From what I've heard, he lived in Cliftonville for a brief while, then moved on. That's what I've been told, anyway.

puffinman said...

I thought he went to Tampa, with the kids.

Margate Teetotal said...

Why do people in Ramsgate drink so much?

puffinman said...

To drown out the noise of the planes!!

Margate Teetotal said...

Yes, they're probably that stupid.

Anonymous said...

A postman told me gary glitter lives in Ramsgate..

Anonymous said...

A postman? Where the F do you find one of those these days?

Anonymous said...

I heard that Gary Glitter IS a postman.

Anonymous said...

Yes apparently he likes nothing more than squeezing a big package through a small letterbox.